The Alien Within

Resident Alien 2×12

Sheriff Mike Thompson: Hey, you know what? Maybe in my movie, I got a trusty sidekick, right, who does all the paperwork. And I'm just spitballing here, right, but maybe she provides comic relief, 'cause she's always bumping into things... You see? You see how I said "she" right? That's 'cause I believe in equality.

Harry Vanderspeigle: The internet is wrong.
Asta Twelvetrees: Oh, okay. Good.
Harry Vanderspeigle: No, the Insectoids, they do not squash. They like to eat other beings while they are still alive and struggling.

Asta Twelvetrees: Maybe your alien call doesn't work the way it used to because you're not as alien as you used to be.
Harry Vanderspeigle: That is an awful thing to say.
Asta Twelvetrees: Let's face it, Harry. Every day you're here, you become more human. It's inevitable.

Sheriff Mike Thompson: Oh, yeah, see, there it is. There's nothing I love more than a perfectly timed "unless." It's like... it's like a spoon being dipped into some soup. Go ahead, bring that soup to my lips, Deputy.

Sheriff Mike Thompson: Did I ever tell you you're brilliant, hmm?
Deputy Liv Baker: No, sir.
Sheriff Mike Thompson: You see, you remember how I didn't want to just look at the map, right? And then your brilliance allowed my super brilliance to shine through.
Deputy Liv Baker: Once again you are the hero of your own story...

Max: Nothing healthy, please.

Max: I can't. I only poop after breakfast or when my mom takes me to the bookstore.
Sahar: Then we have to speed things along. Here.
Max: That's way too big to swallow.
Sahar: It's not for swallowing.
Max: No, I'm not putting that up my butt.
Sahar: Come on, the survival of the world is at stake.
Max: I can save the world with my butt?
Sahar: You have to. It's your destiny.

Sheriff Mike Thompson: ...we won't get credit for that. You know, we did all the hard work. Now the FBI's going to come in and just reach into our pants and rip off our bean bags.
Deputy Liv Baker: Oh, not me. I don't have a bean bag.
Sheriff Mike Thompson: Well, not on the outside.
Deputy Liv Baker: I don't really know what that means.

Harry Vanderspeigle: Your knee is compensating for your tibiofibular joint that you injured in your ski accident. Also, you are very old, and your body is falling apart as it prepares for your death.

Harry Vanderspeigle: I only care about Asta, so why did I just give hope and encouragement to another human? Am I beginning to care about all humans? What kind of monster have I become?

Sahar: This isn't a kidnapping. This is an adult-napping.

Max: Why do you have to be Sonny and Cher every year?
Mayor Ben Hawthorne: Because they're an iconic '70s couple, and this mustache was expensive.

Asta Twelvetrees: You texted 911 and then gibberish. I thought you were in trouble and had a stroke or something.
Harry Vanderspeigle: My message was very clear. I use abbreviations like the kids do.
Asta Twelvetrees: "9-1-1, MIBstblnwahcybi?"
Harry Vanderspeigle: It's abbreviations. "9-1-1, MIB" Men In Black. Ah! There's "STBLN," stole the baby last night with a helicopter. Can you believe it? Question mark. What assholes. Exclamation mark. "I am going to kill them to get the baby back so I can hear the rest of Goliath's message, but first I am going to eat." That's a pizza emoji. "WA, question mark" Want any? And "HMBP," hit me back, player. It's all very clear.

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