I Believe in Aliens

Resident Alien 2×16

Asta Twelvetrees: Do all alien babies on your planet do this?
Harry Vanderspeigle: No. My Moesha is special.
Asta Twelvetrees: Moesha?
Harry Vanderspeigle: You don't like it? I'm trying out names. Brad...

Harry Vanderspeigle: It is worse than failure. It is future failure. It is guaranteed.

Asta Twelvetrees: Then what? What are you going to do?
Harry Vanderspeigle: I will do what human failures do. I will ignore my horrible life by being a parent and passing my resentments on to my children.
Asta Twelvetrees: "Children"?

Sheriff Mike Thompson: You know, there's an old saying about a turtle.
Deputy Liv Baker: Of course there is.
Sheriff Mike Thompson: It goes, "if you want to read something into a situation, it will become whatever you want it to be."
Deputy Liv Baker: What does that have to do with a turtle?
Sheriff Mike Thompson: I don't know. I forget the turtle part. But the point is, is that you tend to, you know, believe in a bunch of conspiracy theories.
Deputy Liv Baker: You're the one who says the moon is manmade.
Sheriff Mike Thompson: That's not a theory. That's a fact. I mean, each crater's the same depth. The damn thing rings like a gong when you hit it. You can't even see the other side. Shit, they probably got an Arby's over there. Maybe even a strip club, full with moon titties.

Harry Vanderspeigle: You will like my planet. We do not have soccer, but we have a game that is like football. But there's no ball. And you cannot use your feet. It's fighting to the death. So fun.

Max: You drew a stick figure. This looks nothing like you.
Harry Vanderspeigle: How dare you body shame me. That is my goal weight. Are you saying I'm fat?

Sahar: You can't name him Chaz. He is significant. Extraordinary. He is the bridge between your people and mine. And his name should reflect that.
Harry Vanderspeigle: I will name you... "Bridget." Come to Papa, Bridget... Now go take off this monkey suit. You look stupid.

Sheriff Mike Thompson: Now I need you to tell me who you think they really were. If you say something about aliens... well, maybe this time I'll listen.

Harry Vanderspeigle: My people do not have a word for failure. They lost the planet to the Greys, but there is no failure. There is just moving forward and attempting to save a different planet.

Harry Vanderspeigle: I did not care about the baby when I first saw it. I considered eating it more than once. It would be tasty. But I have gotten to a place all humans get to eventually... I no longer want to eat my baby.

Asta Twelvetrees: That's my secret.
D'Arcy Bloom: You're a dinosaur!
Harry Vanderspeigle: What? No!

D'Arcy Bloom: Sorry, did you say "the end of the world"?

Harry Vanderspeigle: The doors were unlocked. I will send you a bill.

Harry Vanderspeigle: What is this place?
Eleanor McCallister: This? It's nothing. A quarter of a mile down, there's a lot.

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