The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies

Friends 2×18

Pheebs, play with me!
Phoebe: No! This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar... forced to play soccer forever? Ugh! Hello? Human rights violation.
Chandler: Don't feel so bad. After they're done playing... I break out the plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.

Monica: Well, it wasn't that many guys. If you consider how many guys there actually are... it's a very small percentage.

Eddie: Oh, this is unbelievable! You sleep with my ex-girlfriend, insult my intelligence by lying... then you kill my fish? My Buddy?

Dr. Burke: Shall we?
Monica: It's not gonna happen. They're doing it tonight. We can do it tomorrow.
Dr. Burke: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...

Chandler: So when I woke up this morning... he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes!
Phoebe: Why?
Chandler: He thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish.
Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?
Chandler: Because sometimes after you sleep with someone... you have to kill a fish.

Phoebe: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need that show. It was just a dumb soap opera.
Joey: This was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Phoebe: Yes! I was going to incorporate that... Oh, good, here's Monica. She'll have something nice to say.
Monica: Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so you won't get mildew... What? To me, that's nice!

Joey: It changed everything. Like, the other day, I got this credit card application... and I was pre-approved! Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life!

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+ Quotes on the IMDb