Pilot

Seinfeld 1×1

& George: Are you sure this is decaf? Where’s the orange indicator?
    Claire: It’s missing. I have to do it in my head. Decaf left, regular right. Decaf left, regular right. It’s very challenging work.

& George: Jerry, I have to tell you something. This is the dullest moment I’ve ever experienced.

& Jerry: Oh, look at this guy. Look, he’s got everything. He’s got detergents, sprays... fabric softener. This is not his first load.

& George: Why don’t you just see if it’s dry.
    Jerry: No, no, no. Don’t interrupt the cycle. The machine is working. It knows what it’s doing. Just let it finish.
    George: You’re gonna overdry it.
    Jerry: You can’t overdry.
    George: Why not?
    Jerry: Same reason you can’t overwet. You see, once something is wet, it’s wet. Same thing with death. Like, once you die, you’re dead. Right? Let’s say you drop dead and I shoot you. You’re not gonna die again. You’re already dead. You can’t “overdie,” you can’t overdry.

& Jerry: Laundry day is the only exciting day... in the life of clothes. It is. No, think about it. The washing machine... is the nightclub of clothes. You know, it’s dark, there’s bubbles happening... they’re all kind of dancing around in there. A shirt grabs the underwear. “Come on, babe. Let’s go.” The dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it.

---

& Jerry: The dating world is a world of pressure. Let’s face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is... not many interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end. You know, “Bill, the boss thinks you’re the man for the position... strip down and meet the people you’ll be working with.”

& Jerry: Wouldn’t it be great if you could ask a woman what she’s thinking? What a world it would be if you could just ask a woman what she’s thinking. You know, instead I’m like a detective. I gotta pick up clues. The whole thing’s a murder investigation.

& Jerry: So can I get you anything? Bread, water... salad dressing?

& Jerry: I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don’t get it, okay? I admit, I’m not getting the signals. I am not getting it. Women, they’re so subtle. Their little... Everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle. We are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want. What do we want? We want women. That’s it. It’s the only thing we know for sure. It really is. We want women. How do we get them? We don’t know about that. We don’t know. The next step after that, we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we’ve had so far.
            The car horn honk. Is that the beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car. The woman walks by the front of the car. He honks the... This man is out of ideas. How does the...? I don’t think she likes me.
            The amazing thing is that we still get women, don’t we? I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women? Many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man... okay, we have a lot of areas to cover... but someone from our staff is on the scene. That’s why men get frustrated... when we see women reading articles... like “Where to Meet Men.” We’re here. We are everywhere. We’re honking our horns to serve you better.