Two and a Half Men 7×5
Jake: Driving.
Alan: Both hands, 10 and 2.
Jake: Twelve.
Alan: No, no, like a clock. Ten and 2.
Jake: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Alan: Put your left hand on the wheel.
Jake: Fine...
Charlie: You gotta like that he can add 10 and two.
Alan: Yeah, and he did it in his head.
& Alan: I have to go to the bathroom.
Charlie: You should’ve peed when he made that left turn, like I did.
& Charlie: Too far away.
Alan: Ugh. Why don’t you wear your glasses?
Charlie: I don’t need them.
Jake: So why did your doctor prescribe them?
Charlie: It’s a racket. I think they print those charts blurry then tell you it’s your eyes.
& Charlie: Why can’t you just sneak in candy like a normal cheapskate?
Alan: Way ahead of you. Still got these left over from last Halloween.
& Alan: What the hell are you doing?
Charlie: How am I supposed to have a rum and coke without the rum?
& Charlie: Boy, you really pissed him off.
Alan: I pissed him off? What about you?
Charlie: Hey, he likes me.
Alan: Oh, please, nobody likes you. We only tolerate you because you have a lot of money.
& Charlie: Isn’t it past your bedtime?
Alan: I don’t like to go to sleep angry.
Charlie: Try drinking more.
Alan: What will that solve?
Charlie: Sobriety.
& Alan: Now your turn. Three things you admire about me.
Charlie: Three? Really? All right. Uh... I like that you think I’m funny.
Alan: Good one.
Charlie: Still counts, right?
Alan: Sure. Two to go.
& Alan: Name three things you would change about me.
Charlie: Your personality, your wardrobe and your address.
Alan: Thank you.
Charlie: Your voice, your face and again, your address.
Alan: All right, heh. All right, all right.
Charlie: Your haircut, your fruity little workbook and... your address!
Alan: Just... Just needed three.
Charlie: Oh, come on. We’re healing. Your cheapness, your smug arrogance and... your address!
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+ quotes on the IMDb
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