House M.D. 4x13

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Season 4, Episode 13

* Patient: I just don't see much use in complaining.
   House: Seriously? It's a pretty useful tool. You complain, make people miserable. Then they do what you want, to make the misery go away.

* House: I'm thinking genetic defect.
   Kutner: Niceness is a defect?
   House: Three cavemen see a stranger running towards them with a spear one fights, one flees, one smiles and invites him over for fondue. That last guy didn't last long enough to procreate.


* House: Who thinks niceness is not a symptom? And who thinks that their vote counts?



* House: He needs a mother figure. I'm not saying you're not entitled to spend time with him. I'm just saying I'm entitled, too.
   Wilson: I don't know how to deal with him when he's being reasonable.
   Amber: This is reasonable? This is crazy. You're not a child, you can make your own plans.
   Wilson: No. Crazy is what House would normally do in this situation: Swap your lubricant with super glue.
   House: The man knows me.
   Wilson: This is his way of accepting us. It's actually a very touching moment.


* Amber: Wilson, make a ruling.
   Wilson: No. You two are like dogs circling each other in the park. And I say that with all the love in the world. You need to sniff each other's butts, bare your teeth, and arrive at some strange détente. Otherwise, you'll end up biting each other's eyes out. Again, with all the love in the world.
   House 2 Amber: I'll let you sniff first.


* House: So what gives us elevated calcium, bad taste, and fainting?
   Kutner: I take it you know?
   House: Get the team. This is gonna be fun.

---

* Foreman: You were wrong.
   House: Why do people say that with such pleasure? It's very hurtful, you know.


* Kutner: How can House be an ass without it being an illness, but niceness is a biological crime?
   Taub: You got five bucks?
   Kutner: Uh, yeah.
   Taub: Niceness just cost you five bucks. Being an ass generally turns a profit.


* House 2 Wilson: Yes, I knew about your issue with alcohol. Yes, I intentionally got you drunk to provoke an argument between you and Amber. Why I would do such a thing is an interesting question. What's more interesting is that you knew as much as I did, and you're the one who's pouring down the drinks. Why?


* Kutner: It's not how much protein he has we care about. It's positive for syphilis.
   Foreman: You mind if I give you a performance review?
   Kutner: Not the patient. House. He has syphilis.


* Wilson: What were you gonna tell me?
   House: Nothing.
   Wilson: You're punishing me?
   House: I needed to tell you something privately. I'm not gonna tell her. You'll tell her. She's your girlfriend. You should tell her.
   Wilson: You're my friend.
   House: It's not the same.
   Wilson: Don't sulk.
   House: Where am I wrong?


* House: You know that thing I was gonna tell you, I gotta tell you. I gotta tell someone. You've got to swear not to tell C. B.
   Wilson: Whatever.
   House: Well, that's not swearing, that's shrugging. It's actually the opposite of swearing.
   Wilson: I won't tell Amber.
   House: My team thinks that I have syphilis.
   Wilson: Do you?
   House: Not yet.
   Wilson: Why do they think you do?
   House: Because I knew that they had access to an old blood sample, and I knew they'd test it sometime for something.
   Wilson: Why would you swap your blood? What are you afraid they'll find?
   House: Shut up, you're missing the point. Now, they think that I'm on penicillin.
   Wilson: Is this some clever practical joke that I'm not aware of?
   House: And as I get better, I get nicer.
   Wilson: That's brilliant.
   House: Foreman thinks I actually value his opinion. Thank god he said PFO, or I'd have had to do some dancing. You got time for bowling? Come on, it's work hours.
   Wilson: I'll get my shoes. So we don't need to talk about?..
   House: No.
   Wilson: You're gonna keep screwing?..
   House: Yeah.
   Wilson: You're gonna keep talking about it.
   House: We are who we are.
   Wilson: I'll get my shoes.



--- Словарик:
procreate — производить потомство; порождать
détente — ослабление напряжённости, разрядка
faint — падать в обморок, терять сознание
sulk — дуться; быть сердитым, мрачным; хандрить


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