The Gothowitz Deviation
Season 3, Episode 3
* Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.
Sheldon: No.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the "many worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons, in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.
Penny: Are you fun in any of them?
Sheldon: The math would suggest that in a few I'm a clown made of candy. But I don't dance.
* Penny: Alright, want some french toast?
Sheldon: It's oatmeal day.
Penny: Tell you what, next french toast day I'll make you oatmeal.
Sheldon: Dear lord, are you still going to be here on french toast day?
* Leonard: Morning.
Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made french toast.
Leonard: Sorry, I haven't given her your schedule yet.
Sheldon: It's an "ical" download. She can put it right in her phone.
* Sheldon: And I thought we agreed that you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment.
Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.
Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills fully trump her perkiness?
Leonard: No, her bed kind of... broke.
Sheldon: That doesn't seem likely. Her bed's of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.
Penny: A homunculus?..
Leonard: Perfectly folded miniature human being.
Penny: Oh, you're my little homunculus.
* Penny: Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?
Sheldon: I want oatmeal.
Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.
* Penny: You know what, I give up. He's impossible.
Sheldon: I can't be impossible exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I get up, he's improbable."
* Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.
Sheldon: What am I supposed to do... eat french toast on a monday? Now, that would be impossible.
Leonard: I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What's your point?
* Leonard: Okay, I know what you're doing.
Sheldon: Really?
Leonard: Yes, you're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behavior.
Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?
Leonard: No, I don't want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat.
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.
Leonard: Well, you shouldn't.
Sheldon: There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the works of Thorndike and B. F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.
Leonard: No, this has to stop now.
Sheldon: I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the "bazinga" was implied. We're just tweaking her personality. Sanding off the rough edges, if you will.
Leonard: No. You're not sanding Penny.
Sheldon: Are you saying that I am forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol this will make our lives better?
* Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?
Sheldon: Obviously, waitressing at the cheese cake factory is a complex socioeconomic activity that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. "Bazinga."
* Sheldon: You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behavior out of her in a week.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.
Leonard: You're not squirting her in the face with water.
Sheldon: No, of course not. We're talking very mild electric shocks. No tissue damage whatsoever.
* Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?
Howard: Yeah!
Raj: What is your mother going to say?
Howard: She's not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.
--- Словарик:
Deviation — отклонение
posit — постулировать; утверждать
conjugal — супружеский, брачный
abysmal — ужасный
trump — превзойти, побить
perkiness —самоуверенность,высокомерие
sturdy — крепкий, прочный
improbable — невероятный, неправдоподобный
manure — навоз
operant = operative — действующий; действительный; действенный
bazinga — Бу-га-га-шеч-ка (по версии Ку-ку-кураж-Бомбей)
sand off the rough edges — сгладить острые края, смягчить острые вопросы
+ Еще quotes на Imdb.
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