The Delivery

The Office 6×17&18

Dwight Schrute: No. No! You need to come by your sales honorably.
Jim Halpert: There is nothing dishonorable about talking about your life.
Pam Beesly: People like it.

Kevin Malone: Pregnant Pam and I, we get hungry at the same times, so we've been eating together a lot. Not all meals. Just second breakfast, lunch, second lunch and first dinner. I thought that maybe we should do something special for early dinner. One last ultra feast.

Pam Beesly: If we check in after midnight, I get an extra day to recuperate surrounded by doctors.
Jim Halpert: Not to mention the extra night's sleep in the hospital will be very nice, because once we bring the baby home, if it's crying all night, one of us is gonna have to take care of it, and I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.
Pam Beesly: I cannot wait for that joke to be over. Oh!

Dwight Schrute: Bear my child.
Angela Martin: Excuse me?!
Dwight Schrute: I want to have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything... Very well. Let's meet at 4:00 p.m. In our old meeting spot and bang it out.

Jim Halpert: Okay, but we are leaving at five minutes apart.
Pam Beesly: Five minutes apart.
Jim Halpert: So the plan was seven minutes, but we're calling an audible, because that's her call, 'cause she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle who happened to get her pregnant.

Jim Halpert: I feel like this noise is gonna prevent Pam from being able to listen to her body's signals.
Pam Beesly: Actually, the distractions are good. I don't think I'm gonna make it till midnight if I'm just sitting here thinking about it.

Michael Scott: The purpose for this meeting is to take Pam's mind off of what's going on inside of her body.

Dwight Schrute: Have a seat.
Angela Martin: What is this?
Dwight Schrute: Before we conceive a child, it is important that we bang out a parenting contract.
Angela Martin: Of course.

Jim Halpert: Where are we?
Michael Scott: We have every six minutes, ladies and gentlemen.
Phyllis Lapin: Another 75 contractions and you are going to be there.

Jim Halpert: Are you sure?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, the doctor said that it's still considered a minor contraction as long as I can talk through it--

Pam Beesly: We're gonna have a baby.
Jim Halpert: So let's have it at the hospital.

Michael Scott: Nope. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet... Gotta go wash my eyes. That kid's gonna have a lot of hair.

Jim Halpert: She's incredible.
Pam Beesly: You want to count her fingers and toes again?
Jim Halpert: No, let's let her rest. I'm sure there are still 12 of each.

Michael Scott: There she sat. Her name was Pam. She was a receptionist. She was engaged to an animal. There sat Jim. He was a gawky, tall salesman. The odds of them getting together were insurmountainable. I made a family. I got these two together and I made a family. This man has a gift. Who else here is single? ... I am offering up my services to you all. You saw what I did with Pam and Jim. I can help you, too.

Michael Scott: Well, when you least expect it, expect it. I am going to fill the empty voids in your life with love. I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person. And like Cupid, I am going to shoot you with love.

Pam Beesly: Oh, shoot. Shoot, she fell off. Oh. Uh...
Jim Halpert: Try the torpedo thing.
Pam Beesly: Will you just grab Clarke real quick?
Jim Halpert: No need. I saw him do it. I can try it.
Pam Beesly: Jim, please, please, please. I think it would be weird if you did it.
Jim Halpert: That makes sense. I'll just go get the other guy.

Pam Beesly: Oh, my God.
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: Wrong baby.

Dwight Schrute: What? I couldn't find your iPod. Give me a couple days. Be out of your hair.

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+ Quotes from Part 1 on the IMDb
+ Quotes from Part 2 on the IMDb