Women's Appreciation

The Office 3×21

Dwight Schrute: You've got to learn, Jim. You are a second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Jim Halpert: Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like, what does a demerit mean?
Dwight Schrute: Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim Halpert: Lay it on me.
Dwight Schrute: Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation.
Jim Halpert: Now, that sounds serious.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, it is serious. Five citations, and you're looking at a violation. Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that will land you in a world of hurt, in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim Halpert: Which would be me.
Dwight Schrute: That is correct.
Jim Halpert: Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full desaggelation.
Dwight Schrute: What's a... What's that?
Jim Halpert: Oh, you don't want to know...

Michael Scott: Oh, come on. We're laughing at Phyllis but she's not even here. So, no harm, no foul.

Michael Scott: In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.

Dwight Schrute: Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.

Dwight Schrute: Pam. You can draw. Kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?
Pam Beesly: Phallus?
Dwight Schrute: Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.

Dwight Schrute: Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.

Michael Scott: You know what? That's it. Conference room. Five minutes. Women's appreciation.
Jim Halpert: Wait a second. How are you qualified for that?
Michael Scott: Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?

Michael Scott: You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.

Michael Scott: My point is... My point is... A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

Michael Scott: So, what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So, what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society.

Michael Scott: What... What do you think of role-play?
Phyllis Lapin: It can be fun.
Michael Scott: Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.
Pam Beesly: That's a pretty common one.
Michael Scott: I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.

Michael Scott: Let's face it. Most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're cavemen. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight-inch heels. And to be wearing see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.

Michael Scott: Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.

Michael Scott: There's a wishing fountain at the mall, and I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela a heart and for Kelly a brain.

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