Couple 31

The Crown 5×9

Queen Elizabeth II: Dearest Charles. Dearest Diana. I am writing to let you know that everyone is now of one mind. That the termination of your marriage is not only inevitable but preferable...

John Major: I was lost for words. The boy from Brixton who couldn't get a job as a bus conductor being asked to mediate in a royal divorce. By the Queen herself. I... I was tickled by her use of the word "umpire."

Camilla Parker Bowles: ... Or I put my foot to the floor and go for it.
Mark Bolland: For what?
Camilla Parker Bowles: Isn't it obvious? I don't want to spell it out.
Mark Bolland: I think it's vital you spell it out.
Camilla Parker Bowles: Go for official acceptance. Legitimacy.
Mark Bolland: As his wife?
Camilla Parker Bowles: Yes.
Mark Bolland: And therefore, ultimately...
Camilla Parker Bowles: Well, whatever I would be if I were his wife.
Mark Bolland: I believe there's a name for it.
Camilla Parker Bowles: I can't say that word.
Mark Bolland: What word?
Camilla Parker Bowles: The "Q" word.
Mark Bolland: Why?
Camilla Parker Bowles: Because it's unsayable. Because... it's treasonous to even contemplate it.

Prince Charles: The two cornerstones of... any successful relationship. Does your partner make you laugh? And do they make you...
Camilla Parker Bowles: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Prince Charles: What?
Camilla Parker Bowles: Never know who's listening.
Prince Charles: No, God. That's true.
Camilla Parker Bowles: Don't want to make that mistake again.
Prince Charles: No. No, we do not.

John Major: In any negotiation, it's worth remembering there are often two languages being spoken. The language of the demands being made and what's actually being said underneath. I prefer to try and ignore the former and speak the latter.

Prince Charles: Well, divorce clearly suits you.
Princess Diana: It suits you, more like. Finally got everything you ever wanted.
Prince Charles: No man whose marriage has failed will ever have everything he wants. He'll forever be like a... vase with a great crack in it.
Princess Diana: Please.

Prince Charles: Some of the things you said in that interview. About me being unfit to be King, knowing the impact that would have on me.
Princess Diana: I only meant that being King would stop you from doing other things. Things that might actually make you happy. That you might be naturally more suited to, that's all.
Prince Charles: I'm not naturally suited to be King?
Princess Diana: That's not what I said.
Prince Charles: The thing I was born to do. I don't think I've ever heard anything... more quietly eviscerating.
Princess Diana: You're twisting my words. Don't get up.
Prince Charles: To say that about our son too. That you wouldn't wish him to inherit his birthright either.
Princess Diana: What caring mother would? Watch him suffer this madness? Just waiting for it to happen. The expectation. Look how miserable it's made you.
Prince Charles: It's not the waiting that made me miserable! It was years spent rotting in a marriage to someone trying to destroy me!

Judge Angel: Couple number 31. Case number 5029 of 96, His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales and Her Royal Highness the Princess of Wales.

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