The Job

The Office 3×23

Dwight Schrute: I am going to be your new boss. It is my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now. Checkout time is never.

Michael Scott: No. No, no, no. I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement. That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is emotionally magnificent.

Pam Beesly: I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy. And I know that sounds cliche, and I know saying it sounds cliche sounds cliche. Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care because I am what I am.

Michael Scott: So I guess we're getting back together.
Pam Beesly: What happened?
Michael Scott: Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.

Michael Scott: Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery.

Dwight Schrute: Who's ready to work?

Dwight Schrute: I want you to be assistant regional manager.
Pam Beesly: Really?
Dwight Schrute: Well, in a sense. Although, publicly, I am going to retain the assistant regional manager position.
Pam Beesly: You will be your own assistant.
Dwight Schrute: Correct. I need someone I can trust.

Pam Beesly: So you would be the regional manager and the assistant regional manager, Andy is your number two. I would be the secret assistant regional manager.
Dwight Schrute: Let's call it secret assistant to the regional manager. Do you accept?
Pam Beesly: Absolutely I do.... I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you if you accept something secret, you reply, "Absolutely I do."

David Wallace: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael Scott: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard, I care too much, and sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David Wallace: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael Scott: Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths.

Dwight Schrute: This is a Schrute Buck. When you have done something good, you will receive one Schrute Buck. One thousand Schrute Bucks equals an extra five minutes for lunch.

Dwight Schrute: You have earned one Schrute Buck.
Stanley Hudson: I don't want it.
Dwight Schrute: Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks.
Stanley Hudson: Make it 100.
Dwight Schrute: Well... Don't you want to earn Schrute Bucks?
Stanley Hudson: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again.
Pam Beesly: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?
Stanley Hudson: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

Michael Scott: I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal?

Michael Scott: I'm back and I am never, ever, going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place is like the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home and my graveyard for my bones.

Pam Beesly: I'm sorry. What was the question?

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