Take Your Daughter to Work Day

The Office 2×18

Pam Beesly: I am not great with kids, but I wanna get better because I'm getting married. So I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.
Jim Halpert: Bribery. Nice.

Michael Scott: Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott and I am in charge of this place. How do I make you understand... I am like Superman. And the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
Jim Halpert: That's Batman.
Michael Scott: Okay. I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?
Ryan Howard: The ocean.
Michael Scott: I work with a bunch of nerds.

Kelly Kapoor: Don't you just love kids, Angela?
Angela Martin: I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.

Michael Scott: I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives. They're adults, for God's sake!

Young Michael: I wanna be married and have a 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.

Jake Palmer: Mr. Poop, I have to tell you something.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. But first, that's not my name.
Jake Palmer: You're ugly.
Dwight Schrute: Well, at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school. So...

Michael Scott: Tell me something honestly. Do you think that it is too late for me to have kids?
Toby Flenderson: Well, you need a wife first. Or at least a girlfriend. What about...
Michael Scott: Not Jan.
Toby Flenderson: Okay. If you really wanna have kids, I guess you could somehow... A foster parent or something.
Michael Scott: Or biologically.
Toby Flenderson: Somehow.

Michael Scott: I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it. And I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

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