Initiation

The Office 3×5

Jan Levenson: Tell me what you did yesterday.
Michael Scott: Nothing.
Jan Levenson: Nothing?
Michael Scott: Yeah, nothing. How was your day?

Jan Levenson: So, Pam, I'd like you to keep a log of everything Michael does, hour-by-hour, so that we can analyze it at corporate, okay?
Pam Beesly: I don't know if I'm...
Jan Levenson: Thanks, Pam.

Pam Beesly: It's weird. Jan used to treat Michael like he was a 10-year old. But lately it's like he's five.

Pam Beesly: Once a year, they bring in a little cart, and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal... To some people it is.

Michael Scott: Productivity is important, but how can I be productive, if I have this one little thing in my brain that I cannot get out? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So, I'm just gonna have my soft pretzel, I'll get to work and I'm gonna be super-productive.

Stanley Hudson: I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive. And then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But, on pretzel day... Well, I like pretzel day.

Pam Beesly: You know, I just think that it's really important that you be productive today.
Michael Scott: Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back.

Michael Scott: Hi, please tell me you have a sweet pretzel left.
Pretzel Vendor: We do.
Michael Scott: Thank God!
Pretzel Vendor: And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&Ms, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallows, nuts, toffee nuts, coconut, peanut butter drizzle, Oreo, sprinkles, cotton candy bits and powdered sugar.
Michael Scott: Is there any way that you could do all of them?

Ryan Howard: So what is the deal?
Dwight Schrute: Establish time frames. Keep the phrase "real dollars" in their heads. And always keep the power in the conversation. That's why you're losing them on the cold calls. 'Cause you say the word "please" too much.
Ryan Howard: Wait, can you go back...
Dwight Schrute: Michael always says, "K-I-S-S." "Keep It Simple Stupid," great advice, hurts my feelings every time.
Ryan Howard: Okay, I'm going to establish time frames...

Michael Scott: Phyllis, Stanley, I want you to switch desks. I am going to re-organize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything. I think we're getting a lot done, don't you, on paper at least? And we are, after all, a paper company, are we not? Are we not? Are we not? Are you with me? Are you with me? Thank you very much!

Ryan Howard: I don't get it. I don't get what I did wrong.
Dwight Schrute: Not everything's a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail.

Dwight Schrute: It's those online paper jerks. The whole business is changing. You know what? They're gonna be screwed once this whole Internet fad is over.

Stanley Hudson: Three hundred, sixty-four days till the next pretzel day...

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