Drug Testing

The Office 2×20

Jim Halpert: Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.

Dwight Schrute: Let's go over some of these symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like. Slow moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation... Hey!

Dwight Schrute: I like the people I work with, generally. With four exceptions.

Dwight Schrute: It has to be official and it has to be urine.

Jim Halpert: I'm just saying that you can't be sure that it wasn't you.
Dwight Schrute: That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me.
Jim Halpert: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember.
Dwight Schrute: I would remember.
Jim Halpert: Well, how could you if it just erased your memory?
Dwight Schrute: That's not how it works.
Jim Halpert: Now, how do you know how it works?
Dwight Schrute: Knock it off, okay? I'm interviewing you.
Jim Halpert: No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke?

Michael Scott: I am ridiculously anti-drug. I am so anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion or testing of any kind.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb