Ricky Gervais: SuperNature (2022)

& Oh, women! Not all women. I mean, the old-fashioned ones. The old-fashioned women. Oh God! You know, the ones with wombs. Oh. Those fucking dinosaurs. No, I love the new women. They're great, aren't they? The new ones we've been seeing lately. The ones with beards and cocks. They're as good as... They're as good as gold. I love them. It's the old-fashioned... And now the old-fashioned, they go,
   "Ooh, they wanna use our toilets!"
   "Why shouldn't they?"
   "For ladies!"
   "They are ladies. Look at their pronouns... What about this person isn't a lady?"
   "Well, his penis."
   "Her penis, you fucking bigot!"
   "What if he rapes me?"
   "What if she rapes you? You fucking TERF whore!"

& But if you're the type of person to revel in someone getting canceled for summat they said ten years ago, you're just ensuring that one day you'll be canceled for summat you said today. You can't predict what'll be offensive in the future.
    You don't know who the dominant mob will be. Like, the worst thing you can say today, get you canceled on Twitter, death threats, the worst thing you can say today is, "Women don't have penises," right? Now, no one saw that coming.
    There are no ten-year-old tweets of people saying... You won't find a ten-year-old tweet of someone saying, "Women don't have penises." Do you know why? We didn't think we fucking had to.

& They're basically saying minorities haven't got a sense of humor, which is so patronizing. And I get that as well, what it's like to be outnumbered. In this country, we're still only 5% Black, 5% Asian, 5% LGBTQ, you know? Tiny numbers. Now, I'm a white, heterosexual multimillionaire, right? Um... There's less than 1% of us. But... do I whine? No!

& I'm like Rosa Parks, know what I mean? I'm like... Except I fought for the right to never have to take a seat on a bus, but...

& I wanna debunk the supernatural. I don't believe in anything supernatural. I believe that anything that exists is by definition part of nature and is explainable, if not now, then eventually.
    Also, SuperNature 'cause nature is super enough, you know? It's... It's amazing that we're even here discussing it.
    We're the only species that allows the universe to understand itself. The chances of us being here at all, the chances of you being you existing now, the chances of that sperm hitting that egg is 400 trillion to one...
    And I think life is like a holiday. We don't exist for 13 and a half billion years, then we have these 80, 90 years if we're lucky, then we die, never to exist again.

& I just think that nature is super enough, you know? I don't think we need angels and unicorns. We've got the fucking octopus. That actually exists. Eight legs, nine brains, three hearts, and a beak.

& I don't worry about being dead 'cause I won't know about it. That is the best thing about being dead. You don't know about it. It's the same as being stupid, right? It's only painful for others, right?

& I don't do anything towards not dying, if you know what I mean. I eat and drink too much every day, have done for 40 years. Day and night, I eat and drink too much. People say to me, "Rick, if you gave up the booze, you'd live an extra ten years." I go, "But they're the last ten years, the shit ten years." I don't want them, right? If I gave up booze now and I made it to 80 and someone said, "You can have an extra ten years," if I could go, "Oh, great, I'll have 20 to 30 again," that'd be perfect, but, no, you gotta have 80 to 90.

& But psychology, psychiatry, neuroscience, it's still in its infancy, and we still know so little about the brain. And 150 years ago, we knew nothing. It was just... It was all guesswork, right? And, uh, like, everything was just mental.
    If you weren't a white, heterosexual, married, Christian man, right, if you deviated too far, "Mental." They just went, "Mental," like that. Homosexuality? "Mental. Mental illness." You were put in an asylum for life, or worse, tortured. Women who fell pregnant out of wedlock, "Mental." Asylum for life, right?
    And now we understand things more. We're more tolerant. We're... I think it's going too far the other way, though, because now nothing's mental. You can't find summat that someone's... Nothing is considered mental.
    Everything is a syndrome or an addiction or a preference, right? I could have my legs removed, have wheels put on, identify as a pram, right... And if you say I'm mental, you're a bigot, right?

& Okay, full disclosure. In real life, of course I support trans rights. I support all human rights, and trans rights are human rights. Live your best life. Use your preferred pronouns. Be the gender that you feel that you are. But meet me halfway, ladies... Lose the cock. That's all I'm saying.

& In fact, I wish self-ID had been around when I was a kid. I'd have used it to get shit. I'd have gone to my mum. "Mum, I'm trans." She'd have gone, "What?" I'd have gone, "I'm either trans or I need a new bike." She'd have gone, "You need a new bike." I'd have gone, "You're the boss." But I, uh... I grew up in the '60s. Jesus.

& I'm not a fan of racism. Um... No, hear me out, right? I... I don't care whether you're Black, white, brown, European, African... You're going, "That's all right, Black, white, brown, European, African. What about the fucking Eskimos?" Racist, right?
    "They're fucking weird, Rick." They are not weird, just different. "They live in the snow." Yeah, that is their little house, the snow. So? "They wear a dead sea lion for their clo..." Yes, that's their clothes. A dead sea lion.
    But here's the thing about racism. You drag one out of his hole in the snow and peel him out of his sea lion outfit, and he's standing there naked, you take a closer look. He's basically a cold Chinaman. So...

& That's another thing. I think whereas people are now trying to be so politically correct, they're trying to out-woke each other, soon someone'll say, "You can't say 'pedo' anymore. It's a derogatory term. It offends people who are child-addicted," right?

—
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The World Turned Upside Down

Outlander 6×6

Jamie Fraser: I come from a long line of traitors, thieves, and bastards.

Claire Fraser: If I could take a sample of yours to look at under the microscope, well, then I'd know without a doubt whether...
Tom Christie: What kind of sample?
Claire Fraser: Well, it would be a-a small measure of, um... some fecal matter.
Tom Christie: Good Lord, woman! How dare you ask such a thing?
Claire Fraser: It's for medical purposes!
Tom Christie: Come outside. I will see you home. And if you insist upon asking such vile and intrusive questions, well, then I suppose I... I cannot stop you.

Jamie Fraser: You know, it's a great comfort to see the sun come up and go down. And when I dwelt in the cave, and then when I was in the prison, gave me hope, to see the light come and go, and know the world went about its business. I get the same feeling, Sassenach, when I hear you rustlin' about your surgery, rattling things or cursing to yourself. If you were no longer there... Or somewhere... Then the sun would no longer come up or go down.

Jamie Fraser: Your short hair is also... very arousin'.
Claire Fraser: Do you really think so?
Jamie Fraser: Aye. It is but one of the things that draws me to you.
Claire Fraser: What are the others?
Jamie Fraser: Well... Ye're brave. You were always bolder than was safe, and now you're as fierce as a badger, proud as Lucifer.
Claire Fraser: So I'm arrogant and ferocious. Well, that's hardly a catalogue of womanly virtues.
Jamie Fraser: Well, you're kind too and very clean. Although you're not much of a cook.

--
On the IMDb

The Fight

The Office 2×6

Dwight Schrute: Where is my desk?
Jim Halpert: That is weird.
Dwight Schrute: This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional.
Jim Halpert: Okay, well, you're the one who lost the desk.
Dwight Schrute: I didn't lose my desk.
Jim Halpert: Hey, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it?
Dwight Schrute: Okay, who moved my desk?
Jim Halpert: I think you should retrace your steps.

Dwight Schrute: Okay, I am going to tell Michael and this entire office will be punished--
Jim Halpert: Colder. Warmer. A little warmer. There you go. Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Cold. Cold. Cold. Back up. Warmer. Hot. Red hot. Hot. Very hot.

Michael Scott: That's the problem with being a boss, is that when you are tough they resent you and when you are cool they walk all over you.
Ryan Howard: Catch-22.
Michael Scott: Catch-22. Yes.

Michael Scott: And this is more of a ying-yang thing. The "Michael" is all cursives, "Scott" all caps. Left brain, right brain, or duality of man.

Michael Scott: I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.

Michael Scott: Lot of rules, lot of rules. On the street, we didn't have any rules. Maybe one. No kicks to the groin, home for dinner-- Hey, what the hell was that?!

Dwight Schrute: I need to change my emergency contact information from Michael Scott.
Ryan Howard: Okay, to what?
Dwight Schrute: Just put "The Hospital." Contact number, just put 911.

Michael Scott: I told Dwight that there is honor in losing, which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. But there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better, which is what I just did for Dwight.

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me, and I think I proved that today at the dojo.

—
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The Forgiven (2021)

Richard Galloway: Friends. Life is but a sport or a pastime, as the Qur'an tells us. And, because it is a game and nothing more, we forget that the point of life is death.
Dally: So, eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die.

Hamid: An accident, they said.
Richard Galloway: Do you believe them?
Hamid: They are your guests. How am I not to believe them?
Richard Galloway: But do you in fact believe them?
Hamid: I think they're scared. And I'm thinking of a proverb.
Richard Galloway: Go ahead. I like a good proverb.
Hamid: Open your door to a good day and prepare yourself for a bad one.

Jo Henninger: What are you doing?
David Henninger: Stepping on diamonds. It's taboo. I hope the genies get pissed off.
Jo Henninger: God's sake, David.
David Henninger: Oh, I hate all this ethnic pretense and affectation. You can treat people decently without rolling their carpets out everywhere. Bloody kitsch.

Jo Henninger: I guess every artistic career has a few moments of visibility, followed by a long, painful descent into total anonymity.
Tom Day: I'm sure some feckless child of the future will pick up one of your books and rescue you from oblivion.
Jo Henninger: No one's going to be reading books in 50 years, let alone a thousand. And the children of the future will all be empty headed clowns, just like the children of the present.

David Henninger: Well... the world is a dreadful place, my father used to say. And the best you can do is make fun of it.

Richard Galloway: What do you think, Hamid?
Hamid: The tongue has no bones, sir, but it crushes all the same.

Tom Day: This is how you open a bottle of champagne. You hold it firmly by the base... you turn the bottle, not the cork.
Jo Henninger: Red wine should be held by the neck, a woman by the waist and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.
Tom Day: Mark Twain, very good. Of course, those priorities can be rearranged later.
Jo Henninger: Glad to hear it.

Jo Henninger: Guess we were an obvious couple.
Richard Galloway: All couples are rather obvious in the end.
Jo Henninger: Twelve years after all.
Richard Galloway: Twelve years...
Jo Henninger: I guess it doesn't seem that long when you say it fast.

Anouar: What cereal do you eat in the morning?... I prefer cornflakes myself. It is one good thing that you have given us, apart from ice.

Anouar: I like everything that is cool, cold and fresh. You think I like to live in this furnace? You think I like the camels, the palm trees... and the 104 degrees every morning? Huh?... I dream of Sweden most of the time.
David Henninger: Sweden?
Anouar: Yeah. I've seen it in a colour magazine. A fantastic place, by the looks of it. It is the place I would most like to live. Must be so deliciously cold there. But the world does not promise anything to anyone... and no man ever lived the way he wished.

Jo Henninger: We need to talk.
David Henninger: No we don't.
Jo Henninger: Excuse me?!
David Henninger: We don't need to talk. Nobody needs to talk.

—
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Halloween

The Office 2×5

Michael Scott: It's the end of the month, and I was supposed to let somebody go by the end of the month. And somehow I'm supposed to put on a costume and smile.

Michael Scott: If you were getting fired, how would you wanna be told so that you could still be friends with the person firing you?

Jim Halpert: I'm the three-hole punch version of Jim, 'cause you can have me either way, plain white Jim or three-hole punch.

Dwight Schrute: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.

Jim Halpert: Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's gonna volunteer, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's gonna happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.

Michael Scott: Okay, well, I already picked you and you know that, so, unless I just go through with this, you're always gonna look at me as the guy who almost fired you.
Creed: No, no, no, no, no, no. I will forget so fast. You will be my savior. You're the guy who gave me my life back! Thank you! I knew you'd see it my way, Michael. God bless you.

—
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Give Me Liberty

Outlander 6×5

Brianna Mackenzie: We need you.
Roger Mackenzie: Do ye? Ye're so capable. You're making waterwheels and clay pipes.
Brianna Mackenzie: It's nothing the Romans didn't do.
Roger Mackenzie: Ye're the only one here who knows how to do it. You're bringing indoor plumbing to the Ridge for crying out loud! Ye're amazing to me, Bree.

Flora MacDonald: What is ailing us today is the threat of division, and we've seen it before. We know the symptoms of this disease, and it's not enough for us just to put on a disguise and flee. Peace and unity, that is what is at stake. We have sworn oaths of loyalty to the Crown, and we are proud subjects of the United Kingdom of Great Britain. And if we are to live in peace in this new land... so we must continue to be.

Jamie Fraser: 4th of July, 1776, you said... Well, there's still time.
Claire Fraser: That's the Declaration of Independence. The war starts much sooner.

Lord John Grey: So the rumors are true then? You are for independency.
Jamie Fraser: I must believe there's another way to live, a better way, perhaps.
Lord John Grey: Better? Better than what? If there is a war, the rebels will lose, and you... you may lose your life.
Jamie Fraser: Or gain my freedom. Our freedom.
Lord John Grey: Freedom? Freedom from what? From paying your taxes? From tyranny?

Jamie Fraser: I came here tonight because I believed I'd be among men who understood that, even if they disagreed, men who are not afraid to hear another man's opinion spoken because they prize that freedom and have faith it will serve the greater good in time. But maybe I was wrong to think so. Maybe there is no common decency.
Cornelius Harnett: Common decency, Mr. Fraser?
Jamie Fraser: Aye. If it truly is to be common to all men, it must begin with us. You call yourselves "Sons of Liberty"? Is it liberty when a man is cowed into silence or threatened into submission? Is it liberty if his property is taken from him?

Claire Fraser: So much change in the wind.
Jamie Fraser: When there's war afoot, Sassenach... men take to the roads.

--
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Matryoshka

Russian Doll 2×7

Alan Zaveri: I went through major shit, Nadia. You don't think I wanted to change things? But no, I followed the rules of the train because I am a good commuter. But you, you on the other hand, you're just...

Alan Zaveri: I'm sorry. A friend kidnapping her newborn self then collapsing time is a hard boundary.

Nadia Vulvokov: This used to be a school for Jews. Now, it's open-planned living for the enlightened. And I use the terms "now" and "used to be" loosely.

Nadia Vulvokov: Come on, man, we've been through worse, all right? We can handle this. Hey, as Abraham used to say, "Trust that the fabric of space-time is durable like Tyvek." Uh... Which is Sheol, where all dead go. The common grave for all humanity.

Ruth Brenner: Nothing in this world is easy except pissing in the shower.

Horse: You got time, man. Time as you understand was invented to synchronize European train systems so that goods could be moved across borders.

Nadia Vulvokov: Am I dead?
Lenora Vulvokov: How am I supposed to answer a question like that?
Nadia Vulvokov: So I'm not dead?
Lenora Vulvokov: Just because I came before you doesn't mean I have all the answers. You're looking in the wrong place.
Nadia Vulvokov: Well, that is starting to become a theme.

Lenora Vulvokov: If you could choose your mother all over, would you choose me again?
Nadia Vulvokov: Ma... Yeah, I didn't choose you the first time, but I guess that's just how the story goes, huh, Mom?

--
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The Fire

The Office 2×4

Michael Scott: There are 10 rules of business that you need to learn. Number one: you need to play to win, but you also have to win to play...
Ryan Howard: Got it.
Michael Scott: And I will give you the rest of the 10 at lunch.

Dwight Schrute: Do you wanna die? DO YOU WANNA DIE?!

Michael Scott: Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations... Adapt. React. Readapt. Apt. All right? That's rule number two.

Michael Scott: Rule number four: in business image is everything.

Michael Scott: Okay, rule five: safety first, i.e. don't burn the building down. Okay? That should be a no-brainer.

Michael Scott: Oh, look, Ryan is book smart, and I am street smart... and book smart.

Michael Scott: I'll give you the rest of the 10 tomorrow.

—
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Schrödinger's Ruth

Russian Doll 2×6

Nadia Vulvokov: Well, hey. High risk, high reward, right, little kiddo?

--
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Father Stu (2022)

Stuart Long: I ain't doing no blue-collar bullshit.
Kathleen Long: Well, honey, what else is there?

Stuart Long: I got some good news for you. I figured it out.
Kathleen Long: Yeah? Seventh time's a charm?

Kathleen Long: Hollywood. You ain't been west of Missoula.
Stuart Long: You got a map, I'm gonna make it there.
Kathleen Long: You don't belong with L.A. folks. They're a bunch of carpetbaggers. Communist fucking fascist hippies.
Stuart Long: I ain't trying to belong. I'm trying to stand out.

Stuart Long: This town wants me to think that my job's at the mercy of some scumbag, and my dick's at the mercy of some slut's low standards? A real man earns a win on his own damn merits.

Carmen: You don't take "no" for an answer.
Stuart Long: I don't need a "yes" to know I'm right.

Carmen: I'm a Catholic. No sex before marriage.
Stuart Long: Ain't that what confession's for?
Carmen: I thought that'd be the case. Let's not waste either of our times.
Stuart Long: I'd wait 40 years in the desert for you.
Carmen: You can start with an hour in church.
Stuart Long: I'll be there... I'll be there.

Stuart Long: What's everybody waiting for? Let's pray.

Jesus C.: Life's gonna give you a gutful of reasons to be angry, kid. You only need one to be grateful.
Stuart Long: That's the most fucked-up ratio since the number of marshmallows in Lucky Charms.
Jesus C.: You ain't owed nothing. But you're getting a chance.

Carmen: I thought I could help. Answer your question, you know.
Stuart Long: Yeah? What you think I'm wondering?
Carmen: "Why me? Why did God make or allow this to happen?" He doesn't promise your stories will make sense, but he does promise they'll find their greater purpose. If we're patient.

Stuart Long: I did something I ain't supposed to do. Something I been thinking about, praying I could get to happen for months. Something I wanted more than anything else in this world. Then I had it, and all I could do was think about disappointing God.
Father Garcia: This is good news. It is in discovering the greatness of God's love that our heart is shaken by the horror and weight of sin.
Stuart Long: No, this ain't about fucking up. It's about being fucked with.
Father Garcia: .... Another term for that is "grace."

Kathleen Long: Is someone gonna tell me what's going on?
Stuart Long: I was gonna find a better time...
Kathleen Long: You're doing a porno?
Stuart Long: No, God, no. No, I'm gonna be a priest.
Kathleen Long: For Halloween?
Stuart Long: No, not for fucking Halloween. For real.

Stuart Long: You had to tell him?
Kathleen Long: It's a sin to lie.
Stuart Long: You ain't the Catholic here.
Bill Long: You've had some nutty ideas before, but this is like Hitler asking to join the ADL.

Doctor: The good news is you could have as long as a year before you'll need any assistance with basic daily activities.

Stuart Long: I'm praying for you.
Bill Long: Don't you dare! You're violating my rights as a man! As an American.

Stuart Long: We're not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human one. This body don't mean nothing to God. Therefore nor should it to you.

Stuart Long: You here to help? Play a hymn on the harp. Makes pathetic shit look poetic.

Stuart Long: Hear me out. All our outer nature's wasting away. But our inner nature is being renewed every day. This life, no matter how long it lasts, is a momentary affliction preparing us for eternal glory.
     We shouldn't pray for an easy life, but the strength to endure a difficult one. Because the experience of suffering is the fullest expression of God's love. It is a chance to be closer to Christ.

—
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Hour of the Wolf

Outlander 6×4

Major MacDonald: You can tell your Chief Bird Who Sings in the Evening that these have been field-tested and aim true.
Jamie Fraser: I'll tell him they have yer personal guarantee.
Young Ian: Morning.
Major MacDonald: Sorry?
Young Ian: Chief Twiskwa Sunale Dekanogisgi... Chief Bird Who Sings in the Morning.
Major MacDonald: Why they won't take a Christian name is beyond me.
Young Ian: Aye. A simple name. Like Donald son of Donald.

Alexander 'Scotchee' Cameron: One dram becomes two... becomes three. What's after three?
Jamie Fraser: Twelve in yer case.

Jamie Fraser: I dinna have an answer. Only... At the end of life comes death. And after death... we come home to the Lord. How long the first shall last... we canna say.

Chief Bird Who Sings in the Morning: This wife you have... did you pay a great deal for her?
Jamie Fraser: She cost me almost everything I had. She was worth it.

Young Ian: I thought I had to choose who to be... Wolf's Brother or Ian Murray. I know now I can be both.
Jamie Fraser: I've been known by many names, lad. Call yerself whatever ye want. All that matters is who ye are here.

Jamie Fraser: I canna be two things at once, Claire... a rebel, a loyalist... agent for the Crown and an enemy of the king. It's pulling me apart. It's time to change horses.

--
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Exquisite Corpse

Russian Doll 2×5

Nadia Vulvokov: Help me find him, and I'll tell you the future. Not your personal future,more geopolitical history with embarrassing holes in all the usual places.

Nadia Vulvokov: Ah! Great. The man of the hour, in the flesh. So my research shows that you are a very decent person with an impressive lifeline, who has a soft spot for Jews, aka "Kugel fever."
Father László Kiss: I'm sorry. Who are you?
Nadia Vulvokov: Ah, I don't think you want to peel that onion. Call me Vera.

Nadia Vulvokov: Nice guy. Uh... I'm "tolerated." Right? People say "welcome" when they mean "tolerated."

Nadia Vulvokov: Look, I saw rocks on your grave, and anyone who's seen Schindler's List knows that means you're a mensch. Then again, is it Spielberg's best film? No. That's the first episode of Columbo. Who can say?

Nadia Vulvokov: Hey, buddy, sir? Uh, please with the yawning, all right? A little respect for the butterfly effect.

Delia: $5325. Now, if those monsters ever come back, we have exit strategy. You never know what can happen. That's what it means, this money, a way out. That's all there is, a way out.

Nadia Vulvokov: Uh, so Mommy's gonna tell you a little story, and it's not gonna mean anything to you. But hey, it's just a story, right?... Turns out, I was wrong about time. You know how that goes. Uh... See, I thought that I could change things for us, you know? If I just went back far enough. Uh... And then, turns out, I couldn't change anything at all. So I... I can only do what was always done, so...
Lenora Vulvokov: Is this a riddle?

Nadia Vulvokov: Fifteen years from now, you'll get the idea to steal this gold. I'll lose it. In trying to right that wrong, I'll only end up bringing you back the same gold that you steal 15 years from now.
Lenora Vulvokov: Okay.

Nadia Vulvokov: Tell you this, time's got a real sick sense of humor, Nora.

--
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Temperance

Outlander 6×3

Claire Fraser: I thought just Highlanders were stubborn as rocks.
Tom Christie: Stubborn as rocks?
Claire Fraser: Mr. Christie is refusing to...
Tom Christie: Mistress Fraser insists...
Claire Fraser: God wants him to have the surgery, but the masochist is refusing the Ether.
Tom Christie: "Masochist"?
Claire Fraser: Well, it's a word for... people who prefer to suffer pain.

Jamie Fraser: ...if their parents think he's demon-born, I'm his grandsire, and ye're his granny, what does that say about us?

Tom Christie: Why do you never wear a proper kerch or cap?
Claire Fraser: Why should I?
Tom Christie: 'Cause every pious married woman should.
Claire Fraser: "And every woman who prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoreth her head. For that is just as if she were shaven." Are we back to Saint Paul again? Ever occur to you that man had quite the bee in his bonnet about women?

Claire Fraser: ... What changed your mind?
Tom Christie: Ardsmuir. You know, we had no books there, but Mr. Fraser was accustomed to recount the stories he had read to the other prisoners. ... And I saw that fiction was perhaps not, as I had thought, merely an inducement of idleness and wicked fancy, a confection of lies.
Claire Fraser: Surely there's a difference between lying and telling a distracting tale.
Tom Christie: Oh, it was distraction, to be sure. In such conditions, distraction is, uh, not evil, while it is, of course, more desirable to escape into prayer.
Claire Fraser: Of course.
Tom Christie: But... it drew the men together. You would not think that such men... Crofters, Highlanders... would find themselves in sympathy with such situations. They were... they were starved, cold, covered in sores, separated from their families, yet they could take comfort in never having suffered such vicissitudes as had befallen these imaginary beings.

Jamie Fraser: Ye're the only one who can show yer son what a "useless" man like ye can achieve and how proud he can make his father. Ye dinna ken. But it's you, not what you do or... give or provide. It's you we need... to come home.
Fergus: I'm not who I once was, milord. I don't know if I can be that man again.
Jamie Fraser: You can. You will.

Claire Fraser: The Boston Tea Party...
Major MacDonald: Oh, so you've heard. An inconvenience, certainly. Imagine the King will view it as an act of outright aggression.

Jamie Fraser: What does it mean, Sassenach?
Claire Fraser: It's starting. The storm, the war... it's almost here.

--
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Allegiance

Outlander 6×2

Young Ian: What is it, Uncle?
Jamie Fraser: There is a woman in my bed.
Young Ian: There's... two of them, Uncle. And the other one's waiting her turn.

Jamie Fraser: Nice, was it? Actually...
Claire Fraser: I was trying to rank your words... "I like you," "I love you," "I worship you," "I must have my cock inside you"... In terms of the relative sincerity.
Jamie Fraser: Oh, I meant every word of it.
Claire Fraser: Especially the last one.
Jamie Fraser: Especially the last one.

Jamie Fraser: Well, sometimes we get a better idea of what's to come when we look at what's gone by.

Jamie Fraser: ... for those of us that have this knowledge of the future, it must inform our decisions.
Young Ian: Aye, Uncle Jamie.
Jamie Fraser: You have it now too. Take heed, it can be both a blessing and a curse.

--
On the IMDb

Station to Station

Russian Doll 2×4

Nadia Vulvokov: What's going on with you? Are you high?
Alan Zaveri: No. There's someone in the past that I... I like spending time with.
Nadia Vulvokov: So, wh... what is she? Is she, like, uh, a Marlene Dietrich type, or more of an Angela Merkel?

Nadia Vulvokov: Alan, the only reason to go into the past is to change shit, all right? I mean, haven't you ever seen a movie?
Alan Zaveri: Yes, Nadia. And I know that you won't believe me when I say this, but I have seen a movie, and literally every movie about time travel says don't change things. That's why this is... this is so great. This is... Nadia. Nadia, don't... don't mess this up.

Nadia Vulvokov: Oh my God. You know what? Great. ... You have my blessing.
Maxine: I don't need it, but it's good to have. Like a driver's license or a left hand.

Nadia Vulvokov: What is that?
Kristóf: Perspective.
Nadia Vulvokov: Huh.
Kristóf: Have you ever wanted to separate from yourself?
Nadia Vulvokov: I'm only human.
Kristóf: To view yourself with objective distance? It's coexistence and lack of existence at once.

Kristóf: We weren't allowed to study LSD. Acid was deemed too dangerous for a Communist country. It was a German chemist who first synthesized it from Ayahuasca back in the '50s. It was actually a Hungarian chemist who first discovered the hallucinogenic properties of DMT.
Nadia Vulvokov: ..... You're also well-known for the Rubik's Cube.

Ruth Brenner: Honey, we always think that closure is something we can find out there in the world, as if we can find it in another person, or a confession, or an apology. See, in the end, nothing can absolve us but ourselves.

--
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Hit and Run

Better Call Saul 6×4

Mr. Ryman: I thought it'd be just the trim...
Mrs. Ryman: Of all the colors, why would you pick that? Use adobe red if you want red.
Mr. Ryman: What do you even call that? Fire-engine red?
Mrs. Ryman: Tomato red.
Mr. Ryman: Their poor neighbors...
Mrs. Ryman: Mm... What an eyesore.

Howard: At home, things are more or less the same. It's not any worse. I guess I should be grateful for that.

Kim: How great is that?
Jimmy: This is unbelievable. Are we on a roll or are we on a roll? Jeez....

Kim: You ever feel like you're being followed? ....
Jimmy: Well, you know what they say: "The wicked flee when no man pursueth."
Kim: You think we're wicked?
Jimmy: No. What? Ha-ha. It's just a turn of phrase... I think you're wicked hot.

Jimmy: Listen to the voice of experience, okay? You know why you're feeling like this? Because we got away with it. It seems too good to be true. But trust me, nobody is following you. No one knows what we're doing except for us, okay?

Jimmy: Six... Lucky number seven... Oh, you're with him? And eight... Nice leathers. Okay, together. And... nine. Ahem. Wow, um... Thank you all for your patience. And... Justice for all!

Kim: Why are you telling me this and not him?
Mike: Because I think you're made of sterner stuff.

Mike: All due respect, the rest of the world thinks the guy is dead.
Gus: Lalo. Salamanca. Is alive.
Mike: Then where is he?...

Jimmy: But, um, the bottom line is I need a new place to do business, pronto. Now, this place is a shithole, but the price is right. And I think I can talk the landlord into a month-to-month. So it's temporary. You know, until I find something better.

Jimmy: What do you think?
Kim: It's small. It's dirty. And this whole place smells funny... But the courthouse is five blocks away. You can't get to MDC without driving past. Parking is good. Bail bond row isn't far, and... Taco Cabeza is just around the corner. Might be a diamond in the rough. Just promise me... you won't move the toilet.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Office Olympics

The Office 2×3

Michael Scott: I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.

Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years and we make a great team. Why, we're like one of those classic, famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Michael Scott: Most honorable Pamela... Not offensive! Because that's the way they talk in movies.

Jim Halpert: What about you? You got any games?
Stanley Hudson: Yeah, I got a game. It's called "work hard, so my kids can go to college."
Jim Halpert: Fair enough.

Dwight Schrute: A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. Now, if I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.

Michael Scott: There's something else, Dwight, I want to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, you didn't have to...
Michael Scott: No, no, I insist, I insist. Because you've really done some great work, great work. And that is why I'm going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent.

Michael Scott: Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. I rewarded Dwight with the room and he is rewarding me back with $500 plus utilities.

Dwight Schrute: Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
Michael Scott: What the hell is a terrarium?
Dwight Schrute: It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
Michael Scott: Oh, so, an aquarium? That will not come into this place, okay?

Pam Beasley: Come on, Angela, don't you have a game?
Angela Martin: I have one, yes.
Pam Beasley: Well, let's play. What is it?
Angela Martin: I call it "Pam-Pong." I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.

Michael Scott: Why are you playing the National Anthem?
Jim Halpert: 'Cause your condo's in America.
Michael Scott: What the hell is that?
Jim Halpert: Those are the doves.
Michael Scott: All right.

—
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Brain Drain

Russian Doll 2×3

Doctor: Do you have any questions?
Nadia Vulvokov: Uh, big-time, yeah. Uh-huh. Do you think consciousness is an emergent property of the brain? Like, could one person's consciousness just displace someone else's? You know, uh, two minds knocking around the same body? That type of a thing?
Doctor: No, never heard of that.
Nadia Vulvokov: I'm assuming that most of your patients grapple with bringing more consciousnesses into existence?
Ruth Brenner: Nora, being born doesn't make you a victim. Let's get you home.

Danny Shaker: You're not a creationist, are you?
Nadia Vulvokov: Ah, wouldn't it be nice to have someone to blame?

Nadia Vulvokov: Doctor, we're both incredibly busy people, so, let's not waste each other's time, huh? Uh, I'm not the crazy one. She is.
Uh, who's she?

Nadia Vulvokov: So look, uh, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. Uh, I'm Nadia. Uh, Nora's daughter. I'm from the future.

Nadia Vulvokov: You know, I previously thought that I was just inhabiting her body, but, uh, I now realize that I'm inside of her mind too, okay?

Nadia Vulvokov: Why is it so bad to be paranoid schizophrenic and have this baby?

Nadia Vulvokov: Is this what every day was like for you, Mommy?

--
On the IMDb
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Coney Island Baby

Russian Doll 2×2

Nadia Vulvokov: All right, let me guess. This is about how we were, um, Hungarians, uh, big shots, intellectuals, uh, then the Nazis came, stole everything, put it on a gold train. I know, I've heard it a million times before.

Vera Peschauer: You do nothing but take and take. Those coins were the only security we had...
Nadia Vulvokov: For when Hitler comes back. I know. I know. Regimes change, currencies become obsolete, only gold remains, yeah. We Vulvokovs exist in the sweet spot where paranoia meets hyperinflation.

Nadia Vulvokov: All right. Uh... Hey, what's Hungarian for, uh, "In the end, it's just money, we'll get through this together..." Oh! "...and the, uh, the baby is a chance for a new relationship"?

Nadia Vulvokov: How the fuck does anyone find anyone without the Internet around here?...

Squash Player 1: He put a bun in that oven?
Nadia Vulvokov: Oh, wow, so you guys just really don't know how sperm work, huh?
Squash Player 2: What are you talking about?
Nadia Vulvokov: Men don't make women pregnant, sperm are weak. They only get the job done when the egg beams them up to the Federation Starship and then you make a baby. Uh... What would you guys know with your tight little 1982 gym shorts? Really, it's a little titty twister, but for dicks, huh?

Chezare 'Chez' Carrera: No, what I mean is, it's a Coney Island.
Nadia Vulvokov: What do you mean? The last stop on the D train?
Chezare 'Chez' Carrera: In our house, a Coney Island is the thing that would've made everything better, if only it had happened, or didn't happen. My father couldn't work. He got sick with polio and wound up in an iron lung. Now, if only he hadn't gone to Coney Island that summer, he wouldn't have gotten the airborne polio. But he did... It's a fantasy. It's an "if only."

Nadia Vulvokov: I don't deserve you, Ruthie.
Ruth Brenner: Oh, no one deserves what they get in life. That's not how it works.

--
On the IMDb
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Sexual Harassment

The Office 2×2

Michael Scott: I am "King of Forwards." It's how I like to do business. Everybody joking around. We're like Friends. I am Chandler and Joey. And Pam is Rachel. And Dwight is Kramer.

Toby Flenderson: It's really not a big deal.
Michael Scott: It is a big deal. It's a big deal. What are we supposed to do, scrutinize every little thing we say and do all day? I mean, come on. And then, corporate is gonna send in a lawyer... What?
Toby Flenderson: No. Just to refresh you on our policy.
Michael Scott: What? He... No. Okay, what is a lawyer gonna come in and tell us? To not send out hilarious e-mails? Or not tell jokes?
Toby Flenderson: Maybe not some of them, maybe not inappropriate ones.
Michael Scott: There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.

Pam Beasley: Usually, the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke.

Dwight Schrute: You said that we could come to you if we had any questions.
Toby Flenderson: Sure.
Dwight Schrute: Where is the clitoris?... On a website it said, "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? What does the female vagina look like?

Michael Scott: Attention, everyone. Hello. Yes, I just want you to know that, this is not my decision, but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work-associated things. And you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future, if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression, I will no longer ever do any of those things.
Jim Halpert: Does that include "that's what she said"?
Michael Scott: Yes!... Wow, that is really hard.
Jim Halpert: You really think you can go all day long?
Michael Scott: Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so... That's what she said!

Michael Scott: You know what? You just crossed the line. Okay? There's a line, and you went over it. And you must be punished. So go to your corner.
Kevin Malone: You mean, where my desk is?
Michael Scott: Yes, your corner, go.

—
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Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018) <<

Gellert Grindelwald: Can you smell it? The stench. Do you really intend to turn your back on your own kind? For these animals?

Gellert Grindelwald: With or without you, I'll burn down their world, Albus. There's nothing you can do to stop me. Enjoy your cup of tea.

Theseus Scamander: Can I ask, what would possess you to make such a thing?
Albus Dumbledore: Love. Arrogance. Naivete. Pick your poison. We were young, we were going to transform the world.

Newt Scamander: So, Grindelwald has the ability to see snatches of the future. So, we have to assume that he'll be able to anticipate what we do before we do it. So, if we hope to defeat him and to save our world, to save your world, Jacob, then our best hope is to confuse him.
Jacob Kowalski: Uh... 'Scuse me. I'm sorry. How do you confuse a guy that can see the future?

Eulalie 'Lally' Hicks: You know what they say. A book can take you around the world and back, all you have to do is open it.

Newt Scamander: Herr Vogel... I have a message from a friend, and it cannot wait. Do what is right, not what is easy.

Gellert Grindelwald: There... Better? I thought so. When we allow ourselves to be consumed by anger, the only victim is ourself.

Newt Scamander: So, how will I know where to find him?
Warden: He's your brother?
Newt Scamander: Yes.
Warden: He will be the one who looks like your brother.

Newt Scamander: You're not swiveling properly. Swivel... Swivel, but delicately.
Theseus Scamander: I'm swiveling like you're swiveling, Newt.
Newt Scamander: I don't believe you are. Swivel.

Albus Dumbledore: The fact that everything didn't go precisely to plan was precisely the plan.
Lally Hicks: Countersight 101.

Newt Scamander: I'm so sorry, Albus. But if it's of any comfort, perhaps she was saved some pain...
Albus Dumbledore: Don't. Don't disappoint me, Newt. You of all people. Your honesty is a gift... even if at times a painful one.

Newt Scamander: Albus, Lally said something earlier about most of us being ultimately imperfect. But even if we make mistakes, terrible things... we can try to make things right. And that's what matters... trying.

Theseus Scamander: You're not nervous, are you? Can't be nervous about a speech after saving the world.
Newt Scamander: Hmm.
Theseus Scamander: It's a historic day. Where once was before, there will now be after... Funny how historic days seem so ordinary when you're living them.
Newt Scamander: Well, perhaps that's what happens when the world gets things right.
Theseus Scamander: Mm, it's jolly nice to know it happens occasionally.

—
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Nowhen

Russian Doll 2×1

Anti-Nuclear Activist: Do you believe in the future of our humanity?
Nadia: Define future.

Nadia: Hey, man, can I get a bourbon?
Bartender: Bourbon? You sure about that, hon?
Nadia: Yeah, hon. It's arguably the only thing I'm sure of. Basic concepts like time and space are suddenly eluding me. I mean, last night this place was mayhem 'cause Wi-Fi went out, but in the new here and now, uh, apparently gratuitous nudity is back in play.

Nadia: Well, my past, your future. Begs the question, am I haunting you, are you haunting me?
Danny Shaker: You seem pretty relaxed for a ghost.
Nadia: Well, when the universe fucks with you, let it.

Nadia: Is it 2022 in here?

Nadia: Look, all I'm saying is, maybe we have unfinished business.
Alan: We have spent your past three birthdays on DEFCON 1 just in case we start dying. I'm standing here looking at us, and we're both very much alive.
Nadia: Ask yourself this, are you happy?
Alan: Yeah, I'm fine. I just... I think this is what life feels like.
Nadia: Is it though?

--
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A Hard Way to Go

Ozark 4×14

Ruth Langmore: Just how bad is it in here?
Wendy Byrde: Bad.
Ruth Langmore: But it's bearable, right?
Wendy Byrde: Everything's bearable.

Nathan Davis: You know, we both know how he was. Ben embarrassed the family. It wasn't his fault. That was just a glitch. The hard part is having that one child that causes you shame.
Ruth Langmore: Hmm.
Nathan Davis: And, uh, then you look to the other one, supposed to be better, and she's even worse.

Martin 'Marty' Byrde: Well, I'm not saying that I love you unconditionally, but we have been through a shitload of conditions, and I'm still here.

Wendy Byrde: Forty-eight more hours...

Father Benitez: How many times does God have to point at you before you take notice? I believe that accident was your last warning.
Wendy Byrde: Oh, no. It's an assurance that we're gonna make it out alive.

Ruth Langmore: The fucking FBI?
Martin 'Marty' Byrde: The fucking FBI, but it... it's not a crime if they're sanctioning it, okay? Can you just... can you sit with them tomorrow and hear them out, please?
Ruth Langmore: I always got time for my fucking government.

Wendy Byrde: No celebrating yet!

Ruth Langmore: You know, there's always a job for you here if you want it.
Jonah Byrde: I'm actually thinking of going legit.
Ruth Langmore: Hmm.
Jonah Byrde: At least until I get through high school.

Camila Elizonndro: This is impressive.
Martin 'Marty' Byrde: Hmm. It's just the beginning...

Wendy Byrde: Okay, okay, we can fix this. We can fix this.

Mel Sattem: You don't get it, do you? You don't get to win. You don't get to be the Kochs or the Kennedys or whatever fucking royalty you people think you are. World doesn't work like that.
Wendy Byrde: Since when?

—
On the IMDb
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Rock and Hard Place

Better Call Saul 6×3

Nacho: The only way that this works for you is with me dead.

Jimmy: His car? That's a bit direct.
Kim: I think the word you're looking for is "audacious".
Jimmy: That, too.

Jimmy: ...if we do it right, Huell will be invisible.
Kim: Oh, yeah?
Jimmy: Like a ghost.
Kim: That's pretty slick.
Jimmy: I think the word you're looking for is "audacious".

Suzanne: Let me explain how this looks from where I stand. A couple years back, Jimmy McGill represented Ignacio Varga, a local dealer. Now, Varga is a known associate of Tuco Salamanca. Jimmy was involved in getting Tuco a reduced sentence on an assault and battery charge shortly after he represented Varga. And now here he is, representing Eduardo Salamanca under the assumed name "De Guzman".
Kim: Okay. What are you getting at? Are you building some kind of case against Jimmy?

Suzanne: I don't think Jimmy ever intended to become a cartel lawyer. It's not a suit that fits him. I think maybe he got in over his head and couldn't get out.

Suzanne: It's wrong. You know it's wrong. And I think Jimmy does, too.
Kim: ... Saul.
Suzanne: I'm sorry?
Kim: He practices now under the name Saul Goodman. Although I distinctly remember you referring to him as a "scumbag".
Suzanne: Uh, I admit I have had my problems with... Saul. That's true. But I also believe underneath it all, underneath all of his... showiness... He's a lawyer. And a human being. And I think he knows what's right.

Huell: Can I ask you summin'?
Jimmy: Sure, go ahead.
Huell: Personal, kinda.
Jimmy: Okay. What?
Huell: You a lawyer. You make good money, right?
Jimmy: Good days and bad, but, yeah.
Huell: Legit money. On the level.
Jimmy: Yeah. So?
Huell: Your wife's a lawyer. A legit lawyer.
Jimmy: Yeah.
Huell: Why you do all this?

Jimmy: I-I know, from the outside, this looks like just another scam. But... You're not seeing the bigger picture. A couple months from now, there are people whose lives are gonna be way better because of this. A... We're making a real difference. Trust me. We're doing the Lord's work here.
Huell: If you say so. Be seeing you...

Jimmy: You think I should do it?
Kim: It depends.
Jimmy: On what?
Kim: Well. I guess it's basically... Do you want to be a "friend of the cartel"? Or... do you want to be a rat?

--
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Carrot and Stick

Better Call Saul 6×2

Jo: But... But we like it here.
Mike: Well, now you're going to like it someplace else. You're going to take this. Get on a bus. Go to your families. Don't have a family? Then you go to a friend. You don't have friends? Then make some. But I strongly suggest you do whatever you can to get back on your feet. But do it far away from here.

Jimmy: Right. It's gotta be good but not too good...
Kim: Exactly. There's a sweet spot, you know, like a magnet. We pull Cliff in... and then repel him..... Oh!
Jimmy: What?
Kim: You are going to hate this.

Craig Kettleman: Mr. Goodman?
Jimmy: Best decision you've ever made.

Marco Salamanca: — Alive!

Jimmy: Saul Goodman, speedy justice for you.

Kim: You, uh... You're gonna use the stick, right?
Jimmy: The stick. Yeah, well, it's a big stick, it's huge. But I know these people. They're more carrot types. Especially her.

Betsy Kettleman: Money? Money's not gonna take care of this.
Jimmy: Money takes care of everything.

Kim: Okay. Enough carrot.

Kim: I'm keeping my eye on both of you... You think you've lost everything? You have no idea.

Jimmy: Wolves and sheep.
Kim: Huh?
Jimmy: Nothing.

--
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The Dundies

The Office 2×1

Pam Beasley: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you wanna look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

Michael Scott: TMI. TMI, my friends. TMI? Too Much Information. It's just easier to say TMI. I used to say, "Don't go there," but that's lame.

Dwight Schrute: Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies' room for a reason, and if you cannot behave like ladies, well, then you are not going to have a bathroom.

Oscar Martinez: The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party. And you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time, so you... You're kind of there. That's... That's kind of what it's like.

—
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Hot Girl

The Office 1×6

Michael Scott: Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.
Dwight Schrute: Sex.
Michael Scott: It's illegal. I can't do that. Next best thing.
Dwight Schrute: Torture.
Michael Scott: Come on, Dwight. Just help me out here.

Michael Scott: I live by one rule. No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate. No. But... I live by another rule. Just do it. Nike.

Michael Scott: So, uh, Pam, is this your lunch break or was that earlier, when you were eating in the kitchen with those guys?

Michael Scott: Coffee is the great "incentivizer" in the office. It's a drug... it is quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the '80s before everybody knew how bad cocaine was. Gah... man, did they move paper! Oh, the rotating, uh, steam... wand.

Michael Scott: I should never have let the temp touch this thing. I had all these great icons, and now I have four folders.
Dwight Schrute: It's actually better this way.
Michael Scott: No, it's not, because I could just click on the icon and then I'm onto something...

Michael Scott: Do I have a special someone? Uh, well, yeah, of course. A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night-stand with some stupid cow I pick up at a bar and these people, I'd pick them every time. Because with them, it is an every day stand. And I still know their names in the morning.

—
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Wine and Roses

Better Call Saul 6×1

Gus: The mercenaries are dead to a man. And yet, their mission was a success...
Mike: It has been known to happen.

Gus: Speak your mind.
Mike: Loyalty goes both ways...

Kim: ... And there was a homeless woman that I had to get out of MDC. That's another story.
Jimmy: Sounds like the day from hell.
Kim: It was one of the best days of my life... My professional life.

Jimmy: I rented us a car. It's... It's the Ford.
Kim: So Saul Goodman drives a brown Ford Taurus?
Jimmy: Detroit calls that Taupe, I believe.
Kim: Don't you think Saul Goodman would drive something with a little more... flair?
Jimmy: Such as?
Kim: I don't know. Definitely American-made. Something showy. And Saul Goodman has an office. Something eye-catching. Good location.
Jimmy: By the courthouse?
Kim: Yeah. A cathedral of justice.

Jimmy: So the, uh... the Howard thing. Wh... What were you thinking?
Kim: You sure?
Jimmy: What's the harm in listening?

Kim: It has to be paced right. We move too fast, they'll see us coming. And it has to make sense. It doesn't have to stand up in court, but there has to be a reason for everything.

Jimmy: Here it is, folks! Anti-Semitism alive and well, right here in Albuquerque.
Norm: Sir, we have many Jewish members!
Jimmy: Oh, good, well, you've met your quota, then. Gold star for you.

Jimmy: "Money-grubbing"? You're saying the quiet part out loud. ... In this day and age, I'd hoped and prayed we'd be beyond this.
Kevin: You're about as Jewish as my Aunt Fannie...
Jimmy: Five thousand years and it never ends-- Here it is. Violence! It always comes to this!

Jimmy: I want you to know I don't blame you personally. I know you were just following orders.

Lalo: A, B, C... L, M, N... U? Prueba? Is that what you're saying? Proof? Uncle, I don't have any proof...

--
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Mud

Ozark 4×13

Wendy Byrde: This casino is part of a much bigger operation, and you know that, Ruth.
Not anymore it ain't. Look, you're still a partner. You got ideas about the cocktail menu, and Ruth Langmore: I'll hear you out. But the controlling interest here is mine. So you need to find another way to launder your money.

Martin 'Marty' Byrde: I'm not workshopping this with you, Ruth. There's a time concern here, okay?
Ruth Langmore: There's always gonna be some concern, right?

Wendy Byrde: I do too have a sense of humor. Asshole.

Martin 'Marty' Byrde: How's your head?
Wendy Byrde: Depends how you mean.

Wendy Byrde: We don't need Navarro...

Father Benitez: ...there was a time there where it was either... kill the man... or join the church.
Wendy Byrde: Is that right?

Ruth Langmore: There's a fuckload of politics in your job, but right is right. You're gonna be a good sheriff, Ronnie. Just be careful driving home. It's slicker than spit out.

—
On the IMDb
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Basketball

The Office 1×5

Dwight Schrute: So we need someone to work this Saturday. And I think that that should be... Jim.
Jim Halpert: God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.

Michael Scott: All right. Managing... by walkin' around!

Michael Scott: This is our warehouse, or, as I like to call it, the "whoorehouse." But don't you call it that. I've earned the right.

Michael Scott: So! Um, 1:00 sharp and we've got a game on.
Darryl Philbin: We're loadin' at 1:00.
Michael Scott: Oh, I see. You're, uh, you're chickenin' out. You're bailin' on me.
Darryl Philbin: No, we got a truck goin' out at 1:15, so...
Michael Scott: Uh-huh.
Darryl Philbin: That's the busy time.
Michael Scott: Oh, well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time, because whenever I'm down here, doesn't seem too busy to me.

Dwight Schrute: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncy skirt if you want, and...
Michael Scott: Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay, I mean, um... you know, not in the homosexual way at all. I mean the, uh, you know, like the bad at sports way. I think that goes without saying.

Michael Scott: Football is like rock and roll. And basketball is like Jazz, you know?

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Trouble the Water

Ozark 4×12

Wendy Byrde: I know I'm not easy to love.

Ruth Langmore: The first clean Langmore in five generations... Mm-hmm. What the fuck. Yes! Let's do it.

Rachel: What the fuck are you doing?
Ruth Langmore: Redecorating.

Rachel: Oh, no. Don't... don't look at me. I, uh... Nah, I fucked up about every... yeah, every major decision I ever made, so... You want my advice? Don't take my advice.

AA Sponsor: Just how bad are these people?
Mel Sattem: I don't know. Scale of one to ten, ten being pure evil, uh, nine, nine point five.

Ruth Langmore: Really ought to charge more for poolside revivals.

Special Agent Maya Miller: Let me just say, from the depth of my soul, if you succeed, God'll still know. There's no escape.

Special Agent Maya Miller: Marty, are you still there?
Martin 'Marty' Byrde: Yep.
Special Agent Maya Miller: You had a choice.

Wendy Byrde: I'm sorry. I am. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm so hard to love. I don't...

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On the IMDb
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The Alliance

The Office 1×4

Michael Scott: I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "you're fired." "You're fired." "Uh, you're fired." He just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. "You're fired." I think if I had a catchphrase, it would be, "You're hired. And you can work here as long as you want."

Dwight Schrute: Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because... I bring my own water to work.

Michael Scott: Wow. Two dollars? Three dollars? People out here do not care about... diseases. I'm going to give you $25.
Oscar Martinez: That's... that's... That's very generous. Oh, my gosh.
Michael Scott: Well, listen, Oscar. Generosity, and togetherness, and community, all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so...

Dwight Schrute: I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I'm better at hiding than they are... at vision.

Dwight Schrute: Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No. Frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.

Jim Halpert: I meant to tell you. Very impressive. The, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity.
Michael Scott: Oh.
Jim Halpert: What was that, 25 bucks?
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, you know, money isn't everything, Jim. It's not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you'd give more than $3.00 next time.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, well, $3.00 a mile is going to end up being, like, 50 bucks. So... God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give.
Michael Scott: Is Oscar around?

Oscar Martinez: Um... I just think it's kind of cheap to "undonate" money to a charity.
Michael Scott: No. No, no, no, no, no. I-I wasn't... that wasn't what I was... no. I-I-It's not about the money. It's just... it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar.

Michael Scott: Happy birthday, Meredith... Read it out loud. And say who wrote everything, so we know whose is the best.
Meredith Palmer: "Happy Bird-Day." "Meredith, good news: you're not actually a year older, because you work here, where time stands still."

Meredith Palmer: This is from Michael... "Meredith: Let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age."
Michael Scott: Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old.

Dwight Schrute: Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not. At. All. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. That's politics, baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them.

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