The Alliance

The Office 1×4

Michael Scott: I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "you're fired." "You're fired." "Uh, you're fired." He just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. "You're fired." I think if I had a catchphrase, it would be, "You're hired. And you can work here as long as you want."

Dwight Schrute: Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because... I bring my own water to work.

Michael Scott: Wow. Two dollars? Three dollars? People out here do not care about... diseases. I'm going to give you $25.
Oscar Martinez: That's... that's... That's very generous. Oh, my gosh.
Michael Scott: Well, listen, Oscar. Generosity, and togetherness, and community, all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so...

Dwight Schrute: I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I'm better at hiding than they are... at vision.

Dwight Schrute: Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No. Frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.

Jim Halpert: I meant to tell you. Very impressive. The, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity.
Michael Scott: Oh.
Jim Halpert: What was that, 25 bucks?
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, you know, money isn't everything, Jim. It's not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you'd give more than $3.00 next time.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, well, $3.00 a mile is going to end up being, like, 50 bucks. So... God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give.
Michael Scott: Is Oscar around?

Oscar Martinez: Um... I just think it's kind of cheap to "undonate" money to a charity.
Michael Scott: No. No, no, no, no, no. I-I wasn't... that wasn't what I was... no. I-I-It's not about the money. It's just... it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar.

Michael Scott: Happy birthday, Meredith... Read it out loud. And say who wrote everything, so we know whose is the best.
Meredith Palmer: "Happy Bird-Day." "Meredith, good news: you're not actually a year older, because you work here, where time stands still."

Meredith Palmer: This is from Michael... "Meredith: Let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age."
Michael Scott: Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old.

Dwight Schrute: Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not. At. All. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. That's politics, baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb