Office Olympics

The Office 2×3

Michael Scott: I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.

Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years and we make a great team. Why, we're like one of those classic, famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Michael Scott: Most honorable Pamela... Not offensive! Because that's the way they talk in movies.

Jim Halpert: What about you? You got any games?
Stanley Hudson: Yeah, I got a game. It's called "work hard, so my kids can go to college."
Jim Halpert: Fair enough.

Dwight Schrute: A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. Now, if I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.

Michael Scott: There's something else, Dwight, I want to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, you didn't have to...
Michael Scott: No, no, I insist, I insist. Because you've really done some great work, great work. And that is why I'm going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent.

Michael Scott: Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. I rewarded Dwight with the room and he is rewarding me back with $500 plus utilities.

Dwight Schrute: Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
Michael Scott: What the hell is a terrarium?
Dwight Schrute: It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
Michael Scott: Oh, so, an aquarium? That will not come into this place, okay?

Pam Beasley: Come on, Angela, don't you have a game?
Angela Martin: I have one, yes.
Pam Beasley: Well, let's play. What is it?
Angela Martin: I call it "Pam-Pong." I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.

Michael Scott: Why are you playing the National Anthem?
Jim Halpert: 'Cause your condo's in America.
Michael Scott: What the hell is that?
Jim Halpert: Those are the doves.
Michael Scott: All right.

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