My Name Is Earl 2x15

Foreign Exchange Student

Season 2, Episode 15

& Earl: Today was moving day. Only Randy wasn't sure if he was actually moving.
    Randy: Hey, Earl, you think she wants me to sleep there or am I supposed to just leave my stuff?
    Earl: Only one person knows the answer to that.
    Randy: God.
    Earl: Maybe. And also Catalina.


& Earl: I was about to give up on changing Pierre's mind about America, but then I realized maybe there was a better person for the job.
    Catalina: But America's such a great country. Everywhere you look there's toilet paper. Some of it even has lotion in it.
    Pierre: Mmm, it takes a lovely woman like you to make such a horrible place sound so wonderful.
    Catalina: It is wonderful. America is the land of the free and the home of the slaves.


& Randy: I think you're the most beautiful, sweetest girl I ever met, and I want to squash* bugs for you and pick you up over puddles*, and be a real husband because I love you.
    Catalina: I love you, too, Randy. ... Earl. Earl. What am I gonna do? Randy thinks I love him.
    Earl: Well, that's what happens when you tell a man you love him.
    Catalina: What else could I do? I didn't want to humiliate him in front of all of those people.
    Earl: Just find a way to let Randy down easy. Be honest and he'll understand. And when you talk to him, if one of your breasts accidentally falls out of your shirt, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

---

& Earl: That night Randy learned that two hours of torture could wipe out almost two years of love.
    Catalina: Ow, ow, ow, that's sharp.
    Earl: Joy's advice to Catalina worked perfectly. But there was one thing Catalina hadn't planned on.
    Catalina: That was amazing. Randy! Where are you going?
    Randy: I have to, uh... to... to the motel.
    Catalina: Please, don't go, Randy. That was the best sex I ever had. You were so sweet and so caring. I felt so loved.
    Randy: Really? Because I was just trying not to barf*.
    Catalina: I know. I... I smell like fish, cheese and onions. But that was on purpose. I could wash it off.
    Randy: You can't wash off the fact that you pretended to be my mo... mo... mo... I'll never be able to shake that. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt your feelings or lose you as a friend. But this is just a green card marriage.
    Catalina: Randy, come back! You were amazing. Randy, please. You were amazing. Randy, please, don't go!!...



-- Dict:
squash — протискиваться, пробиваться, проталкиваться; хлюпать, шлёпать
puddle — беспорядок, путаница
barf — блевать


+ quotes on Imdb.