The Big Bang Theory 3x20

The Spaghetti Catalyst

Season 3, Episode 20

& Penny: Oh, damn, they canceled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!


& Sheldon: Uh-oh.
    Penny: What?
    Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.
    Penny: Okay. Are... are you hoping to get it telepathically?
    Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no. I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.
    Penny: God, can we please just say "no longer seeing each other"?
    Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus.
    Penny: Okay, here's the protocol: you and I are still friends, and you stop saying "coitus."


& Sheldon: Good, good. I'm glad we're still friends.
    Penny: Really?
    Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.


& Sheldon: Just to be clear, do I have to stop saying "coitus" with everyone or just you?
    Penny: Everyone.
    Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right... I'll just substitute "intercourse."
    Penny: Great.
    Sheldon: Or "fornication*." But that has judgmental overtones, so I'll hold that in reserve.

---

& Penny: So, how you been?
    Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
    Penny: You're just coitusing with me, aren't you?
    Sheldon: ... Bazinga.


& Penny: How's Leonard doing?
    Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that.
    Penny: I'll pretend I didn't hear it.
    Sheldon: I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it.


& Howard: Oh, God, this is good.
    Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
    Howard: Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux.


& Raj: Hey, Leonard?
    Leonard: Yeah?
    Raj: I haven't had sex in a year.
    Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj?
    Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman. I need a wingman. I don't want to come off like a lonely loser.


& Penny: So, what's new in your life?
    Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.
    Penny: Have you been running?
    Sheldon: No.


& Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm.
    Penny: I'm so glad you like it.
    Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.
    Penny: Well, maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook.
    Sheldon: You can't cook and you made me this.
    Penny: Whatever.


& Penny: Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
    Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell.


& Leonard: Why did you have Chinese food with us?
    Sheldon: I didn't want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
    Leonard: Is it possible he said, "Bros before hos"?
    Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.


& Penny: He's such an angel when he's asleep.
    Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.
    Penny: I think we can do it.
    Leonard: Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn't that be wrong?
    Penny: No, be friends. You and me.
    Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely.
    Penny: Good. I'm glad.
    Leonard: Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out tre: friends who have sex.
    Penny: Good night, Leonard.
    Leonard: Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin' around.



--- Словарик:
fornication — внебрачная связь; блуд
wingman — ведомый
Smother — Душить
goofin' — болтаться без дела; дурачить


+ Еще quotes на Imdb.


! Дуэт Пенни и Шелдона — великолепен.