My Name Is Earl 2x14

Kept a Guy Locked in a Truck

Season 2, Episode 14

& Joy: Whoo-hoo! My witness is dead! Darnell, get me a pitcher* of champagne.
    Darnell: You know we don't have champagne.
    Joy: Then get me a Chablis and 7-Up. I want something sparkly.


& Randy: Hey, Darnell, speaking of marriage, do you have any sort of drinks for married people, like a Bloody Married or a Married-tini? I'm only interested on account of we're married now me and her.


& Catalina: What do you think, Randy? Do we need to get an apartment together?
    Randy: What do you think, Earl? Do we need to get an apartment with Catalina?
    Earl: I think she means just the two of you, you know, since you're married now. Just you and Catalina.
    Randy: Just me and Catalina? Yes, I'd like to do it, please.


& Randy: Here's an apartment that's pretty cheap.
    Catalina: Randy, we're not renting any apartment where they ask girls to send in pictures to prove they're not fatties.

---

& Earl: I can't believe it. I looked everywhere. The guy had no friends. Nobody even knew him.
    Randy: I knew a guy like that once. Oh, wait, I guess I didn't, because if I knew him, then he wouldn't be a guy that nobody knew. I guess I didn't know a guy like that. Sorry, I thought I did.


& Earl: Not knowing Josh, I'd feel safer doing something not so...
    Walter: Creative?
    Earl: Well, I was gonna say "creepy and insane," but...


& Joy: I swear to God, Earl, that dream about made me pee up my bed. I never do that sober*.
    Earl: I know. It's scary, isn't it?
    Joy: Freaky. Left me feeling all... I don't know how to explain it. I mean, it's not mad, because I don't want to hurt anybody. And it's not sad, because I don't want to hurt anybody. Earl, I think I might be feeling guilty for what I did to him.
    Earl: Really? Well, this may sound weird, but... I'm kind of glad to hear that. I'm proud of you, Joy.
    Joy: Take it easy, cupcake. We're not girlfriends here.


& Joy: I think it's depressing. I mean, this cactus is the only living thing that'll even notice that Josh is gone. And that'll take six months at least, because these things don't take that much water.


& Earl: What the hell is that? "Big Dog 842, are you there?" The computer's talking to me. It's calling me "Big Dog."
    Joy: It's not the computer talking. It's somebody in the Wide, Wide World of Web.
    Earl: Can we talk back? Hello?
    Joy: That's not a microphone, dummy. That's the arrow mover thingie. God, I swear I can't believe you've never heard of instant text chat.


& One Josh's chatmate: Man, Josh could make me LOL. I'd always be ROTFLMAO. And he was there when you needed him. He'd never give you a BRB or an AFK.
    Indian Josh's chatmate: He always sent the best forwards. And when you sent him a chain letter, you knew he'd pass it on.
    Another Josh's chatmate: He was the best damn war gamer I ever played with. He was always a medic, 'cause he liked to heal people. If only he could've healed himself.


& Darnell: If you haven't thought of a name for it, I think I have one. Mr. Prickly*.
    Joy: Naming a cactus? That's the stupidest damn thing I've ever heard of in all my life.
    Darnell: Says Mrs. Prickly.



-- Dict:
pitcher — кувшин
sober — протрезвляться, приходить в себя
Prickly — с шипами, с колючками, с иглами; колючий; вспыльчивый; раздражительный; причиняющий беспокойство


+ quotes on Imdb.