Hot Tub Time Machine (1/2)

& Doctor: Does he have any family?
    Adam: Lou's family all kind of hate him.
    Doctor: Okay. Well, then I guess it's up to you guys, his friends. You are his friends, right?
    Nick: It's like that friend who's the asshole. But he's our asshole, you know? Right.


& Lou: Who the fuck are you texting with?
    Jacob: Just a friend of mine.
    Lou: Male or fucking female?
    Jacob: For your information, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Hot ones.
    Lou: You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones.


& Adam: Great White Buffalo.


& Lou (on phone): Yes, I would like to get a hooker to fuck me and my friends. {...} What? Whatever, semantics. I want an escort to escort our penises into her vagina.


& Nick: Dude is rocking a cassette player.
    Adam: Just relax. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all this shit.
    Nick: Don't fucking tell me to relax. Leg warmers? Jheri curl? "Where's the beef?" Excuse me, miss, what color is Michael Jackson?
    A girl: Black.
    Nick: Nooooooo!


& Lou: It's the fucking 80's guys. Let's do what we want to do. Free Love!
    Jacob: That was the 60's dipshit.
    Adam: We had like Reagan and AIDS. Get the fuck outta here, okay. Do the right thing, Violator!


& Jacob: The tub is obviously some kind of energy vortex*, right? Like a black hole. But, instead of being in space... you know... it's in ...a hot tub. Time is not linear, we just perceive it that way!
    Nick: Like The Terminator! It's cyclical, right? The machines send Schwarzenegger back to kill Sarah Connor so that John Connor could never be born. But if John Connor don't send Michael Biehn back to protect her, then they never fuck, and John Connor ain't born in the first place! It checks out.

---

& Kelly: Let's get this party started! Who is carrying me home tonight?
    Jacob: Mom?
    Lou: Sweet fucking Lord.
    Adam: Kelly?
    Kelly: Hey, bro, Nicholas. Who's the geek?
    Nick: He's your son.
    Adam: That's not appropriate.
    Jacob: I'm sun... Sunshine.
    Adam: Sunshine.
    Jacob: 'Cause I'm here to brighten your day.


& Jacob: Hey, Adam? What she means is that she works at the ski rental place, right? And that's her job, is cleaning the poles.
    Nick: I could be off, but I think it's in reference to blowing a dude. Or fucking a dude. Because the wax, it can be interpreted either way. Or maybe she's the pole and there's two dudes that she's waxing.


& Nick 2 himself: It's not cheating. It's not cheating. It's 1986. You don't even know Courtney yet.


& Jacob: You know, it's okay if you're scared, Lou.
    Lou: I'm not scared, idiot. I'm fucking pissed.



-- Dict:
vortex — вихрь; водоворот; пучина

Ending

Grown Ups

& Referee: Double dribble.
    Young Kurt McKenzie: Why, because I'm black?


& Lenny Feder: Why are they inside right now, anyways? Why would they not come out here and enjoy the lake... or do something in the woods?..
    Eric Lamonsoff: There wasn't a time of day that I wasn't outside. You know, we weren't. We were always... We were never in.


& Lenny: Wait a minute. Are you kidding me?!
    Greg Feder: What?
    Keithie Feder: What?
    Lenny: Rope on a tree, baby. You know what that means?
    Charlotte: We get to hang ourselves?
    Lenny: You see a rope and a lake and that doesn't make you wanna go nuts?!


& Eric: Higgins, what are you doing?
    Marcus Higgins: I don't wear pants at my house, I'm not wearing them in your house. Sorry.
    Roxanne Chase-Feder: That was a man's ass?!


& Lenny: Let's see this. Look at that. That's it, buddy. Okay, throw the rock... Skim* it... Throw it at a tree... Throw it at the lake... Throw it at your brother! Hit your head with it!! Just do something.


& Andre McKenzie: Hoochie mama.
    Greg Feder: What does that mean?
    Andre: I don't know, but it feels right.

---

& Kurt: I hope that car never gets fixed.
    Rob: I don't think it will. I took the spark plugs out.
    Lenny: Nice. We're all looking at the same time. Let's at least take shifts. Lamonsoff, you and me look at the tree.
    Rob: McKenzie, we're gonna look at her butt for a little bit. All right. Good plan.
    Lenny: Aaaaand, shift.


& Rob: Is that getting me horny? Yes.


& Kurt: All sexy. Deanne. You should change your name to Deyonce. Oh, God.
    Deanne McKenzie: Yeah, so now he thinks I'm sexy, huh?
    Kurt: Can I just enjoy a dance with my fine-ass wife?
    Deanne: Yes. To the whitest song ever. Yes.


& Gloria: Life can be difficult sometimes. It gets bumpy*, what with family and kids... and things not going exactly like you planned. But that's what makes it interesting. In life, the first act, always exciting. The second act... that's where the depth comes in.


& Malcolm: Well, well, well, if it isn't the other black guy who grew up here.
    Kurt: No, no, no. In this town, I'm the black guy and you're the other black guy.
    Malcolm: No, man, in this town, I'm the black guy. White people see me coming in their store, they get scared.
    Kurt: Yeah? When white people see me coming into their store, they run. Yeah, yeah. These my white people. Go get your own.


& Wiley: Would you mind if I touch your belly? I love babies. I love to feel them kick.
    Deanne: Sure, go ahead... That's not my baby, that's my boob.
    Wiley: Oh, I like to feel those too.



-- Dict:
Skim — скользить; едва касаться
bumpy — ухабистый


On Imdb





+ Adam Sandler @ his best.

House M.D. 7x4

Massage Therapy

Season 7, Episode 4

{ Beginning: is this House M.D., or is this Friday, 13? =8-О }

& Chase: Dr. House, this is Dr. Kelly Benedict, your new fellow.
    Kelly: Nice to meet you. Um, I just finished my psychiatry residency. And I loved studying the mind, but I thought I could make more of a difference, or at least...
    House: Man, you're hot. I mean, seriously.
{ Seems like she'll not stay here too long. Amen. }

& Chase: She was nervous. Give her a break. Oh... And she's not like Cameron.
    House: True. Cameron had much smaller breasts. By which I mean she was smarter.


& Cuddy could have adopted a golden retriever.
    Wilson: Oh, yeah, things are definitely going great.
    House: We'll get to it when we get to it.
    Wilson: You really like these, or are you just avoiding a touchy conversation?
    House: Nah. This one's too metrosexual. This one's too heterosexual.
    Wilson: They're identical. Do you even want my input?
    House: No.
    Wilson: Then why did you invite me?
    House: Who'd drive my car home if I buy a bike?


& Kelly: Dr. Foreman didn't seem to like me either.
    Chase: Oh, well, he takes a little while to warm up. In my case, I'm hoping year seven does the trick.


& House: Come back. Just one more time. You'll love it.
    Cuddy: My wrists are tired.
    House: I can't defeat the new Decimator-98 all alone.

---

& House: Head shot!
{ Ha! This's the same game from "Epic Fail", Episode 2, Season 6. }


& House: I made you nervous. So this time, I'm gonna put you at ease. It's just you and old doc House. A couple of pals chittin' the chat.
    Chase: Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?
    House: Wednesday is when I get my shark tank cleaned. Also because I'm giving her a chance.
    Chase: You're giving her a test.
    House: This whole job is a test. I'm giving her the chance to fail it sooner rather than later. Or pass.


& Cuddy: I was just wondering, your masseuse*...
    House: Brandi.
    Cuddy: I'm sure I'm imagining this, although I'm not as sure now that I know her name, but she seems a little... How do I say this? I don't know. Um, a bit slutty*.
    House: She is a hooker. If she's not slutty, she's doing something wrong.
    Cuddy: What? Did you have sex with her?
    House: Yesterday? Ah, you're getting confused by the hooker thing. No, of course not. I'm dating you.
    Cuddy: But you used to have sex with her.
    House: Well, it was a massage plus happy ending sort of thing. Now it's more of a sad ending. Because of you!


& Cuddy: So you really think that I would be okay with you getting a massage from a hooker you used to have sex with?
    House: You don't mind the massage part, you mind the sex part, which doesn't exist anymore.
    Cuddy: I know a great physical therapist. I will give you her number.
    House: Why would I give up one who definitely works for one who might work?
    Cuddy: Because I asked you to.
    House: That's not really an argument, now, is it?
    Cuddy: I won't see you until you stop seeing her.
    House: Well, that's an argument.


& House: The principle is she's being irrational. If I give in on this, it sets the stage for the whole relationship.
    Wilson: Putting up with irrationality is the foundation for every relationship. I agree with Sam when she's calling her father a monster. I agree with her when she's calling him a Saint. And in exchange, I get to have sex with her. And I'm sure she has similar tradeoffs with me. Relationships are hard. You have to make sacrifices. So sacrifice being crazy. Go get her a gift and apologize.
    House: You finally made a good point.
    Wilson: Which, clearly, you have misunderstood based on how quickly you agreed.
{ 'Relations for Dummies' is this Episode, huh? }


& Taub: Oh, no. Hold on a second. House... Is that...
    House: That's baby Chase and his mom.
    Taub: That's adorable*!
    House: Never mind the baby, peep* the babe.


& Felipe: I have great fingers.


& Cuddy: How long have you been a masseur?
    Felipe: What is that... "Masseur"?
    Cuddy: A massage therapist.
    Felipe: Oh, no, not long.
    Cuddy: How did my boyfriend find you?
    Felipe: Boyfriend? He is your boyfriend?
    Cuddy: Why is that surprising?
    Felipe: I just mean, if he found me, I do not think he's got no girlfriend.


& Foreman: Give her a break.
    House: Oh, you've switched sides? Let me guess, Chase represents the dumb version of Thirteen...
    Foreman: I realized if we all just keep pressuring Kelly, of course she's gonna get stuff wrong. It's irresponsible of me to let that happen.
    House: You are a true leader of men.


& House: Why wasn't she frozen? Put a healthy person on a cooling blanket, they'd be chilled like a fine Chardonnay. She's a nice warm Merlot. 98.6 all day.


& Cuddy: What are you doing?
    House: I got bored with the porn on my computer. You got any girl on girl on girl on vibrating object on girl stuff? I wouldn't have to do this if you gave me the name of that physical therapist you like.


& Cuddy: Let's stay at my place tonight, okay?
    House: Will you get cable?
    Cuddy: No.
    House: Then we'll have to have more sex.
    Cuddy: Okay.


& House: Aren't you adorable.



--- Dict:
masseuse — массажистка
slutty — распутная
adorable — восхитительный; прелестный
peep — подглядывать; заглядывать


On Imdb

Resident Evil: Afterlife

& Mr General: Hurts... doesn't it? Well, it's just the start of the bad news.


& Luther: That is one crazy son of a bitch.


& Luther: Nice landing.
    Alice: I think technically it's called crashing.


& Chris Redfield (AKA Wentworth Miller AKA Michael Scofield): I'm not a prisoner. I shouldn't be in here. {...} I can help you. I know way out of this place.
A-ha-ha-ha! Well done!


& Luther: Whoa! Holy Shit.
    Alice: Girl's gotta be prepared.

---

& Alice: Why am I not surprised?


& General: I always knew you'd be drawn to your friends. Loyalty... Highly overrated.


& General: Now I have a new subordinate. And a new plan. You were the only one who successfully bonded with the T-virus. Your DNA is stronger than the others. I ingest you... I gain control.
    Alice: That's pretty smart thinking. There is only one problem with that plan.
    General: And what is that?
    Alice: I'm not on the menu.


& Chris: What is that?
    Alice: Trouble.




On Imdb





+ Milla Jovovich forever. How much we love her.
+ And soundtrack is ... just awesome.
+ General's favorites button: Purge Facility. Nice.

Роберт Джордан — Огни небес (2/2)

Начало

&  Можно привыкнуть ко всему, если это продлится достаточно долго.

&  Куда проще и легче обвести дурака вокруг пальца, чем сбить его с ног.

&  Если ты собираешься стать Айз Седай, надо учиться подавать людям правду. Учись изгибать ее, а не разбивать вдребезги.

&  Он полагал: что он делает, то и правильно. Вот такая беда даже с лучшими из мужчин. Они всегда считают, что поступают правильно.

&  – Итак, Мэт, ты тоже идешь. Научись доверять Узору. Не потрать жизнь впустую, пытаясь изменить то, чего изменить нельзя.

---

&  В Двуречье бытовала поговорка, правда, при женщинах ее не упоминали. Создатель сотворил женщин радовать взор и терзать разум.

&  Мы все создаем себе ограничения. И замахиваемся на большее, чем имеем право.

&  Прими то, что можешь вынести. Радуйся тому, что можешь спасти, и не оплакивай свои потери слишком долго.

Познакомься, это тетушка Лини

&  Мужчина, он мужчина и есть, хоть на троне, хоть в хлеву.

&  Поросенок, повизгивающий под забором, только привлечет к себе лису, а ему надо бы убежать.

&  Если не думать о занозе, нога от этого меньше болеть не будет.

&  Лишь болван сует руку в дупло, не проверив, что там.

&  Не остерегаешься змеи, так и не жалуйся, коли она тебя укусит.

&  Когда мед из сот вытек, его туда ничем не загонишь.

&  Лучше самому на медведя идти, чем от медведя бежать.

&  Лишь дура сует под седло колючку, собравшись проехаться верхом.

&  Восходящее солнце руками не удержишь.

&  Бывает, и королева ногу зашибет, но разумная женщина на дорогу смотрит.

&  Всегда ожидай, что мужчины превратятся в медведей в амбаре, а женщины – в кошек в мешке.

&  В открытом мешке ничего не спрячешь, за открытой дверью мало что скроешь, но открытый мужчина несомненно что-то да скрывает.

&  Чтобы узнать два, нужно сначала знать один.

&  "Хочу" и "желаю" ноги спутывают, но "есть" сглаживает дорожку.

&  Нет смысла излишне долго старить мед, прежде чем его съесть.

  ... Она вернет себе трон, и горе Гейбрилу да и любому мужчине, который возомнит, что усидит на троне – на ее троне.”

Властелин Хаоса (Колесо времени— 6)

The Big Bang Theory 4x3

The Zazzy Substitution*

Season 4, Episode 3

& Amy: Is he always like this when he loses?
    Sheldon: Oh, yes. You should've been here for the great Jenga tantrum* of 2008.
    Leonard: You bumped the table and you know it.
    Amy: Perhaps it would be kinder to play a game more suited to his abilities. We'll close our eyes and count to ten while you hide.
    Leonard: I'm going to my room.
    Amy: Very good, Leonard. But next time, don't tell us where you're hiding.


& Leonard: Did you guys see the paper in The American Physics Journal on supersolids? It's pretty interesting. This guy's working from a hypothesis where...
    Raj: Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert.
    Leonard: What?
    Raj: Don't ruin it for me, man. I printed out a PDF to read on the potty*.


& Sheldon: Sorry we're late.
    Amy: I must take responsibility. I had to stop for feminine hygiene supplies.
    Leonard: Aha. Okay.
    Sheldon: I believe she's experiencing her menses.
    Amy: Actually, I'm not. In order to avoid surprises, I wear them all the time.
    Leonard: Aha. Okay.


& Penny: Hey, look, it's Shamy!
    Amy: Shamy?
    Sheldon: A juvenile amalgamation of our names. Sheldon, Amy... Shamy.
    Amy: Oh. I don't like that. Don't do that.
    Penny: All righty. What's new?
    Amy: Well, just recently, I learned that you refer to us as Shamy, and I don't like that.
    Penny: I got it. But what I was going for was, you know, how's your life?
    Amy: Like everybody else's. Subject to entropy, decay and eventual death. Thank you for asking.


& Leonard: So, this is nice. First time we've all gotten together to eat.
    Amy 2 Sheldon: You're right, he's a festival of humdrum chitchat*.
    Leonard: Okay, that's all I got. Howard, you're up.


& Amy: I'm curious as to why we're not eating alone.
    Sheldon: They can't function without me. I'm the social glue that holds this little group together. ... You're welcome.

---

& Leonard: Listen, can I talk to you about your girlfriend?
    Sheldon: She's not my girlfriend. She's a girl and she's my friend, but there's no touching or unsanitary exchange of saliva*. Although, for the record, on one occasion, she licked her thumb to remove raspberry jelly from the corner of my mouth. It's an action we both regret to this day.


& Sheldon: I know what your point is. You're intimidated* by Amy's intellect. To that I say, buck up*.
    Leonard: Okay, let me just get right to it. Amy is judgmental*, sanctimonious* and frankly... just obnoxious*.
    Sheldon: So?
    Leonard: So we already have you for all that.


& Raj: Penny, dear, why don't you shoot another silver bullet my way?
    Penny: Get one yourself.
    Raj: Ooh, somebody's been taking bitchy pills.
    Penny: God, he's an ass when he drinks.
    Howard: Oh, he's an ass when he doesn't. You just don't hear it.


& Howard: Gimme. Trust me. I do this for my mom all the time. See? With the grain.
    Penny: Wow, that is better.
    Howard: And someday, when you have varicose veins, I'll show you how to massage them.


& Sheldon: I brought Amy here to show her some of the work I'm doing.
    Amy: It's very impressive, for theoretical work.
    Sheldon: Do I detect a hint of condescension*?
    Amy: I'm sorry, was I being too subtle*? I meant compared to the real-world applications of neurobiology, theoretical physics is... what's the word I'm looking for?.. hmm, cute.
    Sheldon: ...


& Sheldon: We appear to have reached an impasse*.
    Amy: I agree.
    Sheldon: I move our relationship terminate immediately.
    Amy: Seconded.
    Sheldon: There being no objections... ...the motion carries. Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler.
    Amy: Good day, Sheldon Cooper.
    Howard: Women, huh? Can't live with them, can't successfully refute their hypotheses.
    Sheldon: Amen to that.


& Leonard: Okay, fine. Live with cats. Be like my Aunt Nancy. She had dozens of them. And do you know what happened after she died? They ate her.
    Sheldon: You don't have to sell me on cats, Leonard. I'm already a fan.


& Leonard: Hi, Mrs. Cooper. Thanks for coming.
    Sheldon's Mom: Now, when you said on the phone he broke up with a girl, you meant an actual girl, not something you kids whipped up in a lab?
    Leonard: No, she's real.
    Sheldon's Mom: Did they sin?
    Leonard: No, no, it's not like that. It's, uh... I don't know what it's like.


& Sheldon: Mom, what an unexpected pleasure.
    Mom: My, my, that's a powerful smell.
    Sheldon: I'd like you to meet Oppenheimer, Frisch, Panofsky, Feynman, Weisskopf...
    Mom: Yeah, I get it. You got a lot of cats and you gave 'em cute Jewish names.


& Mom: Sheldon, sit down. Let's talk.
    Sheldon: All right, but you're not fooling me. Whenever you say we have to talk, it means you want me to listen.
    Mom: Then stop talking.


& Leonard: I saw what you did there.
    Sheldon's Mom: He thinks he's such a smarty pants. He's no different from any man. You tell 'em not to do something, that's all they want to do. If I hadn't told my brother Stumpy* not to clear out the wood chipper by hand, we'd still be calling him Edward. Now, don't you move. I'll bring over all the food.
    Leonard: No, no, no, I can do it.
    Sheldon's Mom: Well, isn't that sweet?


& Sheldon: Thank you, Amy. Here's your cat. And here's your $20. Next! Thank you, Amy. Here's your cat. And here's your $20. Next!



--- Dict:
Substitution — подстановка; замещение
tantrum — истерика
potty — ночной горшок
humdrum chitchat — будничная болтовня
saliva — слюна
intimidate — запугивать
buck up — встряхнуться
judgmental — субъективный
sanctimonious — ханжеский; лицемерный
obnoxious — неприятный; отвратительный; несносный
condescension — снисходительность
subtle — тонкий; едва различимый; трудноуловимый
impasse — тупик
Stumpy — =A part, as of a branch, limb, or tooth, remaining after the main part has been cut away, broken off, or worn down. An artificial leg.


On Imdb.

Роберт Джордан — Огни небес (1/2)

Восходящая тень (Колесо времени—4)

Колесо времени | The Wheel of Time — 5

  “Сидя за широким письменным столом, Элайда доАврини а'Ройхан рассеянно теребила наброшенный на плечи длинный семиполосный палантин, палантин Престола Амерлин. ...

&  Удача – лошадь не хуже прочих, оседлай да скачи.

&  В битве есть только победа или поражение. Правила не причинять боли – лишь для игр и забав.

&  Тот силится услышать шепот, кто крика слышать не желает.

&  Как говорили айильцы, убивать так же легко, как и умирать; любой дурак может сделать и то и другое.

&  – Все всегда меняется. Самый лучший план хорош до тех пор, пока с тетивы не слетит первая стрела.

&  Лишь проигранная битва вызывает большую печаль, чем битва выигранная.

---

&  Им невдомек, что необходимо иметь перед глазами напоминание о цене, которую придется заплатить за ошибку или неудачу.

&  – Я не тороплюсь убивать, в отличие от тебя. Смерть – это конец, она необратима. А ведь обычно есть другие варианты, куда более приемлемые и сулящие большую выгоду.

&  Матушка всегда говаривала: ... коли отступать уже некуда, есть два варианта: либо плюнуть на всякое достоинство и дать деру, либо платить и считать случившееся уроком для себя. А тетушка Рисара говорила: плати и получай удовольствие.

&  Если выбор у тебя – утонуть или ехать верхом на рыбе-льве, то прыгай на нее и надейся на лучшее.

&  – Нам следует делать то, что мы должны, Мэт. Зачастую это не то, чего нам хочется. Нужно делать, что должны.

&  – Узору неведом джиитох. Узору понятно только то, что должно быть, и то, что будет. Мужчины и Девы борются с судьбой, даже когда ясно: Узор сплетается, невзирая на их борьбу, но ты больше не Фар Дарайз Май. Ты должна научиться овладевать судьбой. Только поддавшись Узору, ты обретешь возможность управлять собственной жизнью. Если бороться, сопротивляться. Узор все равно тебя заставит, вынудит, и ты найдешь несчастья и страдания, вместо того чтобы обрести блаженство и радость.

&  Чтобы тайна оставалась тайной, раскрывать ее нельзя ни перед кем.

&  Много нужно потрудиться тому, чья единственная забота – напоминать, что сильные мира сего едят, потеют и плачут точно так же, как любой фермер.

&  Бери что хочешь, но не забудь заплатить.

&  – Ты думаешь, я не могла бы стать первой, если бы пожелала? Мое положение меня вполне устраивает. Пусть Элайда приписывает себе лавры за то, что называет успехами, пусть обливается холодным потом за свои неудачи. Мне известно, что означает власть.

&  Берегись ее. Она – неискренний человек. Когда женщина говорит, что будет тебя слушаться, причем говорит по своей воле, значит, пора спать чутко и почаще оглядываться.

&  – Спи хорошо и проснись, Ранд ал'Тор. – Только айильцы способны сказать "спокойной ночи", одновременно пожелав, чтобы ты не умер во сне.

&  Найнив покачала головой. Она предполагала, что существует лишь один способ найти деньги для бедных. Попросту ограбить тех, кто не беден. Конечно, в конце концов бедными станут все, но какое-то время это работало бы. {...} Люди, которые заявляют, будто собирают деньги для помощи другим, зачастую находят способ, чтобы немало денежек осело у них в кармане. Или они обожают власть, которой добиваются, соря золотом, желая получить еще больше власти и забывая обо всем. Найнив с большим теплом отнеслась бы к человеку, который по своей воле отдал медяк из собственного кошеля, чем к тому, кто силой вырвал у кого-то золотую корону. И ничего, кроме презрения, не испытывала к тем болванам, которые бросили свои фермы и лавки, чтобы последовать за этим... за этим Пророком, не зная, даже не имея представления, когда и где они поедят в следующий раз.

&  Всегда оставляй лазейку, коли не хочешь на деле узнать, как жестоко будет сражаться человек, которому нечего терять.

&  Нельзя сказать, чтоб ему очень хотелось в бой, но иного выхода Мэт не видел.

&  Короче говоря, лагерь представлял собой смесь бала и бедлама. {...} Празднуют, что они по-прежнему живы. Еще раз прошмыгнули под носом у Темного и уцелели, чтобы о том посудачить. Закончена еще одна пляска на лезвии ножа. Почти погибшие вчера, может быть, мертвые завтра, но сегодня живые – восхитительно живые.

&  – В Двуречье есть старая поговорка: "Чем громче человек кричит о своей честности, тем крепче держись за кошелек". А еще говорят: "Лиса частенько предлагает утке целый пруд".

Окончание

Get Him to the Greek (2/2)

Half I

& Aldous: This is calm. Twenty minutes ago, I was even more calm when I had my fingers in your asshole.


& Aaron: I am trying to look up a friend of mine who's staying at the hotel. I don't know what room he's in.
    Concierge: Okay. What's the last name?
    Aaron: It's spelled H...
    Concierge: Okay.
    Aaron: ...E-R-O-I-N. Can you find that guest for me?


& Sergio: Whenever I would hear Frank or Dean or Sammy sing, shit would just warm my heart! You know, it just makes me fucking tingle*! It's nice, isn't it?
    Aldous: Yeah, I feel that. I feel that, Sergio. Sometimes I think that I was Frank Sinatra in a past life, even though I was born before he died.


& Sergio: Destiny, pay attention. You are gonna go and have sex with Aaron. Right now.
    Aaron: That's disrespectful.
    Sergio: Aaron, go with your destiny.
    Destiny: That's my name, Destiny. And you're using it two ways.


& Aaron: Okay, what are you doing? What? Don't do that.
    Destiny: I feel like I want to show you something.
    Aaron: I feel like I don't want to see it, though.


& Sergio: You can't outrun me! I'm black!

---

& Aaron: I'm gonna get on my hands and knees, and I'm gonna beg Daphne to take me back.
    Aldous: It's gonna be shameful.
    Aaron: But that's what you should do. Because Jackie is your Daphne!
    Aldous: I think it's a bit more complicated than that, mate.
    Aaron: No. Underneath that hair is a brain and a heart just like mine.
    Aldous: No, I think your brain is full of lollipops and rainbows and cheese and wonder. Mine's slightly darker.


& Jackie Q: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad we finally got to have this conversation, darling. Namaste.
    Aldous: This is not an appropriate time to say namaste.


& Aaron: You were right. We broke off our relationship without really thinking about it. And I've learned over the past few days that life is mainly filled with superficial surface encounters. And I realize now how wonderful it is, what we have. I'm begging you to take me back. I'm sorry.
    Daphne: Did you hook up with anyone while you were gone?
    Aaron: You mean surface encounters?


& Daphne: You had your turn. It's my turn now. I would like to have a threesome, please.
    Aldous: Don't think of it as a threesome. Think of it as having sex with your girlfriend while someone else also has sex with your girlfriend.
    Daphne: I think it'd be fun. We should do a threesome.
    Aaron: What are you doing?!
    Daphne: We are pre-negotiating a threesome.
    Aldous: Pre-negotiated. And agreed upon.
    Daphne: I'm fucking psyched!
    Aldous: So, Aaron, Daphne, shall we play doctor?
    Aaron: I'm not sucking his dick, that's like 100%!
    Aldous: Just relax. Just relax and listen to Mariah.


& Aaron: Nothing you say makes any sense! Okay? I understand that now. You're just a fucking junkie. And you're smart, so you make your insanity sound good, but it's bullshit.
    Aldous: This is it, Aaron. This is rock and roll. Did you enjoy the party?


& Aaron: You try so hard, man. But you're fine. You're Aldous Snow, man. You make people happy by doing what you love to do. And that's fucking awesome. There's thousands of people in a room right now just standing, waiting to see your face. And they like you. I liked you before I met you.


& Aaron: He doesn't need to be pushed on the stage right now. I...
    Sergio: Sometimes we gotta sacrifice one lamb, baby. It's gonna be all right. He's not gonna die!
    Aaron: You keep feeding him drugs and lies. He's a sad guy. He needs help.
    Sergio: He's gonna live a long time. Trust me. British motherfuckers don't die. You ever heard of a fucking... a British rock and roll star dying? No, none of them die. Mick Jagger. Keith Richards. Those Led Zeppelin... Them motherfuckers old as fuck! Fucking Ozzy Osbourne's gonna outlive Miley Cyrus!



-- Dict:
tingle — дрожать; трепетать


On Imdb

Get Him to the Greek (1/2)

& You have a huge album coming out right now, African Child.
    Aldous Snow: Everyone is so excited about it. You must be, too. When people look back at musical history, they'll say, "Sergeant Pepper, African Child." That's what they'll probably say.


& Sergio: Fifteen thousand units! You made me vouch* for Chocolate Daddy! Fifteen thousand units! I got six fucking kids! You know how much money that is to put them through school? You know how many Air Jordans six black kids wear?


& Daphne: Just stay and watch Gossip Girl with me.
    Aaron: Okay, well, then if you fall asleep,
    Daphne: If you stay, I'll have sex with you.
    Aaron: I feel like you're blackmailing me with your genitals. That's not fair.
    Daphne: Well, then do it to me.
    Aaron: Listen, if you don't go to that concert, you don't get any of my penis tonight.
    Daphne: I think I'm gonna stay home.
    Aaron: Doesn't work with the penis. No, it's not fair. Blackmail does not work with the penis. It doesn't work.


& Sergio: This is your fucking moment! You only get one moment in life. It's not hiding in some cubicle, answering some fucking phone. Can you handle it?
    Aaron: Yeah. I can handle the moment.
    Sergio: An artist is the slipperiest*, most conniving* motherfucker on the face of the earth. That's why you have to watch your tushie* while, at the same time, you make them feel like a star. It's called mind fucking. You ever been mind fucked before?
    Aaron: I don't think so.
    Sergio: I'm mind fucking you right now. Can you feel my dick fucking your mind?
    Aaron: I don't... I can't really feel anything.
    Sergio: See, that's it. That's the art of it! I'm mind fucking the shit out of you.
    Aaron: ... I hope you're wearing a condom, 'cause I have a dirty mind. ... That was a joke.
    Sergio: This is no time to joke. Mind fucking is not no joke.

---

& Sergio: Do you like his music?
    Aaron: I love his music. Except for African Child. That album sucked.
    Sergio: No. No. No. You love African Child. Your mother loves African Child. It's your girlfriend's favorite album. You love African Child. You bought 10 copies on the first day.
    Aaron: Okay. Yeah, I love African Child. So lie to him.
    Sergio: No! We don't lie to people. We don't do that. We just believe in valid truths.

& Aaron: Okay. Do you like African Child?
    Sergio: Hell, fucking no. It was the most racist, condescending* shit ever made. What the fuck you calling me? A house nigger? Do I look like African Child?
    Aaron: I don't... No.
    Sergio: You just called me a fucking house nigger.
    Aaron: No. I don't think you're a house N-word.
    Sergio: No. I wasn't... No, I don't like fucking African Child. But if he asks me if I like African Child, I love that shit! I play that shit in my fucking sleep. I wake up to it and I brush my teeth to it. I love African Child.
    Aaron: Okay. I got it.
    Sergio: But, no, I don't love African Child. Don't ever ask me that fucking question again!


& Aldous: We're gonna fuck these two girls.
    Aaron: I just got out of a relationship.
    Aldous: Was your ex a blonde or brunette?
    Aaron: Brunette.
    Aldous: Blonde it is.


& Aldous: In future, if someone asks you to give them a critique of their work, don't rip out their fucking gizzards* and hold it in front of their face. What are you? What do you know?
    Aaron: I'm sorry. Look, I don't know what I'm talking about.
    Aldous: Yeah, what you did was very spiteful*. But it was also very brave and very honest, and I respect you for doing that, but the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly*, for your truthfulness, peppered with hate. Hateful respect.


& Aaron: Do you know the lyrics to "African Child"?
    Drummer: I don't know the lyrics. I just bang the drum and do the African face.


& Aldous: I don't know the lyrics to African Child. I need you to get the lyrics.
I'm serious. I don't know the lyrics. I can't remember what the lyrics are.
    Aaron: They're, like, the most simplest lyrics ever.
    Aldous: Are they, mate? What are they?
    Aaron: Yeah... Across the mystic desert is a desert that is mystic...


& Aldous: I need you to put this into your bottom hole.
    Aaron: What?
    Aldous: Put this into your rectum.
    Aaron: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the fuck, man? What are you doing? We're in the middle of the airport!
    Aldous: It's a necessary part of your job, Aaron. Don't be complicated.


& Aldous: The only logical thing to do in this situation is to put this deep in your asshole.


& Aaron: Hey, so I'm having a possible health issue with the talent.
    Sergio: What kind of health issue? His eyes ain't rolling to the back of his head, are they?
    Aaron: No. He wants me to put drugs up my ass. And I don't know what to do.
    Sergio: Then you put the drugs up your ass. What's the problem?
    Aaron: Please don't make me do that.
    Sergio: This is the opportunity that you've been waiting for. You are now in the power position. You hold all the power in your ass.



-- Dict:
vouch — заявлять; объяснять; возражать; ручаться
slipperiest — =Not trustworthy; elusive or tricky.
conniving — потворство
tushie — =The buttocks.
condescending — снисходительный
gizzard — живот; горло; глотка
spiteful — злобный; ехидный; язвительный
admittedly — по общему признанию; предположительно

Half II

Федерико Андахази — Танцующий с тенью

  “Прежде чем за моей спиною распахнется занавес, а из оркестровой ямы зазвучит музыка, позвольте мне – прямо при вас – вызвать к жизни Хуана Молину. ...

&  Если бы не желание во что бы то ни стало избежать любви, Гарделю и Ивонне, возможно, удалось бы пережить долгий роман, страстный и в то же время гармоничный – хотя на самом деле одно исключает другое.

&  Пусть без слез, без букетов прощальных
    все пройдет, и не надо трагедий
    и молитв поминальных –
    ни одна из дурацких комедий
    не избегнет финала.

---

&  Он хотел только петь и принимать аплодисменты обитателей этой замкнутой вселенной, такой же, как и мир снаружи, только сжатой в пространстве и растянутой во времени.

  ... И добавлю – просто на всякий случай, но пусть это останется между нами: после Гарделя.”

Под танго, пожалуй, было бы самое то. Без музыкального сопровождения... э.

House M.D. 7x3

Unwritten

Season 7, Episode 3

& Wilson: House, that's...
    House: Ironic? Weird? Crazy?
    Wilson: I was going to say normal.
    House: For now. We're in the honeymoon period. Our brains are flooded with endorphins. Once she snaps out of it, where does that leave us?
    Wilson: In an adult relationship.
    House: Name one thing that Cuddy and I have in common besides work.
    Wilson: There's... You're both... Wait.
    House: Exactly! Long-term relationships are based on compatibility, and right now we only have sex.
    Wilson: House, you don't actually think she'd dump you because you, what, don't do yoga? Listen to the B-52s?
    House: Not right away. We'll fight, make up sex, fight, maybe sex, and then she'll dump me. With possible goodbye sex.


& Alice: I'm out of here.
    House: Can't. We had a deal.
    Alice: Try and stop me.
    House: Okay. This woman is on a 72-hour psychiatric hold. If she tries to run, shoot her. With a sedative. That's more convenient.


& Taub: So we're taking this case 'cause you're a fan?
    House: No, that would be crazy and unprofessional. You're taking this case 'cause I said so.


& Cuddy: This isn't a date! We're on a case.
    House: Ever hear of multitasking?


& Cuddy: What's behind your back?
    House: Peace penguin.
    Cuddy: What room should I return it to?
    House: 243.

---

& House: I need some help with Alice Tanner. She wants a vagina.
    Cuddy: I'm pretty attached to mine.


& House: We need to make her cooperate. We have to offer her something she wants.
    Chase: She wants to kill herself, House.
    House: I can work with that.


& Alice: Why do you care about me? You think you know me because you read my books?
    House: No. I know pain. Think you can handle it, and one day you can't. When that happens, you either find reasons to go on, or ... you don't.


& Taub: If we add those to the symptoms we've seen and the pericardial effusion... It's lupus.
    House: Can't be lupus.
    Taub: Why not?
    House: It isn't curable.


& Cuddy: What is her [Sam at carting race] problem?
    House: She hates Jews!
    Cuddy: Never... Again!


& House: How can I be right and wrong?


& House: Why would she lie about the accident?
    Chase: Everybody lies.
    House: Everybody has a reason.


& Cuddy: I'm not gonna dump you because we like different food or books or music. On the other hand, I might dump you if you don't talk to me when you have a problem with our relationship. I know you believe that now... But the fact is... who cares about common? Common is boring. It's... Common! I like being with you. You make me better. Hopefully, I make you better. What we have is... Uncommon. And I've never been happier.



On Imdb


Пошла рутина? Драма стала комедией. А в эпизоде 7(+/-) встряска?

The Big Bang Theory 4x2

The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification

Season 4, Episode 1

& Raj 2 Howard: Shu-shu-shu.
Penny: What?
Howard: He said, "If he had woman parts, he'd eat for free the rest of his life."
Penny: Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to talk to yourself.


& Howard: You're changing the Sheldonian calendar?
Sheldon: It's a small price to pay.
Penny: For what?
Leonard: No, no, don't ask!
Penny: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sheldon: In order to live long enough to fuse my consciousness with cybernetics, I need to change my diet.
Penny: Wait. Cybernetics is robot stuff, right?
Sheldon: Correct.
Penny: So you want to turn yourself into some sort of robot?
Sheldon: Essentially, yes.
Penny: Okay, here's my question. Didn't you already do that?
Sheldon: No. Flattering*, but sadly, no.


& Sheldon: I'm also planning to begin an exercise regimen designed to strengthen my cardiovascular system. AKA jogging.
Penny: Wait. Honey, have you ever run before?
Sheldon: Certainly. I've run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens... and one particularly persistent P.E. teacher determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.

---

& Sheldon: Penny! Penny! Penny!
Penny: Coming, coming. Hey, nice knees.
Sheldon: Thank you. They're my mother's.
Penny: Oh. And the Flash shirt is what? Because, what, you're gonna run really fast?
Sheldon: No, the Flash shirt is because it's Friday, but it's nice when things work out. Where's your heart rate monitor?
Penny: I don't have one.
Sheldon: What about your pedometer?
Penny: Don't have one.
Sheldon: Do you have telematics in your shoes connected to an iPod?
Penny: Uh, no.
Sheldon: What do you do, you just go out there and gambol* about like a bunny?


& Penny: So, either one of you weirdos* want to buy my underwear? Only 1,400 bucks.


& Sheldon: I don't understand why you're not enjoying this. Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities, we're like Knight Rider.
Leonard: Except in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
Sheldon: You mock the sphincter, but the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings couldn't survive. There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body. How many can you name?
Leonard: I was wrong-- this is exactly like Knight Rider.


& Sheldon: Perhaps you'd be interested in a different game.
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: This is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay Conference on the theory of radiation and quanta. Using Photoshop, I've introduced a few anachronisms. See if you can spot all 24. I'll give you the first one. Madame Curie should not be wearing a digital watch. And go.


& Sheldon: Isn't this nice? The pleasures of fellowship and camaraderie without having to tolerate your germy* breath on my skin.


& Sheldon: Excuse me, Mr. Wozniak?
Wozniak: Oh, hey. Nice virtual presence device.
Sheldon: Thank you. I just want to say I'm a big fan. You're my 15th favorite technological visionary.
Wozniak: Only 15th?
Sheldon: It's still six spots above Steve Jobs. I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.
Wozniak: Yeah, I never got that turtleneck thing.
Sheldon: One of my proudest possessions is a vintage 1977 Apple Two. Despite the file system limitations of Apple DOS 3.3, it was a pretty nifty* little achievement.
Wozniak: Thanks, we were shooting for "nifty."
{ WOW. WOW. }


& Sheldon: Penny... Penny... Penny.
Penny: What up, Shel-Bot?
Sheldon: I can't get out of bed. I hurt my ankle.
Penny: What do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Sing me "Soft Kitty."
Penny: Really, you want me to sing "Soft Kitty" to a computer monitor?
Sheldon: Would you rather come over and sing it to me in person?
Penny: Soft kitty, warm kitty. Little ball of fur...



--- Dict:
Flattering — лестный
gambol — резвиться; прыгать; шалить
weirdo — чудак
germy — =full of germs or pathological microorganisms
nifty — изящный; стильный; щегольской


On Imdb.

Mad Men 2x13

Meditations in an Emergency

Season 2, Episode 13

& Pete: What am I gonna say to Duck? That my father-in-law hates me?
    Peggy: Pete, just tell the truth. Don't worry about the outcome. People respect that.


& Don: So, other than her office and haircut, is there anything new I need to know about?
    Joan: After you...
    Don: The world continues without us. There's no reason to take it personally.


& Father John Gill: And how are you?
    Peggy: I don't know. Nuclear war. We could be gone tomorrow.
    Father: Well, isn't that always the case?


& Father: That is your guilt, Peggy. All that God wants is for you to reconcile with him. Don't... don't you understand that this could be the end of the world and you could go to hell?
    Peggy: I can't believe that's the way God is.

---

& Duck, it has now become your meeting. Tell us what you see.
    'Duck' Phillips: I'd like to bring this company into financial maturity. The last two years, we've been held back. Good creative is important, but it can't be running the show. Our business is about buying time and space, and right now that means television. The bigger we are, the cheaper we can get it.
    Cooper: I don't think I heard the word client once.
    Phillips: Bert, when the economy is good, people buy things, and when it's bad, they don't. There's no reason for us to be tied to Creative's fantasies of persuasion*. It certainly is an ambitious way of thinking about things.


& Don: I think it sounds like a great agency, and I think Duck is the man to run it. I just don't think I'll be a part of it. {...} Gentlemen. I sell products, not advertising. I can't see as far into the future as Duck, but if the world is still here on Monday, we can talk.


& Betty 2 Don: I have something to tell you.



-- Dict:
parish — приход
persuasion — убеждение; уговор; мнение


On Imdb


And this was

The End of Season 2

Mad Men 2x12

The Jet Set

Season 2, Episode 12

& Cooper: I do love them. But you can't trust the Brits.


& Don: I ruined everything. My family, my wife... my kids. My brother came to find me. I told him to go away.
    Anna: I didn't know you had a brother.
    Don: I've told you things I've never told Betty. Why does it have to be that way?
    Anna: You love her. You don't have to tell her everything.


& Anna: Then what are you going to do?
    Don: I don't know. I have been watching my life. It's right there. I keep... scratching at it, trying to get into it. I can't.

---

& Roger: I gotta go.
    Peggy: Wait. I need my own office. It's hard to do business and be credible when I'm sharing with a Xerox machine. Freddy Rumsen's office has been vacant for some time. I think I should have it.
    Roger: It's yours.
    Peggy: Really?
    Roger: You young women are very aggressive.
    Peggy: Oh, I didn't mean to be impolite.
    Roger: No, it's cute. There are 30 men out there who didn't have the balls to ask me.


& Ken: Has anyone heard from Don?
    Joan: Yes. He called. He wants you to get back to work.


& Anna: This is you. She says you are part of the world. Air, water. Every living thing is connected to you.
    Don: What does it mean?
    Anna: It means... the only thing keeping you from being happy is the belief that you are alone.
    Don: What if that's true?
    Anna: Then you can change.
    Don: People don't change.
    Anna: I think she stands for wisdom. As you live, you learn things.





On Imdb


. О, сколько нам открытий чудных. Дрэйпер пытается ухватиться за свою жизнь, а она ускользает. Пегги продолжает свое восхождение, упорно карабкаясь вверх. Голубые в офисе?!! О ужас-ужас.

Drop Dead Diva 1x04

The Chinese Wall

Season 1, Episode 4

& Fred: 46 romantic comedies later, and I've narrowed it down. Here's how the guy gets the girl — a last-minute race to the airport or a humiliating heartfelt* public declaration of love, often in the form of a song.


& Deb: She had this picture in her head of a perfect, loving family.
    Deb's Mother: We didn't want to take that away from her.
    Deb: All those years, Deb thought you two were happy.
    Deb's Mother: You do it long enough, you get good at faking it. But at night, when you go to sleep, the lie will eat you up inside.

---

& Fred: Well, looks like it all worked out.
    Deb: No, thanks to me.
    Fred: If only someone, in a guardian capacity, had warned you beforehand...
    Deb: Fred... down here on Earth, no one likes to hear "I told you so."


-- Dict:
heartfelt — сердечно


+ On Imdb.

Mad Men 2x10

The Inheritance

Season 2, Episode 10

& Don: Campbell, you do the talking. Kinsey, you do the listening.
    Peggy: Don, you wanted me to remind them about the congressmen.
    Pete: We know. They control the purse strings.
    Don: No, they are the customers. They want aerospace in their districts. Let them know that we can help them bring these contracts home.


& Betty: She's a silly woman. All that talk about her underthings. Daddy used to fine us for small talk, remember? Conversation is an art.


& Pete: Everything's so easy for you.
    Peggy: It's not easy for anyone, Pete.

---

& Kinsey: Advertising, if anything, helps bring on change. The market... and
I'm talking in a purely Marxist sense... dictates that we must include
everyone. The consumer has no color.


& Betty: Sometimes I feel like I'll float away if Don isn't holding me down.
    The hardest part is realizing you're in charge.



On Imdb

Элизабет Джордж — Картина без Иосифа

Инспектор Линли — 5

  “Капуччино. Ответ нового времени на извечную проблему меланхолии. Несколько столовых ложек «эспрессо», горячее молоко с пышной пеной плюс щепотка в общем-то безвкусного шоколадного порошка – и жизнь неожиданно налаживается. Полнейший бред! ...

&  «Такого быть не должно, Деб», – сказал бы ее отец. И конечно, был бы прав. В сущности, многого в жизни быть не должно.

&  Рита всегда смотрела на жизнь именно так. Любую трудность, испытание или неудачу можно назвать скрытым даром богов. Разочарование – божественным знамением. Отказ – знаком того, что выбранный путь оказался не самым удачным.

&  Боже, каких глупцов делает из нас секс. Один миг освобождения и блаженства, а потом раскаяние на всю жизнь.

&  Одно дело носиться с мечтой, не так ли? И совсем другое, когда она превращается в реальность.

&  – Заниматься любовью достаточно просто. Другое дело – жить. Это дьявольски трудно.

---

&  – Мысли сами выстраиваются в цепочку, правда? Каким-то непостижимым образом. Вы уверены, что достаточно защищены. Потом внезапно говорите что-то, кажущееся на поверхности таким разумным и безопасным. И все-таки отнюдь не защищены от того, чего стараетесь не чувствовать.

&  Мы, люди, любим в конечном счете то, за что нам пришлось бороться – то, за что мы отдадим все на свете, – гораздо больше, чем вещи, доставшиеся нам случайно.

&  Она знала, чего он хотел. Его желания не отличались оригинальностью: спастись, убежать, завести свою собственную тайну, свою смутную мечту, чтобы цепляться за нее. Ему не было дела до того, что ее это оскорбляло. В какой чековой книжке можно выписать счет, равный урону, понесенному душой?

&  – Меня смущает твое стремление стать поскорее взрослой. Из-за этого ты столкнешься со множеством проблем и неприятностей, ведь на самом деле ты еще маленькая.
    – Меня это не волнует.
    Он мягко улыбнулся:
    – Правда?
    – Я люблю его, и он любит меня.
    – Именно с этого и начинаются проблемы и неприятности. Согласна?

&  – Дети не машинки для любви. Они не умеют любить. Они не знают, что такое любовь. У них есть только потребности. Голод, жажда, сон и мокрые пеленки. Вот и все.
    – Нет, – возразила Мэгги. – Они любят мать. От них внутри становится тепло. Они принадлежат тебе. На сто процентов. Ты можешь спать с ними и ласкать их. А когда они вырастают большими...
    – Они разбивают твое сердце. Тем или иным образом. Именно этим все кончается.

&  Материнству нельзя научить, Мэгги. Оно или есть, или его нет. Оно не приходит само собой к любой женщине, так как нет ничего естественного в том, что у тебя есть жизнь, целиком зависящая от твоей собственной. Это такой род деятельности, во время которой ты ощущаешь себя необычайно нужной и в то же время абсолютно одинокой. А в моменты кризиса – такого, как этот, Мэгги, – нет под рукой мудрой книги, в которой можно было бы найти ответ на вопрос, как помешать ребенку испортить себе жизнь.
    Дети не только похищают сердце, милая. Они похищают целую жизнь. Выбирают лучшее и худшее из того, что мы можем предложить, а в обмен отдают свое сердце. Но цена непомерно высока, а награда мала, и ее приходится ждать слишком долго.
    И в конце, когда ты готовишься отпустить малыша, ребенка, подростка во взрослую жизнь, у тебя теплится надежда, что за его спиной останется нечто более важное и дорогое, чем мамины пустые руки.

&  Простых ответов нет. Инспектор Линли сказал бы, что вся жизнь состоит из таких вопросов.

&  – Я не нуждаюсь в вашей чертовой благотворительности, – заявила Барбара. – Не хочу чувствовать себя кошкой или собачкой, которую опекают. Не хочу быть в долгу.
    – Долги возлагают на человека дополнительные ограничения. В конце концов долг оказывается дополнительной гирей на весах, на которых взвешивается твое будущее поведение. Как я могу обрушиться на него в гневе, если я его должник? Как могу действовать по своему усмотрению, не посоветовавшим с тем, перед кем в долгу? Как могу сохранять безопасную деловую дистанцию от остального мира, если у меня остается какая то связь?
    – Денежный долг – это не связь, сэр.
    – Нет. Но благодарность обычно связывает.

&  Человеку голубых кровей не изливают душу. Потому что неизвестно, есть ли у него самого душа.

&  – Смерть – это не освобождение ни для кого, кроме умирающего. Для живущего это ад, который все время меняется. Ты думаешь, что станешь себя чувствовать лучше. Веришь, что горе когда-нибудь потеряет свою остроту. Но лучше тебе не становится. По-настоящему лучше.

&  Мы не можем предсказывать будущее. Только использовать настоящее, чтобы оно вело нас, полных надежды, в нужном направлении.

&  Он ненавидел свою безобразную походку, и хотя с годами свыкся с ней, порой у него мгновенно покрывались потом ладони, когда он замечал нездоровое любопытство в глазах незнакомых людей. Не такой, как мы, говорили их взгляды, другой. И, поскольку он в самом деле был другим из за физических ограничений, связанных с его инвалидностью, и не мог этого отрицать, в присутствии посторонних он чувствовал это с особой остротой.
    По нашим представлениям, люди должны ходить, говорить, видеть и слышать. Если они не могут делать это нормально, мы ставим на них клеймо, избегаем контакта, вынуждаем их отказаться от желания считать себя полноценными, хотя само по себе понятие полноценности никак не определено.

&  Правило Первое: Верь своей интуиции.
    Правило Второе: Подкрепляй ее фактами.
    Правило Третье: Совершай арест.
    Правило Четвертое говорило что-то о ситуации, когда блюстителю закона, завершив дело, надлежит облегчиться после потребления четырех пинт «гиннеса».
    Правило Пятое всячески рекомендовало сплоченно и целеустремленно отпраздновать свой успех, когда виновная сторона предстанет перед правосудием. {...}
    Правило Первое самое важное. Сомневаться не приходится. Но оно не должно заслонять Правило Второе.

&  И все-таки ревнители всегда создают проблемы.

&  И хотя часть ее жизни, именуемая словом БУДУЩЕЕ, постоянно влекла ее к себе, более существенная часть, именуемая ПРОШЛОЕ, удерживала ее на месте.

&  – Как же тебе удалось этого избежать? Ведь все мы украдкой курили после игр, зажигая сигареты в тот самый момент, когда пересекали мост и попадали в Виндзор, стараясь впечатлить себя, а также всех остальных, своей персональной, никотинной взрослостью. Что же случилось с тобой?
    – Полагаю, быстрая аллергическая реакция. Моя мать застукала Дэвида с пачкой «Данхиллс», когда ему было двенадцать. Заперла его в сортире и не выпускала, пока он не выкурил всю пачку. И нас всех посадила к нему.
    – Курить?
    – Смотреть. Мать была убежденной сторонницей наглядных уроков.

&  – Я недостаточно похож на отца, – пробормотал Линли. – Он бы выволок его на дорогу, наступил ему на физиономию и, вполне возможно, сломал несколько пальцев. {...}
    – Это не решение проблемы.
    – Разумеется. Но я полагаю, это чертовски приятно.
    – Атавистические желания всегда приятно удовлетворять. Зато потом следуют осложнения.

&  – Я всегда считала это злой шуткой природы. Все стремятся к оргазму, не соображая, что это просто биологическая ловушка для размножения. Какая нелепость.

&  – Прошлое не изменишь, верно? Его можно только простить.

  ... На его ладони лежал маленький камень.”

Ради Елены (Предыдущее дело инспектора Линли)

Прах к праху (Следующее дело инспектора Линли)

House M.D. 7x2

Selfish

Season 7, Episode 2

& Taub: And what's with the death's head cane?
    House: They didn't have a death's ass cane in my size.


& House: Loud noise, flashing lights. Scare the patient to death to confirm Long QT. If you insist, do it in a room with one of those thingamabobs* that brings people back to life.


& House 2 Cuddy: Come on. One peck*. Just enough to arouse him a little.
    Wilson: I... Hey, I'm not even...
    House: I didn't mean you.

& House: I can't handle it.
    Wilson: What happened?
    House: She said "yes," and I heard "no." I didn't actually hear "no." But I just... Was sure that's what she meant. Way she tilted her head and half-arched her eyebrow. What do I even care what she meant? She said "yes." That's all that matters. I'm screwing this up.

---

& Wilson: You and Cuddy have got to figure out a way of avoiding this problem. Set some ground rules.
    House: Yeah. I have to avoid this problem. If I can restrict our interactions to places where neither of us are wearing pants...
    Wilson: Yeah, that's not avoiding the problem, that's avoiding the issue.
    House: Since avoidance is my plan for dealing with the issue, technically, that's not avoiding it. Thanks.


& Cuddy: I sit around on my bureaucratic ass?!
    Taub: I was relaying your words.
    House: I said well-formed. I said well-formed!


& Cuddy: HR can't find you a new supervisor.
    House: How come?
    Cuddy: Because you're unsupervisable, House. Two department chairs threatened to quit.
    House: Well, I guess we're stuck with each other.


& Cuddy: I have no idea why I'm making this call or if it's the right call to make. But if you feel strongly about presenting the parents your treatment option, you can do it.
    House: Thank you, I will. Several hours ago.


& Cuddy: That fight... was the first honest interaction you and I have had since we came back to work. If we are painfully, brutally honest with each other, maybe we'll get lucky again.
    House: You've got a big ass.



-- Dict:
thingamabobs — what you call something when you can't think of the name or the name is on the tip of your tongue.
peck — легкий поцелуй


On Imdb


Хауз такой лапочка. И куда же нас (их) это заведёт?..

The Big Bang Theory 4x1

И вот они возвращаются!

The Robotic Manipulation

Season 4, Episode 1

& Howard: Oh, there you have it, gentlemen. Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.
    Raj: And it only took 28 minutes.
    Sheldon: Impressive, but we must be cautious.
    Raj: Why?
    Sheldon: Today, it's a Chinese food retrieval robot. Tomorrow, it travels back in time and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
    Leonard: I don't think that's going to happen, Sheldon.
    Sheldon: No one ever does. That's why it happens.


& Sheldon: You realize, Penny, that the technology that went into this arm will one day make unskilled food servers such as yourself obsolete.
    Penny: Really? They're going to make a robot that spits on your hamburger?
    Sheldon 2 Leonard: I thought you broke up with her. Why is she here?


& Howard: Put out your hand.
    Penny: Oh! That's amazing.
    Sheldon: I wouldn't say amazing. At best, it's a modest leap forward from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.


& Penny: Okay, I have a question.
    Sheldon: Yes, Penny.
    Penny: You don't even like people touching you. How are you going to have sex?
    Sheldon: Why on Earth would we have sex?
    Penny: Oh, honey, did your mom not have the talk with you? You know, when your private parts started growing?
    Sheldon: I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity*.
    Penny: Oh, God.
    Sheldon: Yes, exactly.


& Sheldon: ... And you don't think I can achieve the required intimacy via text messaging?
    Penny: Probably not.
    Sheldon: Huh. It would appear as if the phone companies have been lying to me.


& Sheldon: Penny. Penny. Penny.
    Penny: You do realize I stand on the other side of the door waiting for you to finish knocking three times.
    Sheldon: I know. I can see the shadow of your feet under the door.
    Penny: Yeah, my point is it's a waste of time.
    Sheldon: If you're looking for an example of a waste of time, I would refer you to the conversation we're having right now.


& Sheldon: I've decided to take your advice and have arranged to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler. {...} You have to drive me.
    Penny: Well, go ask Leonard.
    Sheldon: I did. He said... and I quote... "Ask Penny. It was her cockamamy* idea."
    Penny: Leonard said "cockamamy"?
    Sheldon: Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamy."

---

& Sheldon: Hurry. We're going to be late.
    Penny: Sheldon, did it ever occur to you that I might have other plans?
    Sheldon: I'm sorry. Do you have other plans?
    Penny: Well, no, not per se, but...
    Sheldon: So this conversation is as pointless as your door-knocking soliloquy*?
    Penny: Let me get my... cockamamy keys.


& Penny: Can I ask you a question?
    Sheldon: Given your community college education, I encourage you to ask me as many as possible.
    Penny: Yeah. Well, my question is... and I'm pretty sure I know the answer... is this your first date?
    Sheldon: That depends. Does square-dancing with my sister at a Teens for Jesus Fourth of July Hoedown count as a date?


& Sheldon: This is my first date.
    Penny: Okay. Well, then, there's a couple of things you should probably know.
    Sheldon: I have a master's degree and two doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.
    Penny: My point is, I know more about dating than you, and if you were as smart as you think you are, you would listen to me.
    Sheldon: If you know so much, how come I have a date tonight and you have nothing better to do than drive me to it?
    Penny: Fair point.


& Leonard: Hey, Howard. What's going on? What... Hold on. Howard, Howard, slow down. The robot hand is stuck on your what?! { 2 Raj: You're not going
to believe this. }


& Penny: Uh, what is that scent you're wearing? It smells great.
    Amy: Dandruff shampoo. I have dry scalp.
    Penny: Ah. Well, your hair looks very nice.
    Amy: Are you a homosexual?
    Penny: No, no, I'm just giving you a compliment.
    Amy: Hmm. Would have been more flattered* if you were a homosexual.


& Raj: You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
    Howard: Yes.
    Raj: Penis first?
    Howard: Yes! Now, help me!
    Leonard: I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well.


& Leonard: Okay, let's see.
    Howard: No, no! Don't touch. The program is paused.
    Leonard: Well, then let's un-pause it.
    Howard: No, no! I loaded the wrong program. The hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space. If you continue the program, it's gonna start twisting.


& Raj: Um, how about this. When... when Winnie the Pooh got his head stuck in the honey tree, his friends all grabbed onto him and pulled and pulled...
    Leonard: You do what you want, I'm not touching another man's honey tree.


& Amy: How about you, Penny? Do you go on many dates?
    Penny: Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many. A few.
    Sheldon: Your characterization of approximately 171 different men as "a few."
    Penny: What?.. Where did you get 171 men?
    Sheldon: Simple extrapolation. In the three years that I've known you, you were single for two. During that time, I saw 17 different suitors. If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias and postulate an initial dating age of 15...
    Penny: Whoa, wait, wait, wait. I did not start dating at 15.
    Sheldon: I'm sorry. Sixteen?
    Penny: Fourteen.
    Sheldon: My mistake. Now, assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present, that would bring the total up to 193 men. Plus or minus eight men.
    Amy: Remarkable. Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men?
    Penny: No!
    Sheldon: Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate.
    Penny: Oh.
    Sheldon: Based on the number of awkward encounters I've had with strange men leaving her apartment in the morning, plus the number of times she's returned home wearing the same clothes she wore the night before...
    Penny: Okay, Sheldon, I think you've made your point.
    Sheldon: So we multiply 193... minus 21 men before the loss of virginity... so 172 times 0.18 gives us... 30.96 sexual partners. Let's round that up to 31.


& Penny: Let's just all finish our dinners, okay?
    Sheldon: This is an interesting topic. How many sexual encounters have you had?
    Amy: Does volunteering for a scientific experiment in which orgasm was achieved by electronically stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain count?
    Sheldon: I should think so.
    Amy: Then 128.
    Penny:


& Nurse: I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
    Howard: You think you could be a little more discreet?
    Nurse: I'm sorry, we don't have a code for "robot hand grasping a man's penis." Why is it hooked up to a computer?
    Leonard: Uh, it's what controls the arm.
    Howard: But it's frozen.
    Nurse: Did you try turning it off and back on again?


& Sheldon: This was a very productive evening. I saw a whole new side of Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.
    Penny: I did not have sex with 31 guys!
    Sheldon: I'll be happy to check the math, but numbers don't lie, Penny.



--- Dict:
deity — божество; бог; создатель
cockamamy — вздорный; смехотворный; ridiculous, incredible
soliloquy — монолог; разговор с самим собой
flattered — польщен


On Imdb.

30 Rock 2x1

SeinfeldVision

Season 2, Episode 1

& Jenna's song: You know, Jojo, when life keeps handing you anchovies just cover them up with some extra cheese and make a pizza.


& Liz: What happened to you?!
    Jenna: Do I look fat? Liz, I had to eat four slices of pizza on stage, each performance.
    Liz: Jenna, that's 32 pieces of pizza a week!
    Jenna: No, that can't be right.


& Jake: Lemon, I am in full-blown* crisis mode. I've already sold 20 million dollars' worth of ad time for Seinfeld-Vision, and now Jerry wants to pull the plug. But I don't care, because I thrive* in crisis mode. That's when I'm really at my best. And the fact that I do not have one idea how to solve this only energizes me more. I've been brainstorming all night... here we go. Number one — kill Seinfeld. Number two — kill Seinfeld, then kill myself. Number three — kill Seinfeld, flee to Svenborgia, then kill myself.
    Liz: Jack, I'm not having the best day either.
    Jake: Number 70 — you seduce* Seinfeld.
    Liz: Now, why is me seducing Seinfeld all the way at 70?
    Jake: Number 71 — I fake a hurricane, and all regularly scheduled programming is preempted.

---

& Tracy: Oh, no! Did a korean person die?
    Liz: No, Tracy. It's a wedding dress.
    Tracy: Don't do it, Liz Lemon. I know what me and Kenneth have looks perfect on the outside, but it's work, damn it! It's work.


& Liz: I'm not you, Jack. I can't have a heart attack and pretend like it never happened. I can't break up with someone and immediately recover. I'm not you. I'm just me.
    Jake: Lemon, don't ever say you're just you. Because you are better than you.



-- Dict:
full-blown — полномасштабный
thrive — преуспевать; буйно расти
seduce — соблазнять; совращать


On Imdb