The Big Bang Theory 4x1

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The Robotic Manipulation

Season 4, Episode 1

& Howard: Oh, there you have it, gentlemen. Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.
    Raj: And it only took 28 minutes.
    Sheldon: Impressive, but we must be cautious.
    Raj: Why?
    Sheldon: Today, it's a Chinese food retrieval robot. Tomorrow, it travels back in time and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
    Leonard: I don't think that's going to happen, Sheldon.
    Sheldon: No one ever does. That's why it happens.


& Sheldon: You realize, Penny, that the technology that went into this arm will one day make unskilled food servers such as yourself obsolete.
    Penny: Really? They're going to make a robot that spits on your hamburger?
    Sheldon 2 Leonard: I thought you broke up with her. Why is she here?


& Howard: Put out your hand.
    Penny: Oh! That's amazing.
    Sheldon: I wouldn't say amazing. At best, it's a modest leap forward from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.


& Penny: Okay, I have a question.
    Sheldon: Yes, Penny.
    Penny: You don't even like people touching you. How are you going to have sex?
    Sheldon: Why on Earth would we have sex?
    Penny: Oh, honey, did your mom not have the talk with you? You know, when your private parts started growing?
    Sheldon: I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity*.
    Penny: Oh, God.
    Sheldon: Yes, exactly.


& Sheldon: ... And you don't think I can achieve the required intimacy via text messaging?
    Penny: Probably not.
    Sheldon: Huh. It would appear as if the phone companies have been lying to me.


& Sheldon: Penny. Penny. Penny.
    Penny: You do realize I stand on the other side of the door waiting for you to finish knocking three times.
    Sheldon: I know. I can see the shadow of your feet under the door.
    Penny: Yeah, my point is it's a waste of time.
    Sheldon: If you're looking for an example of a waste of time, I would refer you to the conversation we're having right now.


& Sheldon: I've decided to take your advice and have arranged to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler. {...} You have to drive me.
    Penny: Well, go ask Leonard.
    Sheldon: I did. He said... and I quote... "Ask Penny. It was her cockamamy* idea."
    Penny: Leonard said "cockamamy"?
    Sheldon: Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamy."

---

& Sheldon: Hurry. We're going to be late.
    Penny: Sheldon, did it ever occur to you that I might have other plans?
    Sheldon: I'm sorry. Do you have other plans?
    Penny: Well, no, not per se, but...
    Sheldon: So this conversation is as pointless as your door-knocking soliloquy*?
    Penny: Let me get my... cockamamy keys.


& Penny: Can I ask you a question?
    Sheldon: Given your community college education, I encourage you to ask me as many as possible.
    Penny: Yeah. Well, my question is... and I'm pretty sure I know the answer... is this your first date?
    Sheldon: That depends. Does square-dancing with my sister at a Teens for Jesus Fourth of July Hoedown count as a date?


& Sheldon: This is my first date.
    Penny: Okay. Well, then, there's a couple of things you should probably know.
    Sheldon: I have a master's degree and two doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.
    Penny: My point is, I know more about dating than you, and if you were as smart as you think you are, you would listen to me.
    Sheldon: If you know so much, how come I have a date tonight and you have nothing better to do than drive me to it?
    Penny: Fair point.


& Leonard: Hey, Howard. What's going on? What... Hold on. Howard, Howard, slow down. The robot hand is stuck on your what?! { 2 Raj: You're not going
to believe this. }


& Penny: Uh, what is that scent you're wearing? It smells great.
    Amy: Dandruff shampoo. I have dry scalp.
    Penny: Ah. Well, your hair looks very nice.
    Amy: Are you a homosexual?
    Penny: No, no, I'm just giving you a compliment.
    Amy: Hmm. Would have been more flattered* if you were a homosexual.


& Raj: You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
    Howard: Yes.
    Raj: Penis first?
    Howard: Yes! Now, help me!
    Leonard: I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well.


& Leonard: Okay, let's see.
    Howard: No, no! Don't touch. The program is paused.
    Leonard: Well, then let's un-pause it.
    Howard: No, no! I loaded the wrong program. The hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space. If you continue the program, it's gonna start twisting.


& Raj: Um, how about this. When... when Winnie the Pooh got his head stuck in the honey tree, his friends all grabbed onto him and pulled and pulled...
    Leonard: You do what you want, I'm not touching another man's honey tree.


& Amy: How about you, Penny? Do you go on many dates?
    Penny: Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many. A few.
    Sheldon: Your characterization of approximately 171 different men as "a few."
    Penny: What?.. Where did you get 171 men?
    Sheldon: Simple extrapolation. In the three years that I've known you, you were single for two. During that time, I saw 17 different suitors. If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias and postulate an initial dating age of 15...
    Penny: Whoa, wait, wait, wait. I did not start dating at 15.
    Sheldon: I'm sorry. Sixteen?
    Penny: Fourteen.
    Sheldon: My mistake. Now, assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present, that would bring the total up to 193 men. Plus or minus eight men.
    Amy: Remarkable. Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men?
    Penny: No!
    Sheldon: Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate.
    Penny: Oh.
    Sheldon: Based on the number of awkward encounters I've had with strange men leaving her apartment in the morning, plus the number of times she's returned home wearing the same clothes she wore the night before...
    Penny: Okay, Sheldon, I think you've made your point.
    Sheldon: So we multiply 193... minus 21 men before the loss of virginity... so 172 times 0.18 gives us... 30.96 sexual partners. Let's round that up to 31.


& Penny: Let's just all finish our dinners, okay?
    Sheldon: This is an interesting topic. How many sexual encounters have you had?
    Amy: Does volunteering for a scientific experiment in which orgasm was achieved by electronically stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain count?
    Sheldon: I should think so.
    Amy: Then 128.
    Penny:


& Nurse: I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
    Howard: You think you could be a little more discreet?
    Nurse: I'm sorry, we don't have a code for "robot hand grasping a man's penis." Why is it hooked up to a computer?
    Leonard: Uh, it's what controls the arm.
    Howard: But it's frozen.
    Nurse: Did you try turning it off and back on again?


& Sheldon: This was a very productive evening. I saw a whole new side of Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.
    Penny: I did not have sex with 31 guys!
    Sheldon: I'll be happy to check the math, but numbers don't lie, Penny.



--- Dict:
deity — божество; бог; создатель
cockamamy — вздорный; смехотворный; ridiculous, incredible
soliloquy — монолог; разговор с самим собой
flattered — польщен


On Imdb.