По наводке anashulicklj
& Barry: They can see you everywhere, Waj.
Waj: Are they looking at us through cameras?
Barry: Space cameras, yes.
Faisal: But... My dad says I'm not supposed to be on camera. It's haram*.
Barry: With the greatest of respect, Faisal, your dad eats newspaper.
Faisal: Not any more. He eats moths*.
Barry: Exactly, bro.
& Barry: Look, the way to stop the Feds tracking you is very simple. You eat your SIM card. Get your SIM cards out. You remove the SIM card and... Yes?
Waj: Can I cook mine?
Barry: No. You must eat it raw, like this.
& Barry: They're full of losers and spies. These are real bad times, bro. Islam is cracking up*. We got women talking back. We got people playing stringed instruments. It's the end of days.
& Barry: What's that?
Faisal: It's a woman's voice because I got loads of liquid peroxide. Probably thought that she'd go and...
Barry: And what? And her beard? You got a beard.
Faisal: ...dye her hair or something.
Barry: You covered your beard. How? ... Right, so you went into a shop, with your hands on your face like that and asked for 12 bottles of bleach*? So, why has she got her hands on her face, Fess?
Faisal: Cos she's got a beard.
& Faisal: But my dad goes to the masjid*. What if he's in masjid?
Barry: Has your dad ever bought a Jaffa orange?
Faisal: Once or twice.
Barry: Right, he's buying nukes for Israel, bro. He's a Jew.
& Waj: What about the Arabs, bro? What about the Arabs?
Omar: They weren't Arabs, they were bad tribesmen.
Waj: What?
Omar: Bad tribesmen.
Waj: So it were good, what we did?
Omar: Yeah.
& Omar: We'll put the bleach on the boil. We have instructions to bring havoc to this bullshit, consumerist, godless, Paki-bashing, Gordon Ramsay 'Taste the Difference' speciality cheddar, torture-endorsing, massacre-sponsoring, 'Look -at-me-dancing-pissed-with-my-nob-out ', Sky1 Uncovered, 'Who-gives-a-fuck-about-dead-Afghanis? ' Disneyland.
Hassan: Mashallah!
Waj: Mashallah, brother Omar.
& Barry: Come on, bro. Give me that. Jew. Gay. Fed. Sodomite. Gynaecologist. Innocent bloke*. Doesn't exist. Leonard Cohen.
& Omar: Did you fix this, then, Barry?
Barry: Yes, I fixed it!
Omar: Did you?
Barry: It's the parts. They're Jewish.
Omar: What parts in a car are Jewish?
Barry: Spark plugs*? Spark plugs. Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic.
& Omar: Where is he?
Barry: It was a martyr's death.
Waj: Gone to paradise, innit, brother Omar?
Omar: He disrupted the infrastructure. How did he do that?
Hassan: He took out a sheep.
Barry: Magnificently took it right out.
Omar: Did he? Attacked the food supply. So what is he, lads? Is he a martyr or is he a fucking jalfrezi*?
Barry: He's a martyr.
Omar: Right, this is bullshit! He is not a martyr.
Barry: Yes, he is. He's part of the war.
Omar: What war? The war on kuffar* sheep?
Barry: He's the first hero of the final jihad.
Omar: He's not a hero, he's a dickhead. And so are you, you're all dickheads.
& Waj: We got to keep on.
Omar: You got a plan, Waj?
Waj: Blow something up.
Omar: What are we going to blow up, Waj?
Waj: Internet. We'll blow up the internet for brother Faisal. We're mujahid, brother, yeah? Rubber Dinghy Rapids, yeah?
& Omar: They're total idiots, Sof.
Sophia: Well, it must have been God's plan for him to be blown up on a sheep.
Omar: Come on, Sof. How can that be God's plan? Well, it can't be God's plan to leave the lads* with Barry, can it?
Sophia: Come here. You were much more fun when you were gonna blow yourself up, love.
& Omar: I should've stayed.
Barry: Why didn't you, then?
Omar: Cos I made a mistake.
Waj: But you didn't. You listened to your heart and you did the right thing.
Barry: No, ignore him, Waj. He's being nice. You cannot win an argument just by being nice.
Omar: Not just by being nice, Baz. I'm right as well, aren't I?
Barry: You cannot win an argument just by being right.
Omar: No?
Barry: No. No way.
& Omar: Waj, don't listen to your brain, bro. OK? The shaitan, he gets in there with his wasa-wasa*. What you've got to do, you've got to listen to your heart. Remember?
Waj: My heart. Yeah, brother Omar.
Omar: So, what does your heart say?
Waj: It says, er... 'It's wrong, Waj, don't do it.'
Omar: And what does your brain say?
Waj: 'We're here... together, strapped up, and it would be, like, well pathetic to cop out now.'
Omar: Right, um...
Barry: So he should listen to his brain.
Omar: No, he's got to listen to his heart, Barry.
Barry: Anyway, this is Waj's brain. Since when do we listen to Waj's brain?
Omar: Sorry, bro.
Waj: No, I agree. I'm thick as fudge*.
& Waj: Bro, what am I doing? I'm sorry, lads. I don't really know what I'm doing.
& Ed: All right, let's get one thing straight. Omar Khan had nothing to do with this. Cos I knew him and I worked with him. Did you know he was actually working for Ml5? Cos he told me that himself.
& Malcolm Storge, MP*: The report makes crystal clear that the police shot the right man, but, as far as I'm aware, the wrong man exploded. Is that clear?
-- Dict:
haram — forbidden
moth — мотылек; ночная бабочка
crack up — разбиваться; разрушаться; слабеть; стареть
bleach — отбеливатель
masjid — мечеть
bloke — парень; малый
Spark plugs — Свечи зажигания
jalfrezi — is a type of Indian curry in which marinated pieces of meat or vegetables are fried in oil and spices to produce a dry, thick sauce.
kuffar — unbeliever / disbeliever
lads — ребята; братва
wasa-wasa — another way of saying "what's up" or "oh hey"
fudge — вздор
MP — Member of Parliament
On Imdb
! Это было бы смешно, кабы не было так
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