The Big Bang Theory 1x04

The Luminous Fish Effect

Season 1, Episode 4

* Leonard: How was that?
   Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
   Leonard: You did call him a glorified science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.
   Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that by saying "with all due respect."


* Leonard: You're making eggs for breakfast?
   Sheldon: This isn't breakfast, it's an experiment.
   Leonard: Oh. Because it looks a lot like breakfast.
   Sheldon: I finally have time to test my hypothesis about the separation of water molecules from the egg proteins and its impact vis-р-vis taste.
   Leonard: Sounds yummy. I look forward to your work with bacon.


* Leonard: You know, I'm sure if you just apologize to Gablehauser he'd give your job back.
   Sheldon: I don't want my job back.
   I've spent three and a half years staring at grease boards full of equations. Before that, I spent four years working on my thesis. Before that, I was in college, and before that I was in the fifth grade.
   This is my first day off in decades and I'm going to savor it.


* Penny: Maybe it's for the best. You know, I always say, "When one door closes, another one opens."
   Sheldon: No, it doesn't. Not unless the doors are connected by relays. Or there are motion sensors involved.
   Penny: No, I meant...
   Sheldon: Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second.
   Penny: Never mind.

---

* Sheldon: Slow down. Slow down. Please, slow down. You're not leaving enough space between cars.
   Penny: Oh, sure I am.
   Sheldon: No, no, let me do the math for you. This car weighs, let's say, 4000 pounds. Now, add 140 for me, 120 for you...
   Penny: One-twenty?
   Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?
   Penny: Well, yeah.
   Sheldon: Interesting. Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4400 pounds.
   Penny: Let's say 4390.


* Sheldon: Hey, you wanna hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?
   Penny: No. No, not really.
   Sheldon: The thing about tomatoes, and I think you'll enjoy this... is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit.
   Penny: Hmm. Interesting.
   Sheldon: Isn't it?
   Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable.


* Sheldon: Oh, boy.
   Penny: What now?
   Sheldon: Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin... but the human body can only absorb so much. What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.


* Sheldon's Mom: He gets his temper from his daddy.
   Leonard: Ah.
   Mom: He's got my eyes.
   Leonard: I see.
   Mom: All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.


* Penny: Oh, my God, this is the best cobbler I've ever had.
   Sheldon's Mom: It was always Sheldon's favorite. You know what the secret ingredient is?
   Penny: Love?
   Mom: Lard.


* Sheldon: What do you want, Mom?
   Mom: You know how your daddy used to say that you can only fish for so long before you gotta throw a stick of dynamite in the water? {...}
   Now, you listen here. I have been telling you since you were 4. It's okay to be smarter than everybody, but you can't go around pointing it out.
   Sheldon: Why not?
   Mom: Because people don't like it. Remember all the ass-kickings from the neighbor kids?


--- Словарик:
savor — особый вкус (и запах)
cobbler — (амер.) фруктовый пирог с толстой верхней коркой
Lard — лярд, топлёный свиной жир


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