The Big Bang Theory 1x01

Pilot

Season 1, Episode 1

* Sheldon: We are committing genetic fraud. There's no guarantee our sperm's going to generate high-lQ offspring.
   Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers. {...}
   There's some poor woman who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm. What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use... a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
   Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.
   Sheldon: I wouldn't.


* Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
   Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on MySpace.
   Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.
   Sheldon: That's the beauty of it.


* Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
   Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

---

* Sheldon: Well, this is an interesting development.
   Leonard: How so?
   Sheldon: It has been some time... since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.
   Leonard: That's not true. Remember at Thanksgiving... my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode?
   Sheldon: Point taken. It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off... after which we didn't wanna rip our eyes out.


* Leonard: We're here to pick up Penny's TV.
   Penny's Ex: Get lost.
   Sheldon: Okay, thanks for your time.
   Leonard: We're not gonna give up just like that.
   Sheldon: Leonard, the TV's in the building. We've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done.
   Leonard: Excuse me. If I were to give up at the first hitch, I never would have identified the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang.
   Sheldon: My apologies. What's your plan? It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.
   Leonard: Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360. We should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.



--- Словарик:
hostesses — «хозяйка», официантка (в ночном клубе или кабаре)
toddler — ребёнок, начинающий ходить
hitch — помеха; препятствие; задержка



+ Еще quotes с Imdb.
! Сериал, похоже, состоит из сплошных гэгов. Так что — только избранное.