Merrily, Merrily

Inside No. 9 7×1

Donna: So, does this take us to the party boat?
Darren: Yeah. Yeah, just, er, jump on the paedo and we'll be off.
Laurence: You what?
Darren: We're just going to have a quick go on the paedo.
Laurence: You mean "pedalo".
Darren: Is that what it's called? I thought they were called paedos. I thought it was a bit weird!

Laurence: It's charming. Three Men In A Boat, To Say Nothing Of The Dog.
Donna: Er, sorry, say that again.
Laurence: It's, er, Jerome K Jerome. Full title.
Donna: Only five minutes, and he's calling me a dog.
Darren: Probably just admiring your puppies.

Donna: Tell him your idea. It's brilliant.
Darren: No!
Donna: Go on, have confidence in it.
Darren: All right, well, basically, it's like a hardback book, and on the first page there'll be a picture of a ball and on the opposite page the word "ball". So, you turn the page, and there'll be a picture of a boy and on the opposite page the word...
Callum: "Boy."
Darren: Have I told you about it already?
Callum: No. Carry on.
Darren: So on the next page there'll be a boy and a ball, and it'd say something like, "Boy got ball," or, "Boy play with ball." I haven't really worked it all out yet.

Laurence: That's enough! I didn't invite you both here today just so you could open up old wounds. I wanted it to be a celebration of... who we used to be.
Callum: As opposed to who we are? Uni was 30 years ago, Laurence. Move on!

Darren: I cocked up, didn't I? I didn't read the invite properly. This is it. This... is the party.

Laurence: This is the story of my life.
Darren: What, listening to a woman pissing off a paedo?
Laurence: Pedalo. No, being stuck.

Laurence: You've all moved on and had lives. I'm still living in 1989.
Darren: I wouldn't worry about it, Larry. You've not missed much. Although Game Of Thrones was pretty good. Even then, they ruined the ending.

Donna: Oof! Do you think that's why they say, "Relieve yourself," cos you're relieved you've not pissed your pants?

Callum: Why didn't you tell us?
Laurence: I wanted to. I didn't know how. I wanted to see you face-to-face. It's not the sort of thing you can say in an email or round-robin. A week went by, and then a month, and then, in the end...

Donna: I nearly cried when he said you two were his best friends.
Callum: We were. Used to be. But... life moves on, doesn't it?... Maybe I have become too self-absorbed. But we're all dealing with our own shit, aren't we?

Callum: If it's any consolation, I absolutely hate my job. I spent years trying to get to the top, and now I'm there, I realise it was just the endeavour that was keeping me going. I got to the end of the rainbow and found the pot of gold. Now I'd give you anything to give it back and start again.

Darren: I'd done so well to get me A levels, but... uni was just so hard! Even if it was only sports science. Then one day, I realised, if life gives you melons... you're probably dyslexic.

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