The Desperation Emanation
Season 4, Episode 5
& Leonard: So what's going on with you two?
Sheldon: Well, the status is as it always was. She's a girl. She's a friend. She is not my... please forgive me for doing this... "girlfriend."
& Sheldon: May I suggest that your criticism is based on jealousy.
Leonard: Jealousy? What do I have to be jealous of?
Sheldon: I have a functioning and satisfying relationship with a female. You have none.
Leonard: Oh, right. That.
Sheldon: Jealousy is an ugly green-eyed monster... not unlike the Hulk... who, by the way, also has a girlfriend. In this iteration, Jennifer Connelly, whom you may recall as the girlfriend of Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, a feel-good romp* if there ever was one.
& Sheldon: You know, it just occurred to me, if there are an infinite number of parallel universes, in one of them, there's probably a Sheldon who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.
Leonard: Probably. What's your point?
Sheldon: No point. It's just one of the things that makes one of the mes chuckle.
& Sheldon: What makes you chuckle, Leonard?
Leonard: Hmm, recently? Not much.
Sheldon: Is it because of the conflict that arises from your desperate need to pair-bond with a woman, and the apparent collective decision of all womankind to deny you that opportunity?
& Leonard: Hey, guys.
Howard: Hey.
Raj: Hey.
Sheldon: All right, I'll bow to social pressure: Hey!
& Leonard: You have a girlfriend? How could you have a girlfriend? You can't even speak to women.
Raj: Two words... deaf chick. It doesn't matter if I can't talk, because she can't hear me.
Leonard: What?!
Raj: That's what she said.
& Amy: That was rude.
Sheldon: He does it all the time. He's a cornucopia* of social awkwardness.
Amy: Cornucopia. What a mellifluous* word.
Sheldon: Let's make that our word of the day.
Amy: Agreed. And we'll use mellifluous tomorrow.
Sheldon: Well, I have to void my bladder. It was nice spending this time with you.
& Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard...
Leonard: Yeah, what?
Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother. What does that mean?
Leonard: Well, you know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl who's your friend, and not your girlfriend?
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Leonard: You can't say that anymore.
& Sheldon: Wait! What am I supposed to do?
Leonard: Well, have you considered telling her how you feel?
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.
Leonard: All right, well, let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined* plane wrapped helically* around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go.
& Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, get the door!
Howard: Why can't you get it?
Mrs. Wolowitz: You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy! I'm like an upside-down volcano here.
& Sheldon: We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We now live at 311 Los Robles.
Leonard: You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
Sheldon: Oh, no worries... I explained my predicament* to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were: "Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy."
& Sheldon: Now, get my back, Jack.
What do you want to do?
Sheldon: Tell her I'm not here.
Leonard: Okay, where are you?
Sheldon: I don't know. You'll have to devise a scenario that plausibly* explains my absence, keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details.
& Leonard: So, Bernadette tells me she knows you from self-defense classes?
Joy: Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga. Lots of fun. Basically, a hundred different ways to rip a guy's nuts off.
& Joy: This lobster's good on the way down and the way up.
Leonard: Should be... it's $30 a pound.
Joy: Hey, this is a date, right?
Leonard: Yep, it is.
& Joy: Excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room... and take a wicked whiz.
Bernadette: I'll go with you.
Joy: Fair warning: I had the asparagus. My pea is gonna stink up the place.
& Joy: Good news: I made lots of room for dessert.
& Mrs. Fowler: It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon. I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
Sheldon: I assure you I am quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Mrs. Fowler: What?!
Sheldon: Oh, yes. We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.
Mrs. Fowler: Amy... what is he saying?
Amy: You wanted me to have a boyfriend, Mother. Well, here he is. Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins*.
Sheldon: Oh, yes, it's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.
Amy: Thank you, Sheldon, that went very well.
Sheldon: Agreed. Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship.
Amy: ...
Sheldon: Bazinga! Bedtime. Please show yourself out.
--- Dict:
romp — шумная игра; возня
cornucopia — рог изобилия
mellifluous — сладкозвучный; медоточивый; ласкающий слух
inclined — склонный; предрасположенный
helically — спирально
predicament — затруднительное положение
plausibly — правдоподобно
loins — поясница; филе; филейная часть; чресла
On Imdb.
Они-таки обошлись без Пенни. Бедная-бедная Пенни.
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