Private Lives
Season 6, Episode 14
House: Masturbating. I'd invite you, but people are already talking.
Wilson: It's pathetic. You divide your nights between porn and the Discovery channel.
House: Right. Playing Dance-Dance Revolution is a much better choice.
Wilson: Okay, that was a gift from a patient, and it happens to be great exercise. I mean, who rents porn anymore? Can't you get this stuff on the internet?
House: You can. But you can't get disc two with the director's commentary.
& House: Connections are for airports. For people, we have over 300 cable channels.
& 13: ... doesn't mean she couldn't have been exposed to some other toxin. We should search the apartment.
House: Eeny, meeny, miny, Thirteen and Tiny.
& House: You brought a date?
Chase: Wilson seemed to think it was a good idea.
Wilson: You need to dive back into the pool.
House: And he has to swim in ours? You go to a bar, you bring your ugly friends.
Chase: It's not a beauty pageant*.
House: Life is a beauty pageant. Little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you.
Chase: Oh, come on. I'm not that good-looking.
House: Yeah, you are.
Wilson: You kind of are.
Chase: So you attribute every relationship I've ever had to the height of my cheekbones?
House: Not the whole relationship. Just the beginning. The rest is your hair.
& House: You like puzzles.
Some girl: I hoped my job would let me play with puzzles all day long, but it didn't work out that way. Police detective. Turns out criminals are idiots.
House: If they're not gonna bother to challenge you, what's the point? Is there a fire alarm we could pull? Maybe get out of here... Hmm. Except... Maybe you're just too swoft*.
Girl: Beg your pardon.
House: Swoft. It's one of your crossword answers. I believe it means lying manipulator who tells men anything they want to hear. You brought a prop* as a conversation starter. Folded the paper to make it look read, filled in some answers, but you couldn't be bothered to work at it, so you just put in random letters. You have some natural talent as a liar, but not enough brains to see it through. I'm gonna assume you're not a cop. Are the five minutes up?
& Patient-blogger: Can this wait a second? 'cause I have to pee. You know, I think people behave badly because there are no records of what we say or do. And nobody believes anymore that God's watching.
& Wilson: You reading your patient's blog?
House: Nope.
Wilson: You should. Could be some clues.
House: Too many. Be like doing a whole body scan. Send us up eight blind alleys. That's why Chase is doing it.
& Wilson: House would never leave anything secret around the condo. But you've worked in the same office with him, on and off, for years. Think back. Were there ever any odd phone calls or visitors from the past?
Chase: He openly brings prostitutes into the hospital, and he gambles with bookies 'cause he's too lazy to go to the otb*. And you're asking for some...
Wilson: What? What?! What?!!
Chase: He's reading The Golden Bowl
.Wilson: The Gold... by Henry James?
Chase: Yeah. No, no, he's not really reading it. That book's at least 400 pages long. Whatever he's reading is only half that thick. He took the cover off The Golden Bowl and put it onto this other book so no one would know what he was reading.
& Chase: Got it.
Wilson: Step by step: Sermons* for everyday life?
Chase: These are literal sermons, written by a minister. Loving thy neighbor even when thy neighbor's stereo is keeping you up at night. Why would he read this?
Wilson: Why would he hide it? He reads the Bible, he reads the Koran, he says he likes to know what mistakes people are making.
Chase: You think he's sincere? You think that he's actually getting something out of this? What a hypocrite.
& Taub: Thanks for the gift. Obviously differs from my own personal beliefs, but if these stories have helped you through some spiritual turmoil*...
House: Read chapter six, entitled "shut the hell up."
Foreman: I appreciated the inscription about the benefits of prayer before medical treatments. And I think it's great that you have been called to witness by the Lord.
House: Chapter two, "bite me."
& Wilson: I picked up one of the copies of the book that Chase left in the lounge.
House: If you're gonna be this way, I'm not gonna invite you to my baptism*.
Wilson: First time I'd seen the real dust jacket. The inside back flap, there was a picture of the author. Imagine how surprised I was when I recognized him. Your biological father is a minister?
House: Natural selection is not an infallible* force.
Wilson: I don't get it. I mean, okay, he was a friend of the family. You'd only known him when you were a kid. But if you wanted to meet him now, get an idea of what he's like, why not just go talk to him?
House: "Hi, it's Greg. You slept with my mother."
Wilson: You're capable of it.
House: I was mildly curious. Enough to read a book, not enough to make a phone call.
Wilson: Please. You didn't read this. You studied it. Why? All your life, you've thought this was crap. You can't suddenly turn around and build a whole new worldview based on crap.
House: Crap!
Wilson: You better not be faking this just to get out of a tough conversation.
& Wilson: You weren't looking for some big catharsis. You didn't want to hug the guy. You just wanted to know how his head works. How he thinks.
House: 'cause I'm fascinated with how ministers think.
Wilson: Because you're not ordinary, House. You're way out there on the fringe* somewhere. I'm your best friend, and half the time, I don't understand you. You're alone. Been alone your whole life. When you read that book, you were hoping that somewhere, underneath all that talk of God, there would be a way of thinking, a mind that you could recognize. You wanted what we all want.
House: The power to transform into any water-based object?
Wilson: To look across the gulf and know there's someone else like you. At least tell me this... did you find something there?
House: Underneath the God stuff? More God stuff.
-- Dict:
pageant — зрелище
beauty pageant — конкурс красоты
swoft — A lying, manipulative person. Either a natural liar, or very good from years of experience. Made famous by TV's House M.D. (urbandictionary).
prop — подставка; подпорка; поддержка
OTB — Off-track betting, sanctioned gambling on horse racing outside a race track.
Sermon — Проповедь
turmoil — потрясение; беспорядок; смятение
baptism — крещение
infallible — непогрешимый
fringe — край
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