House M.D. 2x21

Euphoria

Season 2, Episode 21, Part 2

* House: How do we know you're not sick?
   Cameron: Do I seem happy to you?
   House: Never.


* House: Philosophical question: How do you wanna die?


* Foreman: ... I want you to do a white matter brain biopsy.
   House: Absolutely. Don't blame you. The world is such a complicated place if you've got higher reasoning skills. I'm often jealous of small animals and retarded children.

---

* Patient Mom: The seizures only seem to happen when she's in her car seat. She starts to rock and grunt. {...} It's like she's in a zone and her abdominal muscles become dystonic.
   House: Big word. Someone's been on the Internet.
   Mom: I looked up a few articles on epilepsy.
   House: You know, there's actually some really great youth soccer leagues that would cater specifically to her special needs, and I think it might explain why she's been having a hard time in preschool. ...
   These episodes, she gets sweaty afterwards?
   Mom: Soaking wet.
   House: And does she seem upset by them or just tired?
   Mom: No. She kind of thinks it's funny.
   House: You mix rocking, grunting, sweating and dystonia with concerned parents and you get an amateur diagnosis of epilepsy.
   In actuality, all your little girl is doing is saying "yoo-hoo to the hoo-hoo."
   Mom: She's what?
   House: Marching the penguin. Ya-ya-ing the sisterhood. Finding Nemo. It's called "gratification disorder." Sort of a misnomer. If one was unable
to gratify oneself, that would be a disorder.
   Mom: Are you saying she's masturbating?
   House: I was trying to be discreet. There's a child in the room.
   Mom: This is horrifying.
   House: Epilepsy is horrifying. Teach your girl about privacy
and she'll be fine.


* Cuddy: One afternoon, and you're on pace to set the record for most patients seen in a month.
   House: You're upset that I'm doing clinic hours? Wow, that is so like rain on your wedding day.
   Cuddy: For the past three hours, I have been on the phone with the CDC while you are...
   House: How's that going, by the way?
   Cuddy: They promised to expedite...
   House: Tough to do an autopsy when they haven't even picked up the body.
   Cuddy: It's tough to treat your patient when you're not even on the same floor. Go. Clinic is covered.
   House: I go watch the meds drip into his IV, you think that'll make
the treatment work faster?
   Cuddy: Go to your office, play with your ball, write on your white board, insult your team. Do whatever it is that you do to figure things out.
   House: Feeling guilty?


* Foreman: And the fact that Legionnaire's is helping you. But the medicine
you want to give me will put an end to that.
   House: Yeah.
   Foreman: And if it's not listeria, all the gent will do is cure the Legionnaire's disease and put whatever is killing me back into overdrive.
   House: Stop asking me questions based on the premise that I'm wrong.


* House: Pain makes us make bad decisions. Fear of pain is almost as big a motivator.


* Foreman's Dad: My son says you're a manipulative bastard.
   House: It's a pet name. I call him "Dr. Bling."



--- Словарик:
seizure — (мед.) припадок; приступ
cater — (to) пренебр. угождать, стараться угодить, доставить удовольствие
afterwards — впоследствии, потом, позже
gratification — удовлетворение; наслаждение; удовольствие
misnomer — неправильное употребление имени, названия или термина
expedite — ускорить; быстро выполнять
Bling — громадина, чудовище


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