Hurt Me, Hurt You

Elementary 5×24

& Holmes: Whiffle ball, bullet casing, pink barrette, licorice stick, audio cassette tape, counterfeit lottery ticket, bulldog clip, yellow handkerchief, matchbook... Iron-on patch!

& Watson: I need to ask you a question and it’s very important that you tell me the truth... Are you using again?

& Tyus Wilcox: Everything that’s happened these last few days? It’s because of you, Doc. You got this ball rolling.

---

& Holmes: Yo-yo, toy soldier, amethyst stone, glass eye, flip phone. Tortoise-shell comb... Pliers with red handles!

& May: Sherlock, my love. I’m sorry. But it’s too late for that now. Everything that’s coming, you’re gonna have to deal with it on your own.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Sympathy for the Goddess

Lucifer 2×17

& Amenadiel: I think you might be in danger.
    Lucifer: Is it the Yakuza? The Nephilim? One Million Mums?

& Mazikeen: It is Lucifer’s fault. It’s always Lucifer’s fault.

& Ella: But the home screen is... two eyes?
    Charlotte: Human female breasts.
    Lucifer: No. That is a woman’s perfectly freckled rump.
    Chloe: So... our lead on the killer... is a pair of butt-boob-eyes. It’s a great start.

& Dan: I don’t understand you. All right, whatever this is between us.
    Charlotte: Well, it’s simple, Daniel Espinoza... I like you.

& Mazikeen: Like this guy. Lucifer Morningstar... The worst patient anyone could ask for. He is a back-stabbing, selfish, narcissistic little devil!

& Bianca: How are the children?
    Charlotte: They’re angels!

& Amenadiel: Well, if there is one constant in the universe, it’s that Lucifer’s the favorite. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I work or how much he screws up.

& Mazikeen: You don’t care about anyone other than yourself. Unless they can be of use to you. Sound familiar?
    Lucifer: Tread very carefully, Maze!
    Mazikeen: You’re just like your parents!

---

& Linda: Since I’m not currently a practicing doctor of psychiatry, I don’t have to lead you on this path of realization; I can just tell you.

& Ella: ... Birthday reverse... Nope. Double 69... Oddly relieved that’s not it.

& Chloe: Lucifer, she told me who she really is, and how you two are related.
    Lucifer: I somehow doubt that.
    Chloe: No, it all makes sense. Why you were so disgusted when I suggested you two had slept together. Why you act so weird around her in general...
    Lucifer: She... really told you.

& Charlotte: A book? That’s what Zeke smuggled for me? Is this a joke?
    Lucifer: Well, if it were, I would have chosen something funnier, like Douglas Adams or Freud.

& Amenadiel: There’s something going on with her...
    Lucifer: Yeah. Or it’s just that time of the millennium.

& Dan: She... step-mom? That makes a weird amount of sense, actually.

& Chloe: If you married her, you’d kind of be like Lucifer’s dad.

& Lucifer: Look down. Is that the key around your neck or are you just happy to see me?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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The Blood Boy

Silicon Valley 4×5

& Monica: Tequila shots at a baby shower. You want me to join the frat house?
    Erlich: Unfortunately, in this climate, Monica, you either bro down or you go down.

& Richard: Gavin, all-all... all due respect. This plan took two weeks to develop.
    Gavin: Hard work is the price of greatness, so let’s get to work.

& Gavin: Well, this meeting was just absolutely fucking great! Richard, Donald... Goldfoil! Woo! Go team!

& Gilfoyle: This is already the best job I ever had.

& Dinesh: Wait. He has a garage in his garage?
    Gilfoyle: And he has a yacht with a pool on it and a pool with a yacht in it. And he has a real, live blood boy.

& Richard: Yeah, he’s real. Real mouthy. I mean, he’s sticking his perfectly symmetrical face into actual smart people’s business. I mean, that Ken doll probably thinks traversing a binary search tree runs in the order of «n,» instead of «log n.» Idiot.

---

& Gilfoyle: Hey, look, it’s Osama Bin Fuckin’.

& Erlich: I’m long overdue to a trip to my dispensary, so I don’t have much. But I have Bubba Kush, Chocolate Thunder, Barbara Bush, Barbara Streisand, Barbara Bush, Jr....

& Gilfoyle: Fucking kill me and send me to the horrors of heaven. It’d be better than this shit.

& Richard: You listen to me, you muscle-bound, handsome Adonis. Tech is reserved for people like me. Okay? The freaks, the weirdos, the misfits, the geeks, the dweebs, the dorks! Not you.

& Gavin: Mind the glass.

& Gavin: Fuck you, God! What have I done to deserve this?!

& Gilfoyle: I hate to invoke the Nazarene, but, Jesus Christ, what the fuck, Richard?

& Dinesh: All right! What has two thumbs, zero dick pics, and just quit Periscope?.. What the fuck is that?
    Gilfoyle: The biggest dick pic of all.

--
On the IMDb
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The Invisible Guest

nostradamvs:

Прекрасный фильм. .... Весь фильм герой в одной комнате рассказывает историю своего преступления юристу-консультанту по поведению свидетелей, и в этой комнате происходит всё, что нужно. .... Но в целом — да, это — кино.

& Virginia Goodman: In my 30-year career I’ve met two types of clients. Those who accept their situation and cooperate, even if it means going where they don’t want to go, and those that think they’re smarter than I am and want me to get them off without getting dirty. You’re the second type. But let me be clear on this: There’ll be no salvation without suffering, and you’re not smarter than I am.

& Virginia Goodman: The rich want to stay rich, protect themselves and their property. Wherever there are rich people, there are surveillance cameras.

& Tomás Garrido: She lied and nobody lies for no reason.

---

& Tomás Garrido: Power makes the wolf bigger than he is.

& Virginia Goodman: Are you familiar with the concept of lateral thinking?.. It consists of changing the perspective from which one analyzes events. For example: in a wooden barn that is completely empty a man is found hanging from the middle of the main beam. The rope he hanged himself with is 10 feet long and his feet are 10 inches above the floor. The nearest wall is 20 feet away. You can’t climb the walls or reach the beam, yet the man hanged himself. How did he do it?... He climbed onto a block of ice that melted from the heat. This is our barn...

--
On the IMDb

The Jacket

Seinfeld 2×3

& Salesman: I might have something in the back...
    Elaine: The back? They never find anything in the back. If they had anything good, they’d put it in the front.

& Jerry: What is that song?
    George: It’s from Les Misérables. I went to see it last week. I can’t get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I’m singing it on elevators, buses. Singing in front of clients. It’s taking over my life.

& Jerry: You don’t know Robert Schumann, the composer?
    George: Oh, Schumann. Of course.
    Jerry: He went crazy from one note. Couldn’t get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalised.

---

& George: Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality... It’s fabulous.

& Jerry: Two minutes. Believe me, I know his two minutes. By his conception of time, his life will last over 2000 years.

& Jerry: Schumann!

& George: There’s never been an appointment in my life... where I wanted the other guy to show up.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

The House of Special Purpose

Fargo 3×5

& Nikki: On the sofa, I thought. Unless you’re attached to a more classic bed narrative.

& Nikki: Maybe in a cowgirl, or a doggy scenario, favoring our rears, in other words, keeping our faces slightly absurd.
    Ray: «Obscured.»
    Nikki: What did I say?

& Nikki: This whole time, we’ve been playing to draw. It’s time we start playing to win.

& V.M. Varga: You have a fat wife.
    Sy: Excuse me?!
    V.M. Varga: ... Which part of what I just said is giving you trouble?

& V.M. Varga: Do you know what a chicken is?.. A chicken is an egg’s way of making another egg. You see, it’s all a matter of perspective. The chicken sees it one way, the egg another, so let’s start again.

& Sy: I had an upsetting experience this morning. To be honest, I feel as if I’ve left the known world. You ever had that feeling? Like you, uh, stepped off the map into the, well, unknown, I guess?

& Mrs. Goldfarb: ...and, as my late husband always used to say, «You don’t want a Goldfarb for an enemy.»

& Emmit: You’ve gotta fix this. Whatever it takes.
    Sy: Shackles off?
    Emmit: And throw away the key.

& Gloria: Well, you don’t have to like the truth for it to be true.
    Donny: You sure?

& Sy: Congratulations, you’re officially the stupidest person alive.
    Nikki: Who is this?
    Sy: It’s Menachem Begin. Who do you think it is?

& Nikki: It’s a fact.
    Sy: It never happened!
    Nikki: That doesn’t make it any less of a fact.

---

& Dammick: That’s... A true story. These things happen all the time. Coincidence, random life.

& V.M. Varga: .... I’m not sure we can trust the Jew.
    Emmit: Who?
    V.M. Varga: Feltz.

& Emmit: So, you said that this was just a routine drop in, or...
    Agent Dollard: Yes. And, no. Routine, in that we make these kind of calls all the time, so routine for me.

& Emmit: Since when was it a crime for a citizen, a tax paying citizen to use their own money?
    Agent Dollard: No, sir, it’s not a crime. Not exactly. But, uh, any transaction, deposit or withdrawal greater than $9,999.99, it triggers an alarm with us.
    Emmit: An alarm?

& Agent Dollard: because of your withdrawal, which I am required by law to question, you’ve been selected for additional review. Screening, minimally invasive, day surgery, versus, say, having your colon removed... Little IRS humor.

& Emmit: Wait. We have fake books?

& Yuri: Sy, Sy... What’s the matter, buddy? You drank from the holy cup, but here you are. Not being a good boy.

& Yuri: Have you been to Siberia?... It’s very much like this. Except the dirt. The earth soaking in blood, frozen red. All of Russia.
    Hundreds of years, millions the tsar killed, then it was Lenin, then Stalin. Ten thousand, 20,000. But here you have, like, what? Malls. Few dead Indians.
    Twenty million Russian died fighting Hitler, 20 million. I see from your face that you can’t even imagine that. The pogroms, the starvation, 20 million more. Mothers cooking and eating their babies...
    That’s why the snow falls white. To hide the blood.

& Yuri: This is what comes after the cup.

--
On the IMDb
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Josh Is the Man of My Dreams, Right?

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 2×11

& Rebecca: What’s two years when we’re gonna be married forever?

& Rebecca: Oh, um, go ahead.
    Nathaniel: No, you go.
    Rebecca: I’ll-I’ll just... I’ll wait and stir.
    Nathaniel: You’re gonna stir before you put in the creamer?
    Rebecca: Yeah. I like to saturate the wood.

& Rebecca: Okay. Code yellow... What? What is this? What are you doing?
    Paula: I’m sorry. I threw away that color chart you gave me.
    Rebecca: Oh, my God! Periods are code blue, because blue is the color of the liquid they use in tampon commercials, because men hate that women bleed.
    Paula: Right.
    Rebecca: No. Code yellow is man problems.
    Paula: Hidey hole!

---

& Darryl: Why don’t you just give him a call and tell him how you feel?
    Paula: I mean, I want to, but I just, I can’t. I can’t. I have my pride.
    Darryl: Paula, that is just silly. Can you cuddle pride? Can you take pride to the movies? Can pride pick a little piece of croissant out of your mustache?

& Rebecca: Oh, you think Harry Potter’s stupid?
    Nathaniel: No. I think that when people say they’re Ravenclaw, they really think that they’re Gryffindor but they don’t want to sound too braggy.
    Rebecca: Okay, wow. So you’ve seen one of the movies. Cool.
    Nathaniel: No, I’ve read all the books.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Стивен Кинг — Гадкий мальчишка; Храм из костей

Лавка дурных снов (сборник)

Гадкий мальчишка

& «Beatles» или «Rolling Stones»?
     Я всегда выбирал «Stones». «Beatles» сделались чересчур мягкими, когда стали Юпитером в Солнечной системе поп-музыки. (Моя жена говорила, что у сэра Пола Маккартни «глаза старого пса», и это отчасти суммирует мои ощущения.) Но ранние «Beatles»... они играли настоящий, честный рок, и я до сих пор слушаю их старые песни – в основном каверы – с большой любовью. Иногда я даже встаю и немного танцую.
     Одной из самых любимых моих композиций у «Beatles» была их перепевка «Гадкого мальчишки» Ларри Уильямса, где Джон Леннон солировал хриплым, напористым голосом. Больше всего мне нравилась строчка: «Давай-ка, веди себя хорошо»...

  “Тюрьма располагалась в двадцати милях от ближайшего городишки, на пустынной равнине, продуваемой всеми ветрами. ...

&  ...нет ничего хуже, чем напрасные детские мечты.

&  – Этот демон... почему он выбрал именно вас?
     – Наивный вопрос, господин адвокат. С тем же успехом можно спросить, почему один ребенок рождается с деформацией роговицы, как Ронни Гибсон, а после него в той же больнице рождается полсотни совершенно здоровых детей. Или почему хороший и добрый человек, который в жизни никого не обидел, в тридцать лет умирает от опухоли головного мозга, а чудовище в человеческом облике, надзиратель газовых камер в Дахау, благополучно доживает до ста лет. Если вы спрашиваете меня, почему с хорошими людьми приключается что-то плохое, то вы обратились не по адресу.

  ... «Брэдли перевернул записку и увидел еще одно коротенькое сообщение:
     „СКОРО УВИДИМСЯ“.»”

+ Плохой мальчишка

---

Храм из костей

  “ ...Если хочешь услышать меня, угощать начинай,
     Плесни хоть бы вот той дряни (впрочем, тут у тебя сплошь дрянь!)
     Больше тридцати нас было в тех джунглях, лишь трое спаслись.
     Трое выжили в дебрях и вверх пробрались —
     Мэннинг, Ревуа и я.

&  Мир наш не такой уж и грустный – ни больше ни меньше,
     Хотя психам тут, конечно, намного легче. Поверь.

&  Жизнь хороша, а, друг? Жизнь – это гнида в глотке,
     Жизнь – пропасть, куда мы все летим, и суп, в котором все мы, в общем,
     Пусть рано или поздно, но превратимся в овощи.
     Я прям философ, как тебе? Да наплевать.

  ... Да, реальность — дерьмо, если нету в ней веры.
       Так налей мне стакан, черт тебя раздери!
       Выпьем мы за слонов, что на свете не жили.”

Head Full of Snow

American Gods 1×3

& Mrs. Fadil: You are in wrong floor. Black people family is upstairs.

& Anubis: I wish I was but a thief. I am not. I am of Death. You are dead, Mrs. Fadil.

& Zorya Polunochnyaya: It is a thing. It’s not a god. Like a god. It’s a bad thing. Chained up in those stars. If it escapes, it will eat the whole of everything. So we watch the sky... all day, all night, the three sisters.

& Zorya Polunochnyaya: You have nothing. You believe in nothing so you have nothing.

& Zorya Polunochnyaya: Kissing is disgusting... but— but in a nice way, like, uh, bleu cheese or brandy.

& Mr. Wednesday: We’re gonna rob a bank. You want some coffee?

& Salim: Are there many jinn in New York?

& Salim: There are angels, there are men who Allah made from mud. Then there are the people of the fire, the jinn.
    The Jihn: They know nothing about my people here. They think all we do is grant wishes. If I could grant a wish, do you think I would be driving a cab?

& Mr. Wednesday: This is the bank I’ll be robbing, so let’s go say hello.

& Mr. Wednesday: Got you marshmallows in your cocoa. You like marshmallows?

& Mr. Wednesday: What we need is snow. Hard, driving, irritating snow. I want you to think «snow.» Think «snow.» Think «snow.»

& Shadow Moon: And how’s this gonna help?
    Mr. Wednesday: Might not do anything. But at least it will concentrate your mind. Snow, snow.

& Mr. Wednesday: That woman thinks Jesus suffered for her sins. They’re her sins. Why should Jesus do all the suffering?
    Shadow Moon: ’Cause his dad sacrificed his ass.
    Mr. Wednesday: Don’t blame the parent.

---

& Shadow Moon: And how many colors does Jesus come in?
    Mr. Wednesday: Why, you got your White Jesuit-style Jesus. You got your Black African Jesus. You got your Brown Mexican Jesus. You got your swarthy Greek Jesus. You’ve got—
    Shadow Moon: Well, that’s a— That’s a lotta Jesus.
    Mr. Wednesday: There’s a lotta need for Jesus, so there’s a lotta Jesus.

& Mr. Wednesday: Now, the Mexican Jesus came here the same way a lot of Mexicans do. Illegally.
    Shadow Moon: Oh—
    Mr. Wednesday: No, that’s not being racial. You can ask Him. He’ll tell you. He waded across the Rio Grande, his back as wet as the epithet suggests.

& Shadow Moon: I thought of snow.
    Mr. Wednesday: And it snowed. What do you know?

& Mr. Wednesday: So, you’re perfectly okay believing that tiny people on television can predict the weather, but you crinkle with consternation at the mere suggestion that you could make it snow.

& Mr. Wednesday: Belief is only a product of the company we keep and how easily we scare.

& Mr. Wednesday: The only thing that scares me is being forgotten. I can survive most things but not that.

& Shadow Moon: Very best part of memory is it’s mostly about forgetting.
    Mr. Wednesday: We remember what’s important to us.

--
On the IMDb
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Octopus Head

Grimm 4×2

«A Man’s real possession
is his memory.
In nothing else is he rich,
In nothing else is he poor.»
Alexander Smith

& Adalind: I did it for my baby! It wasn’t fun.
    Viktor: That’s a shame. It’s not every day a Grimm shags a hexenbiest. Or was it the other way around?

& Monroe: Come on in. What’s wrong? I mean, other than everything that’s not right.

---

& Juliette: What I’m trying to say is, maybe we should just give it a little time to see if not being a Grimm is better than being one.

& Nick: Where the hell is she?!
    Hank: This is why I don’t have kids.

--
On the IMDb

Our Kind of Traitor

& Dima: Come on. Don’t be a sourpussy.
    Perry: Sourpuss, actually.
    Dima: Sourpuss. Okay, don’t be a sourpuss.

& Dima: You know what the Vory is, Professor?
    Perry: No.
    Dima: It’s like mafia but with honor.

& Hector: I have some questions. Not tough. Medium soft.

& Gail: I’m reading about the Vory. That’s what Dima is, isn’t he? It describes how they recruit people in jail. They look for people who are disillusioned with their lives, people who’ve lost their way, and they give them back their sense of purpose.

---

& Hector: A man launders a million pounds, he’s a crook, but a few billion, now you’re talking. Money has no smell as long as there’s enough of it.

& Dima: She’s a good woman, Gail. Keep her. You’re lucky. It’s the only thing that matters, you know. All the rest is... The rest is bullshit.

& Dima: You know how to use this?
    Perry: No.
    Dima: There’s no safety. Easy. Poof, poof, poof. And they’re dead.

& Hector: Wilfred bloody Owen, Siegfried bloody Sassoon, Robert bloody Graves.
    Perry: What about them?
    Hector: Your fabulous article in the London Review of Books. «The sacrifice of brave men cannot be justified by the pursuit of an unjust war.» It’s bloody marvelous.

--
On the IMDb

The Pony Remark

Seinfeld 2×2

& Kramer: Well, you don’t think I can, huh?
    Jerry: No, it’s not that I don’t think you can. I know that you can’t, and I’m positive that you won’t.

& Jerry: Well... actually, we do have to kind of get going.

& Elaine: I don’t really eat dessert. I’m dieting.

---

& George: You know, I’ve been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstance... in which I’ll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How’s it gonna happen? I just don’t see how it could occur.

& George: I just don’t see what purpose it’s gonna serve, you going. I mean, you think dead people care who’s at their funeral? They don’t even know they’re having a funeral!

& Jerry: Who figures an immigrant is gonna have a pony?

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Off Brand

Better Call Saul 3×6

& Rebecca: You got what you wanted. Now it’s time to do what’s right.
    Jimmy: Yeah... No.

& Rebecca: He’s mentally ill. What is your excuse?

& Chuck: To new beginnings.

& Jimmy: I’ll be taking a brief sabbatical from the law, just one year. One quick trip of the Earth around the Sun, and I’ll be back. I will.

& Jimmy: How do I find somebody who needs a commercial and can afford one?

---

& Jimmy: Quick... crack on your magic bag. We’ll have to Karloff this thing.

& Jimmy: Okay. And, uh, don’t wear stripes, ’cause you’ll moiré. ... It’s a film-making term. Just... just don’t wear stripes.

& Jimmy: Call me, Saul Goodman! The world needs to know about you and your business! Call me now!

& Kim: «Saul Goodman.»
    Jimmy: Yeah. It’s like, «S’all good, man.»
    Kim: That guy has a lot of energy.
    Jimmy: Yeah. It’s just a name.
    Kim: .... Huh!

--
On the IMDb

Thanks for the Memories

Grimm 4×1

«Knowledge is Power.»

& Hank: We better figure this out pretty quick. And if we have to lie, we better all be telling the same one.

& Hank: You don’t want to look nervous.
    Nick: Do I look nervous?
    Hank: Second cup of coffee I didn’t ask for.

& Hank: Hey... monsters do live inside people. We deal with them every day.

---

& Rosalee: Oh, no.
    Monroe: That is not a good «oh, no.»
    Rosalee: Oh, I’m just hoping this isn’t some sort of Verfluchte Zwillingsschwester.
    Juliette: A what?!

& Nick: I don’t want you screwing up your life because of me.
    Monroe: Dude, I wouldn’t even have a life to screw up if it wasn’t for you, okay? So quit complaining.

& Nick: Let’s give him some Trubel.

--
On the IMDb

Equals

& The Collective: The incident is an outbreak of defective behavior. Remember, couplers are a danger to themselves and to all of us. Physical contact, touching, or displays of emotion are signs of an individual infected with S.O.S. If you see the signs, report the couplers to Health and Safety immediately. Let’s do our part to contain this dangerous epidemic.

& Zoe: Careful. Don’t they sting?
    Nia: According to the laws of aerodynamics they shouldn’t even fly. But they don’t know it. So they fly anyway.

---

& Leonard: We cured cancer. We cured the common cold. We can cure S.O.S. You’re going to live, pal.

&  Nia: We're gonna remember this feeling. We're gonna live every day remembering and we're not gonna feel it. We're not even gonna exist anymore.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Wine Dark Sea

Prison Break: Sequel 1×7 (PB 5×7)

& Mikey: They all get hurt sooner or later. That’s what’s great about Greek heroes, they’re real, not supermen. They get hurt. They can die.

& Whip: Hey, hey, hey. I got to know, you really got Freddie Mercury’s ashes?

---

& Sucre: I have an idea... but it’s gonna hurt.

& Sucre: Captain?.. I’m Puerto Rican.

--
On the IMDb

Стивен Кинг — Бэтмен и Робин вступают в перебранку; Дюна

Лавка дурных снов (сборник)

Бэтмен и Робин вступают в перебранку

  “Сандерсон навещает отца дважды в неделю. ...

&  Есть старая шутка насчет болезни Альцгеймера: ее плюс в том, что каждый день узнаешь что-то новое и знакомишься с новыми людьми. Сандерсон обнаружил, что настоящий плюс заключается в том, что сценарий почти никогда не меняется. Это значит, что почти никогда не приходится импровизировать.

  ... Шестидесятилетний Чудо-мальчик прижимает руку к больному боку и бредет к водительской двери, чтобы поднять с земли упавшие права.”

---

Дюна

  “Под ясным утренним небом Судья забирается в лодку. ...

&  Стариковское тело – лишь мешок, в котором ты носишь болячки и унижения.

&  – Знаете старую поговорку, что человек, выступающий собственным адвокатом, получает в клиенты дурака?
     – Знаю и часто ею пользуюсь, когда выступаю общественным защитником и какой-нибудь скот, избивший жену, или водитель, сбежавший с места аварии, заявляет, что ему никакой адвокат не нужен и он сам будет защищаться в суде.
     – Я так и думал, но вот полная версия: юрист, выступающий собственным адвокатом, получает в клиенты круглого дурака. Верно для уголовного, гражданского и наследственного права.

&  ...как и большинство воров, которые не попались, он называл себя бизнесменом.

  ... — О нет, — говорит он. — Не свое.”

+ Дюна

The Secret of Spoons

American Gods 1×2

& Anansi: Did you know your momma couldn’t swim? You all need to work on that. Take swimming lessons. This is how we get stereotypes.

& Anansi: Let me tell you a story. «Once upon a time, a man got fucked...» Now, how is that for a story? ’Cause that’s the story of black people in America.

& Anansi: Shit, you all don’t know you black yet. You think you just people. Let me be the first to tell you that you are all black. The moment these Dutch motherfuckers set foot here and decided they white, and you get to be black, and that’s the nice name they call you...

& Anansi: The only good news is the tobacco your grandkids are gonna farm for free is gonna give a shitload of these white motherfuckers cancer. And I ain’t even started yet.

& Anansi: A hundred years later... You’re fucked. A hundred years after that... Fucked. A hundred years after you get free, you still getting fucked out a job and shot at by police. You see what I’m saying?

& Anansi: This guy gets it. I like him. He’s getting angry. Angry is good. Angry gets shit done.

& Mr. Wednesday: About that little shit in the big limo... An assault on you is an insult to me. Don’t think because I didn’t lose my temper I’m not angry or I’m lacking a plan.

& Mr. Wednesday: Too many people tell each other not to repress their emotions, to release their feelings, to let the pain go. There’s a lot to be said for bottling up emotions.

& Mr. Wednesday: We’re not taking the highway. Not now, not ever. No highways.
    Shadow Moon: Okay, okay, no highways. Why no highways?
    Mr. Wednesday: Seen one, seen ’em all. No chance for serendipitous lovely. Let there be beauty where there can be.

& Shadow Moon: What’s in Chicago?
    Mr. Wednesday: My hammer.

---

& Mr. Wednesday: ...we can agree now you bring me receipts or you don’t skim more than a reasonable 5 percent.
    Shadow Moon: I’m not gonna steal from you.
    Mr. Wednesday: You can’t look out for yourself, how the hell you gonna look out for me?

& Media: Funny how things supposed to make you look good only make it worse.

& Shadow Moon: The fuck is this?
    Media: Just little old me.
    Shadow Moon: Talking to Lucille Ball...
    Media: Lucy Ricardo.

& Media: The screen is the altar. I’m the one they sacrifice to.

& Media: They sit side by side, ignore each other, and give it up to me. Now they hold a smaller screen on their lap or in the palm of their hand so they don’t get bored watching the big one. Time and attention, better than lamb’s blood.

& Media: Look at it like this, Shadow: We’re the coming thing. We are already here. We are self-driving cars and 3D printers and subdermal time-release insulin. And your old boss is still selling oranges on the side of the road. Not even organic.

& Mr. Wednesday: Seems you have a choice. You may have to consider that you didn’t see what you saw....
    Shadow Moon: Or...
    Mr. Wednesday: Or you did. The world is either crazy or you are. They’re both solid options. Take your pick, and when you decide, come and tell me. But don’t rush into it. Take your time. Difficult decision.

& Zorya Vechernyaya: Oh, Czernobog is nobody’s husband. I am nobody’s wife. Relatives. We come over here together long time ago...

& Zorya Vechernyaya: Family is who you survive with when you need to survive. Even if you do not like them.

& Shadow Moon: Thought you were supposed to read tea leaves...
    Zorya Vechernyaya: Tea is disgusting!

& Shadow Moon: So what does it say?
    Zorya Vechernyaya: You will have a long life, and a happy one, with many children.
    Shadow Moon: That bad, huh? Any good news?

& Czernobog: You’re black, right?
    Shadow Moon: ... That a problem?
    Czernobog: Eh, we never much care about skin, like the Americans. Where we’re from, everyone has the same color, so we must fight over shades.

& Zorya Vechernyaya: No cow-killing stories during dinner!
    Czernobog: How do you think meat get on your plate? Huh? It takes strength, but not only strength. It takes talent, because it’s a craft....

& Czernobog: ...To give a good death is art. But nowadays, they have this bolt gun. You know? Put it on the forehead. Yeah. Now every monkey with a thumb can kill.

& Czernobog: Hey, do you know checkers?.. Yeah, people go crazy for chess. But you know what? Checkers is honest. Hmm.
    Shadow Moon: Every man’s an equal.
    Czernobog: Eh, exactly.

& Shadow Moon: All right, if-if all this is real, and— and— and TVs talk, and she can read fortunes and hammers bleed, and if there is a world... under a world... Yo, fuck it. Is good.

& Czernobog: So at sunrise, I get to knock your brains out. And you will go down on your knees... willingly. Is good?.. A shame. You’re my only black friend.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

God Johnson

Lucifer 2×16

& Lucifer: I’m not the Devil, I’m just a man who’s delusional. I made it all up. I made it all... up.

& Linda: Ah, that’s a relief... God and His ex having a fight to the death? Sounds kind of bad for, you know, humanity.

& Lucifer: Well, hello, God.

& Lucifer: Enough of this idle chit-chat. Time to tell you what the charade’s really about. What do you desire? Hmm? To avoid a vengeful ex-wife? Years of back taxes? What’s your game?

& God Johnson: It was real good seeing you, Samael.
    Lucifer: What did you say?.. Dad?!

& Amenadiel: Luci, that’s not the way Dad operates. If He has a problem, He sends an emissary, like me, or maybe... a burning bush.

& Lucifer: My father would never use public transport. That song is completely unrealistic.
    Ella: What song?

& Lucifer: I’d like a suite for the evening, please. Preferably one with a view.
    Clerk: Are you joking? This is a psychiatric hospital!
    Lucifer: Apologies, I’m skipping ahead. Uh, I am the one and only Lucifer Morningstar.... The Devil. Dark Lord? Oh, for goodness sake, Beelzebub!... Look, I clearly need to be committed right away.

& Lucifer: You are a... patronizing, sinister, helicopter parent!
    God Johnson: So you think you have no free will.
    Lucifer: Every bad thing that’s happened throughout eternity is your doing, not mine! It’s all part of «God’s Plan.»

& God Johnson: I still remember the first moment we met. Mmm. There was nothing, just darkness and... then she appeared.... It did not take long for us to light up the universe.

---

& Lucifer: Uh, Linda, Dad. Dad, Linda.
    God Johnson: ... A handshake’ll do, my beautiful child.

& Chloe: Oh, an orgy? Definitely off the table.

& Linda: Explain to me what’s going on, please.
    Lucifer: I’m trying to recreate their first date.
    Linda: You’re... what? Wait. You’re trying to Parent Trap God and the Divine Goddess?
    Lucifer: What? It worked in the movie!

& Lucifer: Oh, trust me, Doctor, after a brief re-honeymoon period, they’ll start torturing each other like they always do. Mum and Dad together are their own worst punishment. It’s genius!

& Charlotte: Do I know you?
    God Johnson: Only since the beginning of time.

& Charlotte: I guess humanity isn’t entirely awful. They did make vodka... Roller coasters... Triple crème Brie...
    God Johnson: You hear about dancing?

& N.K.: ...now I got it. God is gonna kill Lucifer, then hang himself... Kind of poetic, don’t you think?

& God Johnson: ... But to want to destroy me? That’s pretty serious. You mind telling me why?
    Lucifer: Because... because I’m your son.

& Lucifer: No, I’m not angry. I’m bloody furious.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

Will Scarsdale Like Josh's Shayna Punim?

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 2×10

& Heather: You know, studies have shown that couples who post a lot on social media are often insecure about their attachment.
    Rebecca: Heather, did you just look that up?
    Heather: No, I actually started with a hypothesis, and then I backed it up with a Vox article. It’s standard scientific method.

& Rebecca: ...And are we okay? The answer doesn’t have to be «yes.»
    Valencia: Good, because the answer is «eh.»

& Naomi: Oh, please, don’t be so dramatic. You came all this way to see your facacta cousin fumble through his haftarah. And, Becky, do you know what Torah portion they gave Skyler?.. The one with the menstruation and the lepers.
    Rebecca: The one that Cousin Stuey got...
    Naomi: When he talked about his sister’s Kotex!

& Naomi: Well, she’s having money troubles. And her mother has cancer, and the youngest daughter wants to be a man, and the husband is having an affair with a goy.
    Josh: Oh, my God.
    Naomi: Sorry. No offense.
    Rebecca: No. No. You don’t have to laugh at that; that’s very offensive.

& Rabbi Shari: How are you, my darling? How is California? Have you found a temple out there yet?
    Rebecca: Well, I don’t believe in God, so no, it didn’t make my to-do list.
    Rabbi Shari: Always questioning. That is the true spirit of the Jewish people! Very good.

& Josh: It looks like they’re about to do some kind of fun dance.
    Rebecca: Case in point, perfect example. Okay, do you remember the ceremony? They made a 13-year-old boy say the Kaddish. That’s a prayer for the dead... Okay, people like us only know how to be miserable.
    Josh: What do you mean?
    Rebecca: No, listen, Josh. It sounds like one thing, but means another.

---

&
♪ Now it’s time to celebrate ♪
♪ Grab a drink and fix a plate ♪
♪ But before you feel too great ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered ♪

♪ Nights like these are filled with glee ♪
♪ Noshing, dancing, singing ♪
♪ Whee! But we sing in a minor key ♪
♪ To remember that we suffered ♪

♪ Being happy is selfish ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered ♪
♪ You have no idea what pain is ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered, hey! ♪

♪ I mean, would it be such a crime ♪
♪ For the Beastie Boys or Haim ♪
♪ To mention in their songs one time ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered? ♪

♪ I don’t want to bring up the Holocaust ♪
♪ I know, I know, the Holocaust ♪
♪ But the Holocaust was a really big deal ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered ♪

♪ The sweet and the bitter ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered ♪
♪ Streisand and Hitler ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered ♪
♪ Spielberg and Hitler ♪
♪ Remember that we suffered ♪
♪ Have me mentioned Hitler? ♪
♪ I’m just saying that we suffered ♪

& Rebecca: I wanted him to see how unhappy evy ything makes me and that I’m right and that everyone here is miserable.
    Rabbi Shari: Why is everyone here miserable?
    Rebecca: Um, I don’t know, maybe because Jewish people’s DNA is literally imprinted with our past trauma. It’s something called epigenetics; look it up.
    Rabbi Shari: Hey, don’t be condescending. You think you’re the only person who reads Tablet Magazine on Twitter?

& Rebecca: I don’t know, I just... I hate it here, I hate all this stuff.
    Rabbi Shari: Ah, well, this stuff, this town, these people... They’re you. And if you hate that stuff, you hate yourself.

& Naomi: I’m gonna wrap this lox up so you have something to eat on the plane...

& Josh: Thanks, Naomi... But what do I do now?
    Naomi: Joshua, I am your Jewish mother now, and there are two things I will always have: indigestion and all the answers. So just listen to me, and do exactly as I say.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

The Ex-Girlfriend

Seinfeld 2×1

& George: Do I have to break up with her in person? Can’t I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things.
    Jerry: Do it like a Band-Aid. One motion, right off!

& Jerry: A relationship is an organism. You created this thing... and then you starved it, so it turned against you. Same thing happened in The Blob.

& George: Confront him.
    Elaine: Really?
    George: Yes!
    Elaine: Would you do that?
    George: If I was a different person.

---

& Jerry: I’m sorry. Is this 805-555-3234? Yes, I know I have the wrong number. I want to know if I dialled wrong or... Why do people do that?

& Jerry: What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
    George: They’re my books!

& Jerry: No, it’s not your fault. «Books, books, I need my books...» Have you reread those books yet, by the way? The great thing, when you read Moby Dick the second time... Ahab and the whale become good friends.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

The Bone Orchard

American Gods 1×1

& They did not yet have a word in their language for «miserable.» They would have to invent one.

& Shadow Moon: Best thing, only good thing about being in prison, is the relief. You don’t worry if they’re going to get you when they already got you. Tomorrow can’t do anything today hasn’t already managed.

& Shadow Moon: You know, I’m not superstitious. I believe in plenty when there’s reason and evidence to believe. I don’t believe in anything I can’t see.

& ’Low Key’ Lyesmith: .... You understand what I’m saying right now?
    Shadow Moon: One of those «behaviors that work inside a specialized environment such as a prison but can fail to work when outside such an environment» sort of situations.
    ’Low Key’ Lyesmith: No, dummy. I’m saying... Do not. Piss off. Those bitches. In airports.

& Mr. Wednesday: I guess this must be your lucky day, huh?

& Mr. Wednesday: Cashews. Love ’em. Native to Brazil but grow like motherfuckers in Florida.

& Mr. Wednesday: Oh, my boy, that is one outstandingly improbable name. Shadow Moon. Moon Shadow. Goddamn hippie parents.
    Shadow Moon: Hippie parent.
    Mr. Wednesday: Mama had a big afro, huh? «Dancing Queen,» hmm?

& Shadow Moon: And if I was inclined, what might I call you?
    Mr. Wednesday: What’s today?
    Shadow Moon: Wednesday.
    Mr. Wednesday: Hmm. Today’s my day.

& Mr. Wednesday: Ah, you got more talent than me. I got two. One is I can sleep anywhere, any time. The other one is that I usually end up getting what I want... on average, over time. It’s all about getting people to believe in you. It’s not their cash, it’s their faith. Well, take this plane, for example...

& Mr. Wednesday: .... Now, what’s keeping us aloft? Faith or Newton?

---

& Paunch: You’re the sexiest goddamn thing I’ve ever gotten to touch for free.

& Mr. Wednesday: Rigged games are the easiest to beat.

& Shadow Moon: Who are you?
    Mad Sweeney: I’m a leprechaun.
    Shadow Moon: Okay, you’re a little tall for a leprechaun.
    Mad Sweeney: That’s a stereotype and represents a very narrow view of the world.

& Shadow Moon: So what, you’re from Ireland?
    Mad Sweeney: I told you I’m a leprechaun. We don’t come from Moscow, Russia. Or Moscow, Idaho, for that matter.

& Mad Sweeney: Devil’s in the details.

& Shadow Moon: Tastes like prison hooch, brewed in a garbage bag with rotten fruit.
    Mr. Wednesday: But sweeter, smoother, stranger. It’s mead... honey wine. Drink of heroes, drink of the gods.
    Mad Sweeney: Tastes like a drunken diabetic’s piss.

& Mr. Wednesday: Good. We have a compact. The second seals the deal, the third is the charm, and we’re done.

& Mad Sweeney: Now that’s a coin trick for you.
    Shadow Moon: How’d you do it?
    Mad Sweeney: With panache.

& Mr. Wednesday: I just thought you could use some sleep. It’s not every day a man gets to bury his wife.

& Shadow Moon: You know, I had a surprise for you. I read when I was in. Mainly history. Six books a week for three years. 813 books. 8 and 13... Fibonacci numbers. And I know that why? Because four of them were about math. I like math. Who knew?

& Technical Boy: We are the future, and we don’t give a fuck about him or anyone else like him anymore. They are consigned to the dumpster. Now we have reprogrammed reality. Language is a virus. Religion, an operating system, and prayers are just so much fucking spam.

& Technical Boy: The dominant fucking paradigm, Shadow. That is the only important thing.

& Technical Boy: We’re not just going to kill you, Shadow. We’re going to delete you. One click, and you are overwritten. Undelete... that is not an option.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

Scrambled

Elementary 5×23

& Holmes: You sure you want to do this?... Well, get some sleep then, Watson. Tomorrow morning we go to war with one of New York’s deadliest gangs.

& Holmes: This is an Enigma machine. During the Second World War, this device represented a transformative leap forward in cryptography. It is a product of pure genius.

& Capt. Gregson: How long before we’re reading his mail?
    Holmes: Might take a while. We’ve narrowed it down to 100 billion substitution codes.
    Watson: The machine has four rotors. Each rotor has 26 contact pins representing the letters of the alphabet. What we need to do... is figure out how SBK synchronizes their settings to their machines, and then... we’ll have them.

---

& Holmes: Well, you seem to have everything well in hand. I should sleep in more often.

& Tyus Wilcox: I’m an innocent man.
    Watson: Until we prove you guilty.

& Tyus Wilcox: Apparently, I’m the guy who got your friend killed. The guy who overdosed his own brother to stay out of jail. I can’t imagine what I’d do to you...

& Mysterious woman: People who love each other don’t make threats, Sherlock. They make promises.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Стивен Кинг — Миля 81; «Гармония премиум»

Лавка дурных снов (сборник)

&  Хватит болтать. Может, теперь ты захочешь что-то купить? Все, что ты видишь, — ручная работа, и хотя мне очень дорого каждое из разложенных здесь изделий, я буду счастлив продать их тебе, потому что сделал их специально для тебя. Можешь смотреть, можешь трогать, но будь осторожен.
     У самых лучших есть зубы.

Миля 81

  “— Тебе с нами нельзя, — сказал старший брат. ...

&  В прошлом году он стащил сигарету из дедушкиной пачки и выкурил на заднем дворе круглосуточного супермаркета. Выкурил до половины на самом деле. А потом согнулся пополам, и его вырвало. В тот день он узнал кое-что интересное, но бесполезное: сосиски с фасолью выглядят не особенно аппетитно, когда лежат на тарелке, но они хотя бы вкусные. Когда тебя ими рвет, они выглядят кошмарно, а вкус у них, должно быть, еще хуже.

&  Джимми увидел проблеск надежды в глазах Рэйчел, но очень слабый. Как агент Малдер из «Секретных материалов», она хотела поверить... но, как агент Скалли, не верила.

  ... — Да, — ответила Рэйчел. — Жвачка — самое то.”

+ 81 Миля

---

«Гармония премиум»

&  У моей мамы было присловье на любой случай. («И Стивен помнит их все». – Я прямо слышу, как моя жена Табита произносит эти слова и непременно закатывает глаза.)
     Мама любила говорить: «Молоко впитывает запахи всего, с чем стоит рядом». Не знаю насчет молока, но это чистая правда, когда речь идет о стилистическом становлении начинающего писателя.

&  В свое оправдание могу ответить только: quot libros, quam breve tempus — так много книг, так мало времени (и да, у меня есть такая футболка).

&  Как и у многих великих американских писателей (таких как Филип Рот и Джонатан Франзен), у Карвера, похоже, отсутствует чувство юмора. Я же вижу юмор почти во всем. Здесь этот юмор черный, но, по-моему, лучше юмора и не придумаешь. Потому что — уясните себе, — когда речь заходит о смерти, остается только смеяться.

  “Они были женаты уже десять лет, и долгое время все шло хорошо — замечательно, — но теперь они ссорились. ...

&  Когда они ссорятся, думает Рэй, это напоминает собачьи бега. Когда они ссорятся, они похожи на двух гончих псов, мчащихся за механическим зайцем. Раз за разом проносишься мимо одних и тех же декораций, но не видишь пейзажа. Видишь лишь зайца.

  ... Всю дорогу до госпиталя Рэй курит в машине с закрытыми окнами, с Бизом на заднем сиденье и кондиционером, включенным на полную мощность.”

+ Первосортная гармония

Blood Father

& Link: You can’t be a prick all your life and then just say, «nevermind,» you know? I can’t fix everything I broke. All I can do is not drink. So, I won’t do that today.

& Link: Maybe I just hate birthdays. Makes you think there’s some reward for all this shit.

& Kirby: You know the difference between fitting and proper?
    Link: Well, I’m not a trailer park poet like you, Kirby. You’re gonna have to tell me.
    Kirby: Well, it goes like this. I could shove my thumb up your ass right now and it would probably fit... But it wouldn’t be proper.

& Lydia: ...they worked for my boyfriend. He was businessman, he was in real estate.
    Link: You trying to tell me we’re being chased by realtors?

---

& Lydia: What do you have against them?
    Link: Nothing. Well, okay. Okay, well, they come up here, they’re illegal and they take my job.
    Lydia: So, you pick oranges for a living?
    Link: Nope, but I’m sure someone does.
    Lydia: Nope, not true. In fact, I bet you that no white person has ever picked a piece of fruit off of a tree, ever.
    Link: What about Eve?
    Lydia: Eve was not white.
    Link: Oh, fuck.
    Lydia: What? You think that the Garden of Eden was in Norway?

& Link: You may not wanna wake up tomorrow, but the day after that might just be great. Might be the best fucking day of your life, you know? You don’t wanna miss it, right?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Σ nostradamvs: "Весьма так себе. Совершенно банальное кинцо, в котором есть стареющий алкоголик-татуировщик в исполнении Мэла Гибсона и его придурочная дочурка, попавшая в неприятную ситуацию и срочно потребовавшая спасения. ..."

Teambuilding Exercise

Silicon Valley 4×4

& Richard: Welcome to the future, Gavin.

& Erlich: Jian-Yang, my beautiful little Asiatic friend, I’m going to buy you the palapa of your life. We will have 12 posts, braided palm leaves. You’ll never feel exposed again.

& Erlich: We can’t, because we just spent a big fat stack of cash on little Dinesh over here. And there are other expenses... legal, marketing, operating fees, those goddamn AWS charges. Fucking Bezos!...

& Monica: I’m gonna tell Laurie that this was a smashing success. Go make it one.
    Jian-Yang: Erlich was right. You are a white witch.
    Erlich: ... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

& Jared: When you don the skin of the beast, the man within dies.
    Richard: What is that? Nietzsche?
    Jared: One of the boys at my group home always said that. He died.

& Dinesh: What about for my phone?
    Gilfoyle: You mean the thing that tracks your movement and every interaction you have? Literally, your fingerprint?

& Gilfoyle: The fuck was that?
    Erlich: Oh, just three months of runway being driven off by 90 pounds of asshole.

& Erlich: Professor Bighetti, a word if you please?..

& Jared: He’s a talented engineer, but in an office environment, he can be both tardy and fresh.
    Richard: Uh, I’m... I’m not hiring him. He uses spaces not tabs.

& Jared: You need me... the half-crazed, half-Apache who will do anything to get your back. I’ll scalp     Gavin if I have to, and all the rest of those paleface sons of bitches. I’ll kill them with knives. I’ll kill them with guns. I’ll kill them with my hands. I’ll talk them into suicide. It doesn’t matter.
    Richard: All right, Jared, I... I think what you’re asking is... you want a job?

---

& Richard: You’re more than welcome to work on this. But just to be clear, you’re not gonna stab anyone, are you?
    Jared: .... Oh, it feels good to laugh.
    Richard: So... So, that’s a no then?
    Jared: .... Richard.

& Dinesh: Just so you know, this does not mean I don’t trust her. I’m just doing this so you’ll, like, shut up and leave me alone... Mia, if you’re listening, you’re so pretty.

& Dinesh: Oh, you’re both headed to Gavin’s?
    Jared: Indeed we are. Together again. Butch Cassidy and his head of business development.

& Jared: Richard, Gilfoyle is a man of intense pride. So, when he refers to a potential employee as a «pig-faced fuck nose,» what I hear is «I need to be needed.»
    Richard: Well, what I hear is «pig-faced fuck nose.»
    Jared: Exactly. I mean, Gilfoyle’s insults are normally well crafted, almost poetic. Last week, he referred to me as «Frankenstein’s bulimic daughter.»
    Richard: Yeah, I get what you mean.

& Jared: Really? «Butt-dick»? The man’s in pain.

& Erlich: Wait, that’s stealing!
    Vanessa: No. It’s exactly what Mark Zuckerberg did to the Winkle guy in that Facebook movie Professor Bighetti had us watch. And he was the hero of that film.

& Gilfoyle: Wow. I would say, «Not safe for work,» but this is your work...

& Dinesh: No. Not hot dog.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

The Neon Demon

nostradamvs:

«Рефн заигрывается сам с собой, уходя внутрь собственного выдуманного мира. И ещё он немного играет в Тарковского. Длинные мерные сцены с молчаливыми актёрами (разве что под ритмичную типичную для Рефна музыку), абстрактные диалоги, звучащие в пустоту. Юная модель приходит в бизнес и сразу становится звездой среди этих странных людей, невнятных движений, холодных взглядов, вот и весь сюжет. Он не жесток и не страшен, он предсказуем, и это кино ради картинки. Хотя интересной, конечно, картинки. Потому что талант не отберёшь.»

& Ruby: They say women are more likely to buy a lipstick if it’s named after food or sex. Just think about it... Black Honey. Plum Passion. Peachy Keen...
    Gigi: Pink Pussy.

& Roberta Hoffmann: When someone asks, I want you to say you are 19. Always 19. Eighteen is too on the nose.
    Jesse: No one’s going to believe that.
    Roberta Hoffmann: Honey. People believe what they are told.

& Jesse: I can’t sing. I can’t dance. I can’t write. No real talent. But I’m pretty, and I can make money off pretty. So...
    Dean: I think you’re probably good at a lot of things.
    Jesse: You can’t tell. We just met.

& Gigi: Anything worth having hurts a little.

---

& Gigi: Nobody likes the way they look.
    Jesse: I do.
    Gigi: Are you, Jesse?

& Sarno: Now look at Jesse. Nothing fake, nothing false. A diamond in a sea of glass.

& Sarno: True beauty is the highest currency we have. ... Beauty isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.

& Jesse: I know what I look like. And what’s wrong with that anyway? Women would kill to look like this. They carve and stuff and inject themselves. They starve to death, hoping, praying that one day they’ll look like a second-rate version of me.

& Jesse: Are we having a party or something?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

The Long Distance Dissonance

The Big Bang Theory 10×24

& Amy: In fact, that’s when I started to really miss you.
    Sheldon: ... You know you just split an infinitive.
    Amy: Did I? Are you gonna teach me a lesson?
    Sheldon: I am. It is naughty to put an adverb between the word «to» and the verb stem.
    Amy: What are you gonna do about it?
    Sheldon: I’m going to admonish you.
    Amy: Vigorously?
    Sheldon: That’s the only kind of admonishing I do.

& Howard: Okay, the simplest explanation is usually the right one...
    Raj: Which is?
    Howard: That ain’t Sheldon.

& Sheldon: I think you’d like her. She’s extremely intelligent, just like you. Unlike you, she’s tall, blonde and used to be an Olympic swimmer.

---

& Penny: Come on, it’s Sheldon. Nothing is gonna happen.
    Amy: That’s what you said to me when I started dating him! And then five years later, bingo-bango, something happened!!

& Amy: You don’t get it. I’ve been smacking that ketchup bottle for a long time. All she’s got to do is tip it over and point it at her fries.

& Leonard: You think you should call Amy?
    Penny: You got fingers and a mouth, you call her!

& Penny: All right, this is making me crazy. Somebody’s got to go over there!
    Leonard: You got feet and legs, you do it.

& Raj: There’s no way a woman that attractive is trying to seduce Sheldon Cooper...
    Howard: You done trying to make yourself feel better?
    Raj: No. I haven’t played the race card yet.

& Sheldon: That was fun. It was like Mario Kart.

& Sheldon: Question: are you seeking a romantic relationship with me?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Blond Ambition

Grimm 3×2?

«Turn back, turn back,
thou pretty bride,
within this house thou must not abide.
For here do evil things betide.»
Brothers Grimm, «The Robber Bridegroom»

& Trubel: If you could choose to be a Grimm or not, what would you do?
    Nick: Well, it hasn’t made my life any easier. Or Juliette’s. Or yours.
    Trubel: Better being a Grimm than being crazy. I think.

& Trubel: You know, I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I can’t keep living off you guys.
    Nick: You can for a little while. Just until you know what you need to know.
    Trubel: Do you know what you need to know?
    Nick: ... I’m working on it.

---

& Nick: Juliette, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
    Juliette: Nick, you were in bed with somebody.
    Nick: Yeah, I was in bed with somebody, you. We made love.
    Juliette: We didn’t.
    Nick: .... Somebody who looked and sounded exactly like you, was in our bedroom, and was wearing your negligee.
    Juliette: Nick, it wasn’t me.
    Nick: It had to have been you. Who else could it have been?

& Monroe: Oh, my God, Nick. Your eyes. Somethings wrong. They’re normal.

& Monroe: You’re not a Grimm anymore.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

The Inheritance

Grimm 3×21

«’No,’ said the King. ’I had rather die
than place you in such a great danger
as you must meet with in your journey.’»
Brothers Grimm, «The Water of Life»

& Capt. Renard: If I didn’t know you better, I’d be in love with you.

& Rosalee: I’m sorry. It’s just all gotten so overwhelming.
    Monroe: Honey. It’s a wedding. It’s supposed to be overwhelming to keep you from doing this more than once.

---

& Josh: Who are you?
    Trubel: Just call me Trubel.

& Josh: Well, at least I know my dad wasn’t crazy. Unless all of you are.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb