The Hitchhiker

Good Omens 2. Chapter 4

Hell PA: Hello. Have a miserable eternity. We'd like to apologize for the wait and the conditions, but we won't. Cheer up. Things could be worse, and they will be.

Furfur: Shoot number four, all the way down. Have a miserable eternity. Next.

Shax: Having a rough one?
Furfur: No, no, it's perfect. I've spent all morning processing 52 men called Otto.
Shax: You know, if you really want to get out of here, I believe they are looking to move some people from Admissions to Temptations...
Furfur: Well, it's never come easy to me. Climbing the greasy pole. I get all double tongue tied.

Furfur: You'd be passed through this spider's digestive system, expelled as faecal matter, reconstituted as a Nazi headed fly and the whole sorry business is repeated.
Greta Kleinschmidt: For how long?
Furfur: Let me check for you.... Eternity. So, if you'd rather take the initial 24 hours as a living dead on Earth, just sign here, otherwise it's straight through there for spinne time--

Crowley: Are you sure? Are you sure you are sure?

Magic Shop Owner: I have warned you. It'll take a miracle for you to be able to perform this safely tonight.
Aziraphale: That's why you just sell us the trick.
Crowley: Leave the miracles to us.

Aziraphale: You'll do the shooting, I'll catch the bullet. I'll do all the hard bits.

Aziraphale: It's perfectly simple. Aim for my mouth, but shoot past my ear.
Crowley: I just squeeze that there, do I not?
Aziraphale: Haven't you fired a gun before?
Crowley: Not as such.

Aziraphale: But you're dead.
Furfur: Living dead.

Aziraphale: You could've walked away. If you were truly as evil as you like to paint yourself, you would've done that.
Crowley: Nah. That's the trouble with you lot. You don't just see things in black and white. Sometimes, you've just gotta blur the edges.

Aziraphale: Well, maybe there is something to be said for. Shades of grey.
Crowley: Well, shades of... dark grey.
Aziraphale: Shades of a very light grey, I'd rather fancy.

Aziraphale: Well, then. Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association monthly meeting, here we come.
Crowley: You're really hosting the meeting?
Aziraphale: Absolutely. And I can guarantee you it will be a night to remember...

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