The Chump

The Office 6×25

Michael Scott: God! You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth?

Michael Scott: You know what, we're not gonna die of radon, we're gonna die of boredom.

Michael Scott: And if I had a gun with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, all right. You were being really funny and then you went too far.
Michael Scott: I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
Dwight Schrute: No. That's still...

Pam Beesly: Please, please! And if he makes a joke, just laugh it up no matter what, okay?

Jim Halpert: So, we're gonna say the most likely scenario is that Michael matured overnight?
Andy Bernard: It happened to Tom Hanks in Big.
Jim Halpert: Exactly. It happened in Big.

Michael Scott: I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong.
Meredith Palmer: That is something I would never do.
Michael Scott: Well, I think we all know what you're capable of, Meredith.
Meredith Palmer: Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on or been used to cheat with. I ask everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?"

Michael Scott: People, this is Scranton and many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania. And in Paris, it is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers.
Kelly Kapoor: Ugh! Ryan, I do not want you hanging out with Michael anymore.

Michael Scott: You know what? You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. Just sit there and think about Michael Jackson.

Andy Bernard: For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I've lived the part. And let me tell you, I would so much rather play the part on stage.

Andy Bernard: So, here's the thing about infidelity--
Michael Scott: No, no. When are you people going to stop casting the first stone? I am not in the wrong here. I am the good guy. How does that work? Do you think this husband is a super sweet, nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.

Andy Bernard: Let's go check it out.
Michael Scott: I have work to do.
Andy Bernard: Really? I thought you were the boss...
Michael Scott: Let's go. I can't wait to see this jerk who is making me cheat on his wife. I should punch him in the nose for what he's making me do to her.

Gabe Lewis: I don't want to be the heavy here, but honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad.
Jim Halpert: Sorry about that.
Pam Beesly: So embarrassing.
Gabe Lewis: Good, okay, end of the dressing down. I just hate that part of the job, you know? The power dynamic.

Dwight Schrute: Are you warmed up?
Angela Martin: No.
Dwight Schrute: God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility?

Michael Scott: I'm a little bit emotional right now because I know that I absolutely made the right decision. At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or being happy. And I picked... the former.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb