I Know Where I'm Going

Good Omens 2. Chapter 3

Aziraphale: This is a human police officer who's just popped in to have a quick look at a cup of tea.

Aziraphale: As for Inspector Constable, at a guess, they were sent to verify the 25 Lazarii miracle you and I seem to have accidentally performed together the other night.
Crowley: That's how you lot measure miracles? How many times it could have brought someone back from the dead?

Crowley: Listen, you wouldn't be interested in humans falling in love, would you? I... I know for some members of the police force it's a bit of a hobby!
Muriel: Yes! Yes, I am! Oh, especially...
Crowley: Maggie and Nina over the road. Ah, yes. Well, we, humans of Earth have a saying: you can only tell if people are in love by waiting a few days because humans are weird and that's how it works.
Muriel: Oh... yes! I knew that.
Crowley: Well, don't hesitate to ask me if you have any other questions about love, Inspector...
Aziraphale: Constable.

Aziraphale: Oh, this isn't good.
Crowley: Well, depending on the point of view. You say potato, I say excellent.

Crowley: She needed the money.
Aziraphale: That is irrelevant. Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice.
Crowley: You know, they cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked.
Aziraphale: She is wicked.
Crowley: Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. You can't start someone off like that and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle.
Aziraphale: Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. So Elspeth here has all the opportunities because she's so poor.
Crowley: That's lunacy.
Aziraphale: No, that's ineffable.

Crowley: Gravity. It's, um... a thing that happens when objects are pulled together. In this case, they're all pulled downwards because the earth is the largest thing around.
Gabriel: Why?

Crowley: Right, so, the plan: Operation Lovebirds. I'm gonna wait until they both happen to be near the awning, then, sudden downpour, they're back out of the rain, bump into each other, look into each other's eyes and vavoom.
Gabriel: Vavoom?
Crowley: That's the plan, yeah. I haven't done weather in ages...

Aziraphale: That was very kind of you, Crowley. You saved that young woman.
Crowley: Not kind! Off my head on laudanum. Not responsible for my actions.

Crowley: Fell's Bookshop. We probably don't have what you're looking for and we wouldn't sell it to you if we did.

Crowley: Oh, yes. It's working...

Gabriel: Did they vavoom?
Crowley: I think it's fair to say, Jim, that vavooming was not the end result of that particular tempest.

Gabriel: There will come a tempest, and darkness, and great storms. And the dead will leave their graves and walk the earth once more. And there will be great lamentations.
Crowley: Go on.
Gabriel: Every day it's getting closer.
Crowley: What are we talking about now?....
Gabriel: Who am I? What's happened to me?

Shax: Come on, let me in.
Crowley: Yeah. Not gonna happen, so just... excuse me.

Crowley: I'm surprised you haven't popped in for a quick poke around.
Shax: You know I can't step over the threshold.
Crowley: Oh. Shame I can't invite you in. You're welcome to look all you want from there. Maybe you'll spot an archangel.
Gabriel: Hello, customer!
Shax: Listen, when there's no hot water and two yellow lights on the boiler, what is that?
Crowley: Oh, yeah, yeah. That happens. There's a little black tap on a silver loop you have to turn. It's sort of under...
Shax: Yeah, I can find it. And if you won't let me in...
Crowley: Not technically something I can do.

Crowley: If any harm comes to Aziraphale because of this, I will... Oh, it doesn't matter. It's too late for that now, isn't it? It's always too late.

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