21 дек. 2013 г.

Riddick

& Riddick: There are bad days... and then there are legendary bad days. This was shaping up to be one of those.

& Riddick: Yet again, someone was trying to play me. So yet again... we play for blood.

& Riddick: Somewhere along the way, I lost a step. I got sloppy. Dulled my own edge. Maybe I went and did the worst crime of all... I got civilized. So now we zero the clock. Just me and this no-name world. Gotta find that animal side again.

& Johns: By the way, my name is...
    Santana: “Too Late.” That’s your name. Too Late.

& Dahl: Is it true half the people you meet are below average intelligence?


& Johns: I’m just sharing my thoughts.
    Santana: Well, now that you have... can I politely invite you to step off my fucking porch?!

& Riddick: Here’s what’s gonna happen. The next 60 seconds, you’re gonna watch your own head drop into that box.

& Riddick: Then when it’s all over... and the rest of you are ready for Dead Animal Pickup... I’m gonna go balls deep into Dahl. But only because she asked me to. Sweet-like.

& Johns: If Riddick comes back here without us... you go ahead, you kill him on general principle.
    Dahl: Is that before or after I’m supposed to fuck him?

& Dahl: Let me ask you something... sweet-like...

& Riddick: I’ll tell you this, Johns. Sooner or later, we all have to head home.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Let 'Em Eat Cake

Arrested Development 1×22

& Michael: They’re not gonna ask you anything. They want me to take the polygraph test.
    Gob: But... I’m the oldest. The matriarch, if you will.
    Michael: Sure. I will.

& Lindsay: It’s not gonna last with Tobias. He’s completely oblivious. He’s got no idea how I’m feeling or thinking.
    Michael: So there’s no sex?
    Lindsay: I mean, how do you not have sex with me?
    Michael: It is a struggle.

& Tobias: The book is huge. And I have a bit of money coming my way as a result. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go upstairs and run the shower. Let me know if it’s too loud in the kitchen.
    Lindsay: Okay, honey.


& Michael: Tell me the truth, okay? ’Cause there’s been a lot of lying in this family.
    Lucille: And a lot of love.
    Michael: More lies.

& Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It’s the end of the line. I’m the first born. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I’m mad about... And I’m taking over.

& Michael: You want to be in charge?
    Gob: Yeah.
    Michael: You want to deal with what I deal with... a sister who takes your money and throws it away; a mother who you can’t trust; a company whose founder may be on trial for treason... Is that what you want?
    Gob: What kind of vacation time does it offer?

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

The Heisenberg Legacy

20 дек. 2013 г.

Internal Audit

Elementary 2×11

& Sherlock: Actually, would you mind stepping back a couple of paces? I’m feeling a little bit crowded.

& Sherlock: Behold, Watson, a generation lost to narcissism. A populace who believes that no experience is worth having unless it’s been uploaded and received its fair share of hits, for whom the pinnacle of achievement is having the moment you crush your genitalia on a metal railing achieve “meme” status.


& Randy: You’re Sherlock, right?
    Sherlock: And you are?
    Randy: Randy.
    Sherlock: Name or adjective?
    Randy: What?
    Sherlock: Short for “Randall”? Or state of sexual arousal?
    Randy: Are you asking me if I’m horny?

--
On the IMDb

A Young Doctor's Notebook and Other Stories 2×3

& Companion in a car: You tried to touch my balls.
    Bomgard Old: No, no. I had an idea for my opera, an aria. I could sing it for you, if you like.
    Companion: I’d rather you touch my balls.

& Bomgard Young: I haven’t thought about morphine in three weeks and a day.
    Bomgard Old: Hang on, are you counting the 14 days we lost since we joined the Gregorian calendar?
    Bomgard Young: Well, yes! Who’s counting?


& Bomgard Young: You know, it’s just occur to me, that I have been a terrible host. Would you do me the honor of sleeping in my bed tonight?

& Bomgard Young: I won’t be in the room. I have patients to see. I just meant this is a comfortable bed. And the most important thing for me, is that you’re comfortable. Would you like me to leave while you undress?
    Natasha: That would help, make me more comfortable.

--
On the IMDb

19 дек. 2013 г.

The Truth About Emanuel

& Emanuel: My name is Emanuel. I’m seventeen years old and I killed my mother.

& Emanuel: There’s no place for me. Because I’m not supposed to be here. Maybe if I was some sort of Olympic athlete, or a genius scientist, but I’m not. I’m not any of those things. I’m just a girl. A murderer without a motive. So I serve my time, waiting for my sentence to be up.

& Claude: Emanuel. Isn’t that a boy’s spelling?
    Emanuel: They thought I was going to be a boy.
    Claude: But you’re not.
    Emanuel: Reality is overrated.


& Dennis: How is it that a child who had more words at two than an average first grader suddenly becomes monosyllabic at eighteen?

& Emanuel: What was that?
    Arthur: My heart pumping blood to everything else.

& Claude: Everyone’s family is a little odd. If it’s not, then it’s not really a family.
    Emanuel: So that uncomfortable, annoyed feeling I get whenever I walk in the house is just telling me I’m home.
    Claude: Yeah, pretty much.

--
On the IMDb

! Soundtrack

Not Without My Daughter

Arrested Development 1×21

& George Michael: Hey, don’t forget me.
    Michael: For what?
    George Michael: It’s Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. And unless you had a daughter I don’t know about, I’m your girl.

& Michael: I cannot kill this joke.

& Patient: There’s, like, this longing, this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like some kind of...
    Maeby: Homosexual!
    Tobias: Maeby, please... She’s right though. You probably are a homosexual.

& Lucille: Stop it! He’s your little brother!
    Buster: No, he’s not! I came out of you! He didn’t!


& Michael: And now I’m filling out an expense report... so I can sleep well at night knowing that I have been honest.

& Michael: I would like to see if you could go one day without telling a lie. just one whole day without being like your mom.
    Maeby: What’s in it for me if I do?
    Michael: You’ll win my respect.
    Maeby: Good night.
    Michael: And... 50 bucks.
    Maeby: Fine. I’ll do it if you do it.
    Michael: That-a-girl. This is gonna be fun.
    Maeby: I win.

& George Michael: There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can’t really with my dad. Like, uh, were-were you ever awkward around girls?
    Gob: What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn’t know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.

& Uncle Oscar: Oh, your tongue is as sharp as your body is still taut.
    Lucille: What are you doing? Oscar, this is a children’s soccer game, not Woodstock!
    Uncle Oscar: That was another era, huh? The music and the pot... Will you excuse me? I need to go to my camper for just a quick sec.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

18 дек. 2013 г.

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

Two and a Half Men 8×7

& Michelle: You eat a lot of fish. Aren’t you worried about mercury?
    Charlie: Michelle, on the list of things I expect to kill me... mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure... struck by lightning and heart attack during sex. Guess which I’m rooting for.

& Charlie: This is my mother Evelyn. Mom, Michelle.
    Michelle: It’s a pleasure. You have a wonderful son.
    Evelyn: Yes, I do. But Charlie and Alan must never learn of him.

& Charlie: He needs money.
    Alan: No, no. But if you’re looking to give I’m not gonna turn it down.
    Evelyn: You’re a dermatologist. How do I get rid of a 170-pound skin tag?
    Alan: Excuse me, 164!
    Charlie: Really? That’s the part you object to?
    Alan: You like to be called a 200-pound drunk?
    Charlie: One-eighty.
    Alan: See?

& Evelyn: Children are God’s little way of punishing us for having sex.


& Charlie: So, Michelle, you’ve met my mom and my brother. You breaking up with me now, or prefer to wait till after lunch?

& Rose: You should know that I didn’t come over to ruin your date.
    Charlie: Really. Why did you come over?
    Rose: To tell you that I’m getting married.
    Charlie: I’m not marrying you, Rose!

& Rose: Last chance to kiss the bride!

& Charlie: ’Okay. Call me. Kisses...’ Kisses? If I was any fruitier, I could open a Jamba Juice.

& Michelle: What you said about your housekeeper. You love her, but you’re scared of her. Having met your mother, I’m betting you’re scared of her.
    Charlie: Well, yeah, but I don’t love her.
    Michelle: Charlie...
    Charlie: What are you trying to say? I’m in love with Rose?!
    Michelle: You tell me... Bye, Charlie.
    Charlie: Okay, I do love Berta... I suppose I kind of love my mother... Oh, crap!

--
On the IMDb

House of Cards 1×2

Chapter 2

& Francis: You know what I like about people? They stack so well.

& Francis: San Corp helps me purchase loyalty, and in return they expect mine. It’s degrading, I know, but when the tit’s that big, everybody gets in line.

& Francis: Such a waste of talent. He chose money over power— In this town, a mistake nearly everyone makes. Money is the McMansion in Sarasota that starts falling apart after ten years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries. I cannot respect someone who doesn’t see the difference.

& Donald Blyth: I am not comfortable with this.
    Francis: Well, then what do you suggest we do? What a martyr craves more than anything is a sword to fall on, so you sharpen the blade, hold it at just the right angle, and then 3, 2, 1—
    Donald Blyth: It should be me.

& Francis: There’s a gym in the Capitol.
    Claire: Which you never use.
    Francis: Because I’m a tad busy running the country.

& Francis: Is this your subtle way of saying that I’m out of shape?
    Claire: No, it’s my way of suggesting you could be in better shape.
    Francis: That sounds both passive-aggressive and condescending.
    Claire: Just plain aggressive and true.


& Francis: It looks positively medieval, doesn’t it? And to turn my only sanctuary into a fitness dungeon.

& Russo: My name is Peter Russo. Congressman Russo. I’d like to just speak to you for just a... Sir?
    Roy: Either you’re lying, and you can fuck off; or you’re telling the truth, and you can absolutely fuck off.

& Francis: I must walk three miles a day around that Capitol. I’m constantly on my feet. And do you know how many calories the brain burns?
    Claire: I’m not worried about your brain. It’s your heart we’re talking about. Use the machine.

& Francis: She’s right. I should take better care of myself. But it’s the principle. I won’t be a slave to anybody or anything you can order with a toll-free number.

& Russo: Can a corporate sellout roll a joint like this?

& Janine: Hey, Twitter twat, W.T.F.?

& Francis: Let this story play out on its own time. They’ll announce in the morning.
    Zoe: I’m sorry. If not that, what story are we talking about?
    Francis: Catherine Durant. As soon as Kern withdraws, you say she’ll be the replacement.
    Zoe: Is that true?
    Francis: It will be after you write it.

& Francis: Kapeniak and Kern were appetizers, Miss Barnes. Catherine Durant is the meal.

& Francis: Say that name: Catherine Durant. Say it over and over. Tomorrow afternoon, write it down, and then watch that name come out of the mouth of the President of the United States. This is where we get to create.

& Janine: You’re a metro scrub, and now look at you. You’d have to be fucking somebody important.
    Zoe: I’m just doing my job, Janine. Excuse me.

& Francis: Nobody can hear you. Nobody cares about you. Nothing will come of this. Why don’t you let these nice gentlemen take you home?

--
+ Quotes from the IMDb

A Young Doctor's Notebook and Other Stories 2×2

& Bomgard Old: There are pages missing.
    Companion in a car: I ate a lot of borsch.
    Bomgard Old: October, November...
    Companion: Bad borsch.
    Bomgard Old: You wipe your ass with Christmas?

& Bomgard Young: What is the point of having your own hospital if all you can find is cocaine.

& Bomgard Old: It would be impolite to call on a spinster at this late hour. Specially with a giant cocaine erection.

& Feldsher: Ah yes, the flag. A humble piece of fabric, yet one that crystallizes an ideology. In this case, the deep red of the blood spilled in the fight for freedom. Captures everything the Bolshevik stand for... I must say, doctor, it shows tremendous courage to display this symbol with the White Guard moments from the door... Courage, but tempered with cunning.

& Anna: Yes, we have a door bell. Not animals.


& Anna: I’m sorry, and you are?
    Natasha: Please, you can call me Natasha.
    Anna: Of course you are. I’ll try to remember it.

& Natasha: Once again, thank you for your kindness. I haven’t felt such warmth, since... since I sit and watched the Bolsheviks burned down my childhood home.

& Anna: Of course, you are all most welcome here. But when you’re going?
    Colonel: Oh, soon. Sooner we can get out of this fetid cesspit the better.
    Anna: Well, if that’s your attitude you can take your poached chicken and you jelly...
    Natasha: He means Russia, not this hospital.
    Colonel: Oh, yeah.

& Colonel: Excuse me, I...
    Feldsher: Yes, that was a... unexpected discharge.

& Natasha: If I hadn’t suggested you join the White Guard, this would never have happened.
    Bomgard Young: No, I have no regrets. I wanted to aid your cause.
    Natasha: Then perhaps you should join the Bolsheviks.
    Bomgard Young: How would that help? ... Right.

& Companion: Shut up.
    Bomgard Old: But I have began my opera.
    Companion: An opera... No wonder you hate yourself.

--
On the IMDb

Mrs Biggs

17 дек. 2013 г.

Prisoners

& Keller: You know the most important thing your granddad ever taught me?.. Be ready. Hurricane, flood, whatever it ends up being. No more food gets delivered to the grocery store, gas stations dry up. People just turn on each other, and, uh... All of a sudden, all that stands between you and being dead is you.

& ♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg ♪
    ♪ the Batmobile lost its wheels, and joker got away — hey! ♪


& Detective Loki: A lie detector doesn’t work if you don’t understand the questions.

& Keller: Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses... As we— As we for—

& Some character: Making children disappear is the war we wage with God. Makes people lose their faith. Turns them into demons like you.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

16 дек. 2013 г.

The Star

Homeland 3×12

& Carrie: Is there even one person on the planet you trust, Saul?

& Javadi: The longer he eludes us, the weaker I look and the less chance I have of being chosen to replace Akbari.

& Dar Adal: I’ll let the Director know your concerns.
    Scott: Would that still be Mr. Berenson? Or is that now Mr. Lockhart?
    Dar Adal: That would still be Mr. Berenson. For another... 11 hours and ten minutes.

& Brody: What happens next?
    Carrie: I don’t know. What do you want to happen?
    Brody: Honestly? I never expected to get this far. So I try not to think about it.

& Carrie: It was about redemption.
    Brody: In what universe can you redeem one murder by committing another?
    Carrie: You’re a Marine, Brody. The rules are different.
    Brody: I’m a lot of things. But I’m not a Marine anymore.

& Carrie: I happen to believe one of the reasons I was put on this earth was for our paths to cross. And, yeah, I know how crazy that sounds.

& Saul: Fucking pussies, all of you. Who called Javadi?..
    Lockhart: I did.
    Saul: On whose authority?
    Lockhart: The President’s... You’re out, Saul. I’m the director now.


& Javadi: A public execution is scheduled for tonight.

& Javadi: The plan is a success. You and Brody pulled it off.
    Carrie: Not if he dies.
Javadi: More so, if he dies.

& Javadi: Who Brody is, that’s for Allah to know. But what he did, there can be no debate. It was astonishing and undeniable. And what you wanted, which was for everyone to see in him what you see. That has happened.

& Brody: You’re wasting your time. Holding out false hope isn’t helping anyone.

& Mira: What did you bring me?
    Saul: They were out of baguettes, so I got croissants instead.

& Mira: It’s unbelievable. It’s your whole life. It’s your crowning achievement.
    Saul: Only cost me my career.
    Mira: Well... yeah, but it’s a hell of a way to go out.

& Carrie: Who are we to stand in judgment?
    Lockhart: No one’s judging him. I’m just not memorializing him on the walls of this building.

& Saul: Why even bother? You order the same thing every time.
    Dar Adal: I know I do, but in my heart I want to spread my wings and soar.

& Dar Adal: It’s all anybody in the building’s talking about... You know what they’re calling you? The Maestro.

& Carrie: I... I don’t feel love. All I feel... is scared.

--
On the IMDb

Head

American Horror Story: Coven

3×9

& Myrtle: The greater ideals of our coven. Power, compassion, and uniqueness.

& Myrtle: I had a Turkish Angora cat who was born with one brown eye and one blue. She was absolutely gorgeous.

& Fiona: Who let this charcoal briquette back in?

& Joan: I don’t believe it! You’re mocking my grief.
    Madison: Not your grief. Maybe the outfit... God works in mysterious ways, Joanie. Roll with it.

& Queenie: Time for some sensitivity training.
    Delphine: What fresh hell is this?
    Queenie: Roots: The Saga of an American Family. You are gonna watch all eight hours of it, followed by the sequel, Roots: The Next Generation.
    Delphine: Why don’t you just throw my head in that fire pit? I wanna die! I’m ready.


& Queenie: You’re not leaving this earth until I educate you about those people you tortured: my people. We’re gonna have ourselves a little film festival. You’re gonna watch Mandingo, The Color Purple, and then my personal favorite— B*A*P*S, starring Miss Halle Berry. But first, based on the best-selling novel by the great black writer Alex Haley— one family’s epic story, from slavery to freedom—
    Delphine: Oh, God...
    Queenie: Roots.

& Fiona: You know why I got a female attack dog?
    Hank: Because bitches stick together?
    Fiona: Because females are more loyal and aggressive when it comes to protecting their families.

--
On the IMDb

Whistler's Mother

Arrested Development 1×20

& Michael: A matter of land, Mom?!
    Lucille: Oh, that’s funny. I meant “A matter of ’L’ and ’D’...” Life and death.

& Bride of Gob: I’m in love with your brother-in-law.
    Gob: You’re in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
    Bride of Gob: No. Your sister’s husband.
    Gob: Michael? Michael!
    Bride of Gob: No, that’s your sister’s brother.
    Gob: I’m my sister’s brother. You’re in love with me. Me!
    Bride of Gob: I’m in love with Tobias.
    Gob: My brother-in-law?


& Michael: Obviously, Dad’s in prison now. I’m running the business a little bit differently.
    Uncle Oscar: You do the best with what you have.
    Michael: Yeah...
    Uncle Oscar: I have lemons, I make lemonade.

& Michael: I’m not just gonna hand out a check, okay? You gotta come up with an investment plan. You gotta call...
    Gob: Oh, we’ve got an investment plan.
    Michael: “Gobias Industries...”
    Gob: Go bias. Hmm? As in, “Go buy us some coffee.”

& Lucille: Shh... Shh... Shh...
    Michael: What’s this? What’s happening?
    Lucille: It’s going to be all right.
    Michael: Wh-why are you squeezing me with your body?
    Lucille: It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

15 дек. 2013 г.

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

Two and a Half Men 8×6

& Alan: Come on. She’s a dermatologist and I have a hideous growth on my foot.
    Charlie: The hideous growth on your foot is you.

& Charlie: Hey, Alan. Listen...
    Alan: Hey. Hey. Hey!
    Charlie: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
    Alan: Nothing!
    Charlie: Right. Having ’a little me’ time.
    Alan: Wasn’t little until you came in.

& Michelle: I’m 47, Charlie.
    Charlie: Oh, okay. I wasn’t even thinking about that!
    Michelle: Really? What were you thinking about?
    Charlie: Uh... You know, the Scientology thing with Travolta and Cruise. What’s that all about?

& Alan: Oh, come on, 47’s just a number.
    Charlie: A big number. A scary number.
    Alan: Are you really that superficial, vain and shallow?
    Charlie: Yes, yes and yes. The deepest thing about me... is a little pit on my ass where a mole used to be.
    Alan: But fish can swim in shallow water.
    Charlie: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
    Alan: I don’t know, I’m a little dehydrated.


& Alan: It’s not my fault.
    Charlie: Really? Whose fault is it?
    Alan: Big pharma.
    Charlie: Who the hell’s big pharma?
    Alan: You know, pharmaceutical companies that make boner pills that last 36 hours.
    Charlie: You took a boner pill?!
    Alan: I had to. The pills were about to expire.
    Charlie: But you didn’t have a woman.
    Alan: Hence the constant masturbation. You know how expensive those things are. I’m simply trying to get my money’s worth.

& Charlie: So this non-stop whack-a-thon is just because you’re cheap?
    Alan: And horny.
    Charlie: And nuts.
    Alan: Semantics.
    Charlie: Why the car?
    Alan: You said not in the living room.
    Charlie: Did I say “in the car”?
    Alan: Well, I didn’t plan it. I... I was gonna go to the movies and I got distracted.
    Charlie: What could possibly distract you from driving out of the garage?
    Alan: Think about it. Slipping the key into the hole... Gently turning it... pumping the gas until the engine starts purring...
    Charlie: I’m thinking about it and I’m still going with nuts.

& Alan: What happened?
    Charlie: You really expect me to share my personal problems... with a self-abusing zoo monkey?

--
On the IMDb

Misfits 5×8

& Greg: Do you know... what today is?
    Abby: ... Tuesday?
    Greg: Today... is the last day of your community service.

& Greg: You had a chance to do something positive, to give something back, to help people, to really make a difference to their lives..... You failed. Dismally. Do you want to know what the real tragedy is? This moment... right here... right now... this is as good as it gets for you.

& Alex: It’s amazing to think that came out of Jess’s twat.
    Finn: You are an industrial tribunal just waiting to happen. It’s called a vagina.

& Greg: A probation worker must learn to wear many masks. Best friend... Father figure... Tearful clown.


& Jess: What are you doing?!
    Rudy: Well, he wanted to suckle on something and you weren’t ’ere. I know they’re not as beautiful as yours, like, but any nipple in a storm. Eh, mate?

& Finn: You’re not going to believe this. Those community service pricks, fucking little fuckers. They tried to kill me!
    Rudy: Well, they chose the wrong day to do that, Finlay... cos I’m feeling very hormonal.

& Finn: What’s the plan? Do we... Do we have a plan? Running’s a plan! There’s no shame in running!

& Rudy: Handsome barman?..

& Jess: Rudy... Be careful.
    Rudy: Of course I’ll be careful. Careful’s my middle name. Rudy Careful Geoffrey Wade.

& Rudy: Whoa, ho-ho-ho-ho! Whoa, dude! Oh, did you see that? That’s a G-flat, because she’s flat and her fucking name begins with G.

& Rudy: This could be the start of something huge. I feel it in me nutsack.

--
On the IMDb

Σ That's all. Such a pity. RIP Misfits. 'll miss you.

Best Man for the Gob

Arrested Development 1×19

& Gob: Maybe you can try to break us up.
    Michael: I can’t do that.
    Gob: Why not? You did it with me and Marta. You had no problem with that, guy.

& Tobias: As you may or may not know... Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
    Michael: Really? When did that start?
    Tobias: Well... I don’t want to blame it all on 9/11... but it certainly didn’t help.

& Gob: Think about it. I’ve got the marriage and none of the good parts. It’s like, so far it’s been all chain and no ball.

& Tobias: Stop! It is not Zanotab.
    Lindsay: Well, maybe if I was allowed to have a Zanotab, I’d remember it’s Euphorazine.
    Tobias: No. We are not going to do that again. This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers.


& George Michael: I thought you hated fishing.
    Michael: No, it’s fun. I like fun. I just hated doing it with my dad. This is gonna be you and me. Okay? We get to stay at a hotel, get up at 4:00 a.m., slap on the old seasick patch. We’re gonna get out there on the choppy ocean. We’re gonna catch ourselves a little lunch.
    George Michael: Oh, we get to eat it?
    Michael: After we gut it.

& Lindsay: We’re dressed like we’re in the ’60s. It’s the 21st century. We should be dressing like it’s the ’80s.
    Tobias: Lindsay...
    Lindsay: I’m tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I’ll be at the bar.

& Tobias: I must say I feel a bit like a Mary... without a Peter and a Paul,

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

14 дек. 2013 г.

Jobs

& Steve: Okay. That’s it. Well, maybe there’s one more thing... I’m about to show you something that’s amazing. Something that no one else in the world has seen yet. Now, Jony, myself and a small team have been working really hard on a secret project, which is something I’ve been known to do from time to time... The device I’m about to introduce to you is gonna revolutionize an entire industry..... It’s a music playing device.

& Steve: What it represents is as important as what it is. It’s a tool for the heart. And when you can touch someone’s heart, that’s limitless. If I do say so myself, it’s insanely cool. It’s a music player. It’s a thousand songs in your pocket. I’d like to introduce you to the iPod.


& Calligraphy Professor: Calligraphy is the artful and visual expression of communication. Take Garamond, for example. A typeface specifically designed to make the very act of reading more natural...

& Guru: The moment of your death is fixed. Life is but a journey to serenity, to its completion. Be as simple as you can be. You’ll be astonished to see how uncomplicated and happy your life can become.

& Al: What’re you doing, Steve?
    Steve: He’s an idiot. You know, and half the people around here don’t know how to design shit.
    Al: People are complaining about your behavior.
    Steve: Okay? And, yeah. About mine?!
    Al: And your odor. Are you showering like we discussed?
    Steve: I’m wearing shoes. You asked me to wear shoes, and I’ve got them on.
    Al: That’s not part of the deal, Steve. You’ve gotta learn how to work well with other people.

& Al: You’re good. You’re damn good. But you’re an asshole.


& Steve: Woz? Thanks for saving my ass.
    Woz: Of course. We’re friends. That’s, that’s what friends do.

& Steve: I just can’t work for other people. I guess I need my independence. If that makes any sense.
    Woz: Uh-huh. That makes perfect sense.
    Steve: I’m sorry for ruining your Friday night.
    Woz: Are you kidding me? This is great. I’d do this for free. I really would.

& Steve: Don’t you get this? This is freedom! This is freedom to create, and to do, and to build, as artists, as individuals.
    Woz: Look, you’re overreacting. Even if you were developing this for freaks like us, and I doubt you are, nobody wants to buy a computer. Nobody.
    Steve: How does somebody know what they want if they’ve never even seen it? Huh?

& Steve: You know if we’re gonna do this thing, we need to come up with a name.

& Steve: It just needs to be, like, something that people will relate to, you know? Like, it needs to be something that you see, and you’re just, like, “Man, I just gotta have it...” Apple.
    Woz: Excuse me?
    Steve: Apple.
    Woz: Apple, like the fruit?
    Steve: The fruit of creation. Apple. It’s simple but sophisticated. It comes before Atari in the phone book, too.
    Woz: That is so much better than Phaser Beam Computers!.. It’s naming it after a fruit.

& Steve: Apple. Apple Computer.
    Woz: But, what about Apple Records?
    Steve: Apple Records?
    Woz: The Beatles’ label, Ste...
    Steve: What, they own the word “apple”?
    Woz: Why do you always hate The Beatles?
    Steve: Well, I do not hale The Beatles.
    Woz: Yes, you do. You always...
    Steve: I do not hate The Beatles. They’re just, they’re not Dylan, and you know that.
    Woz: Okay, and that’s a comparison that you always make.
    Steve: Well, I... ’Cause it’s obvious.

& Paul Terrell: It’s a big payoff if you deliver.
    Steve: When I deliver.

& Steve: It’s gotta be straighter. These have to be more symmetrical.
    Woz: We have 60 days to complete 50 of these, and you’re worried about the symmetry? Sieve, nobody cares about the look of the board!
    Steve: I care.

& Paul Terrell: The average Joe doesn’t want to build their own computer. They just want to buy it. They want to take it out of the box, plug it in, and have it work... Steve!.. Are you listening to me?
    Steve: .... Yeah.

& Rod Holt: All right. Show me this revolutionary piece of shit.
    Steve: The Apple II. It’s the first ever all-in-one personal home computer.

& Steve: What the hell is the matter with people?!?!
    Woz: Take it the call don’t went well.
    Steve: I would say I hope you choke, but that burrito is gonna kill you either way.

& Steve: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Steve Jobs. When I founded this company, I had one goal in mind. And that was to do what nobody else considered possible. To put the power and the beauty of the world’s most advanced technology in the hands and homes of people just like you and me. And I can promise you that after today, you will never look at computers the same way again. So I am proud to introduce to you, and the world, the future of personal computing... The revolutionary Apple II.

& Steve: Why do they buy an Apple, not the competitor? Because it’s got bravado. It’s social status. No, you know what? It’s even more than that. It’s social currency. We’ve raised the bar. And if we want to stay there, we gotta risk everything. Great artists, Dylan, Picasso, Newton... they risk failure. And if we want to be great, we’ve gotta risk it, too.
    Best programmer in the division: On the command bar?
    Steve: On everything. And it starts with the little things.

& Steve: If you don’t share our enthusiasm, and care for the vision of this company...
    Best programmer: No, no, no, no. I just, I’m not understanding...
    Steve: Get out.
    Best programmer: What?
    Steve: Get your shit and get out!
    Best programmer: What, wait...
    Steve: You’re done.
    Best programmer: What, you... What, are you gonna, you’re gonna fire me?
    Steve: No! I already fired you!

& Steve: I want to see samples this afternoon. Somehow we managed to design a word processor that doesn’t have fonts. And it can’t happen again. So fix it!

& Woz: Do you know why I started this company with you? Why I left the safety of HP for this?.. I doubt you do. You never asked. I left because this was my thing. And you guys thought it was cool. I just wanted to be one of the guys. And of all the guys I knew, you were the coolest. You were smart, quick-witted... And this was my chance to do what I loved. And to do it for fun. That’s all, that’s all I ever wanted. I thought that’s what you wanted, too. Somethings happened to you, Steve...
    Steve: I’m grown up, Woz.
    Woz: No. No, you’re not.

& Bill Atkinson: Oh, Jesus.
    Steve: Nope. It’s just Steve.

& Steve: Okay. Let’s go back to what you were saying before. This thing is for the everyman. Right? That’s our end user. It’s the school teacher. It’s the garbage man. It’s the kid. it’s some grandma out in Nebraska. Right? So we need to make this thing simple. It’s gotta work like... like an appliance.

& Arthur Rock: What the hell makes you think you can get him? Why would he ever leave Pepsi?
    Steve: Nobody remembers the world’s best soda salesman.

& John Sculley: We’re not selling computers. We’re selling what they can do with a computer. A tool for the mind. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is limitless. Because people will never stop believing that they could get more out of something, whether it be their jobs, their marriage, their money, their lives. That’s what you have to do with the Mac. It’s the belief in the limitless. The impossible. That no matter what you dream, you can do it. And Mac will help you get there... A few months ago, when Steve was visiting me in Manhattan, he asked me a very important question. He said, “Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or come with me, and change the world?” Well, here I am. Thank you.


& Steve: Get me Bill Gates on the phone.

& Steve: Let me make this perfectly clear, Bill. So that when I’m finished, you can still see through those thick pretentious glasses, you psychopathic, unimaginative criminal. You stole my software, and I can prove it in court. And I’m gonna sue you for every cent that you have ever made. And I will make it my life’s mission to see to it that you never, never ever make another dollar that I don’t first take 90 cents!

& Woz: Not everyone has an agenda, Steve.
    Steve: Right.
    Woz: You know, I can still remember when we were just kids, back in your dads garage. And we just wanted to create cool toys for people like us. You remember that?
    Steve: Yeah.
    Woz: Now it’s not about people anymore for you. No, it’s about the product. Worst of all, it’s... It’s about yourself. You’re the beginning and end of your own world, Steve. And it’s so small. So sad. And it’s... it’s gotta be lonely.

& John Sculley: Steve... You are your own worst enemy. And this company’s.
    Steve: This... It’s unbelievable. Who do you think you are?
    John Sculley: I’m CEO of Apple Computer.

& Gil Amelio: In order to fix what’s broken, some sacrifices are necessary. All right? Steve, what do you need? Name it.

& Steve: Who are you?
    Jonathan Ive: Jonathan Ive. I’m Director of Industrial Design.
    Steve: Why are you still here?.. Why are you still here at Apple? This isn’t the company I built. There’s no taste, no style. No design. So unless they’re shackling you here, why do you stay?

& Steve: What do you think I stood for?
    Jonathan Ive: I think... I think you believe that the computer, or the Walkman, or whatever it may be, should be a natural extension of the individual. And it’s that mission, that devotion to quality, and ideals, and heart... That’s what keeps us here. That we might do it once more.

& Steve: Whatever you’re working on, the rest of the day I want you to forget it. I want everyone to design something new. I don’t care what it is, I don’t care if it’s technology, just create something. Something useful. Something you care about.

& Jonathan Ive: Steve... We’re glad you’re back.
    Steve: I’m not back... Yet.

& Mike Markkula: If you want to get back what you lost, this is the time.
    Steve: I never lost it. It was stolen from me.

& Jonathan Ive: There’s no sex left in computers. No curves. Now, if computers are for art, and beauty, and global interconnectivity, why are they so ugly? You know, it should be artful. But no one cares. The world may mistakenly see computers only in black and white, but we live, and we dream and we paint in color. And we think the computer should, too. What do you think?

& Steve: Jony, I always want you to be honest with me. No matter what. Just be brutally honest. Understand?

& Jonathan Ive: Steve, Gil Amelio and the board are not gonna allow that. No way.
    Steve: We’re not gonna ask for permission.

& Steve: In short, we’re gonna make Apple cool again.

& Steve: When you grow up, you tend to get told the world is the way that it is, your life is just to live your life inside the world and try not to bash into the walls too much. But that’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact. And that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people that are no smarter than you. And you can change it. You can influence it. You can build your own things, that other people can use. It’s to shake off this erroneous notion that life is just there, and you’re just gonna live in it, versus embrace it. Change it. Improve it. Make your mark upon it... And once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

& Gareth Chang: So... What are we gonna do now?
    Steve: We’re gonna put a dent in the universe.

& Steve: Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ + Уолтер Айзексон — Стив Джобс

A Young Doctor's Notebook and Other Stories 2×1

& Bomgard Young: Oh God, what on earth’s that smell? It’s worse than the dead!
    Pelageya: I got it in Grabilovka.
    Bomgard Young: Oh. I see... um... I didn’t realise they had a parfumerie.
    Pelageya: They don’t. But the blacksmith there sells most of the ingredients.
    Bomgard Young: Yes, I thought I detected... a subtle hint of... Was that peat?

& Bomgard Young: Are you alright?
    Bomgard Old: No, I’m not. I’m better. Better than ’alright’. I’m amazing.
    Bomgard Young: Opium?
    Bomgard Old: Air! It never runs out, and you never come down... Oh. That’s not air.

& Bomgard Young: Are you going to read me a bedtime story?
    Bomgard Old: A man cannot run from his past...
    Bomgard Young: That’s a boring story.

& Bomgard Old: I forgive you.


& Pelageya: I’d love to go to Moscow. Or anywhere. Even Omsk.
    Bomgard Young: What for? We have everything we need right here. Even the Bolshoi.

& Bomgard Young: Alright, Feldsher, tell me what’s going on.
    Feldsher: Oh, well... Since the fall of the Tsar, Mother Russia has been at war. With herself.
    Bomgard Young: Yes, yes. I am aware of this stupid revolution, Feldsher.
    Bolshevik: Comrade... Doctor.
    Bomgard Young: Stupid that it took so long for Russia to embrace the noble Bolshevik cause! We need to sort out the most seriously wounded.

& Bomgard Old: That portly individual out there is dying.
    Bomgard Young: Yes, but he is a Bolshevik soldier.
    Bomgard Old: What do you care about politics?
    Bomgard Young: I don’t, but they do have a lot of guns.

--
On the IMDb