Epic Fail
Season 6, Episode 2
& Foreman: I want to run the department.
Cuddy: You consider waiting until House clears the lobby before you start angling* for his job?
Foreman: He's not dead or sentimental and somebody needs to do it.
Cuddy: Not necessarily. Departments of diagnostic medicine don't exist. The only reason we have one is because of House. {...} You're a great doctor. I want you to stay on in neuro. But House... was a genius.
& Foreman: No House, the job still gets done.
Thirteen: And yet something's missing.
Taub: I'm short. He's black. You're gay-ish.
& Cameron: You know how House feels about people touching his ball.
Foreman: Chase refuses to tell me.
& Thirteen: He asked us to test his blood for mercury. It's unlikely, but not impossible.
Foreman: We disagreed.
Thirteen: It only takes 20 minutes. I figured it didn't matter.
Foreman: I'm thinking I should decide when it matters.
Taub: If you're done marking your territory...
& Cooking Instructor: In a lot of ways, cooking is like music. Different elements combine to make a symphony.
House: Difference is that Beethoven's 5th
isn't gonna be poop tomorrow.& Wilson: What was my one condition for allowing you to tag along? Try not to be a jerk.
House: I'm trying. I'm just failing.
& Cooking Instructor: Roll your meatballs and keep an open mind.
Wilson: How hard are you trying not to make a ball joke right now?
House: They're smoking. Your balls.
Wilson: Oh, no, no! My God, they're... They're browning way too fast.
House: Blue, you got to watch out for.
& Wilson: My God, they're... They're still raw inside. They're cooked through, the outside will be burned.
House: There's a medicated powder for that. Although... vinegar could work. My o-chem prof talked about how, theoretically, you shouldn't trust the results of a hemoglobin A1C test on a chronically acidotic patient. The acid in the blood slows the reaction between the hemoglobin protein and blood sugar. Browning meat is the same chemical process, which means... it should also be slowed by acid.
Wilson: That actually makes sense. You might've... saved my balls.
& Cuddy: Hi!
House: I'm making gnocchi.
Cuddy: I didn't mean to intrude. I just...
House: Cecile's in my cooking class. She doesn't speak English. ... If you bake the potatoes instead of boiling them, it's less moisture, fewer gluten bonds, lighter gnocchi. {...}
Cuddy: House, I need to talk to you about your leaving the hospital.
House: I do love a good groveling*, but my decision is final.
Cuddy: That's fine as long as I'm not the reason for it. I know that sounds completely narcissistic, but...
House: But it's not. We flirted. We kissed. I fondled*. I hallucinated a night with you and yelled it from a hospital balcony. You're not a narcissist.
Cuddy: So what am I?
House: Not the reason I'm leaving.
Cuddy: House... I'm gonna miss you.
Cecile: Lady, either kiss him or leave. We got work to do.
& House: You're early.
Thirteen: ... For what?
House: I knew you'd show up here complaining about Foreman. Thought you'd hold out for another week at least.
& House: Taste this.
Thirteen: Good. This might be the best thing I've ever eaten. And, yes, I'm including what you're thinking of now. You are an amazing cook!
House: I know. And yet, my leg hurts.
& Wilson: I broke my toilet this morning.
Cuddy: ... I'll get my tools.
Wilson: I blocked the intake valve so I could collect some of House's urine. Cuddy, he was barely limping*.
Cuddy: What did the lab say?
Wilson: The urine was clean for vicodin. It did, however, contain strange epithelial cells. Further analysis showed they were from a Labrador retriever.
Cuddy: Damn. He's using.
& Wilson: We know you're back on vicodin.
House: The only thing you know is that I'm a genius who got a dog to pee in your toilet. You don't know how I did it or, more interestingly, where I peed.
Cuddy: House, you've spent the last three months...
House: Et tu, Brute? You got no reason to be here. He's the one I was jerking around.
Wilson: Why is your leg better?
House: It hurts. Please go away now. If you think I'm using, how about asking me before taking a wrench to your plumbing?
Cuddy: You're an addict. You can't be surprised if we can't take you at your word.
House: Fine. Let's get you some proof. Hide your eyes, ladies. You too.
Wilson: My godson made me that mug.
House: If the lab says that this is retriever too, please let me know right away. It'd explain my overwhelming desire to wipe my butt on your carpet.
& House: I'm sorry. I slipped.
Nolan: You took vicodin?
House: ...
Nolan: $25,000?
House: I solved my old team's case. I was about to take the pills. I went online. I found people posting medical problems, and... my leg stopped hurting. I'm supposed to be changing my life. This is not a change.
Nolan: Well, maybe I was wrong.
House: Says the guy making sand castles in my brain.
& Nolan: Could be... The only thing worse for you than going back to diagnostic medicine is not going back.
House: Guess we're gonna find out.
-- Dict:
angling — удить; закидывать удочку
groveling — пресмыкательство
fondle — ласкать
limping — хромать
+ Еще quotes на Imdb.
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