The Big Bang Theory 2x15

The Maternal Capacitance

Season 2, Episode 15

* Penny: What's that about?
   Howard: Not a clue.
   Leonard: Can't we just postpone it till the spring? Maybe next summer?
   Sheldon: This should be fairly easy to deduce. He's holding the phone to his left ear. Ears do not cross hemispheres, so he's using the analytical rather than the emotional side of the brain, suggesting that he has no personal relationship with the caller.
   Leonard: No, I didn't realize it had been so long. Sure, I guess there's no other choice but to just go ahead and do it.
   Sheldon: He's referring to an activity he has done before. It's unpleasant and needs to be repeated. This suggests some sort of invasive medical test, like perhaps a colonoscopy.
   Leonard: Aren't there any other options? There's not a lot of room. It's gonna be uncomfortable.
   Sheldon: Yes, yes. I'm definitely going with colonoscopy.
   Leonard: Okay, bye. My mother's coming to visit.


* Penny: It's out of order.
   Beverly Hofstadter, Leonard's Mom: Yes, I can read the sign. I'm just pondering the implications.
   Penny: I think it implies that the elevator doesn't work.
   Beverly: Again, I can read the sign. But the sign and the tape are coated with a layer of dust, which indicates that the elevator has been nonfunctional for a significant amount of time. Which suggests either a remarkable passivity among the, I assume, 24 to 36 residents of this building, based on the number of mailboxes and given typical urban population density or a shared delusion of functionality.
   Penny: You must be Leonard's mother.
   Beverly: Oh, I don't know if I must be, but yes.


* Penny: What was he like when he was young?
   Beverly: You'll have to be more specific.
   Penny: Um, okay, like, five or six. ... Five.
   Beverly: Oh, well, at that age, he was well enmeshed in what Freud would call the phallic stage of psychosexual development. An outmoded theory, of course, but the boy did spend most of his waking hours with a tight grasp on his penis.


* Beverly: If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her fathore.
   Leonard: Good to see you, Mother.

---

* Leonard: Here's your tea, Mother.
   Beverly: Oolong?
   Leonard: Yes.
   Beverly: Loose, not bagged?
   Leonard: Yes.
   Beverly: Steeped three minutes?
   Leonard: Yes.
   Beverly: Two-percent milk?
   Leonard: Yes.
   Beverly: Warmed separately?
   Leonard: Yes.
   Beverly: One teaspoon sugar?
   Leonard: Yes.
   Beverly: Raw sugar?
   Leonard: Yes.
   Beverly: It's cold.
   Leonard: ... I'll start again.
   Sheldon: It's so him. My theory is that his lack of focus stems from an over-developed sex drive.


* Leonard: Here's your tea, Mother. So, what are you guys talking about?
   Sheldon: The frequency with which your parents had intercourse.


* Howard: You know the rules. You brought your mom to work... you must suffer.


* Leonard: That was fast.
   Beverly: Oh, the middle stall was occupied. I'll have to try again later.
   Sheldon: That's totally understandable. In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it's location, location, location.


* Beverly: So, where were we?
   Leonard: Howard lives with his mother and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk. Go.
   Beverly: That's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological cliché. {...} You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.


* Sheldon: I'd love to see a scan of your brain sometime.
   Beverly: Oh, I'll send you a link, but its physiology is fairly unimpressive.
   Sheldon: Oh, I can't believe that.
   Beverly: Your unwillingness to accept empirical evidence suggests an attempt at flattery.
   Sheldon: My apologies. I've been living with your son too long. Gotten into some bad habits.
   Beverly: Understandable.


* Sheldon: Can I make you a cup of tea?
   Beverly: I doubt it, but if anyone has a chance, it's probably you.


* Penny: Okay, now this time, you're gonna lick the salt... off my neck... do the shot... and then bite the lime. {...}
   Leonard: I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything after "lick."



--- Словарик:
Capacitance — ёмкость; ёмкостное сопротивление
enmeshed — запутываться
intercourse — половые сношения
bladder — мочевой пузырь
flattery — лесть


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