17 Again

* Boss: Mike. What's crack-a-lacking, coz?
   Mike O'Donnell: Well, I'll tell you what's crack-a-lacking. Are you kidding me? Wendy's been here 2 months. I've been here 16 years. I got the best numbers on the team.
   Boss: You should think of it as a compliment. Think of it as us saying, "You're just too valuable to promote."

* Mike: Hey, it's me! it's Mike O'Donnell, your best friend! You have an undescended testicle...
   Ned: Googleable!

* Ned: Welcome to the bottom of the food chain.

---

* Mike: Ned, this is my chance to have my life over, but to do it right. Wouldn't you, if you had the chance?
   Ned: No. I'm rich, and nobody stuck my head in a toilet today.

* Mike: Are you sure these look legit?
   Ned: Oh, yeah. Look who you're talking to. I'm the guy who invented the software that prevents people from stealing music. I also invented the software that helps people steal music... but that's a happy coincidence.

* Stan: You don't know me.
   Mike: Oh, but I do. All too well. You're the man. Captain of the basketball team. Dates the pretty girls. High school is your kingdom. But, people... Stan's a bully.
   It'd be way too easy to say Stan preys on the weak simply because he's a dick. No. No, no. Stan here... is much more complex than that.
   See, according to leading psychiatrists... Stan's a bully for one of 3 reasons.
   1: Underneath all of that male bravado... there's an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out.
   2: Like a caveman... Stan's brain is... underdeveloped. Therefore, Stan is unable to use self-control. And so he acts out aggressively.
   And the 3rd reason: Stan has a small wiener.

* Mike: If you girls don't respect yourselves... then how do you expect anyone else to respect you? Right?
   1st girl: Don't respect me.
   2nd girl: No, don't respect me.
   3rd girl: You don't even have to remember my name.
   1st girl: Wow, that's slutty.
   2nd girl: First of all, you slut. ...
   Mike: This is some other dad's problem.


* Scarlet: You didn't have to come after me again.
   Mike: Yes, I did, because I love you. You're the best decision I ever made.


--- Словарик:
legit — законный, легальный, не противоречащий закону
bully — хулиган, громила; задира; обидчик
prey — терзать, мучить, угнетать
wiener — (разг.) Wienerwurst = сосиска (нем.)
slut — потаскушка; сука


6.5/10 на Imdb (> 10,500 голосов по состоянию на 19/7/9). Можно было бы и чуть больше поставить.