Death Be Not Proud

Outlander 7×3

Claire Fraser: Well, it's not January.
Jamie Fraser: Aye. And we're no' dead. So much for our obituary...
Claire Fraser: Bloody newspapers. Never get anything right.

Roger Mackenzie: You and your mother... the 18th century's lucky to have survived you.
Brianna Mackenzie: Me? Why are you saying that?
Roger Mackenzie: 'Cause, Brianna, it was you. You caused a fire that they survived. A different fire. Look at the date. The fire from the obituary didn't happen. It couldn't happen. There was nothing left to burn.

Jamie Fraser: When ye're called to the aid of a dying man... why is it that you never say no? Ever? Though you ken the case is hopeless?
Claire Fraser: Because I can't... Because I... I cannot admit there is anything to do but go on.
Jamie Fraser: Nor will I.

Young Ian: She's lyin' in there. And I canna take it back or undo it. And yet... I keep lookin' for some way that I can. Somethin' I can do to make it right...
Claire Fraser: Are you breathing, Ian?
Young Ian: Aye. I think so.
Claire Fraser: That's all you have to do for now.

Claire Fraser: The guardian?
Jamie Fraser: Aye. The last person to lie in a graveyard becomes its guardian. Must stand and guard until the next person dies and comes to take their place. Only then can they rest.
Claire Fraser: What is a guardian of the graveyard guarding? And from whom?
Jamie Fraser: Vandals. Desecraters, charmers. Even the dead may need defending. Who better to do that than a ghost?

Jamie Fraser: "Death, be not proud... Though some have called thee mighty and dreadful, For thou art not so. Poor Death, one short sleep past, we wake eternally, and Death shall be no more. Death, thou shalt die."

Claire Fraser: Personally, I prefer Robert Frost. "Home is the place where when you have to go there, they have to take you in."
Young Ian: No wonder you're fond of her, Uncle. She must be a rare comfort to you.
Jamie Fraser: Yeah. She keeps takin' me in. So... I suppose you must be home.

Claire Fraser: You really do know the proper prayer for every occasion, don't you?
Jamie Fraser: There's always a prayer, a nighean, even if it's only, "A Dhia, cuidich mi." Oh, God, help me.

Claire Fraser: Jamie... you will always be enough.

--
On the IMDb

Nothing Ever Changes Around Here

Lucifer 6×1

Lucifer: Yes, I wasn't paying enough attention to the road, and I apologize. I've got a lot on my mind. This is... my last night in LA.

Lucifer: I used to work for the LAPD... Crime-solving devil. It was great fun, but that's over now. Since the war... Fought against my brother and his host of angels for the throne of Heaven. It was all very biblical. ... I won, but not without having to fly to the Silver City to save my girlfriend, burn up, prove to myself I was worthy, stop burning and... Yeah, anyway, long story short, now I'm the Big Man. ... I still have to ascend to the Silver City and sit on the throne. I do that tomorrow.

Chloe: You know, magic for our last night?
Lucifer: Well, what could be more magical than magic?
Chloe: I don't know. Isn't magic just a little goofy?
Lucifer: Goofy? It's skill, cunning and deception without telling a lie. What's not to love?

Lucifer: Chloe, you are a truth-seeker. That's what made you a great detective. But me, I'm a wonder-seeker.
Chloe: You seek wonder?
Lucifer: Well, also drugs, debauchery and now certain extinct whiskeys but yes...

Linda: Yeah, well, it's not every day that my best friend and her girlfriend depart this mortal plane to rule Hell.

Linda: So, Eve, have you, um, ever actually been there?
Eve: Mnh-mnh, I have not. But what an amazing adventure, huh? From Heaven to Hell and everywhere in between.

Ella: You guys are absolutely adorbs. I really do miss you.юю Family business, I get it. You're in my prayers. For what that's worth.
Lucifer: What do you mean, for what that's worth? I thought that was worth a lot to you, Miss Lopez. Another crisis of faith?
Ella: Oh, no, that... that was so two years ago. I... I definitely still believe. It's just... Uh, okay, this might sound absolutely crazy, but lately, I've been praying a lot, and it feels like nobody's listening. Like the Big Guy's just not there or something-- I know. It's so dodo-headed. I mean, like, as if that could really happen, right? No way!

Ella: ... the killer is still in the building. Locked room mystery, you guys.

Carol Corbett: And up until recently, you consulted for the LAPD?
Lucifer: Mm-hmm.
Carol Corbett: You also claim that you're the Devil?
Lucifer: Was the Devil. God now. Well, nearly.

Amenadiel: I'm joining the police force!... I've been in the police academy for a while now, and it's, uh, going well.

Lucifer: When you said you didn't feel God's presence anymore... I mean, is that such a bad thing?
Ella: Uh, yeah, dude. I mean, being ever-present is God's whole thing. That's what makes the Big Guy the Big Guy. He's always there.
Lucifer: Right, but surely he can't be always there. I mean, doesn't God have personal matters to attend to? The odd round of golf or spending time with loved ones?..
Ella: That's the best part. He's not like you and me. We are all God's loved ones. And no matter what He's doing, the only thing, the only thing that God cares about is caring about us... It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done... He is there for everyone. Or at least, he's supposed to be.
Lucifer: Indeed.

Chloe: Can you please?
Lucifer: Ugh. When in Rome. Tell me, Duran Duran... what is it you truly desire?

Eve: I don't wanna go to Hell either. I just thought going home would make you happy.
Mazikeen: I don't need to go home to be happy. You're my Hell.

Lucifer: Once the detective, always the detective.

Chloe: You are worthy of your father's legacy.
Lucifer: This isn't so much an issue of worth. It's... more an issue of job description. God needs to be selfless. He needs to care about all of humanity.
Chloe: You... you died for me. What could be more selfless than that?
Lucifer: Well, you see, that's just it. I love you, Chloe Decker. I'd do anything for you. Except give you up. Give us up.

——
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The Ball

Good Omens 2. Chapter 5

Furfur: Demons?
Shax: I want only the worst, I want the worst of the worst, I want killers.
Furfur: Mm-hmm... Right, so how many?
Shax: 10,000 demons.
Furfur: Sorry, I thought you said 10,000.

Crowley: Are you actually going through with this?
Aziraphale: Indeed, I am.
Crowley: Can I watch?

Crowley: You gave away a book!
Aziraphale: I had to. Maggie and Nina are depending on me. They just don't know it yet.

Shax: A thousand... blood-thirsty demons. We are in Hell! I have authorization from Beelzebub.
Furfur: You can have authorization from Satan himself love, if I don't have them I can't send them over.

Shax: Five hundred. There must be 500 foot soldiers.
Furfur: What they for?
Shax: Attacking a bookshop. Don't tell anybody, but we may be battling angels.
Furfur: ... I'll do you 100.
Shax: What's...
Furfur: It has just dropped to 70.

Aziraphale: Erm... Street Association meeting tonight at 6:30 in my shop, perfectly ordinary invitation with no hidden agenda of any kind.

Nina: You've been together long?
Crowley: Who?
Nina: You and your partner.
Crowley: Oh, no, no, it's not... it's not like that.
Nina: It certainly looks like that from here. Oh so you've just recently hooked up.
Crowley: No, we...
Nina: You got a husband? Or a boyfriend? Is the book selling your bit on the side?
Crowley: He's not my bit on the side. I'm far too pure of heart to be anybody's bit on the side. He's just an angel, I know.
Nina: If you say so. But then again, other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own.

Crowley: You've got an amnesiac Archangel hiding out in your bookshop. I spent last night worrying if he's going to wake up. What if he remembers who he is, what if he's faking it? He could smite me. When Gabriel smites you, you've been... Smited? Smut?
Aziraphale: Smitten.

Gabriel: Thank you. You're really nice.
Crowley: Don't thank me. And I'm not. Oh, nobody would believe you anyway.

Crowley: What are you planning?
Aziraphale: Wait and see.
Crowley: Wait and see?! Do you have any idea how irritating that is?

Crowley: What are you doing?
Aziraphale: I told you. Jane Austen. We're having a Ball.

Maggie: This is something new.
Nina: This is something completely bonkers. Why is everyone talking like they just came from Pride and Prejudice?
Maggie: Just getting into the spirit of things, I suppose.
Nina: Spirit of what things? This is meant to be the Shopkeepers Association monthly meeting.
Maggie: Oh, yes. Well, when you put it like that.

Shax: Surrender the Angel. Send out Gabriel. Nobody gets too badly hurt.

Gabriel: Hi. Listen. The Angel Gabriel is... apparently, me. But I'm also Jim, which is short for James, but also Gabriel.

Shax: Get back in there right now, this minute. And you tell that ass Aziraphale and that arch traitor Crowley that unless they send out the Angel Gabriel now, they are toast! T-O-S-T. E. Toast. Now!

--
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The Cover-Up

The Office 6×24

Dwight Schrute: Stop it!
Jim Halpert: Stop what?
Dwight Schrute: You're talking about me in Morse Code. But you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know Morse Code. Ha!
Jim Halpert: Yeah, that's what we're doing...
Pam Beesly: In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny, and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we can talk about you in front of you.
Jim Halpert: Yep, that's exactly what we did.
Pam Beesly: It all started when Dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. When I asked him to stop, he said, "I will when you lose the baby weight..."

Michael Scott: Things with Donna are so... They're going great! I... We're just clicking on every level. Emotionally, and sexually, and orally.

Michael Scott: And the reason you are here is that I need ideas for things that Donna and I can do on the weekend. So just shout it out.
Stanley Hudson: I have an idea for your weekend.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Stanley Hudson: Let me go back to my desk right now.
Michael Scott: Okay. You get out of here, big dog.

Michael Scott: Okay. And she won't say, "I love you."
Andy Bernard: Oh, no. How many dates have you been on?
Michael Scott: Nine dates. I said it on the second date.
Oscar Martinez: That seems quick, even for lesbians.

Pam Beesly: Oh, no, no, no, no. Michael, do not let your imagination run amok.
Michael Scott: Run what?
Pam Beesly: Amok. It means don't let your imagination run out of control.
Michael Scott: Why didn't you just say that, Pam?
Pam Beesly: Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control.
Michael Scott: Well, that's easy for you to say.

Dwight Schrute: All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.

Jim Halpert: Wow. It's a little early for ice cream, don't you think?
Michael Scott: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.

Pam Beesly: No, no, no, no, no. Undo that.
Michael Scott: It's too late to undo it. I need to know, otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok.

Dwight Schrute: Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body?
Donna Newton: Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.
Dwight Schrute: Tractor pull. Too bad there's not a tractor here.

Dwight Schrute: One thing you need to know about me, I don't quit until something tears or pops.

Dwight Schrute: Listen, we both know why I'm here. To see you naked while I'm naked.

Dwight Schrute: Here's your expense receipts. Right there.
Michael Scott: ... Who eats eight protein bars?
Dwight Schrute: People who don't trust egg whites.

Erin Hannon: Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own office.
Michael Scott: No, I like the attention.

Michael Scott: Who the hell is this? Who is this guy?
Pam Beesly: I don't know who it is.
Michael Scott: God! Lowest of the low, that guy. Just a notch above Toby.

Michael Scott: Who is he?
Donna Newton: Wait, what do you mean?
Michael Scott: The other man. Who's the guy? Who is it?
Donna Newton: It's you. I'm married.
Michael Scott: I'm the mistress?

—
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L'âme Perdue

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon 1×1

Judith: You deserve a happy ending, too...

Daryl: My name's Daryl Dixon. I come from a place called the Commonwealth. It's in America. I went out looking for something, and all I found was trouble. If I don't make it back, I want them to know I tried. Hell, I'm still trying.

Daryl: ... "God loves you".

Maribelle: Stop. Save the powder.

Daryl: A brû-what?
Isabelle: A brûlant. A burner.
Daryl: Dead ones at the market?
Isabelle: Mm-hmm. Here we call them "les affamés", "the hungry ones". Burner is just one kind.

Isabelle: We're a small community of nuns. Very small now, after 12 years.

Isabelle: How did you come to be in France?
Daryl: A bunch of bad decisions.

Isabelle: I'll be back with the dressings, Mr. Dixon.
Daryl: Daryl. You can call me Daryl.
Isabelle: Enchantée.

Isabelle: We believe humanity is enduring a test from which we will soon be delivered.
Daryl: Yeah, I never put much stock in, uh...
Isabelle: God?
Daryl: Mm-hmm.
Isabelle: Well, He put stock in you.

Daryl: How'd you end up here?
Isabelle: A bunch of good decisions.

Isabelle: Medieval churches often had weapons rooms. You needed them back then.
Daryl: Makes sense.
Isabelle: We've trained ourselves to use them, just in case.
Daryl: Killer nuns, huh?
Isabelle: Well, we can defend ourselves if we need to.

Laurent: How many people do you think live within the boundaries of what was once France? Starting from 67 million people before the fall, I speculate current French populace of fewer than 200,000.
Daryl: I was gonna say way less.
Laurent: Much less. Do you know how long it would take to repopulate that many people?
Daryl: No.
Laurent: Six generations. Perhaps seven. Hurts my stomach just thinking about it.
Daryl: Yeah, the math sucks.

Laurent: ... you're homesick. I see it in your eyes.
Daryl: What are you, a shrink?
Laurent: I feel things. In my stomach. I feel your sadness. Not to despair, Monsieur Daryl, but you deserve a happy ending, too.

Laurent: This is Père Jean. We are waiting for him to rise again.

Isabelle: We've been waiting for you. You're the messenger.

Isabelle: Laurent is special. I think you see that. ... He's shown abilities, perceptions, compassion beyond any child. He sees into people.
Daryl: We used to have a kid like that in grade school. Used to get his ass kicked a lot.

Isabelle: He'll be safer there, nurtured, until he's ready.
Daryl: Ready for what?
Isabelle: To be the new messiah. To lead the revival of humanity.

Isabelle: The world is lost. We know that. Hope fades gradually, and then all at once. If we're wrong, at least you will have helped a boy get to a better place. But if we're right... why not bet on hope?
Daryl: It ain't my problem.

Madame Superior: You don't believe. Maybe you never saw a reason to. But one thing I know... reasons are everywhere.

—
On the IMDb

The Happiest Place on Earth

Outlander 7×2

Claire Fraser: I just wish I could fix her. But I'm not a heart surgeon. But I-I could find a way... I did a cardiac rotation. I-I-I watched, I assisted. I can feel my fingers working. Small incision in the auxiliary vessel. A quick ligation of the ductus. A number eight silk... It's impossible. I don't have an operating theater and no nurses. And operating on an infant is...
Jamie Fraser: There is one thing we can do, Sassenach. I ken it may not be your first inclination, but I... I find it eases the mind.
Claire Fraser: Who are we praying to?
Jamie Fraser: St. Eligius. Patron of horsemen.
Claire Fraser: What does that got to do with a sick child?
Jamie Fraser: Hmm. Well, now, Sassenach, now, that is between me and the wee bairn. But, uh... I ken the saint will look after her... if we ask.

Lord William Ransom: I'm looking forward to engaging the enemy when the time comes.
Brianna Mackenzie: You know, a clever man once said, "The best way to defeat an enemy is to make him a friend."
Lord William Ransom: Have you had a lot of enemies?
Brianna Mackenzie: No. No, I-I just, uh...
Lord William Ransom: Sometimes the only way to settle things is with iron and blood.

Lord John Grey: We are, as you said, on opposing sides of history. Or at least, regrettably, on opposing sides of what I fear may be a lengthy conflict.
Jamie Fraser: Well, lengthy, perhaps. Regrettable, certainly.
Lord John Grey: In Parliament, they're saying that America is a son who has dishonored his father. And we must teach him a lesson.
Jamie Fraser: Well, there comes a time when every son must leave his father.

Brianna Mackenzie: They remind me of Disneyland.
Jamie Fraser: Aye? Where's that?
Brianna Mackenzie: It's this place where stories come to life. They say it's for children, but... really, it's for the child in everyone.

Jamie Fraser: What was it like there?
Brianna Mackenzie: Oh, it was magical. You'd hear music everywhere. Musicians playing horns and drums, marching up and down the streets... You could go up and shake hands with Mickey Mouse.
Jamie Fraser: What's that?
Brianna Mackenzie: It's this human-sized mouse with these big ears and gloves.
Jamie Fraser: What, a giant rat? They let the bairns play with it?
Brianna Mackenzie: No! It's not a rat. It's a mouse. But really, it's just a person dressed up like a mouse.

Brianna Mackenzie: When you're there, the real world disappears. Nothing bad can happen. They call it "the happiest place on Earth."

Jamie Fraser: For your sake, I will continue. Though for mine alone, I would not.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Creed III (2023)

Creed II (2018) <<

Bianca Creed: I think, as parents, it's actually our responsibility to teach her how to assess her emotions.
Adonis Creed: So you want Amara, right, to hold hands with this bully and start talking about her feelings? That's not real life.

Damian Anderson: It's like this, bro. I respect you... but my clock tickin'. It's now or never for me.
Adonis Creed: And I wanna help you, like I said I would. But, man, what you asking me, it's... it's kinda impossible.
Damian Anderson: You don't know what it's like, bro. All that time in them... in them walls. Impossible? They take your name. And they give you a number. That's how it start...

Adonis Creed: Most people think it's about violence but it's not. It's timing and focus and...
Amara Creed: Control?

Mary-Anne Creed: You were so mad. Gonna knock everybody out, one by one. Just like your father. That's why he fought so hard. You know that, right?
Adonis Creed: Yeah.
Mary-Anne Creed: But you... you don't have to do that. You can find another way.

Bianca Creed: I just made a choice to try to move on and be happy about what I do have. But it's not easy. I just try.

Adonis Creed: ...when he went down, I didn't reach out. I never called. I didn't write. After a while, it felt easier to pretend like I forgot. You know, just... act like it never happened.

Tony 'Little Duke' Burton: Listen... You out there boxing. I need you to start fighting. Go out there and do what we came to do.

Tony 'Little Duke' Burton: Let go of the fear. You hear me? Let go of the guilt. Let go of it, dawg. Let go of whatever was and walk into what is.

—
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The Hitchhiker

Good Omens 2. Chapter 4

Hell PA: Hello. Have a miserable eternity. We'd like to apologize for the wait and the conditions, but we won't. Cheer up. Things could be worse, and they will be.

Furfur: Shoot number four, all the way down. Have a miserable eternity. Next.

Shax: Having a rough one?
Furfur: No, no, it's perfect. I've spent all morning processing 52 men called Otto.
Shax: You know, if you really want to get out of here, I believe they are looking to move some people from Admissions to Temptations...
Furfur: Well, it's never come easy to me. Climbing the greasy pole. I get all double tongue tied.

Furfur: You'd be passed through this spider's digestive system, expelled as faecal matter, reconstituted as a Nazi headed fly and the whole sorry business is repeated.
Greta Kleinschmidt: For how long?
Furfur: Let me check for you.... Eternity. So, if you'd rather take the initial 24 hours as a living dead on Earth, just sign here, otherwise it's straight through there for spinne time--

Crowley: Are you sure? Are you sure you are sure?

Magic Shop Owner: I have warned you. It'll take a miracle for you to be able to perform this safely tonight.
Aziraphale: That's why you just sell us the trick.
Crowley: Leave the miracles to us.

Aziraphale: You'll do the shooting, I'll catch the bullet. I'll do all the hard bits.

Aziraphale: It's perfectly simple. Aim for my mouth, but shoot past my ear.
Crowley: I just squeeze that there, do I not?
Aziraphale: Haven't you fired a gun before?
Crowley: Not as such.

Aziraphale: But you're dead.
Furfur: Living dead.

Aziraphale: You could've walked away. If you were truly as evil as you like to paint yourself, you would've done that.
Crowley: Nah. That's the trouble with you lot. You don't just see things in black and white. Sometimes, you've just gotta blur the edges.

Aziraphale: Well, maybe there is something to be said for. Shades of grey.
Crowley: Well, shades of... dark grey.
Aziraphale: Shades of a very light grey, I'd rather fancy.

Aziraphale: Well, then. Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association monthly meeting, here we come.
Crowley: You're really hosting the meeting?
Aziraphale: Absolutely. And I can guarantee you it will be a night to remember...

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Figures of Light

Beef 1×10

Danny Cho: Why'd you make me do that?!

Amy Lau: Hey! Hey, come back here.
Danny Cho: No. Use nice words!

Amy Lau: Next time someone honks at you, maybe let it go.
Danny Cho: Maybe next time, think twice before you honk. How about that?
Amy Lau: Why are you angry all the time?
Danny Cho: I could ask you the same thing.

Danny Cho: Can I get you anything else? Tea? Dessert?

Danny Cho: You know what your problem is? You only think about yourself.
Amy Lau: Your problem is you only bitch about everybody else.
Danny Cho: Let's just stop talking, okay?

Danny Cho: You know, you're born, you make choices, then suddenly... you're here.
Amy Lau: Great summary.

Danny Cho: What the fuck did we eat?
Amy Lau: Something poisonous.
Danny Cho: I thought you were a plant expert?
Amy Lau: I just Google shit and pretend I am.

Danny Cho: You know, everyone born in the '80s got fucking screwed, like, fast food, candy, fucking secondhand smoke... Look, just think about it. We hit puberty right when they invented the Internet. And then when we left home, that's when ethernet became a thing.
Amy Lau: Right.
Danny Cho: All that porn.
Amy Lau: Uncharted territory.
Danny Cho: Yeah, it was like Wild, Wild West shit. I didn't even have to search. I grabbed whatever was available. You know what, we were the guinea pigs, right? We got used.

Amy Lau: What if our generation started copying the porn that they saw in real life? And then real life became the porn. Like digital... Like a digital-analog bridge.
Danny Cho: Oh, whoa.
Amy Lau: Right, like... we're the reason choking is mainstream now.
Danny Cho: It is?
Amy Lau: Yeah, all the kids are doing it. They don't even know that it used to be less common.

Danny Cho: I think [Paul] just wanted to feel seen. I mean, we all do, right?
Amy Lau: I don't want anyone to see who I really am.

Amy Lau: Why is it so hard for us to be happy?

Danny Cho: Yo, by the way, what's up with your tattoo?
Amy Lau: It's the number 22.
Danny Cho: Right, but why 22?
Amy Lau: Did you know Joseph Heller titled his book Catch-18 but his editor arbitrarily changed it to Catch-22?

Danny Cho: Maybe we're not normal. Maybe we're too fucked up.
Amy Lau: Or maybe normal people are just delusional fucked up people. Either way, that's why I don't believe in God.
Danny Cho: What do you mean? Why would a God make it like this?
Amy Lau: Well, if God is everything, then we're God. That means God is just like us. Maybe that's why everything is the way it is. God's just trying not to feel alone in nothingness.

Danny Cho: Wow. There's really nothing after this.
Amy Lau: We should have done this more often.
Danny Cho: What a waste.
Amy Lau: At least we did it once.

Danny Cho: We're still here?

—
On the IMDb
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Body Language

The Office 6×23

Jim Halpert: This is our first joint sales pitch.
Pam Beesly: I think we're gonna work really well together.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. I think we have complementary strengths. We understand each other.
Pam Beesly: We have good give and take. I give, he takes!
Jim Halpert: I don't even know who you are anymore.

Dwight Schrute: How do I apply?
Gabe Lewis: You have to be a minority.
Dwight Schrute: Glasses wearers, cholera survivors, geniuses, non-organic family farmers. The list goes on and on. You want me to keep going?
Gabe Lewis: Those don't really count.We're thinking more ethnic and racial minorities.

Dwight Schrute: I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program.
Kelly Kapoor: I never thought of myself as an executive before.
Dwight Schrute: I know, 'cause you have no role models. How many Indian CEOs can you think of?
Kelly Kapoor: I can't think of any CEOs, any race.
Dwight Schrute: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner.
Kelly Kapoor: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Dwight Schrute: That's not... She's... Okay. Yes.

Kevin Malone: Look at that. She's totally flirting with him.
Phyllis Lapin: You don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality...
Creed Bratton: You ever notice you can only ooze two things? Sexuality and pus. Man, I tell you.
Phyllis Lapin: She just crossed her arms together. That's bad.
Pam Beesly: Maybe she's just pushing her breasts together to make them look bigger...
Kevin Malone: Like that?

Oscar Martinez: I don't see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost...
Michael Scott: Okay, well, sometimes, sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like, for tax purposes.
Oscar Martinez: Actually, I ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes more financial sense to gain money.
Michael Scott: Why don't you run them again?

Jim Halpert: What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price?
Michael Scott: If she is, it's working.
Kevin Malone: Yeah, Michael, here's a trick. Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says no, then she is not interested.

Jim Halpert: She does not like him.
Pam Beesly: You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together?

Dwight Schrute: You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview.
Kelly Kapoor: Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me.
Dwight Schrute: Ryan? What does he know?
Ryan Howard: It's easy. You just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race?
Kelly Kapoor: Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in.
Dwight Schrute: We?
Kelly Kapoor: When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager. And then the two of us are cleaning house.

Dwight Schrute: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management.
Stanley Hudson: Dwight, I know these programs. Every color is important, because together we make a rainbow.
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Stanley Hudson: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.
Dwight Schrute: Mmm. Speaking of rainbows, Oscar, you are kind of a double minority. Gay. So, we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective.

Kelly Kapoor: For hobbies, yoga, belly dancing, nails, I like lying...

Gabe Lewis: Kelly Rajanigandha Kapoor... They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly black. It's almost too black... That didn't sound right.

Kelly Kapoor: Thank you, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Oh.
Kelly Kapoor: I'll never forget everything that you've done for me.
Dwight Schrute: Gosh.
Kelly Kapoor: Because I never forget anything.

Dwight Schrute: Just once I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Kevin Hart: Reality Check (2023)

Kevin Hart: I think I want to start off by talking about people. ... I feel like people are going backwards. We're taking steps in the wrong direction. People don't want to be themselves anymore. People are goddamn losing fucking confidence. People are trying to change, shape, and mold into shit that doesn't even exist... I'm talking about plastic surgery.

Kevin Hart: We're in a crazy time right now. We're in a real crazy time. By the way, rightfully so. We've been through a lot. Pandemic hit us hard. Pandemic sat us all down with nothing to do, gave us nothing but time to think. That's when people get weird, when they fucking think all goddamn day. Just thinking about shit with nothing to do.

Kevin Hart: This is real shit. You can Google this. This is Googleable information.

Kevin Hart: You know what I want to do? I want to get back to the times when you can tell people, shut the fuck up. Sit your dumb ass down. I want to go back there.

Kevin Hart: Keep in mind, everybody wants a nickname. You just don't have the right people giving them to you. ... Here's a secret. The secret to giving out good nicknames is that they gotta come from a mean place. Good nicknames are mean-spirited.

Kevin Hart: My wife gave me a reality check. We was in the bed, watching TV. Commercial came on with the little monster from "Lord of the Rings," Smeagol. ... Smeagol, he was doing this shit right here. ... My wife said, "Oh, my God, babe, you be doing that." I said, "Bitch, what did you just say to me? The fuck did you just say?" "You be doing that in the mornings." "Bitch, I ain't never did no shit like that in my goddamn life!" Called me a fucking monster to my goddamn face. Self-esteem was fucking dead after that. Crushed my soul.

Kevin Hart: Social media. Social media had me fucked up. Social media had me believing that I was an activist for one day. For one day I, got caught up. I got caught up bad, man. This is when the George Floyd stuff happened...

Kevin Hart: Universal called me. ... By the way, they're talking to me like this because they believe that I'm an activist. Once again, I'm not an activist. I'm just caught up in the shit. When you start the shit, you can't stop the shit till you finish the shit.

Kevin Hart: Now I gotta give a speech. You ever say something and while you're saying something, you realize you're not saying nothing but you gotta keep trying to say something even though you know it's nothing? That was my fucking speech.

—
On the IMDb

I Know Where I'm Going

Good Omens 2. Chapter 3

Aziraphale: This is a human police officer who's just popped in to have a quick look at a cup of tea.

Aziraphale: As for Inspector Constable, at a guess, they were sent to verify the 25 Lazarii miracle you and I seem to have accidentally performed together the other night.
Crowley: That's how you lot measure miracles? How many times it could have brought someone back from the dead?

Crowley: Listen, you wouldn't be interested in humans falling in love, would you? I... I know for some members of the police force it's a bit of a hobby!
Muriel: Yes! Yes, I am! Oh, especially...
Crowley: Maggie and Nina over the road. Ah, yes. Well, we, humans of Earth have a saying: you can only tell if people are in love by waiting a few days because humans are weird and that's how it works.
Muriel: Oh... yes! I knew that.
Crowley: Well, don't hesitate to ask me if you have any other questions about love, Inspector...
Aziraphale: Constable.

Aziraphale: Oh, this isn't good.
Crowley: Well, depending on the point of view. You say potato, I say excellent.

Crowley: She needed the money.
Aziraphale: That is irrelevant. Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice.
Crowley: You know, they cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked.
Aziraphale: She is wicked.
Crowley: Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. You can't start someone off like that and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle.
Aziraphale: Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. So Elspeth here has all the opportunities because she's so poor.
Crowley: That's lunacy.
Aziraphale: No, that's ineffable.

Crowley: Gravity. It's, um... a thing that happens when objects are pulled together. In this case, they're all pulled downwards because the earth is the largest thing around.
Gabriel: Why?

Crowley: Right, so, the plan: Operation Lovebirds. I'm gonna wait until they both happen to be near the awning, then, sudden downpour, they're back out of the rain, bump into each other, look into each other's eyes and vavoom.
Gabriel: Vavoom?
Crowley: That's the plan, yeah. I haven't done weather in ages...

Aziraphale: That was very kind of you, Crowley. You saved that young woman.
Crowley: Not kind! Off my head on laudanum. Not responsible for my actions.

Crowley: Fell's Bookshop. We probably don't have what you're looking for and we wouldn't sell it to you if we did.

Crowley: Oh, yes. It's working...

Gabriel: Did they vavoom?
Crowley: I think it's fair to say, Jim, that vavooming was not the end result of that particular tempest.

Gabriel: There will come a tempest, and darkness, and great storms. And the dead will leave their graves and walk the earth once more. And there will be great lamentations.
Crowley: Go on.
Gabriel: Every day it's getting closer.
Crowley: What are we talking about now?....
Gabriel: Who am I? What's happened to me?

Shax: Come on, let me in.
Crowley: Yeah. Not gonna happen, so just... excuse me.

Crowley: I'm surprised you haven't popped in for a quick poke around.
Shax: You know I can't step over the threshold.
Crowley: Oh. Shame I can't invite you in. You're welcome to look all you want from there. Maybe you'll spot an archangel.
Gabriel: Hello, customer!
Shax: Listen, when there's no hot water and two yellow lights on the boiler, what is that?
Crowley: Oh, yeah, yeah. That happens. There's a little black tap on a silver loop you have to turn. It's sort of under...
Shax: Yeah, I can find it. And if you won't let me in...
Crowley: Not technically something I can do.

Crowley: If any harm comes to Aziraphale because of this, I will... Oh, it doesn't matter. It's too late for that now, isn't it? It's always too late.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

The Great Fabricator

Beef 1×9

Jordan: She's so attentive. Is that a cultural thing or...?
Amy Lau: No, Jordan, it's not a cultural thing.

Jordan: I get it. Really, I do. Divorce is tough. But... Everything fades, Amy. People, things, experiences. You just gotta keep... grabbing what you can. Right? That's what makes life so wonderful. There's always something.

Jordan: Have you ever heard of zugzwang?
Isaac Cho: What the fuck you going off about?
Jordan: It's the point in chess where you have to make a move, but every move is a loss.

Isaac Cho: It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Amy Lau: If you let me go now, there's a chance you'll get out in, what, like... five years? Maybe? And you can start over. You can...

—
On the IMDb
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The Drama of Original Choice

Beef 1×8

Amy Lau: Fumi, why are you helping me?
Fumi Nakai: I'm a helpful person.
Amy Lau: You know, if we get divorced, he's gonna get half of everything. You're not gonna need me for these shopping sprees anymore.
Fumi Nakai: I've heard you say my son is the anchor you've been missing your whole life, and that may be true. But without you, he'd be sitting at the bottom of the ocean, dull and gray. He's no artist.

Bruce Lau: You act like we're so evil. What did we ever do, huh? We provided. We sacrificed. We moved here just for you. What do we get in return?
Amy Lau: You didn't even wanna have me.

Hanh Trinh Lau: What's going on? Tell me.
Amy Lau: More and more when I look in the mirror, I see you and Dad... and I hate it. I know that sounds ungrateful, okay, and I don't know, maybe you felt the same way about your parents too at some point. You know, just generations of bad decisions sitting inside you.
Hanh Trinh Lau: You'll realize this as you get older, but if you look back all the time, you crash. Whatever's going on, put it behind you.

George Nakai: I... I don't understand how you could hate this guy so much. Are you obsessed with him?
Amy Lau: I don't know. I don't think it's him. It... I've been like this my entire life. I want to blame my parents... but I think it's just me.

Danny Cho: Did you say arson?!

Danny Cho: Dude, if she really did this, man... it's over. It's over. There's no holding back. I'm going all out.

Danny Cho: Why...? Why did you...? That... What you did was not nice! It's not nice to do that!

—
On the IMDb
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The Clue

Good Omens 2. Chapter 2

Crowley: See, I have a permit.
Aziraphale: A permit? From whom?
Crowley: From God.
Aziraphale: Oh... You see, it's not that I mind jokes.
Crowley: Oh no, no, no, no, no. No, no jokes. These goats belong to Job, right?
Aziraphale: Yes, Job. Who is, I might add, a particular favorite of God, so...
Crowley: Shall I summarize? Satan and his diabolical ministers... may destroy everything Job owns, no questions asked. Hugs and kisses, God.

Muriel: Yep, that's all fine!
Aziraphale: Good heavens. What did he do?
Muriel: Job? Nothing. Job's the nicest man in the world. That's why he's so perfect for the bet.
Aziraphale: The bet?
Muriel: Yep. You see, God was saying how righteous Job was and how much Job loved God. - And Satan pointed out... that maybe that was just 'cause God's been so nice to him. Anyway, long story short, God's letting Satan destroy everything Job has. And then we'll see.

Muriel: Oh, nothing important, no. Just his farm, his camels, his goat, his oxen, his children, his geese...
Aziraphale: His what?
Muriel: His geese. You know, big cross ducks.
Aziraphale: His children?!

Aziraphale: ... Oh! Oh, I see. Well, oh well, that's alright then.
Gabriel: Of course it is. Trust in God's plan, Aziraphale. Always.
Aziraphale: Of course, of course. So, once Job's trials are over, um, everything is restored to him?
Michael: Even better than that. God will reward him with twice as much as he had before.
Aziraphale: Oh, praise be.

Michael: Twice the oxen, twice the goats, twice the children.
Aziraphale: Twice the... twice the children?
Gabriel: Yes, of course. How many does he have now, three? So, he'll get six!
Michael: Uh, probably... seven. You know how God likes sevens.

Aziraphale: Um, I only meant, are we sure that Sitis [who is 58] wants to give birth four more times?
Michael: Seven more times.
Aziraphale: But, well, she's already got three children, so...
Michael: Yeah, but those ones will be dead.

Aziraphale: I think they quite like the old ones. And, and if... if we kill them.
Gabriel: Aziraphale... we are the good guys. Okay? We're not killing anyone. What we are doing is simply not stopping hell. What they do is up to them.

Gabriel: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." That goes under I.

Shax: You're in trouble.
Crowley: Obviously. Former Demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell. How will our hero cope?
Shax: Are you making fun of me?
Crowley: Would you know if I was?

Shax: Help us, and we will be grateful. And otherwise... you'll be disliked by Heaven, hunted and eliminated by Hell... So you do understand I'm threatening you?

Crowley: You mean like a sudden rainstorm forces them together beneath a canopy? They look into each other's eyes... And realize they were made for each other?
Aziraphale: Sounds a bit unlikely.
Crowley: No, no, no. No. No. Get humans wet and staring into each other's eyes, vavoom, sorted. I saw it in a Richard Curtis film.

Aziraphale: You remember Jane Austen?
Crowley: Yeah. I'm not gonna forget her in a hurry, am I? The brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. Brandy smuggler. Master spy. What a piece of work.
Aziraphale: She wrote books. Novels.
Crowley: Jane? Austen?
Aziraphale: Yes!
Crowley: Whoa, bit of a dark horse. Novels, eh?
Aziraphale: Yes. They were very good.
Crowley: Well. No, I'm just surprised, that's all. You think you know someone...

Aziraphale: Come on! I want to show you the Clue!
Crowley: Whatever you've found out, don't call it a "Clue".
Aziraphale: But it is a Clue.
Crowley: Well, at least don't pronounce the capital letter.

Crowley: Jane Austen. Wrote books too... You people, I will never get the hang of you lot.

Aziraphale: I'm sorry Jim. But you've done awfully well. Have a rest now.
Crowley: Your boss said that to Job, do you remember?

Job: Sorry, you've... you've come at rather a bad time.
Crowley: Well, yeah, yeah, so I can see. What happened?
Job: God has forsaken me and delivered me to demons.
Crowley: Oh! You must be furious?
Job: I burn with fury!
Crowley: Course you do. After all your devotion to God...
Job: Not at God! Fury at myself.
Crowley: Yourself? Why, what have you done?
Job: I don't know. And how sunk in sin must I be not only to deserve all this, but not even to know why.

Crowley: So, the kids. Where are they?
Sitis: Oh. Not now Bildad the Shuhite. Good of you to look in, but we're a tiny bit busy weathering the wrath of God.

Aziraphale: Crowley! You don't have to destroy Job's children.
Crowley: Last time we met you seemed pretty confident I couldn't destroy Job's goats.
Aziraphale: Yes. I was wrong. Technically you can, but...
Crowley: Oh, then technically I will.
Aziraphale: But you don't have to! That's the point.
Crowley: Surely the great thing about being a demon is you can do whatever you want. Mm, you sound jealous, angel.
Aziraphale: Certainly not. I get to do what God wants.
Crowley: Like killing innocent children to win a bet with Satan?

Crowley: I want to. I long to destroy the blameless children of blameless Job, just as I destroyed his blameless goats.

Aziraphale: Are you... drinking human wine? It's the source of drunkenness.
Crowley: Isn't it just? Mmmm... Very promising little vineyard. Yeah alright, you don't drink. Try the food, though. You can't get drunk on food... Go on. Have an ox-rib.
Aziraphale: Are you trying to tempt me?
Crowley: Not at all. Angels can't be tempted, can you?
Aziraphale: Certainly not.
Crowley: Well, there you are then. You're free to try the food.
Aziraphale: ..... Oh, I say.
Crowley: Cheers.

Aziraphale: Come on! You're a little bit on our side.
Crowley: Not even the littlest.
Aziraphale: Well, you're not on Hell's side.
Crowley: I go along with Hell as far as I can.
Aziraphale: So whose side are you on?
Crowley: My side.
Aziraphale: Gosh. Well, that sounds...
Crowley: What?
Aziraphale: Lonely.

Crowley: Whose side are you on?
Aziraphale: God's, of course!
Crowley: Oh, really? The same God that wants me to whack the kids?
Aziraphale: Yes. But...
Crowley: Yeah... That's just how it started for me. See you in Hell.

Crowley: Is God actually...
Aziraphale: I think so.
Crowley: ...talking to him?
Aziraphale: I don't suppose he's getting any answers.
Crowley: No. But just to be able to ask the question...

Sitis: What did God say?
Job: Um... I'm not sure. I didn't understand much. Things too wonderful for me. Ostriches came into it.
Sitis: Ostriches?
Job: And whales. God's very proud of the whale. Went into some detail about... how great whales are.
Sitis: They explain?
Job: I think the point was, if you want answers, come back when you can make a whale.
Sitis: And the children? Did They mention the children?
Job: No.
Sitis: No...

Gabriel: "It was the day my grandmother exploded."

Gabriel: "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." Whatever that is.

Gabriel: "It was a nice day." That's more like it.

Aziraphale: I'm a fallen angel! I lied. To thwart the will of God.
Crowley: Well yeah, you did, but... I'm not gonna tell anybody. Are you? No. Then nothing has to change, does it?
Aziraphale: .... But what am I?
Crowley: You're just an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can.
Aziraphale: That sounds, um...
Crowley: Lonely? Yeah.
Aziraphale: But you said it wasn't.
Crowley: I'm a demon. I lied.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

John Wick: Chapter 4

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) <<

Bowery King: You ready, John?
John Wick: Yeah...

The Elder: To what do I owe the pleasure?
John Wick: My ring. My freedom.
The Elder: Your ring is gone, like The Elder before me. And if you came here thinking you could end this by killing me, then you are mistaken. My death will not change the outcome any more than you can change your nature. None of us can escape who we are, and no one escapes The Table. And the only way John Wick will ever have freedom or peace, now or ever, is in death.
John Wick: I know.

Winston: You have the unshakeable faith of David, my friend, but you shouldn't be here. This will not be pleasant.
Charon: Such is life, sir.

Marquis: My father used to say, "How you do anything is how you do everything." Called it the first and the last rule of life. You believe in rules... Mr. Manager?
Winston: Oh, I do.
Marquis: And what of consequences?
Winston: Of course. And second chances.
Marquis: Ah. That's where we differ, you and I. Second chances are the refuge of men who fail.

Marquis: The agreement with The Table stays the same. We give you a name, you give us a life. Or... we take one.
Caine: ... I will serve. I will be of service.

Shimazu: Have you given any thought to where this ends? The Table will never stop. You know this. It only takes life and only gives death.

Shimazu: Friendship means little when it's convenient.

Shimazu: The only path this leads to is death.
John Wick: I'm going to kill them all.
Shimazu: I believe you'll try. But no one, not even you, can kill everyone.

Shimazu: You want to die? That's your choice. A good death only comes after a good life.
John Wick: You and I left a good life behind a long time ago, my friend.

Shimazu: Fools talk, cowards are silent, but wise men listen.
Caine: So which one will you be?

Bowery King: Tell me. Tell me true. Why did the Frenchman let you live?
Winston: Killing a man can turn him into a martyr. Letting him live... tells the world he's a coward or a turncoat.
Bowery King: So what are you?
Winston: Aggrieved.

Marquis: This campaign is not to kill John Wick. It is to kill the idea of John Wick. And to do that, I must destroy everything that idea touches.

Marquis: And you are?
Tracker: Nobody.
Marquis: Coyness, Mr. Nobody, is a pathetic trait. A miscalculation, in which by trying to hide our ego, we let it appear stark naked.

Killa Harkan: Exciting, ja? So, you want to kill him. You want to kill him. I want to kill him. What about you, Mr. Wick?
John Wick: I'm going to kill you.

Harbinger: Marquis de Gramont! A man's ambition should never exceed his worth. You would do well to remember that, sir.

Bowery King: Forty-two regular, wasn't it? It's Kevlar, front to back. The latest in ballistic chic. Appropriate for all formal occasions. Weddings, funerals, High Table duels. After all, a man has to look his best when it's time to get married. Or buried.

Marquis: There are three types of men in this world. Those who have something to live for, those who have something to die for, and those who have something to kill for. John Wick has none of these things. He is but a ghost in search of a graveyard. But the blind man, well, he has all three...

John Wick: "Loving husband."
Winston: Hmm?
John Wick: That's what I want on mine [gravestone]. "John. Loving husband."

Caine: What time is sunrise?
John Wick: Two... maybe three minutes.

John Wick: Last words, Winston?
Winston: Just have fun out there.

John Wick: Those who cling to death, live.
Caine: Those who cling to life, die.

Harbinger: Your obligation to The Table... is satisfied, John Wick. You are free.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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I Am a Cage

Beef 1×7

George Nakai: We love that Mommy gets to work whenever she wants. Right, Junie?
Junie: Yep. Thank God the deal closed.
Amy Lau: Oh, my God, we probably talked about that way too much. Junie, there's more important things in life than deals and money, okay? There's love, sweetheart.
Junie: Okay!

Amy Lau: Hey, Dr. Lin, um... Do you, uh...? Do you really think it's possible... to love someone unconditionally?
Dr. Lin: What do you mean?
Amy Lau: Well, uh... You know, there must be some point where... where we all, like, fall outside the reach of love, right? Like, the mistake is so big and then... And then the love has to stop.

George Nakai: You know who you should talk to?
Danny Cho: Ah. Western therapy doesn't work on Eastern minds.
George Nakai: No, you should talk to my wife.
Danny Cho: What?!

Naomi: I just wanted her to be happy, and, um... we know how it sounds.
Jordan: Sister-in-law turned fiancée. My brother is pissed, but, you know, this was meant to be.
Danny Cho: Jurassic Park. "Life finds a way."
Jordan: Yes! That's right.
Naomi: Wow, I love that!
Danny Cho: I just watched that, so... Right.

Amy Lau: What do you need?
Danny Cho: I just want to know if... you're like, I don't know, happy and shit.
Amy Lau: What?
Danny Cho: All your hard work paid off, right? You're fulfilled?

Danny Cho: I just want to know if I've got to get to where you are.
Amy Lau: Everything fades. Nothing lasts. We're just a snake eating its own tail.

Danny Cho: Remember that road rage shit I was telling you about?
Paul Cho: Yeah.
Danny Cho: That's Amy.

—
On the IMDb
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A Life Well Lost

Outlander 7×1

Young Ian: Uncle Jamie?
Jamie Fraser: Let's go get my wife.

Sadie Ferguson: What ails you, Mistress?
Claire Fraser: I could not tell her what it was. Could not say that I knew just how long this war would last, that the courts would likely remain closed for years to come, and we would languish here without rescue.

Brianna Mackenzie: What do you even say to a preacher? "Break a leg" doesn't seem right. "God luck"?

Reverend McMillan: Could we offer you some comfort through the word of God? The future Reverend MacKenzie was at the Battle of Alamance.
Recruit: Doin' what, exactly? Carryin' the white flag of surrender? Bible verse ain't gonna help us. Knowin' how to wield a knife, use our fists, maybe. There's nothin' in your holy book about that. What advice can these devil-dodgers give us, eh?
Roger Mackenzie: ... "Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee." And God will surely go with thee.
Wendigo Donner: Ali.
Roger Mackenzie: What did you just say?
Wendigo Donner: Muhammad Ali.

Claire Fraser: Are you taking all of these tonics at once, Mrs. Martin?
Mrs. Martin: One at breakfast, another after luncheon. When the fever comes on, I use the East Indian Chaulmoogra.
Claire Fraser: Perhaps we can find you something more suitable...
Mrs. Martin: What if it's the tertian ague?
Claire Fraser: It's not.
Mrs. Martin: Shouldn't you be letting my blood? There's a fleam and bowl over there. Unless...

Jamie Fraser: Tom. Is that a whisky in yer hand?
Tom Christie: I have wrestled with my demons. But it's you. It's always you. You are the answer to my prayer.

Tom Christie: I have yearned always for love, given and returned. I've spent my life in the attempt to give my love to those who are not worthy of it. Allow me this... to give my life for the sake of one who is.

Richard Brown: You're a good man. A moral man.
Jamie Fraser: I'm also a violent man.

--
On the IMDb

The Arrival

Good Omens 2. Chapter 1

Crowley: Okay, here goes. Let there be matter, let there be gravity, let there be everything from pages... 11 to 3,000,602 inclusive.....
Aziraphale: Is something meant to happen?
Crowley: Oh, right, sorry, yes, yes. I knew I'd missed one. Let there be light!

Aziraphale: Oh. You made it all yourself?
Crowley: Ah, well, I mean, more or less. I wasn't... I wasn't, um... I wasn't the original concept designer, but I worked very closely with upstairs on it.

Aziraphale: So, what's it for?
Crowley: How do you mean?
Aziraphale: Well, what exactly does it all do?
Crowley: Oh, right. Well, what doesn't this beauty do? Basically, it's a star factory. All the dust and gas you can see, it's actually building about 5,000 young stars and protoplanets. Most of the universe of stars will come pre-aged, but these ones are only starting out. A few million years to bake... and then boom, stars everywhere!
Aziraphale: Oh, that's nice.

Aziraphale: You know, the current word from upstairs is that we'll be shutting this all down again in about 6,000 years.
Crowley: But that's nothing! Oh. What's the point in creating an infinite universe with trillions of star systems if you're only gonna let it run for a few thousand years? The engine won't have properly warmed up by then.

Aziraphale: The impression I get is that the stars and your um...
Crowley: Err, call it a nebula.
Aziraphale: Right. Well, they exist just so that the people can look up into the night sky and marvel at the illimitable vastness of The Almighty's creation.
Crowley: But that's idiocy! It's the universe, it's not just some fancy wallpaper! Millions of galaxies, trillions of stars, oodles of... everything! It's not just put here to twinkle! Most of it won't even be visible from Earth. Why don't you put Earth in the middle of the universe so the view's better?

Crowley: Someone has to say, "Look, boss, this is a really, really terrible idea."
Aziraphale: Well, I suspect that would be considered... inappropriate.
Crowley: Well, I don't suppose anyone could object to me putting a note into the suggestion box...
Aziraphale: I don't believe The Almighty has actually created a suggestion box. And furthermore, I don't think it's our place to start suggesting that there should be a suggestion box.
Crowley: Well, if I was the one running it all, I'd like it if someone asked questions. Fresh point of view. You can't just create a universe, run it for a few thousand years, and then stop!

Aziraphale: ...look, word to the wise, I'd hate to see you getting into any trouble.
Crowley: Mm, thanks for your help. And thanks for your advice. I wouldn't worry though. How much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?

Maggie: You can't just forgive me eight months' rent!
Aziraphale: Oh, I can. I'm very good at forgiveness. It's one of my favorite things.

Shax: Was it always this easy?
Crowley: Easy?
Shax: I keep planning complicated strategic strikes to spread misery and panic among the humans, and just as I'm about to put one into motion, they come up with something themselves which is so much worse than anything I could have thought of.
Crowley: Yeah. Always this easy.

Shax: If I learn anything that you might find useful, I'll tell you, and in return, you'll tell me what I need. Got anything for me?
Crowley: Frozen peas.
Shax: What?
Crowley: That's what you feed ducks. Frozen peas. They love them, and it's good for them too.

Gabriel: What...
Aziraphale: What am I doing here?
Gabriel: Yes.
Aziraphale: Well? What are you doing here?
Gabriel: I don't know. That's why I asked.
Aziraphale: You don't know?
Gabriel: No, but I would love to find out. Oh, it would also be great to know where here is, and also who you are, and also who I am.
Aziraphale: And also, why you're naked.
Gabriel: Who told you I was naked?

Aziraphale: Why did you come to my shop?
Gabriel: I don't know. I just thought I should. You know what it's like when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything would be better if you were just near one particular person?
Aziraphale: No. Certainly not. I have no idea what that feels like.

Gabriel: James. Long for Jim, short for Gabriel.

Crowley: Basic demon on Earth stuff. Either call on the phone and talk, or appear mysteriously. Don't do both.
Shax: Why not?
Crowley: Trust me.
Shax: Righto.

Crowley: Right, what's the problem?
Aziraphale: Problem? Who said there was a problem?
Crowley: Tone of voice. You have three reasons for calling me: you're bored, you need to tell someone about something clever you did before you pop, or something's wrong. This was your "something's wrong" voice.

Nina: Hello. Can I get you anything?
Crowley: Take a big cup, put six shots of espresso into it, nothing else.
Aziraphale: That sounds fun. Does it calm you down?
Crowley: Not really.
Aziraphale: Nina, what do you sell that calms people down?
Nina: Eccles cakes?

Crowley: He is not our friend.
Aziraphale: I don't think he really has any friends.
Crowley: Exactly.
Aziraphale: Yes, exactly.
Crowley: What does your exactly mean exactly? I feel like your exactly and my exactly are different exactlys.

Crowley: Just breathe, that's what humans do... then they count to ten before they do anything stupid!

Beelzebub: Well, wherever he is, you find Gabriel for me and you can have whatever your nasty little heart desires. You could be a Duke of Hell.

Beelzebub: I'm hearing that anybody they find involved in this affair will be dealt with.
Crowley: How?
Beelzebub: Extreme... sanctions.
Crowley: That isn't actually a thing. That's just something we used to joke about to frighten the cherubs.

Crowley: I'm back.

Crowley: You want a big, "I think I said the wrong thing," sort of apology, or can we take that as said?
Aziraphale: I'd like the apology, actually.

Aziraphale: I want a proper apology.
Crowley: No.
Aziraphale: With the little dance.
Crowley: I don't do the dance.
Aziraphale: I did the "I was wrong" dance in 1650, in 1793, 1941...
Crowley: Fine! You were right, you were right, I was wrong, you were right. Okay?

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