Inside Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×4

& Sam: I just found a phone. That’s it. I found a phone.

& Phil: Well, we know who bought it. The Russian.
    Sam: Marat Milankovic.
    Phil: Braslan Ovanovic, something like that.

& Lizzie: Why would he need your help? You’re just the mailroom guy.
    Phil: Yeah. And Steven Segal was just the chef.

---

& Sam: Any chance of a discount?
    Lau: .... I’m going to miss you guys.

& Marat Milankovic: We in UK now, we don’t need to worry.

& Marat Milankovic: They hunt me everywhere. FSB. You know what I think of FSB? Fucking Shitty Bullshit!

& Phil: Well, no-one’s following us. I think we’re going to be all right.
Ω Uh-hu.

--
On the IMDb

Boy Parts

American Horror Story: Coven

3×2

& Zoe: Everyone here is a witch. I’m so sorry. Please don’t send us to jail.

& Detective Sanchez: Are you in charge here?
    Fiona: I’m Fiona Goode. I’m in charge everywhere.

& Fiona: You are soft. You’re emotional. You care what people think. Now, if there’s one thing you learn before leaving this place, it’s that we, even the weakest among us, are better than the best of them.
    Zoe: Are we gonna get arrested?
    Fiona: You are missing the point.
    Madison: Which is?
    Fiona: The point is... in this whole wide wicked world, the only thing you have to be afraid of... is me.

& Zoe: What’s your point, Madison?
    Madison: We take the best boy parts, we attach them to Kyle’s head and we build the perfect boyfriend.
    Zoe: Is this just a joke to you?
    Madison: No, it’s a challenge.
Ω Wicked.

& Cordelia: You don’t know what you’re asking me to do. This kind of magic— it’s... dark. It’s about life and death, and I don’t want to play God.
    Hank: So you’re gonna let Dr. Morrison play God instead.
Ω Nice point.

---

& Fiona: I imagine you’re... a bit peckish after spending 180 years buried in a hole. But
then... you probably don’t need to eat, being immortal. Of course, sometimes we just like to do things because we enjoy them.

& Marie Laveau: For your sins, Madame LaLaurie, you are damned to live forever.

& Zoe: Did we just marry the Devil? ’Cause I don’t know if I’m down with that.

& Zoe: You sure you said the spell correctly?
    Madison: Hey, I’ve been acting since I was five. I know my lines.

& Marie Laveau: And what is your wish, witch?

& Marie Laveau: You could offer me a unicorn that shit $100 bills, and I’d still never give you more than a headache.

& Zoe: Who sings this?
    Misty Day: Who sings this?.. Fleetwood Mac. Stevie Nicks is my hero.
    Zoe: That’s Stevie Nicks from American Idol?
    Misty Day: It’s Stevie Nicks. “The White Witch.” The only witch before you I’ve ever known.
    Zoe: She’s an actual witch?
    Misty Day: Listen to the lyrics.

Fleetwood Mac — Rhiannon

♪ She rings like a bell through the night ♪
♪ And wouldn’t you love to love her? ♪
♪ She rules her life like a bird in flight ♪
♪ And who will be her lover? ♪

& Madame LaLaurie: They defaced my home with a plaque. “The House of Madame LaLaurie. An historical site.” My home— a museum of horrors.
    Fiona: People have always celebrated the macabre. You’re not remembered fondly, but I guess that beats not being remembered at all.

--
On the IMDb

Naani's Day Out

Citizen Khan 2×2

& Mrs. Khan: What do you think’s wrong with her?
    Mr. Khan: She’s still bloody here, that’s what’s wrong with her!

& Omar: We were very worried, so we spoke to the village’s traditional healer and he gave us some very good advice.
    Mr. Khan: Yes, thank you, but I’m not feeding my mother-in-law some medicine made of snake’s blood to drive out the evil spirits.
    Omar: I was going to suggest Sudoku.

& Mr. Khan: Don’t get me wrong. I got nothing against ginger peoples in the mosque, but once you let one in, then the floodgates open. We got to guard ourselves from this creeping gingerfication. I’m like the brown finger in the ginger dyke.

& Clive: I’m not sure this stuff is appropriate.
    Mr. Khan: What?
    Clive: Well, I mean, some of them may not be familiar with Muslim culture.
    Mr. Khan: They’re all from Sparkhill, aren’t they?
    Clive: Yes.
    Mr. Khan: They’re familiar with Muslim culture.

& Mr. Khan: What did you do for Ramadan? ... Ate nothing. Ate nothing! 80! Come on, these are easy ones!

---

& Mr. Khan: Sweetie! No-one needs to know. It can be a family secret. We’ll just keep it with the others.
    Shazia: Dad, their photo’s on Facebook! Everyone can see it.
    Mrs. Khan: Oh, my God!
    Mr. Khan: No-one’s going to look at that. She’s not Britney bloody Spears!

& Mr. Khan: What?!
    Mrs. Khan: Tang tang.
    Mr. Khan: Hai! Hai! I got a little bit of sick in my mouth.

& Mr. Khan: Mrs Khan and I have had a talk. You can go to Bournemouth, with our blessing. But you have to promise me one thing.
    Clive: What’s that?
    Mr. Khan: Separate caravans!
    Clive: But really, there’s no need.
    Mr. Khan: Oh, yes, there is.
    Clive: No, there isn’t.
    Mr. Khan: I think there is.
    Clive: Honestly, Mr Khan, there isn’t.
    Mr. Khan: Well, just give me one good reason.
    Clive: I’m gay.

& Mr. Khan: It’s all right, he’s gay!

--
On the IMDb

Pacific Rim

& Yancy: You know what I’m thinking.
    Raleigh: I’m in your brain.
    Yancy: I know. Then let’s go fishing.

& — Now, I got good news and I got bad news, fellas. Which one you wanna hear first?
    — Bad news!
    — Bad news: Three guys died yesterday working the top of the wall.
    — What’s the good news?
    — The good news is, I got three new job openings... Top of the wall.

& Pentecost: Haven’t you heard, Mr. Becket? The world is coming to an end. So where would you rather die?! Here, or in a Jaeger?!

& Pentecost: Mr. Becket, this is our research team. Dr. Gottlieb and Dr. Geiszler.
    Geiszler: Oh, no, call me Newt. Only my mother calls me doctor.

& Gottlieb: Numbers do not lie. Politics and poetry, promises, these are lies. Numbers are as close as we get to the handwriting of God.

---

& Geiszler: ... They have the same exact DNA. They’re clones.
    Gottlieb: And this is the point where he goes completely crazy.

& Gottlieb: You heard them. They won’t give you the equipment and even if they did, you’d kill yourself.
    Geiszler: Well, I’d be a rock star.

& Pentecost: You! Shut up!
    Gottlieb: Yes, sir.
    Pentecost: You! Keep talking.

& Geiszler: So I take it you’re Hannibal Chau, right?
    Hannibal Chau: You like the name? I took it from, uh... my favorite historical character and my second-favorite Szechuan restaurant in Brooklyn.

& Herc Hansen: Now we have a choice here. We either sit and wait or we take these flare guns and do something really stupid.

& Raleigh: I think this guy’s dead. But let’s check for a pulse... Okay. No pulse.

& Chuck Hansen: What can we do, sir?
    Pentecost: We can clear a path. For the lady!

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ It’s clear the greatest ’Godzilla’ of all times. No more, no less. All other Godzillas (before and after) comparing with this ones will always be only a humble kind of.

The Date

Hello Ladies 1×3

& Annie: Hey, Stuart. Top of the morning to ya.
    Stuart: Heh, well, I appreciate the effort, um, Annie, but that’s actually... that’s more of an Irish saying and I’m actually English.
    Annie: Yeah, okay. Walk up again... Cheerio, Stuart.
    Stuart: Well, closer, but you’d actually say cheerio when you were leaving.

& Stuart: Well, here’s what I’m gonna send. “Annie, when you’re done squeezing oranges...” knowledge of job... “could you squeeze me in...” wordplay... “for dinner at Vouloir...” restaurant she mentioned... “toodle-oo...” a little cheeky reference to my Britishness.

& Wade: We need to implement a system. From now on, I am texting you AG every three hours.
    Stuart: Right, and what does AG mean?
    Wade: All good.
    Stuart: All good.
    Wade: Then you text me AG back so I know you’re AG.
    Rory: Hey, can I get in on this?

---

& Stuart: “Hey, Stuart, thanks for a fun date. Hope you’re practicing for mini golf.”
    Rory: Oh, yes! Well, what are you gonna text back?
    Stuart: “Already practicing my strokes”... sexualizing. “Where and when?” Logistics.
    Rory: That’s... that’s why you’re the master.
    Stuart: And the master is saving that in drafts. You wondering why?.. The reason I’m saving it in drafts is I’m not sending that until lunchtime.

& Glenn: How about a tampon commercial?
    Jessica: No, I am a serious actress! I want a movie, okay? I’m not a fucking whore.
    Glenn: If it goes national, it could be 50 grand.
    Jessica: I’ll read the script and see if I can find an angle.

& Stuart: What should he have written?
    Kives: Always the same thing. Text one, “Spread your legs and say ah.” Text two, dick pic.

& Rory: Subject line, “How dare you?”
    Stuart: Change that to, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

& Receptionist: Are you here for the Martin Scorsese movie or the tampon commercial?
    Jessica: I’m here for the tampon commercial.
    Receptionist: Oh, okay. Just go ahead and sign in.
    Jessica: There’s a Scorsese project today?.. Well, I’d be willing to read for that, too, as I’m here. I’m sure the scripts are similar... Plenty of blood in both.

--
On the IMDb

Харуки Мураками — 1Q84. Октябрь-декабрь

Начало

&  В любой крепости при длительной осаде рано или поздно открывается брешь. Причем в самом неожиданном месте.

&  У каждого из нас – свои персональные штампы мышления и поведения, которые делают нас уязвимыми... Человека без стереотипов не бывает. Как музыки без темы. Но в то же время стереотипы сковывают наши мысли и поступки. Они ограничивают нашу свободу, рушат шкалу приоритетов, а порой и деформируют логику.

&  И все-таки человек не способен уследить за всем, что творится вокруг. Ведь глаз на затылке у нас, к сожалению, нет...

&  Я по натуре – текстовый маньяк. Было бы хоть меню для заказа еды в номер, что угодно, – лишь бы какие-то буквы перед глазами.

&  – Реальность – там, где кровь от укола красная.

&  Настоящая теплота не приходит без боли. Нравится одно – терпи другое. Справедливая сделка, хотя и не ведомо с кем.

---

&  Когда появляется надежда, душа ухватывается за нее как за соломинку и начинает действовать самостоятельно. А когда надежда не оправдывается, человек впадает в отчаяние, которое приводит к бессилию. Душа страдает, а бдительность притупляется. Ничего опаснее ... и придумать нельзя.

&  Все-таки человеческая жизнь – это всего лишь цепочка нелогичных, а порой и вовсе хаотических событий.

&  Наши страдания не поддаются обобщению. Каждый из нас – человек особенный и страдает как-то по своему. Если немного подправить выражение Толстого, в наслаждениях люди схожи, но в страдании своем каждый неповторим.

&  – «Холодно или нет – Бог здесь»... Ты понимаешь?

&  – Даже самые способные на свете люди не способны жить вечно.

&  А ведь это – самое главное, подумал он. Скорбеть о любом из умерших людей. Хотя бы недолго.

&  Умеренное честолюбие развивает характер.

&  – Любая жизнь висит на волоске, а бдительности никогда не бывает много.

&  Слишком много всего она должна рассказать ему. И в то же время ей кажется, будто и рассказывать-то ничего не нужно. Слишком уж часто важные вещи, обратившись в слова, теряют ценность и смысл.

&  – Если можешь не стрелять – не стреляй. Двадцатый век кончается. Со времени Чехова слишком многое изменилось. По улицам больше не ездят на лошадях, а дамы не носят корсетов. Человечество умудрилось пережить нацизм, атомный взрыв и молодежную музыку. Да и литературу нынче сочиняют по совсем другим принципам.

&  Больше мы не расстанемся, – говорит Аомамэ. – Это ясно как день. Что бы ни случилось – больше рук мы не расцепим.

  ... Пока в лучах восходящего солнца та окончательно не превращается в пепельно-белый клочок бумаги, прилепленный к небесам.”

Книга 2. Июль-сентябрь (1Q84—2)

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in his Grave

Two and a Half Men 7×19

& Alan: Okay, so he’s not cool, and he eats a lot of crap... and his grades aren’t the best, and his personal hygiene is a little sketchy...
    Charlie: Is there a “but” coming?
    Alan: But he’s my son... and I love him. ... What’s so funny?
    Charlie: Mom says the same thing about you.
    Alan: Really? Mom says she loves me?!

& Eldridge: Alfalfa?
    Jake: He gives everyone nicknames. I’m Pumpkinhead, my dad’s the Sponge. Don’t even ask what he calls my grandma. It rhymes with “bitch...” Oh, wait, it is bitch. It rhymes with, uh...
    Eldridge: Ditch?
    Jake: No.
    Eldridge: Snitch?
    Jake: No.
    Eldridge: Itch?
    Jake: No.
    Eldridge: Man, this is boring.
    Jake: Hold on, I’ll think of it.

& Charlie: I met this advertising guy who needed a song about toothpaste. Before I knew it, I was rhyming “exhilaration” with “constipation.” “Open doors” with “cold sores.” And one I am particularly proud of: “Make a switch” with “feminine itch.”
    Berta: I hear you. When I came out here, I was hoping to be a dancer.
    Charlie: Really?
    Berta: Yeah. Then I met pot and doughnuts. Before I knew it, I was scrubbing toilets... and hosing teenage barf out of wicker baskets. Rhyme that, Beethoven.

---

& Charlie: Your son finally gets a friend and you’re gonna try to nail his mother?
    Alan: First of all, with a classy woman like Lyndsey, there’s no nailing. There’s, uh, dating and bonding and getting to know one another. Then, eventually, consummating the relationship... with mutual respect and caring.
    Charlie: Oh, grow up. This is a hot divorced mom from the Valley. You’re gonna need three penises and a set of jumper cables... just to get her attention.

& Alan: Don’t you judge me.
    Charlie: Why not?
    Alan: You’ve slept with one of Jake’s teachers... his den mother, his karate instructor, his ballet teacher and his aunt.
    Charlie: Great, so five wrongs make a right.
    Alan: What?
    Charlie: If I jump off a bridge and land on top of some broad Jake knows... that makes it okay for you to do it too?
    Alan: What?!
    Charlie: I think I’ve made my point.
    Alan: What?!!

& Alan: Can you keep a secret?
    Charlie: The real question is: “Can I remember a secret?”
    Alan: You were right.
    Charlie: That’s no secret.
    Alan: No, I mean about Lyndsey.
    Charlie: Who’s Lyndsey?
    Alan: Eldridge’s mom.
    Charlie: Who’s Eldridge?
    Alan: Jake’s friend? The drummer? Anyway, we did wind up having sex.
    Charlie: You and me?!
    Alan: You really need to get into a program. It’s not funny anymore.
    Charlie: Humor is very subjective.


--
On the IMDb

30 Days Without an Accident

The Walking Dead 4×1

& Rick: Carl, I told you not to name them. They’re not piglets anymore. They’re food.

& Carol: Give the stranger sanctuary, keeping people fed, you’re gonna have to learn to live with the love.

& Rick: I’d have to meet him. I need to ask him some questions, both of you.
    Woman: What questions?
    Rick: Just three.

---

& Zack: I’ve been trying to guess what Daryl did before the turn.
    Daryl: He’s been trying to guess for, like, six weeks.
    Zack: ... Well, the way you are at the prison, you being on the council, you’re able to track, you’re helping people, but you’re still being kind of... surly. ... Big swing here. Homicide cop.
    Daryl: What’s so funny?
    Michonne: Nothing. It makes perfect sense.
    Daryl: Actually, the man’s right. Undercover.

& Rick: This is not charity. You have to have numbers. People are the best defense against walkers... or people.

& Woman: What were... the questions? The three questions?
    Rick: How many walkers have you killed?
    Woman: Eddie— Eddie killed— killed them all. Until...
    Rick: How many people have you killed?
    Woman: Just me. Just me.
    Rick: Why?
    Woman: You don’t— you don’t get to come back. You don’t get to come back from things.

& Carol: Okay, today we’re gonna learn how to hold a knife, how to stab and slash and where to aim for.

& Maggie: I’m not pregnant.
    Glenn: You know?
    Maggie: I know.
    Glenn: Oh, thank God!

& Maggie: I don’t want to be afraid of being alive.
    Glenn: Being afraid is what’s kept us alive.
    Maggie: No. It’s how we kept breathing.

& Beth: What? I don’t cry anymore, Daryl. I’m just glad I got to know him, you know?

--
On the IMDb

The Workplace Proximity

The Big Bang Theory 7×5

& Penny: Awkward silence. Sheldon on his phone. No touching. Somebody’s having date night.

& Penny: How do you not tear off his clothes and take him right here on this table?
    Sheldon: If you do that, I’ll scream.

& Amy: Well, this project would have us working in close proximity to one another. And there’s the vulgar adage that one should not defecate where one eats.
Sheldon: My father used to say that all the time. That and, um, “Who does one have to orally gratify to get a drink around here?” But what does that have to do with you working at the university?
    Amy: .... Sheldon, “Don’t defecate where you eat,” means don’t have a romantic relationship in the workplace.
    Sheldon: Really?

& Penny: You know, not a lot of people know this, but the monoamine oxidase enzyme was discovered by a woman, Mary Bernheim. .... That’s right. My phone is just as smart as you guys.

& Sheldon: Amy, Bernadette, Penny. Amy, Bernadette, Penny. Amy, Bernadette, Penny.
    Bernadette: He’s never gonna stop doing that, is he?
    Amy: I don’t mind. I’m hoping to put his love of repetition to good use someday.

& Raj: His only options here are to fake a heart attack or have a real one.

& Howard: My point is, I’m sure there are things about me that would drive you crazy if you had to deal with them all day long.
    Bernadette: Like looking me in the eye and lying to me?
    Howard: Oh, well, come on, I just... Where am I supposed to look when I lie to you?
    Bernadette: Find somewhere else to sleep tonight!

---

& Howard: You know, Sheldon, none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t tried to help you.
    Sheldon: Uh, it also wouldn’t have happened if, in the early universe, hydrogen was a little more common or a little less common. This is fun. Your turn.

& Amy: And this is Dr. Gunderson from Stockholm.
    Sheldon: Ah, Sweden. Yeah, home of my favorite Muppet and, uh, second favorite meatball. ... Okay, the Nordic reputation for lack of humor is well-founded. Boy, is his name Gunderson or No-Funderson?

& Sheldon: Oh, please, I’m your boyfriend. You call me Sheldon. That’s right, I am in a boy-girl relationship with this cute little lump of wool.
    Amy: Sheldon...
    Sheldon: It’s a physical relationship, too. Hand-holding, hugging... even on hot days. Ow. Okay, here’s a new one. Apparently now we kick each other in the shin under the table.

& Sheldon: What on earth are you talking about? My behavior in the cafeteria was delightful. Maybe your friend Gunderson needs to head over to IKEA and assemble a sense of humor.

& Sheldon: I’m starting to get the sense that you’re angry with me.
    Amy: Really? What tipped you off?
    Sheldon: Couple things, actually. Your tone of voice, your body language...
    Amy: Get out.
    Sheldon: Well, now, that.

& Sheldon: Well, can you believe she said I embarrassed her?
    Penny: Yeah.
    Sheldon: But you didn’t even hear the details!
    Leonard: Sheldon... I’ve known you a long time, and I’m going to tell you this with all the love I can possibly muster... Amy’s right. You’re wrong.
    Sheldon: But you don’t even know...
    Leonard: Doesn’t matter.
    Sheldon: But, now, but in my defense...
    Leonard: Doesn’t matter.
    Sheldon: You’re not listening to my side of it!
    Penny: Okay, fine, Sheldon. What is your side?
    Sheldon: Well...
    Penny: Nope, got to go with Amy on this one.

& Sheldon: Amy, this isn’t easy to say. All relationships are difficult, but even more so when you’re in one with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions. And frankly... who can strike some people as being kind of a weirdo.
    Amy: Sheldon... you’re not a weirdo.
    Sheldon: I wasn’t speaking about me.

& Sheldon: ...Breaking the ice with your colleagues using ethnic humor, the funniest kind of humor.

& Sheldon: My point is, we’re a couple. And... I like you for who you are. Quirks and all.

--
On the IMDb

Харуки Мураками — 1Q84. Тысяча невестьсот восемьдесят четыре

Книга 3. Октябрь-декабрь

  “— Не изволите ли воздержаться от курения, господин Усикава? — произнес тот, кто пониже. ...

&  На риск заболеть раком легких он давно уже махнул рукой. Никотин необходим ему, чтобы сосредоточиться. Когда не знаешь, что с тобой случится через пару-тройку дней, к чему беспокоиться о болезнях, которые доконают тебя лет через десять-пятнадцать?

&  Одиночество – кислота, которая разъедает человека изнутри.

&  Лучший момент для маневра – когда противник убежден в своей правоте.

&  Любая пустота обязательно чем-нибудь заполняется.

&  Вот как все вертится. Человеку даруется надежда, и он использует ее как топливо, чтобы жить дальше. Без надежды никакое «дальше» невозможно. Но это же как с монетой! Что выпадет – орел или решка, – не узнаешь, пока монета не упадет...

&  «Если не забуду, конечно». Вечная проблема выпускников матфака. О том, что их не интересует, всегда вспоминают с большим трудом.

&  То, чего словами не объяснить, не нуждается в объяснениях.

---

&  – Как бы там ни было, все мы – носители своей субъективной этики, которая с реальным миром никак не связана. Запомни это получше.
     – Кто это сказал?
     – Витгенштейн.

&  Старик пока находился по эту сторону границы миров – там, где «быть» означает еще и «пахнуть».

&  После достижения абсолюта всегда наступает спад. Таков принцип этого мира.

&  И что же, теперь ... вся оставшаяся жизнь будет всегда тоскливой, как затянувшиеся сумерки? Видимо, это неизбежно. Такова расплата за счастье осознавать, что по крайней мере однажды я все-таки испытал... Как случилось с автором «Унесенных ветром»: если хоть раз достиг чего-то великого – сиди и радуйся этому до гробовой доски.

&  Больше всего убивало то, что эти люди никогда ни в чем не сомневались. Поэтому на развитие интеллекта у них надеяться не приходилось.

&  – Когда человек приобретает что-нибудь ценное, он должен за это платить. Таковы правила этого мира.
     – Возможно. Только понять, что действительно ценно и какая за это расплата, получается не всегда. Очень уж все перепутано.

&  Не стоит накручивать лишнего, рассуждал Усикава. Пускай моя кожа грубеет, сердце черствеет, а дни проходят бесследно один за другим. Я всего лишь машина. Умная, выносливая и бесстрастная. Одним отверстием эта машина всасывает новое время, перерабатывает его в старое, а потом изрыгает из другого отверстия. Смысл ее существования – в том, чтобы существовать. И, повторяя цикл за циклом, поддерживать вечное движение – процесс, которому однажды все же придет конец... Все-таки я – простая система, пускай и состою из сложных элементов.

Окончание

Cold Blooded

& Frances: I can’t complain.
    Security Guard: Sure you can. It’s good to complain. Keeps you human.

& Cordero: What do you like? What do you do for fun?
    Frances: Oh, you know, take ecstasy and go to the zoo. That kind of thing.

---

& Holland: She won’t be any trouble, right? Probably go hide until we’re done... She’s only got one hand, after all.

& Frances: Get up!
    Cordero: My fuckin’ hand!
    Frances: Cry me a river!

--
On the IMDb

Sí se puede

Dexter 3×6

& Dexter: You put people on death row. You must know what it’s like.
    Miguel: Oh, no, but there’s, like, an ocean of bureaucracy of briefs and appeals between me and that bad guy taking his last breath. I’m asking you what did it feel like to use your hands, to... to make this a better place?
    Dexter: It felt... right. Felt like justice.

& Barbara: I don’t date. Ever.
    Angel: Do you eat... ever?
    Barbara: Sometimes.
    Angel: Good nutrition’s important.

& Camilla: You know, Dexter, my whole life I’ve been searching for...
    Dexter: The meaning of life?
    Camilla: The perfect... Key lime pie.

---

& Camilla: Dying I can do. Hell, I’m doing it. The pain sure is a bear, though.
    Dexter: How bad?
    Camilla: The worst part of the whole damn thing... not losing my life... my time on this earth... is losing my... my...
    Dexter: Dignity.

& Dexter: My dad used to say be careful what you think you know about someone. You’re probably wrong.

& Rita: Syl’s great at what she does... And I could learn a lot, I just...
    Dexter: But?
    Rita: Well, what if I... see a side to her that I don’t like? I guess that’s the risk you run when you go into business with somebody, especially a friend.
    Dexter: Makes things more complicated, no doubt about it.

& Harry: We only see two things in people... what we wanna see and what they wanna show us.

& Harry: Never underestimate the capacity of other people to let you down.

& Dexter: How can I be so sure? Because after tonight, I can honestly say I know who Miguel Prado really is... my first good friend. And those are in short supply these days.

--
On the IMDb

Bitchcraft

American Horror Story: Coven

3×1

& Zoe: It’s a cliche, but like all cliches, it’s the truth. Your life can change overnight. Or in a moment.

& Zoe: So apparently I’m a witch.

& Fiona: Double the dosage.
    David: Pull our funding.
    Fiona: Give me more!
    David: We are organic matter. We are animals. We rot, we die!

& Queenie: Why don’t you just do the world a favor and take an acting class, you D-list, Botox bimbo. Ow!
    Madison: Stop it, you bitch!
    Queenie: Stop what? I don’t feel nothing. I’m a human voodoo doll. You like this?

---

& Madison: Do you own any clothes that don’t come from the Gap?

& Cordelia: I thought you were in Switzerland.
    Fiona: L.A. It’s tragic. The glamour’s gone. They put a shopping mall on Sunset and Vine.

& Fiona: Well, there are no shadows, not anymore. Do you really think with Twitter and Facebook that a witch does anything at all she won’t be videotaped and turned into some... viral freak show like a dog who says “I love you”?

& Madison: You want to be my slave tonight?
    Brener: What’s in it for me?
    Madison: Are you stupid? Slaves get nothing.

& Fiona: I’ve read all your files. And you’re never gonna become great women of our clan sitting around here at Hogwarts under the confused instruction of my daughter. We’re going on a field trip. Jesus. Go change your clothes. Wear something... black.

& Fiona: When witches don’t fight, we burn.

& Fiona: Come on, Mary Todd Lincoln. I’ll buy you a drink.

--
On the IMDb

Σ Yes! They're back. They're cool. Perfect team, perfect director. And picture and soundtrack are perfect. Same as usual.

We Are Everyone

Elementary 2×3

& Joan's friend: You know, as cool as it is, you spend your time chasing thieves and murderers. You live with your business partner. It might be a good idea to carve out some time for... you know, regular stuff.

& Watson: Mueller’s not his real name?
    Sherlock: No Belgian is that bad at backgammon.

& Sherlock: Do you think he has a romantic interest in you? Judging by his writings, you’re exactly his type. You’re bespectacled, you’re lean and yet possessed of an alluring curve of flank.
    Celia: Possessed of...?

& Watson: You made sure to ask her where Ezra is a second time. She leaned back, crossed her arms. When someone who’s not used to lying is forced to repeat it, they resort to defensive posture.

& Watson: Do you think we’re cut off from the world?..
    Sherlock: We’re not cut off from the world. We’re engaged in creating one that’s actually worth living in. One that addresses our needs entirely, and eliminates everything extraneous.

& Sherlock: I’ve lived most of my life with the firm conviction that romantic love is a delusion. It’s a futile hedge against the existential terror that is our own singularity. Then I met someone who calls herself Irene Adler, and that forced me to reexamine those convictions. She, of course, turned out to be a criminal.
    Watson: Never really discussed how that made you feel.
    Sherlock: I feel... liberated. I am, now and forever, post-love. And, as such, I’m free to pursue a life of meaning.

---

& Watson: You just stole that phone. Why are you nuking it?

& Sherlock: I put Clyde in your bed in an effort to be a more considerate flat mate.

& Sherlock: Before you throw the last tumbler, you might want to pause to consider the beauty of this moment. We’re about to succeed where the combined wits of a dozen or so federal agencies have failed. Remind me again what cloistered, shriveled things our lives are.

& Sherlock: Are governments capable of evil? Yes, of course they are. All institutions are. But they’re more capable of incompetence... That’s good. I should post that.

& Watson: How did I end up agreeing to reading a 5,000-page manuscript?
    Sherlock: Well, you won’t be wasting as much time on the Internet now, will you? So you’re gonna need something to fill up the hours you’ve spent selling yourself to strangers.

& Agent: You seriously think we can’t trace a blog back to an IP address? "44mustdie.com"— sound familiar? It should, because you posted it yesterday. And it’s got the details of four different plans to assassinate the president of this country. That’s a class-D felony.

& Sherlock: Once again, I have no designs on the life of your president. I have no designs on the life of any president. Although I suppose if I lived in the age of Millard Fillmore, I might consider drastic action.

& Watson: It’s 9:00. You didn’t wake me.
    Sherlock: I didn’t need to. We’re quite free until 4:22 this afternoon. I thought a leisurely breakfast might be nice.

--
On the IMDb

Dead Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×3

& Lau: I don’t like this.
    Sam: Tell me about it. I have to work here.

& Lau: If he has come to any harm...
    Sam: He’s absolutely fine, honestly. We gave him a Twix.

& Lau: Who are you?
    Phil: My name is Philip Neville Bourne, and I’m here to rescue you.

& Phil: Are we going to kiss again?

& Phil: We need to borrow your car, mate.
    Driver: Piss off.
    Phil: Fair enough.

---

& Sam: What’s wrong with you?
    Phil: Nothing. It’s just back to work tomorrow, innit?
    Sam: Yeah, you’ll be all right... boss.

& Phil: Seriously, I’m going to miss all this. Running around... Having a hostage. It’s been fun.

& Sam: You bloody bitch.

& Agent Jack Walker: Listen to my voice. Stop! Now, breathe in, breathe out. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In... out. In... out.

& Agent Jack Walker: I am going to talk now, and you are going to listen. My name is Agent Jack Walker and I work for the British Secret Service.
    Phil: Hi, Jack.
    Agent Jack Walker: What did I just say?
    Phil: Not to talk. Correct.
    Agent Jack Walker: My name is Agent Jack Walker, and I work for the British Secret Service.
    Phil: Hello, Jack.

& Sam: Stop suggesting the recovery position for dead people!

--
On the IMDb

Σ Guys just caught in a strange.

Turning Biminese

Dexter 3×5

& Dexter: Every man needs his privacy. Some more than others. But that’s why God created golf.

& Dexter: ’How many times have I walked down this sidewalk? Sun in my face. Cool ocean breeze on my skin. Taken a dip in the pool to relax, appreciating the wisdom of those three little words — no children allowed. Are those times gone forever?’

& Debra: You know, I can take inappropriate Masuka. I can take porn-loving Masuka. I can even take flatulent Masuka. But this dress-shoe-wearing, “please and thank you” zombie Masuka is fucking creeping me out.

& Dexter: ’I understand that, as man and wife, Rita and I will have to live under the same roof. So why is it the only word echoing in my head is...’ No.

---

& Masuka: ... That’s not opinion. That’s science. And science is one cold-hearted bitch with a 14-inch strap-on.
    Debra: And he’s back.

& Harry: It’s about priorities, Dexter. You’re gonna have to choose which one is your mistress and which one is your wife. And more importantly, which one comes first.

& Miguel: Dexter, you and I, we’re the same.
    Dexter: No one is like me!
    Miguel: You’re wrong.

& Miguel: Hey, I see who you are.
    Dexter: No, you can’t. No one can.
    Miguel: You have nothing to explain to me. Nothing to apologize for. Ever. I’m with you. I’m behind you. And I respect you.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Alia's College

& Mr. Khan: It’s my day off!
    Mrs. Khan: Day off from what?
    Mr. Khan: I’m a busy community leader, my darling! I’m always on the go. Today I am doing absolutely nothing.

& Mr. Khan: Shazia, we Pakistanis don’t have bridesmaids. In our culture, your bride becomes your maid — your housemaid, chambermaid... teasmaid.

& Mr. Khan: She won’t have done badly! She’s studying at the library till all hours. Sometimes she doesn’t get back till two or three in the morning!.. What does “E” stand for?
    Alia: I think it’s short for excellent.
    Mr. Khan: Vah!

& Mrs. Khan: She got Es?!
    Alia: No, only one E.
    Mrs. Khan: Oh, thank God!
    Mr. Khan: The rest are "U"s. What’s that? Unbelievably good?

---

& Mr. Khan: Where’s Dave?
    Omar: He’s not here. It’s an inset day.
    Mr. Khan: What’s that? Gingerspeak for skiving?

& Omar: You could try somewhere that does scholarships.
    Mr. Khan: No, no, no! We are Muslims! I’m not sending my daughter to an over-priced, snooty-snotty, hoity-toity Hogwarts school for English peoples.

& Alia: Are we pretending to be Catholic?
    Mr. Khan: Of course not! We’re just showing that we can fit in.

& Professor Stevens: Hello, hello! I’m sorry to keep you waiting.
    Mr. Khan: Asalaa...la la la la... hallelujah!

& Mr. Khan: We’re Muslims. We’re a very devout Muslim family, aren’t we, Alia?
    Alia: Mary.
    Mr. Khan: Her real name’s Alia. We call her Mary for short.

& Professor Stevens: Well, I’m must say, I’ve always been fascinated by Muslim sects.
    Mr. Khan: .... What?!
    Professor Stevens: I’m very interested in Muslim sects.
    Mr. Khan: Are you?
    Professor Stevens: Oh, yes. It’s an extremely exciting subject.
    Mr. Khan: What about you? How do you fit in?
    Professor Stevens: .... How do I fit in where? Well, with all the sects. Would you say you were fairly orthodox?
    Mr. Khan: Well, quite orthodox. Bedroom mostly... and occasionally we try something different.

& Professor Stevens: They’re not OhTwaddis? They’re a different sect, are they?
    Mr. Khan: Oh, “sect”! I see what you mean.

--
On the IMDb

The Raiders Minimization

The Big Bang Theory 7×4

& Amy: When you told me I was going to be “losing my virginity,” I didn’t think you meant showing me Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time.
    Sheldon: My apologies. I chose my words poorly. I should have said you were about to have your world rocked on my couch.

& Sheldon: Raiders of the Lost Ark is the love child of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, two of the most gifted filmmakers of our generation. I’ve watched it 36 times, except for the snake scene and the face-melting scene, which I can only watch when it’s still light out...

& Amy: All right. Indiana Jones plays no role in the outcome of the story. If he weren’t in the film, it would turn out exactly the same.
    Sheldon: Oh, I see your confusion. You don’t understand. Indiana Jones was the one in the hat with the whip.
    Amy: No, I do, and if he weren’t in the movie, the Nazis would have still found the ark, taken it to the island, opened it up and all died... just like they did. ........ Let me close that for ya.

& Leonard: Sheldon and Amy were having date night and they don’t need me there to make it awkward... They have each other for that.

& Penny: Check it out. The Disappointing Child by Beverly Hofstadter.
    Leonard: .... You bought my mom’s book?
    Penny: Yeah! It’s on the recommended reading list for my psychology (!!!) class.

& Leonard: Do whatever you want, just don’t talk to me about it.
    Penny: Not even the chapter on the breast-feeding crisis?
    Leonard: It was not a crisis. Apparently, I favored the left one, she got a little lopsided.
    Penny: Oh, my God, you still go left!

---

& Raj: Which celebrity would you say I look like the most?
    Howard: Halle Berry.

& Leonard: Why are you reading Pride and Prejudice?
    Sheldon: I’ll tell you why. Amy ruined Raiders of the Lost Ark for me, so now I’m trying to find something beloved to her and ruin that.

& Penny: You know, as a student of psychology who got a check-plus on her first homework assignment... I think, sometimes, it’s good to open up about these things.

& Leonard: Of course, who am I to argue with a check-plus student?.. Just warning you— I’m gonna go right. Don’t make a big deal out of it.

& Sheldon: It turns out Amy’s beloved Pride and Prejudice is a flawless masterpiece. He’s got too much pride, she’s got too much prejudice— it just works.

& Sheldon: I think she’s a fan of Garfield as well... Oh, darn it, now so am I!

& Amy: Hello, Sheldon. Is everything okay?
    Sheldon: Yes. Why?
    Amy: Well, the last time you made an unscheduled video-chat, there was a curly fry in your regular fries and you thought someone might be trying to slip you a mickey.
    Sheldon: April 13... a dark night, indeed.

& Bernadette: I’m gonna take a bath; you do the dishes.
    Howard: How about I take a bath with you and see what happens.
    Bernadette: Here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna take a bath, and you’re gonna do the dishes.
    Howard: That’s it? No compassion?
    Bernadette: Aw, poor Howie... We good? I’m gonna take a bath.

& Amy: I’m sorry.
    Sheldon: Thank you.
    Amy: Do you feel better?
    Sheldon: Yes. But not as good as I’m going to when I tell you that your precious Garfield has no reason to hate Mondays. He’s a cat. He doesn’t have a job.

& Penny: Bernadette told me everything. Now you don’t get the left or the right.

& Raj: In the last two hours, 162 women have read our profiles. How many of them have sent us messages?
    Stuart: Combined?
    Raj: Yes.
    Stuart: Zero.

--
On the IMDb

Tower of David

Homeland 3×3

& ’Doctor’: I’m wondering. An American fugitive falls in your lap. One with a bounty on his head. $10 million, dead or alive. Why go through a world of trouble to save him... instead of just collecting the reward?
    El Niño: Maybe someone did you a favor once...
   ’Doctor’: Must be some favor.

& Brody: Where am I?
    El Niño: Caracas. Your new home.

& Brody: Why are you trying to help me?
    El Niño: You know Carrie Mathison. So do I.

& Brody: Why are you here?
   ’Doctor’: That’s a dangerous question. “Why am I here?” leads to “Why are you here?” You see?

& ’Doctor’: We’re here because the world outside can be... judgmental and cruel? We’re here because this is the place that accepts us. We’re here because we belong here.

& Brody: I can make it on my own. I just need to get to the next place.
    El Niño: There’s no next place.
    Brody: What? There has to be.
    El Niño: No.

---

& ’Doctor’: This is your home. It isn’t easy to accept— believe me, I know. It’s not how you pictured yourself. You weren’t planning this. There must be some mistake, and on and on. Those voices in your head are not your friends right now. You have to make them go away. The Germans who invented it... had a special name for a medicine powerful enough to do just that. “Hero-isch.” “Heroic.” The drug is. So you don’t have to be.
Ω Harsh.

& Esme: No place to go.
    Brody: There is a place. There is. There is... there is somewhere to go.
    Esme: No. My father say...
    Brody: There is a place. The mosque.

& Esme: They know.
    Brody: Oh, the Imam won’t turn me in. He’ll help me.

& Imam: You’re not a Muslim. You are a terrorist.

& Carrie: I’m a case officer. I used to recruit assets for a living. ... You think I’m vulnerable. No, worse than that. You think I’m weak, and maybe, with just the right incentive, I’ll turn against the people who did this to me. Well, I’m telling you no. So whoever the hell it is you’re working for— the Syrians, the Israelis, the Iranians— you tell them that. You tell them I would rather die in here.

& Brody: I can’t stay here.
   ’Doctor’: Of course you can.
    Brody: It’s like the hole in Iraq. I can’t do it again.
   ’Doctor’: Well, I’m sure you’ll find a way.

& ’Doctor’: Everywhere you go, other people die, but you always manage to survive. Have you noticed that?.. You’re like a cockroach, still there after the last nuclear bombs go off.

--
On the IMDb
+ quotes on the Imdb.

Σ No exit? There're must be.

Bad Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×2

& Phil: Sam! Sam, is that you?
    Sam: Yes, Phil.
    Phil: Cough if you can hear me.

& Sam: Hello! If anyone’s listening, I don’t know who you think we are but we’re not him.

& Sam: You’re joking, right? Those winks mean you’re joking, right?

& Agent Jack Walker: I track you leaving the home of one of Russia’s most wanted, with close to a million pounds. And... when I politely ask you to stop... you run, and keep running. I mean, at best it’s rude.

& Phil: Hello. This is Brad speaking.
    Lau: ’In a moment, you will give the phone back to your friend. You will lie down and place your hands on your head, and you will not move, because if you do, you will be shot.’

---

& Sam: What are you doing?
    Phil: Pulling down his pants.
    Sam: I can see that. Why?
    Phil: Humiliation. The first rule of taking a hostage. Humiliate them. Make them feel disgusted.

& Lizzie: Have you...?
    Sam: Yeah. It’s me, that’s what you can smell. It’s my fart.
    Lizzie: That’s disgusting.
    Sam: I know...
    Lizzie: It’s not going away.
    Sam: I’m still doing it now. I’ve been doing it the whole time we’ve been stood here.

& Sam: I’ve just got some shit to deal with.

& Phil: Aaargh!
    Sam: Aargh!
    Phil: Aaargh!
    Sam: Aaah-ha!
    Lizzie: Sam?
    Sam: Aaa-have-it! I have it. I have it.
    Lizzie: What do you... what do you have?
    Sam: The slogan?

--
On the IMDb