Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask

& The Queen: Look where thou goest, fool!
    The Fool: Forgive me, I beg your puberty.

& The Priest: TB or not TB? That is the congestion. Consumption be done about it? Of cough. Of cough.

& Sorcerer: But be cautious. For if His Majesty should get wind of thy intent, he will cut off your legs, your arms and your head.
    The Fool: Right... Five out of six is not bad.

& The Guard: Halt! Who goes there?
    The Fool: It’s just the fool.

& The Queen: Kiss me quick.
    The Fool: Yes. Where is your quick?

& Tess: My God! She’s my husband!

& Tess: Sam, you should’ve told me, that’s all. I would’ve understood.
    Sam: It’s not the kind of thing that’s easy to talk about.
    Tess: Sam... we’ve been married for years. I love you. You love me. You could’ve come to me and said, «Tess... «I have a diseased mind. I’m a sick individual. I need help. I need treatment. I’m perverted. I’m unfit to function with normal, decent people.» I would’ve understood.

---

& Victor: I don’t know if you’ve read my latest book, «Advanced Sexual Positions: How To Achieve Them Without Laughing?» But it’s getting to be a classic.

& Dr Bernardo: You must forgive Igor. He was part of an experiment of mine that backfired. Using an electrical generator, I gave him a four-hour orgasm. He had fun, but he turned out like this.

& Sperm: Who knows what it’s gonna be like out there?
    Sperm: You saw slides in class.
    Sperm: Yeah, but you hear these strange stories. Like, there’s this pill these women take. Or sometimes the guys slam their heads up against a wall of hard rubber...
    Sperm: Oh, that’s nonsense.
    Sperm: Yeah, or... what if it’s a homosexual encounter?
    Sperm: This is no time to doubt our mission. You took an oath when you went to sperm school. To fertilise an ovum, or die trying.

& Sperm: I’m not going out there. I’m not gonna get shot outta that thing! What if he’s masturbating? I’ll wind up on the ceiling! No!.. Fellas... Fellas, it’s dark out there!.. I’m due at my parents’ for dinner.

& Sperm: See you guys in the ovary!
    Sperm: Save me an egg!
    Sperm: Well, at least he’s Jewish.

--
++ Quotes on the IMDb

The Statue

Seinfeld 2×6

& Jerry: My mother. She forgot how to make French toast. You know how mothers are.

& Jerry: Hi, Ray. This is Rava’s friend, Elaine’s friend, Jerry... Yeah, the king of comedy, right.

---

& Elaine: Why don’t we just throw a Molotov cocktail through their window.

& Kramer: I’m not happy about this.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

The Queen's Justice

Game of Thrones 7×3

& Jon Snow: The bastard of Winterfell.
    Tyrion: The dwarf of Casterly Rock.

& Tyrion: It’s been a long road, but we’re both still here.

& Tyrion: At some point, I want to hear how a Night’s Watch recruit became King in the North.
    Jon Snow: As long as you tell me how a Lannister became Hand to Daenerys Targaryen.
    Tyrion: A long and bloody tale. To be honest, I was drunk for most of it.

& Tyrion: If I was your Hand, I would have advised against. General rule of thumb— Stark men don’t fare well when they travel south.
    Jon Snow: True... but I’m not a Stark.

& Tyrion: I’d say you get used to them... but you never really do.

& Melisandre: My time whispering in the ears of kings has come to an end.
    Varys: Oh, I doubt that. Give us common folk one taste of power, we’re like the lion who tasted man. Nothing is ever so sweet again.
    Melisandre: Neither of us is common folk anymore.

& Melisandre: Oh, I will return, dear Spider. One last time.
    Varys: My lady—
    Melisandre: I have to die in this strange country... Just like you.

& Missandei: You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains.
    Jon Snow: ....
    Ser Davos: This is Jon Snow.... He’s King in the North.

& Daenerys: ...an oath is an oath. And perpetuity means— what does perpetuity mean, Lord Tyrion?
    Tyrion: Forever.
    Daenerys: Forever. So I assume, my lord... you’re here to bend the knee.
    Jon Snow: .... I am not.

---

& Ser Davos: ... If we don’t put aside our enmities and band together, we will die. And then it doesn’t matter whose skeleton sits on the Iron Throne.
    Tyrion: If it doesn’t matter, then you might as well kneel. Swear your allegiance to Queen Daenerys, help her to defeat my sister, and together, our armies will protect the North.
    Jon Snow: There’s no time for that. There’s no time for any of this! While we stand here, debating—
    Tyrion: It takes no time to bend the knee. Pledge your sword to her cause...
    Jon Snow: And why would I do that?

& Jon Snow: Am I your prisoner?
    Daenerys: ... Not yet.

& Euron: My queen, please accept this gift on behalf of all of your loyal subjects in the Iron Islands. I give you what no other man could give— justice.

& Cersei: Your daughter’s a beauty, too. Those brown eyes. Those lips. Perfect Dornish beauty... I imagine she’s your favorite. I know, I know, we’re not supposed to have favorites, but still, we’re only human. We love whom we love.

& Cersei: Make sure the guards change the torches every few hours. I don’t want her to miss a thing.

& Nestoris: Condolences and congratulations. To become the first ruling Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, that’s quite an accomplishment.

& Cersei: From what I gather, she considers herself more of a revolutionary than a monarch. In your experience, how do bankers usually fare with revolutionaries?.. The Lannisters owe the Iron Bank quite a lot of money, but Lannisters always pay their debts. Do former slaves or Dothraki or dragons?...
    Nestoris: Your father’s daughter, indeed.

& Tyrion: I came down here to brood over my failure to predict the Greyjoy attack. You’re making it difficult. You look a lot better brooding than I do. You make me feel like I’m failing at brooding over failing.

& Tyrion: I trust the eyes of an honest man more than I trust what everybody knows.

& Tyrion: People’s minds aren’t made for problems that large. White walkers, the Night King, Army of the Dead— it’s almost a relief to confront a comfortable, familiar monster like my sister.

& Tyrion: I’d very much like to believe that Jon Snow is wrong. But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it.
    Daenerys: Which wise man said this?
    Tyrion: I don’t remember.
    Daenerys: Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?
    Tyrion: I would never do that. To you.

& Daenerys: What was that Ser Davos said... about taking a knife in the heart for his people? Did you notice that?
    Tyrion: You must allow them their flights of fancy. It’s dreary in the North.

& Jon Snow: You’ve been talking to Tyrion.
    Daenerys: He is my Hand.
    Jon Snow: He enjoys talking.
    Daenerys: We all enjoy what we’re good at.
    Jon Snow: I don’t.

& Lord Baelish: One of two things will happen— either the dead will defeat the living, in which case... all our troubles come to an end, or life will win out. And what then?..
    Don’t fight in the North or the South. Fight every battle, everywhere, always, in your mind. Everyone is your enemy, everyone is your friend... every possible series of events is happening all at once. Live that way and nothing will surprise you. Everything that happens will be something that you’ve seen before.

& Archmaester: How?
    Sam: I read the books and followed the instructions.

& Missandei: They can still do something to you. It only takes one arrow.
    Tyrion: It’s too great a risk. You’re too important.

& Tyrion: No better place for low pursuits than beneath the ground.

& Tyrion: Casterly Rock is an impregnable fortress. But as a good friend of mine once said... «Give me 10 good men and I’ll impregnate the bitch.»

& Tyrion: And so it begins...

& Tyrion: ...my sister’s armies fight for her out of fear. The Unsullied will be fighting for something greater. They will be fighting for freedom and the person who gave it to them. They will be fighting for you. And that is why they will triumph.

& Lady Olenna: And now the rains weep o’er our halls.

& Jaime: There are always lessons in failures.
    Lady Olenna: Yes. You must be very wise by now.

& Lady Olenna: She’s a disease. I regret my role in spreading it. You will, too.

& Lady Olenna: How will it happen?
    Jaime: Cersei had several ideas...

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Game of Thrones Locations

Children of Wrath

Fear the Walking Dead 3×8

& Jeremiah: I don’t think you’d be, uh, comfortable there. There’s not many of your kind.
    Ofelia: What do you mean «my kind»?
    Jeremiah: Brown people.

& Madison: Give him the antibiotics. Keep him alive.

& Madison: We’ve fought too hard, lost too much. We’re not running anymore.
    Walker: Then you’ll die.

& Jeremiah: The land belongs to whoever can hold it. The indians couldn’t, gave it up for beer money. I held it, I hold it, So it’s mine.

& Alisia: We’re on the wrong side.
    Madison: Sides don’t matter. The only thing that matters is a future.

& Nick: I’m with you, I am. But there has to be some things, some line we don’t cross.
    Alicia: Otherwise, we’re just like Otto.

& Valery Stepanovich Vashchenko: North America? You sound like an American, my friend, thinking everything happens only to him.

---

& Victor: At least you got to go to space. I doubt that anyone else will have the opportunity.
    Vashchenko: I would give it all up for one last glass of vodka...
    Victor: How about champagne?
    Vashchenko: «I’m dying. Haven’t had champagne in a long time.»
    Victor: ...Chekhov.
    Vashchenko: Oh. His final words.
    Victor: «Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.»
    Vashchenko: Wilde.
    Victor: Yes! Uh... «Born in a hotel room and God damn it... died in a hotel room.»
    Vashchenko: O’Neil!
    Victor: Yes.
    Vashchenko: «Last words are for fools who have not said enough...» Marx. Karl Marx.

& Victor: The world is dead.
    Vashchenko: Nah, the world will not die until you die. Do not wait for your deathbed to enjoy your champagne, Victor.

& Victor: Dosvedanya.

& Madison: I’m not gonna kill you, Jeremiah, For all the reasons you said. Plus I think it’d disappoint my kids.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack.

The Innocents

& Mère Abesse: I know you’ve been sad... But grief is no excuse.

& Mathilde: What have the Poles done to you?
    Samuel: I can’t stand them. They got what they deserved with the Russians and the Germans.
    Mathilde: You’re very bitter.
    Samuel: Maybe I have my reasons. The only Poles I like were in the Warsaw ghetto. There’s not one of them left.

& Sister Maria: You know, faith... At first, you’re like a child holding your father’s hand, feeling safe. Then a time comes... and I think it always comes... when your father lets go. You’re lost, alone in the dark. You cry out, but no one answers. Even if you prepare for it, you’re caught unawares. It hits you right in the heart. That’s the cross we bear. Behind all joy lies the cross.

---

& Mathilde: Don’t you ever regret it?
    Sister Maria: Faith is twenty-four hours of doubt and one minute of hope.

& Samuel: Fear not, I’m here to help you.
    Mathilde: This is Dr. Samuel Lehmann.
    Samuel: ..... Yes, I’m Jewish. There are a few of us left. Now that’s settled, where are the patients?

& Samuel: It’s not your fault. You did what you had to do. The rest is destiny.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Σ nostradamvs: "Мрачный печальный фильм о французской медсестре, работающей в Польше вскоре после окончания войны. И ещё там есть монастырь, через который трижды проходили, оставаясь на постой, советские военные части. И монахини, никогда не знавшие мужчин, пытаются сберечь монастырь, скрыв беременности и роды. Всё это в сером снегу, в потёмках, в маленьком аду насилия и любви одновременно. Спойлер: всё портит совершенно неожиданный для жанра хэппи-энд."

The Unveiling

Fear the Walking Dead 3×7

& Walker: You’re 200 years too late for peace, Jake. But just in time for lunch.

& Walker: The days of the white man’s courts are over. Land grabs, desecrations, over. Now you have our verdict, the first humans’ verdict. You must vacate our lands.

& Walker: You hate me. Good. Maybe you can understand the anger I have towards the Ottos. Magnify that hate a thousand times, and maybe you can understand.

& Alicia: You’re just a hypocrite playing the noble Native American.

& Jake: We share or we risk war.
    Jeremiah: You think that’ll satisfy Walker, huh? You think they’ll take one drop and not want a gallon? He’ll want everything.

& Jeremiah: I hear Alicia volunteered. Guess the apple don’t fall far when it comes to pain-in-the-ass predicaments.

---

& Jeremiah: I would not piss in that man’s mouth if he was dying of thirst. .... this parley? Snakebit.

& Walker: Do you know what «apocalypse» means?
    Alicia: The end of the world.
    Walker: No. It means the Great Unveiling.

& Jeremiah: I’ve been thinking strange thoughts. Thinking on ghosts lately. It’s not your own sins that hold you, haunting the earth and wandering in limbo. It’s the crimes others done to you. Somehow, they’re worse than the dead. The ghosts, they... They carry your sins.

& Jeremiah: Them that don’t listen have to be brought to heel someday.

& Ofelia: So, am I a prisoner here?
    Madison: We’re all prisoners somewhere.

& Nick: I’ll do it.
    Troy: You feeling blue, Nicky?
    Nick: No, I’m just suicide-proof.

--
On the IMDb

Андрей Геласимов — Год обмана

  “Потом я стал думать, у кого можно перехватить на недельку. ...

&  Громче всех выступал один дембиль. Он только что вернулся на гражданку и по привычке считал, что все должны его слушать. Армия портит людей, вселяя в них необоснованные иллюзии.

&  – Я понимаю. Прошлое не изменишь.
     – Это вы пока умом понимаете. А когда сердцем начнете понимать, то все уже в прошлом. Все, что хочется изменить. Это какой-то непонятный парадокс. Все на свете можно изменить, но только не то, что ты уже сам сделал. Никакие деньги, никакие связи не помогают. Полный тупик. Дорога назад отрезана.

&  – Странно, как это не находишь верных слов для тех, кого любишь.

---

&  Бывают такие дни. Начинаются паршиво, а продолжаются еще хуже. Совершенству нет пределов. Причем – в оба конца.

&  Октябрина Михайловна говорит, что у детей проблемы с родителями оттого, что дети не успевают застать своих родителей в нормальном возрасте. Пока те еще не стали такими, как сейчас. В этом заключается драма. Так говорит Октябрина Михайловна. А раньше они были нормальные.

&  Все дело в том, что мы все в итоге должны умереть. Это и есть самое главное. Мы умрем. А если это понял, то уже не важно – голубой твой друг или не голубой. Просто его становится жалко. Независимо от цвета. И себя жалко. И родителей. Вообще всех. А все остальное – не важно. Утрясется само собой. Главное, что пока живы.

Середина >>

Bananas

& Fielding Mellish: I’m not suited to this job. Where do I come off testing products? Machines hate me. I should be working at a job that I have some kind of aptitude for. Like donating sperm to an artificial insemination lab.

& Fielding Mellish: Why did I quit college? I could’ve been something today.
    Paul: So, what would you have been if you had finished school?
    Fielding Mellish: I don’t know. I was in the Black Studies program. By now, I could’ve been black.

& Paul: I don’t know what I’m gonna do tonight...
    Fielding Mellish: Get a date. We’ll double.
    Paul: OK, I’ll call Barbara.
    Fielding Mellish: All right, have her bring a friend.

& Semple: Hey, Ralph, how much is a copy of Orgasm?
    Fielding Mellish: Just put ’em in a bag, will you?
    Semple: Orgasm. This man wants to buy a copy. How much is it?
    Fielding Mellish: Doing a sociological study on perversion. I’m up to advanced child molesting.

& Nancy: Oh, would you like to volunteer for the Volunteers for San Marcos?
    Fielding Mellish: Is it possible to discuss that over dinner tomorrow night? Doesn’t have to be tomorrow night. I’m wide open for the next six years.

& Fielding Mellish: Erm... the night after tomorrow?
    Nancy: That’s... No, I can’t. I have a meeting of my women’s liberation group.
    Fielding Mellish: You’re not... You don’t have hostility to the male sex?
    Nancy: Oh, women’s rights do not automatically mean castration.
    Fielding Mellish: Oh... don’t say that word! Now I’ve got to walk around like this for two days.

& Fielding Mellish: I love you. I love you.
    Nancy: Oh, say it in French. Please say it in French.
    Fielding Mellish: I don’t know French.
    Nancy: Oh, please. Please.
    Fielding Mellish: What about Hebrew?

& Fielding Mellish: I... I guess I had a good relationship with my parents. I... They very rarely hit... I think they hit me once, actually, in my whole childhood. They started beating me on the 23rd December 1942 and stopped beating me in the late spring of ’44.

---

& Nancy: Something missing. I don’t know what it is.
    Fielding Mellish: Is it personality or looks?
    Nancy: Well, no.
    Fielding Mellish: Am I not smart enough?
    Nancy: No.
    Fielding Mellish: Is that what you’re saying?
    Nancy: No.
    Fielding Mellish: You mean... It has nothing to do with height?
    Nancy: No, it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re short, and it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re not bright enough. And it has nothing to do with the fact that your teeth are in bad shape.

& Fielding Mellish: Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’m like a cat. I’ll always wind up on my feet.

& Diaz: And now, as is our annual custom, each citizen of San Marcos will come up here and present his Excellency with his weight in horse manure.
    General Emilio M. Vargas: Horse manure? I thought they were diamonds.
    Diaz: We are an agrarian country.
    General Emilio M. Vargas: Yes, but horse...
    Diaz: You will fertilize your personal crops. Sometimes food is more valuable than gold.

& Esposito: Vargas has told everyone that you are dead. That we killed you. It is in all the newspapers.
    Fielding Mellish: Yeah, well, I’m very much alive, and I mean to lodge a formal complaint.
    Esposito: A complaint?
    Fielding Mellish: Yes, you cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department.

& Esposito: You have a chance to die for freedom.
    Fielding Mellish: Yes, well, freedom is wonderful. On the other hand, if you’re dead, it’s a tremendous drawback to your sex life.
    Esposito: Are you such a snivelling dog?
    Fielding Mellish: Depends what you mean by «such». I mean, I’m a good-sized snivelling dog.

& Esposito: History sometimes chooses strange ways. Today you are fearful. Perhaps one day you will be a tiger.
    Fielding Mellish: Don’t hold your breath. If you ever need a squirrel, call me.

& Fielding Mellish: Me?!
    Luis: The men have a growing respect for you. It is a chance to prove yourself.
    Fielding Mellish: Oh, look, I don’t wanna prove anything.
    Luis: You will fight a hero, and if necessary, you will die a hero.
    Fielding Mellish: You’d better get some rest, Luis. You’re beginning to talk gibberish.

& Fielding Mellish: We need money. What is the chief export of San Marcos?
    Luis: Dysentery. We grow bananas.
    Fielding Mellish: Bananas, bananas.

& Prosecutor: And you remember Fielding Mellish?
    Officer Dowd: He’s got a record. He was always being picked up at one demonstration or another. He’s a bad apple, a commie. A New York Jewish intellectual communist crackpot. I mean, I don’t wanna cast no aspersions.

& Priest: You stick to New Testament cigarettes, and all is forgiven.
    Cigarette Commercial Man: Thank you, Father.
    Priest: New Testament cigarettes. I smoke ’em. He smokes ’em.

--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb

The Apartment

Seinfeld 2×5

& Jerry: My idea of the perfect living room... would be the bridge on the starship Enterprise. You know what I mean? Big chair, nice screen, remote control... That’s why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. Just hurtling through space in your living room watching TV.

& Jerry: So it’s okay? She can have it?
    Harold: Sure. She’s getting a bargain too. It’s only $400 a month.
Ω !!!

& Jerry: I don’t know if you should sit for this or not. Sitting is good if you faint... but standing is good for jumping up and down.

& Jerry: I’m an idiot. You think you’re an idiot, but with all due respect... I’m a much bigger idiot than you are.
    George: Don’t insult me, my friend. Remember who you’re talking to. No one’s a bigger idiot than me.
    Jerry: Ever ask an ex-girlfriend to move into your building?

& Jerry: My censoring system broke down. You know that little guy in your head who watches everything you say? He went for a cup of coffee. And, in that second, ruined my life.

& George: For that rent, she’d take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to.

& George: I’d like to have a kid... Of course, you have to have a date first.

---

& Jerry: You know, I used to think that the universe... is a random, chaotic sequence of meaningless events. But I see now that there is reason and purpose to all things.
George: What happened to you?
    Jerry: Religion, my friend. That’s what happened to me.

& Jerry: I love Elaine.
    George: Of course you do.
    Jerry: But, you know, not in the building.

& Kramer: Oh, come on. She’ll pay you back! What’s 5 grand between friends?

& Jerry: People don’t turn down money. It’s what separates us from the animals.

& Jerry: Let me explain something to you. You see... you’re not normal. You’re a great guy. I love you, but you’re a pod. I, on the other hand, am a human being. I sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable... even inhibited in certain situations with the other human beings. You wouldn’t understand.
    Kramer: Yeah. Because I’m a pod.

& Roxanne: So you’re Elaine’s hero.
    Jerry: Yes, it’s my life’s work.

& Roxanne: Oh, the marathon is great, isn’t it?
    Jerry: Oh, yes. Particularly if you’re not in it.
    Roxanne: I wish we had a view of the finish line...
    Jerry: What’s to see? A woman from Norway, a guy from Kenya and 20,000 losers.

& Elaine: From a distance, you seemed to be coming on to her.
    Jerry: Oh, I’m a guy. It always looks like that.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

House of Cards 5×13

Chapter 65

& Underwood: Rochelle... Rochelle. Such a lovely name.

& Underwood: I created this confusion in order to take advantage of it. Everything that has happened... was planned.
    Claire: Since... when?
    Underwood: Since before Elysian Fields.

& Underwood: Where does the real power lie? The power behind the power... I understood, Claire, that we have to think and act differently than we ever have. Because it’s no longer about who lives in the White House... it’s about who owns the White House.

& Claire: This is the presidency. How much higher can a politician go?
    Underwood: The real power isn’t here. It’s beyond here. It’s above it, but still working in conjunction with it.

& Underwood: Look, Claire, you and I have always been on the inside. Trapped. In the bubble. But going forward... with my operating on the outside, in the private sector, and you working from here... we can own this house together.

& Underwood: Don’t you see? I’ve designed this.

& Underwood: I wanted you to be the president. I’ve made you the president.
    Claire: Am I supposed to say thank you?
    Underwood: No. But you will have to pardon me. Pardon me for all of my crimes.

& Underwood: Claire, when you bring yourself down before someone else can, you control the way it happens. This was the only path to get us to this moment where you and I can own it all.

& Hammerschmidt: This is what you wanted? A job in a corrupt administration? Presidency in ruin?
    Sean: I’m in the White House. Not out there, wondering what it’s like in here.
    Hammerschmidt: Not for long.
    Sean: Once you’re in, you’re in. It’s the American way.

& Seth: Slàinte mhath. That’s Scottish Gaelic. It means «good health.» My father’s kind of obsessed.

& Claire: Have we ever had a drink together?
    Seth: Never.

---

& Underwood: Admit it. This is what you want. You were willing to kill for it. So, Claire, come and take it... before I take it back.
    Claire: ..... We’ll find the most strategic time and place. But I will pardon you, Francis.

& Romero: ...History. By the end of the day, the country will have its first woman president.

& Claire: I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States... So help me God.
    Underwood: Here we are again.

& Underwood: You know, if you ignore all the pomp and circumstance, the most perverse thing is I actually believe in the presidency. Its importance. What it means around the world, even symbolically. But I believe in power even more. For its own sake.
    Gore Vidal once wrote that power is an end to itself, and the instinctive urge to prevail... the most important single human trait.
    I’ve always told myself that everything I did was for her. But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I love power more.

& Davis: Surface-to-surface missiles delivered sarin at about three o’clock in the morning, our time. Moscow has already issued a statement condemning the rebels for orchestrating the attack on themselves.
    Claire: And did they?
    Davis: Of course not. Petrov will use this to justify air strikes. I’d like to show you an image...

& Davis: You know... I was here before you and I’ll be here after you.
    Underwood: And regardless of that, let me remind you... that nothing is more dangerous than me.

& Underwood: Be strong, Claire. Go to war.

& Claire: Who are you to me?
    Davis: Who do you want me to be?

& Davis: Pardoning or not pardoning your husband, in either case, he’s a liability. If it’s not treated properly... your husband’s liver could fail him at any time. It’s not the kind of thing I could do. But I could find someone, or... I... I don’t know if you realize, but... even something like gelsemium can be lethal in higher doses.

& Doug: I did it. Let’s get going.

& Underwood: Then LeAnn’s job is done.

& Underwood: And the body?
    Usher: It’s on ice.

& Underwood: You’ll recover. You’re the most powerful woman in the world, Claire. Comfort pales by comparison.

& Claire: I’ll announce it during the speech, after the troops. A full and unconditional pardon... for Francis Underwood and any crimes he might have committed against the United States while president.

& Underwood: Oh, and one word of advice. Whomever Usher offers up to you as vice president, that’s the person that you’re really gonna have to watch.
    Claire: I won’t choose anyone I can’t manage.

& Underwood: Sometimes you don’t have to watch the whole movie to know how it ends.

& Usher: We have our generals, which is good. Some corporate types, outsiders. Make you seem like a renegade...

& Usher: ... It is the way to keep you in power. And keep your secrets.

& Claire: ...Now, history judges every leader, every president, by how he or she treats his or her own people. A regime that would target hospitals, refugee camps, schools or bread lines in order to retain power must be confronted. A leader that would sacrifice the physical and emotional well-being of his citizens, that would treat his people as pawns, just to stay in power? Well... that leader needs to be stopped.

& Underwood: If she doesn’t pardon me... I’ll kill her.

& Claire: My turn.

--
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Stormborn

Game of Thrones 7×2

& Tyrion: Conquering Westeros would be easy for you. But you’re not here to be queen of the ashes.

& Daenerys: I swear this... if you ever betray me, I’ll burn you alive.
    Varys: I would expect nothing less from the Mother of Dragons.

& Tyrion: I can’t speak to prophecies or visions in the flames... but I like Jon Snow and I trusted him. And I am an excellent judge of character.

& Daenerys: Tell Jon Snow that his queen invites him to come to Dragonstone... and bend the knee.

& Jaime: Do you fight with us or with foreign savages and eunuchs?

& Daenerys: I swear to you, she will pay for what she’s done. And we will bring peace back to Westeros.
    Lady Olenna: Peace? Do you think that’s what we had under your father? Or his father? Or his? Peace never lasts, my dear.

& Lady Olenna: Will you take a bit of advice from an old woman? He’s a clever man, your Hand. I’ve known a great many clever men. I’ve outlived them all. You know why? I ignored them.

& Lady Olenna: The lords of Westeros are sheep. Are you a sheep? No. You’re a dragon. Be a dragon.

---

& Archmaester: If you’re going to write histories, Tarly, you have to do the research. If you want people to read your histories, you need a bit of style. I’m not writing «A Chronicle of the Wars Following the Death of King Robert I» so it can sit on a shelf unread... What? You don’t like the title? What would you call it, then?
    Sam: Mm, possibly something a bit more poetic?

& Sam: Again, I’m sorry, but please try not to scream.

& Arya: Mm. This is good.
    Hot Pie: You think so? The secret is browning the butter before making the dough. Most people don’t do that ’cause it takes up too much time.
    Arya: Mm, I didn’t do that.
    Hot Pie: You’ve been making pies?
    Arya: One or two.

& Arya: Take care of yourself, Hot Pie. Try not to get killed.
    Hot Pie: Ah, I won’t. I’m like you, Arry. I’m a survivor.

& Jon Snow: Daenerys is a queen. Only a king can convince her to help us. It has to be me.
    Sansa: You’re abandoning your people! You’re abandoning your home.
    Jon Snow: I’m leaving both in good hands.
    Sansa: Whose?
    Jon Snow: Yours. You are my sister. You’re the only Stark in Winterfell. Until I return, the North is yours.

--
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House of Cards 5×12

Chapter 64

& Underwood: Help! Help! The secretary has fallen!

& Danny: You’ve been around a long time. Nobody tells you how to vote. They just tell you what happens if you don’t go their way... Oil’s at $50 a barrel. Nobody’s happy with that.

& Underwood: Peace. That’s our goal. And through peace, we must find a different way forward... Colonel Ismat is the leader of the Democratic faction, dedicated to freeing the Syrian people....

& Underwood: ...If it is determined that chemical or biological weapons have been used in the Syrian conflict, then from this moment forward, the United States will be morally obligated to intervene. So, the Syrian president should consider himself on notice.

& Davis: Gelsemium. For migraines. I get them all the time. It comes out of China. But don’t worry, it’s herbal. You have to be careful of the dosing, though. Just two drops...

& Clarie: You know, it’s pure feeling for me. Light versus dark. And that line where they meet.

& Clarie: So where does that leave Colonel Ismat and the Syrian people?
    Davis: Alive... once we’re on the ground.
    Clarie: Yes, but Russia was invited in. We need cause.
    Davis: The Syrian president has gassed civilians. He will again. I can guarantee it. Colonel Ismat will make sure of it. He’ll instigate an attack from the regime. We put troops on the ground, leave ICO resources alone... and Nasser will make sure they cooperate.

& Green: Fact? Really? Is that what it is?
    Doug: If it sounds like a fact, then it is a fact. ...
    Green: You know the rest of the bureau is done with the president.
    Doug: I’m not talking to them. I’m talking to you.
    Green: They’ve looked the other way, but for how much longer? Doug... he’s done.

& Underwood: Oh, Doug... Poor Doug.
    Clarie: Yes.
    Underwood: He’s an unlucky person.
    Clarie: Always has been.

---

& Hammerschmidt: I’m not a conspiracy theorist. I try to imagine what it’s like inside his mind, what I would do if I were him. And I’m telling you, it is all sorts of... He has no ideology. No North Star. Isn’t that the scariest thing of all?

& Angela: You can’t get anything off the phone Zoe died with.
    Hammerschmidt: They just need to believe we can.
    Angela: What is this job?
    Hammerschmidt: Not what it used to be.

& Underwood: How could you be so stupid... to fall in love?

& Yates: ...you said you were murderers. He said you were survivors.

& Davis: The money’s not with him, Mark. The... the Koch brother types, Wall Street, oil and gas... Even labor’s walking out on him.
    Usher: He’s more resourceful than you think. He’s done a lot without money, okay? ....
    Davis: I don’t want him to be president. The country needs a change.

& Green: ... No. And I’d like to point out that I’m proud to be representing the men and women of the FBI here today, who conducted that investigation as they always do in a competent, honest, and independent way, in the finest tradition of the FBI.
    Romero: Did they?
    Green: Our people did their job. And it’s unthinkable to assume the FBI would involve itself in an election.

& Davis: I... I don’t appreciate being the one to tell you this, but... your presidency is beyond repair.
    Underwood: You don’t know what I’m going to do next. Isn’t that it? Isn’t that what really bothers you?

& Underwood: Make me an offer, Ms. Davis. What is she worth to you?
    Davis: A lot.

& Underwood: I have agreed to appear before this committee today... because... I’m guilty. ....

& Underwood: You accused me of pay to play... And so I accuse you of exactly the same. I also accuse you of playing politics only when it suits you. You’re all being paid. You’re all serving some master. Each and every one of you, and you know I know that for a fact. You, for example, Congressman Romero...

& Underwood: Oh, don’t deny it. You’ve loved it. You don’t actually need me to stand for anything. You just need me to stand. To be the strong man. The man of action.
    My God, you’re addicted to action and slogans. It doesn’t matter what I say. It doesn’t matter what I do. Just as long as I’m doing something, you’re happy to be along for the ride. And frankly, I don’t blame you. With all the foolishness and indecision in your lives, why not a man like me?
    I don’t apologize. In the end, I don’t care whether you love me or you hate me, just as long as I win.
    The deck is stacked. The rules are rigged. Welcome to the death of the Age of Reason. There is no right or wrong. Not anymore. There’s only being in... and then being out.

--
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The Waiting Room

The Mist 1x5

& Kevin: I’m not the one who shot him!
    Mia: Yeah, but you’re the one that didn’t shoot.
    Kevin: You can’t blame me for not just killing people.
    Mia: Yeah, but you are killing people, and Bryan could die because of you.
    Kevin: I didn’t shoot him! There’s a difference!
    Mia: Not anymore.

---

& Eve: Not a home till all my books are up.

& Eve: It’s nothing to worry about.
    Kevin: It’s funny how that always makes people worry.

--
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Аластер Рейнольдс — Гнев

  “У тела императора я оказался первым, но делать что-либо было уже поздно. ...

&  Существуют две точки зрения насчет нашего происхождения. ... Сторонники первой точки зрения – алхимики – утверждают, что средства для нашего изготовления, некие критически важные знания по кибернетике и программированию, были в ранние времена открыты, а затем утрачены. Поэтому все существующие разумные машины датируются тем периодом.
     Сторонники второй – аккреционисты – придерживаются иного мнения. Они заявляют, что разумность для роботов есть свойство производное, нечто такое, что могло развиться лишь при наличии достаточных ресурсов времени и сложности. И они доказывают, что уцелевшие роботы стали такими, какие мы есть, постепенно, за счет медленного усложнения более простых машин. По их мнению, почти любая машина может стать разумным роботом, если ей дать возможность эволюционировать и улучшать себя.
     Было бы очень удобно, если бы мы, роботы, могли разрешить этот спор. Но, к сожалению, мы попросту ничего об этом не помним. Как и любой записывающий аппарат, мы подвержены ошибкам и искажениям данных.

  ... И пошел дальше.”

Joshy

& Ari: I think a small crew is cool. Yeah, we’re gonna be like the Beatles. We are like the Beatles. You’re like John and Paul.
    Eric: I’m Ringo ’cause I keep it light and I look a little bit like a possum.
    Ari: And I’m George ’cause I’m stony and I, you know, can’t get enough of the sun.
    Adam: I’m, I’m George Martin.
    Ari: Yeah, the integral fifth Beatle.

& Adam: It just kind of feels to me like... like a little bit of a monkey’s paw at this point.
    Greg: What does that mean, monkey’s paw?
    Adam: Well, like, I wished we were all playing a game, and now I got my wish, but it’s like the saddest, weirdest, worst version of that because I’m just losing money and I’m stressed out.
    Greg: ... So it’s like if you went to a monkey seller and you said, «Hey, give me a monkey,» and then he just gave you the hand?
    Adam: No, I mean, I think you’re thinking of it too literally.

---

& Adam: So when you think about the basic paradoxes, you know, one of them, the bootstrap paradox, dictates that no matter what happens when you go back in time, no matter what information you take with you, it’s always been there. So if you go back, say, to yesterday to give yourself a great stock tip, that means that there was never a version of reality where you didn’t receive that.
    Eric: This is fucking fantastic!...
    Adam: The other version of that... Thanks, man. The other version of that is the grandfather paradox, which means that no matter what happens when you go back, it’s always a version of what was going to happen. So if you go back and your grandfather dies, that doesn’t prevent you from being born. That just means that something else is going to have to happen and it always did and you would find out that who you thought was your grandfather wasn’t actually your grandfather.
    Josh: But what about Marty McFly? He goes back and he takes away and he starts disappearing.
    Adam: What you’re describing is a depiction of time travel in, you know, pop culture fiction. What I’m talking about is science.

& Josh: She checks out, and I have to fucking deal with it!

& Eric: I would still argue that Mafia is the best board game.
    Adam: Yeah, well, Mafia is not a board game. There’s no board. There’s just sort of... social fun and nonsense game.

--
On the IMDb

Private Woodhull

TURN 4×5

& Arnold: Any idea of the rebels behind it?
    Abraham: Dead men walking.

& Abraham: ...Providence spared me so that I could stand before you today. And seek revenge.
    Arnold: And you shall have it... Welcome to the American Legion.

& Sergeant: This is your Brown Bess. She’s loud, she’s flinty, and you never know if she’ll go off or not... Don’t think of it as a musket. Think of it as a spear that shoots. ’Cause your bayonet will never fail you.

& Abraham: You think this is the safest option?
    Sturridge: Word is the junior officers hate Arnold. The higher-ups don’t trust him. We’re never going to see battle. Ah, eightpence a day for a lot of sentry duty and drilling. Not bad.

---

& Simcoe: Thank you, General. There’s no higher honor than serving under you.

& Sturridge: We’re in shite while the Rangers fight.
    Abraham: They probably have better barracks than us, too. Along Broadway, I’m guessing...
    Sturridge: No, they’re stationed up north. The farmlands around Harlem.

& Abraham: Colonel Cooke knows I’m here?
    Sergeant: New York’s a small town.

& Colonel Cooke: Well, as the good book says, «Eat, drink, be merry.»
    Townsend: «For tomorrow we die.»

& Simcoe: Do you know why I favor a serrated blade?... Stab the bayonet, twist the blade, and the notches will pull the intestines right out.

--
On the IMDb
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Viktor

Preacher 2×4

& Jesse: I met this woman... No, not like that.

& Hitler: Well, now the fun is over.
    Tyler: What if it isn’t over, Mein Fuhrer? What if the fun’s just beginning? What are we gonna do about that then? Huh?

& — Go! Back to your hells!

& Hitler: You can come in my hell if you want. ... That was brave. Sticking up for the gypsy.
    Eugene: You’re Hitler.
    Hitler: Yes.
    Eugene: You started World War Two.
    Hitler: I did, yes.
    Eugene: You killed like millions of people.
    Hitler: I did terrible things... Here we go again.
    Eugene: ........ That wash your worst memory?

& Viktor: No more crying? Okay? ’Cause crying isn’t gonna fix this.

& Jesse: Jazz clubs. We still got 137 more to see.

& Jesse: Everything okay?
    Cassidy: Yeah. It’s just... That’s just French.

---

& Jesse: She told me about some secret organization with designs on world domination? You know about that?
    Cassidy: Yeah. Sure, which one? Is it Z.O.G.? Rosicrucians, Reptilians? Secret society of alien lizards. They impersonate celebrities in an attempt to take over the planet through popular culture. Is that it?
    Jesse: No.

& Cassidy: White suits... I don’t know about that, Padre. It sounds pretty fake to me.

& Teddy Gunth: You want access to a Teddy Gunth client... gotta go through Teddy Gunth. Now what is this project?
    Cassidy: ... It’s «Game of Thrones.»

& Superintendent Mannering: One more thing... I’ve been reviewing your hell. You seem like a nice young man. Sweet. Kind. Loyal.
    Eugene: Thank you.
    Superintendent Mannering: That kind of behavior will not be tolerated here. Do you understand?
    Eugene: Yes, ma’am.
    Superintendent Mannering: This is Hell — act accordingly. We will be watching.

& Hitler: What is the use of a puzzle book if all the answers are filled in? But I suppose that is exactly their point, then, isn’t it? «No rest for the wicked.»

& Pat: Choices. Hardest part of the job.

& Tulip: Jesse, you can’t kill him..... He’s my husband.

--
On the IMDb
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House of Cards 5×11

Chapter 63

& MSNBC Host: If Underwood is impeached, then.... Tom, where would impeachment leave Vice President Claire Underwood?
    Hammerschmidt: In the Oval, as president. What their arrangement would be, in that case, is anybody’s guess...

& Claire: The people want to forgive you. Let them.

& Eric: Your legacy won’t die. It’ll be solidified. You’ll be infamous.
    Underwood: Legacy and infamy are not the same thing.
    Eric: You’ll be remembered. Who cares why?

& Claire: Just to be clear, it’s not that I haven’t always known you were there. It’s that I have mixed feelings about you. I question your intentions... and I’m ambivalent about attention. But don’t take it personally... It’s how I feel about most everybody.

& Romero: Well, as of this morning, I’m officially an independent. ... Four years from now, I think an outsider’s what the voter will be looking for.
    Usher: Yeah, third-party candidate is the future, and always will be.

& Underwood: You know people. You know them for years. And then... suddenly they’re like strangers in your kitchen... Familiar can turn foreign on a dime.

---

& Claire: You have to go... You need to leave... There’s just no place for you here anymore.

& Underwood: Were the men before us any more moral? Any more worthy of the power and position that they had found themselves in? Any more capable of doing a single goddamn thing for the public? Well, yes and no. History has a way of looking better than it was. Or perhaps Shakespeare was right... We’re all just madmen leading the blind.

& Doug: I understand if you think I’m a monster. But I’d do it again. To save the president, I’d do anything.

& Laura: I’m not fucking you because I like you. I’m fucking you because I hate you.

& Doug: Who was he to you?

& Underwood: Maybe he’s just happy...
    Claire: Happiness isn’t my concern. Not now, not ever.

& Seth: That won’t play. She’ll look uninformed, and the people know she isn’t.
    Usher: Oh, the distance will help her look innocent.
    Claire: Innocent, guilty, capable, incompetent, whatever it is... the public is going to think the opposite. So, really there is no winning.

--
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The Legend of Tarzan

& John Clayton: Well, I’ve already seen Africa. And it’s hot.

& Leon Rom: I need you to scream for me.
    Jane: Like a damsel?
    Leon Rom: ... No matter. He’s Tarzan, you’re Jane. He’ll come for you.

& Williams: How are we suppose to catch a train going 40 miles an hour?
    Tarzan: Gravity.

& Leon Rom: ...It can also serve as a necklace.

---

& Williams: Why is it people don’t ride zebras?
    Tarzan: The horses kick to escape. Zebras continue until you are dead.

& Williams: Zeebra. Zehbra. Tomayto. Tomahto.

& Tarzan: Get on your knees and bow... Right now! Expose your most vulnerable parts.
    Williams: .... You want me to lick his nuts too?
    Tarzan: If you want to live... George.
    Williams: I wasn’t gonna!
    Tarzan: Oh, you looked like you would.

& Leon Rom: What was that?
    Tarzan: Mating Call.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Σ nostradamvs: «Ну как бы весьма ничего. Тарзан уже давно женат на своей героине, живёт в Англии, защищает диких зверей и вот вдруг возвращается в свои джунгли, а там мерзкий бельгийский полковник пытается навредить всей Африке, и Тарзан всех спасает. .... Динамичненько, без мозгов, на раз, как надо.»

The Pot

Grace and Frankie 3×6

& Nwabudike: What’s wrong?
    Frankie: I’m bleeding!
    Nwabudike: What?!
    Frankie: Emotionally.
    Nwabudike: Ahh, Mom, we talked about the difference between physical and emotional bleeding.

& Nwabudike: How are you?
    Frankie: Oh! My roommate has a gun!
    Nwabudike: Like a real gun or like an emotional kind of...

& Nwabudike: According to my mother, your mother has a gun. Is this true?
    Brianna: Wait, Frankie found Louise?
    Nwabudike: Your mother’s gun is named Louise?
    Brianna: Your brother’s name is Coyote?

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& Grace: It’s still not working. No, I told you the pot doesn’t work on me... My mouth is dry.
    Brianna: Marijuana’s finally met its match: Grace Hanson. There’s not enough weed in this world to relax that woman.

& Mallory: We could smoke all of Frankie’s pot...
    Grace: I promised her if I ever smoked the pot I would do it with her.
    Brianna: Or... it’s a double «fuck you.»
    Grace: I don’t care for that language... but fuck her!

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