30 Rock 1x9, 1x10, 1x11

The Baby Show

Season 1, Episode 9

& Jack: Lemon, we have a problem. {...}
    Liz: Oh, it's a big misunderstanding. Jenna thinks that I want to have a baby.
    Jack: I should have known this was going to be a problem when I decided to mentor a woman.
    Liz: No, in fact, what I said was that my body is trying to make me think I wanna have a baby. But my body is not the boss of me. My brain is.
    Jack: All right, if you insist upon going all Murphy Brown on me, let me give you a tip.Don't smother your child with affection to compensate for not having a man in your life. Don't say you're the only man I'll ever love. Even babies know that's creepy*.
    Liz: Of course.
    Jack: Don't put little notes in their lunch bag that say, "Mommy's watching you." People find those things.
    Liz: I bet you behaved yourself, though.
    Jack: If your child is a terrific hockey player and a gifted flautist, don't make them play the National Anthem on the flute in front of their teammates.
    Liz: Your mother did that?
    Jack: Now she wants to move in with me. I can't have that, Lemon.


& Jack: I'm a big fan of kidnapping. Especially by my middle management. So the thing you were saying about listening to your mind and not your body, how's that going for you?
    Liz: My body's telling me several things. First of all, I need to start working out. That kid was killing my arms. Number two, I could be very happy with a baby that looks nothing like me and didn't bake in my oven. Three, I gotta let myself have a personal life.
    Jack: What I've been telling you for five months.
    Liz: Well, you're right again. Right it down in your little "I'm Awesome" book.


& Jack: Where are you going? You have a rehearsal about to start.
    Liz: I stole a baby, Jack. I'm taking a half day.
    Jack: Fair enough.
    Liz: I have to do some thinking.


On Imdb

The Rural Juror

Season 1, Episode 10

& Jack: We'll roll it out in time for Christmas. Manufacture it for four bucks, slap your name on it, and sell it for 50.
    Tracy: So GE will produce the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine?
    Jack: Oh, no. No. GE could never make something so, um... Unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which, in turn, owns JMI of Stanford, which is a majority shareholder in Pokerfastlane.com, which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company, which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns the Ahp Chanagi Party Meats corporation of Pyongyang, North Korea. And they will make the Meat Machine.


& Tracy: Jack Donaghy, you are the best. You know what? I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
    Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?


& Jenna: I want your real opinion.
    Liz: Okay, I thought the story was preposterous*. I thought the acting as way over the top. And I thought it was about an hour too long.
    Jenna: It's only 90 minutes.
    Liz: It's kind of a train wreck.
    Jenna: A train wreck? Okay.
    Liz: I'm not trying to be a jerk here. You asked me for my opinion.
    Jenna: I understand. Thank you.
    Liz: I wasn't kidding about how cool those trees were, though. What were they? Oaks?


& Tracy: What are we gonna do? We can't sell this.
    Jack: You're right, we can't sell this... in the United States.
    Tracy: What?!
    Jack: We simply have to find a market with lax* safety regulations. With your international appeal, we can go anywhere. How about the Ukraine?
    Tracy: Not the Ukraine. I own some property on the Dnieper River.
    Jack: In Volyn?
    Tracy: Closer to Cherkasy.
    Jack: Well, we'll find another country then. How do you feel about Venezuela?


On Imdb

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The Head and the Hair

Season 1, Episode 11

& Head: I see you're looking at my watch.
    Liz: What?
    Head: It's cool, isn't it? That's a Japanese pie watch.
    Liz: Oh, okay.
    Head: It tells time with those little pie pieces. Each piece is six minutes. So right now, it's six times four. 5:30.
    Liz: That can't be right. My watch has these little hands that go around and point at numbers.


& Jack: Kenneth, please. Come in.
    Ken: Is this about the clementine I took off the actors' snack table? Because the catering lady already talked to me.


& Liz: ... the Hair asked me out.
    Jenna: What? The the Hair? What did you say?
    Liz: I had to say yes. He looked at me with those crazy handsome-guy eyes. It was like the Death Star tractor beam when the Falcon is...
    Jenna: No, Liz! Do not talk about stuff like that on your date. Guys like that do not like Star Trek.
    Liz: Wars! ... I'm sorry. You're right. I don't go out on dates with guys like Gray.


& Jack: Kenneth, my point is, I worked hard, because I wanted to get somewhere. I had drive. And it disappoints me to see you without a dream, content with this meaningless, pitiful job.
    Ken: Do you know why I put up with this pitiful job, Mr. Donaghy? Why I fetch these folks' lunches and clean up their barfs*? Because they make television. And more than jazz, or musical theater, or morbid* obesity*, television is the true American art form. Think of all the shared experiences television has provided for us. From the moon landing to the Golden Girls finale. From Walter Cronkite denouncing Vietnam to Oprah pulling that trash bag of fat out in a wagon. From the glory and the pageantry* of the Summer Olympics to the less fun Winter Olympics. So please, don't tell me I don't have a dream, sir. I am living my dream.


On Imdb


-- Dict:
creepy #8212; бросающий в дрожь; вызывающий гадливость; раболепный
preposterous — нелепый
lax — слабый; рыхлый; вялый; небрежный; расхлябанный; неряшливый
barf — блевать
morbid — болезненный; отвратительный; психически нездоровый; ужасный
obesity — ожирение; тучность
pageantry — великолепие; блеф; шик