Help, My Teenager Hates Me!

South Park 25×5

Gerald Broflovski: My God! Is this stuff real?!
Kyle Broflovski: No, Dad, it's Airsoft. It's like paintball, only it's way cooler and it just looks totally real.
Gerald Broflovski: I-I really don't think your mom would approve, Kyle.
Kyle Broflovski: Dad... Please. I'm not a baby anymore.
The other guys... They already got their stuff. We're playing today! Can I please just get, like, an AK-47 and maybe a Glock?

Gerald Broflovski: So it's all totally safe?
Airsoft Armory Salesman: Well, I wouldn't particularly say that... I mean... All the stuff is safe, the guns and grenades and things... but... But not necessarily the people who mostly play Airsoft...
Gerald Broflovski: What people mostly play Airsoft?
Airsoft Armory Salesman: Teenagers.

Kyle Broflovski: Cartman, are you okay?
Eric Cartman: I'm just really happy, you guys... Airsoft is seriously, like, the greatest thing in the whole world. Well, here's my house. Thanks, you guys. For just a few, brief hours... I forgot how much everything sucks.

Kyle Broflovski: Oh, that's probably my teenager!

Sheila Broflovski: Gerald... why is Kyle wearing my makeup on his face?
Gerald Broflovski: He's just... experimenting.

Kyle Broflovski: What the hell are these things?

Eric Cartman: Well... at least I'm not the only one dealing with this crap.
Kyle Broflovski: Your guy wants hair gel, too?
Eric Cartman: No, my teenager wants more lotion... All this guy does is hang out in the bathroom and go through like two bottles of lotion a day. I swear I don't know how soft you could possibly want your hands to be.

Stan Marsh: Oh, my God, you gotta be shitting me. Yeah... hello?
Stan's Teenager: I'm not gay.
Stan Marsh: Whu... What?
Stan's Teenager: Why'd you call me gay?! Like, what the hell do you know?! You don't even [BLEEP] know me!
Stan Marsh: I-I didn't call you gay.
Stan's Teenager: They said I couldn't shoot a BB within 10 feet, and I just had to say bang bang, and you got all salty and said I was gay.
Stan Marsh: I was saying the rule was gay. I wasn't talking anything about sexual orientation.
Stan's Teenager: Brah.
Stan Marsh: You're right, I shouldn't have used that word! Look... I was one of the first people ever to say there was nothing wrong with being gay. I had a dog that was gay!
Stan's Teenager: Oh, so I'm a [BLEEP] dog now?! I'll [BLEEP] kill you!
Stan Marsh: Okay, dude... What... Do you want me to do?
Stan's Teenager: I want you to just leave me alone!
Stan Marsh: Okay, but you called me... Hello? Hello?

Stan Marsh: I seriously don't know what to do... I've tried being nice, I've tried being harsh... And I get nothing from my teenager. Nothing.
Kenny McKormick: Mrph.
Kyle Broflovski: Well, you're lucky. At least your teenager doesn't threaten to kill you.
Stan Marsh: I'd love him to threaten to do anything. I'd love him to do. Anything.
Eric Cartman: On the rare occasion that my teenager isn't in the bathroom, all he does is talk about his miserable life. I'm like... okay, dude, I've got problems too. But of course teenagers don't care about your problems. I'm like, "Look, buddy, I live in a hot dog. Okay? Like, maybe let's stop bitching and just play Airsoft." But you can't say that because then they're just gonna...
— WANT TO KILL THEMSELVES.

Eric Cartman: Okay, well, you should probably finish up. I know you took the lotion in there. You really don't need soft hands for camping.
Eric's Teenager: Leave me alone!
Eric Cartman: Come on, dude. No shit in the world takes that long.

Eric Cartman: What you do to Jergens Lotion isn't right.

Randy Marsh: Should I take them out now?
Gerald Broflovski: Not yet... We still have a few good years before they turn into monsters.

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