Health Care

The Office 1×3

Michael Scott: Pam! Pamela, Pam-a-lama-ding-dong.

Jim Halpert: Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And uh... Well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

Dwight Schrute: I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is: "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. And I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

Jim Halpert: Wait, what are you writing?.. Don't write "Ebola" or "mad cow disease". All right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both of them.

Jim Halpert: How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: Uh, leprosy!... Flesh-eating bacteria... Hot dog fingers. Government-created killer nano-robot infection!

Dwight Schrute: I'm now gonna read aloud your submitted medical conditions. When you hear yours read, please raise your hand to indicate that it is real. If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered.
Kevin Malone: What about confidentiality?
Dwight Schrute: You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously, I am the only adult here. Number one: Inverted penis.
Meredith Palmer: Could you mean vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered.
Dwight Schrute: I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy.
Meredith Palmer: The uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb