Golda (2023)

Golda Meir: Why do you trust this man?
Zvi Zamir: He knows everything and he says war is coming.
Golda Meir: Yeah, well, of course, war is coming, but when?

Golda Meir: Without Dayan's support, there can be no mobilization and he is unconvinced that the threat is imminent. If he resigns, the government falls. It's that simple. And then the Arabs will most certainly attack.

Golda Meir: I suggest we mobilize 120,000 troops. Better to be safe than sorry, huh?
David 'Dado' Elazar: A hundred and twenty thousand men is not enough.
Moshe Dayan: It is.
David 'Dado' Elazar: It's not.
Moshe Dayan: It is.
David 'Dado' Elazar: It is not. We'll be outnumbered seven to one.
Golda Meir: The decision has been made. One hundred and twenty thousand. Thank you, gentlemen.

David 'Dado' Elazar: Four hours early...

— The Egyptians are shelling across the canal.
— Syrian jets are bombing the Golan.
— The Egyptians have fired a Kelt cruise missile at Tel Aviv.
Golda Meir: I'm not going to get under the table, but don't let me stop you.

Golda Meir: You all have a plan. Go back to your ministries and put it into effect with calm precision. Thank you, gentlemen. Moshe, we place our trust in you.

Golda Meir: We've got trouble with the neighbors again.
Henry Kissinger: I'm sorry to hear that. Uh, could I ask who fired the first shot?

Henry Kissinger: I'll start to apply diplomatic pressure.
Golda Meir: Please do. But be clear on one point. We will keep fighting until every Egyptian soldier has been driven back across the canal. They will gain nothing by force. If they want their land back, they must recognize the sovereign state of Israel.
Henry Kissinger: I understand.
Golda Meir: Thank you, Henry.
Henry Kissinger: Good luck, Golda.

Moshe Dayan: We lost. We lost the north. It's Armageddon. We lost the north. I alerted Dimona. The nuclear weapon. Yes, that's what I did.

Moshe Dayan: This is another Masada, Golda.

Golda Meir: The enemy has tasted blood. There is no reason for them to stop now. This is 1948 again. We are fighting for our lives.

Golda Meir: Sadat got his victory.
Moshe Dayan: Yes.
Golda Meir: But... does he know it?

Golda Meir: If the Arabs defeat us with Soviet weapons, what message does that send to the Free World, Henry?

Golda Meir: So, Arik. You want to cross the canal with 50 tanks and 2,000 men and take on two divisions. I believe that's 600 tanks and 30,000 men. Is that your plan?

Zvi Zamir: The Egyptians will renew their offensive in two days' time. The 4th and the 21st Division will cross the canal and join the attack.
Arik Sharon: If they crossed, Cairo will be undefended. No one could be that stupid.
Zvi Zamir: The Egyptians are about to make a terrible mistake. I suggest we let them make it.
Moshe Dayan: It would seem a ridiculous decision.
Golda Meir: No. I don't think so. Sadat is the first Arab leader to defeat the Jews in battle. So he's feeling euphoric. Invincible. Do you think a few sand dunes along the Suez Canal will seem enough when the gates of Jerusalem are beckoning? Knowing when you've lost is easy. It's knowing when you've won that's hard. Hmm! We'll wait for them to cross. Thank you, gentlemen.

Golda Meir: Arik. You'll get your chance. And for that, they will make you Prime Minister. Just remember, all political careers end in failure.

Moshe Dayan: I think we should think seriously about accepting a ceasefire.
Golda Meir: We are facing an unholy alliance between the Soviets and the Arabs that must be defeated. If our enemies stop fearing us, they will attack again and again and again.

Henry Kissinger: You know, they jammed the communication equipment on my plane.
Golda Meir: Hmm, of course. Those Russians. They brought nothing but misery to the world.
Henry Kissinger: Normally, I would agree with you. Of course, there is Tolstoy.
Golda Meir: Hmm!
Henry Kissinger: And Dostoyevsky.
Golda Meir: Misery on every page.

Henry Kissinger: I think it's important that you remember that I am first an American, second, I am Secretary of State, and third, I am a Jew.
Golda Meir: You forget that in Israel, we read from right to left.

Henry Kissinger: The Saudis have cut off our oil and crude has jumped from four dollars a barrel to 12, so... You can see that the American people will pay a high price for supporting Israel. Which is why we need the ceasefire agreement.

Golda Meir: I thought we were friends, Henry...
Henry Kissinger: We will always protect Israel.
Golda Meir: Like you did in '48? We had to get our weapons from Stalin. Stalin! Our survival is not in your gift. If we have to, we will fight alone.

Golda Meir: Let me tell you about the Russians, Henry. When I was a child in Ukraine, at Christmas time, my father would board up the windows of our house... To protect us from Cossacks who would get drunk and attack Jews. They would beat Jews to death in the street for fun. My father would hide us in the cellar. And we'd stay silent, hoping the killers would pass us by. My father's face, Henry. I will never forget that look. All he wanted was to protect his children. I am not that little girl hiding in the cellar!
Henry Kissinger: So, now you're going to fight with the Russians too, huh?
Golda Meir: You must choose, Henry. Side with me or I will create an army of orphans and widows.
Henry Kissinger: This is not the way to...
Golda Meir: I will slaughter them all. Whose side are you on? You must choose.

David 'Dado' Elazar: I have a message from Sadat. He's offering direct talks. And an exchange of POWs. He has given the Red Cross a list of names. He referred to you as the Prime Minister of Israel, Golda.
Golda Meir: He used that word, "Israel"?
David 'Dado' Elazar: Yes. Israel. He's recognizing Israel.

Golda Meir: Why?
Zvi Zamir: Who likes to be wrong?
Golda Meir: The listening system must be kept secret. No one must know about this.
Zvi Zamir: You will take the blame?.. I will defend your memory. I promise you that.

Golda Meir: My gut told me that war was coming. But I ignored it. I should've mobilized that night. All those boys who died, I will carry the pain of that to my grave... Please, don't write that down.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Alouette

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon 1×2

Laurent: Monsieur Daryl, what kind of death would you prefer?
Daryl: How about a quiet one?

Daryl: Just tell him the truth. He's gotta learn sometime.
Isabelle: You don't have children, do you? The truth can wait.

Daryl: Father Daryl? Really?

Lou: Father Daryl, would you lead us in a prayer of thanks?
Daryl: You mean, like, uh, saying grace?
Lou: Yes.
Daryl: Yeah. Sure. Um, Lord... I'm sure you have your reasons for turning the whole world upside-down. Maybe we deserve it for being so mean to each other. We probably do deserve it. But not tonight. No. Tonight is good. And if this isn't good enough for you, I don't know what is. Amen.

Isabelle: I feel sorry for them. Not to know what the world was like before.
Daryl: You can't miss what you never had.

Laurent: What makes me so special, anyway?

—
On the IMDb

The Night Shift

Poker Face 1×2

Jed: I think there's a limited amount of luck in the universe. They give it out when you're born and you either get it or you don't.
Damian: Luck is something that we created to make sense of the things that we can't change.

Charlie Cale: Laundry day.
Marge: Bleeding through your shirt day. Gunshot wound day.
Charlie Cale: Mind your own business day.

Marge: Just because you're wearing your underwear inside out doesn't mean it's really clean. That trick only works once. 'Cause of, there's only two sides to the underwear.

Marge: Have you lost a lot of blood?
Charlie Cale: Well, I got plenty of blood. Thanks.
Marge: If you take ibuprofen when you're bleeding, you'll just bleed more.
Charlie Cale: All right, WebMD. I'm going to leave now. Please do not follow me.

Marge: The pain is in your mind.
Charlie Cale: Lady, you've got no idea.

Charlie Cale: So, you get bored out here alone?
Marge: I got my books on tape on CD. Buddhism for Beginners. Chapter one. All existence is suffering, and the source of suffering is attachment...

Marge: Bambi.
Charlie Cale: So not Marge?
Marge: First time I cried, I was watching Bambi.
Charlie Cale: Oh.

Marge: Trust me, I don't exist.
Charlie Cale: So there's nothing I could find about you online.
Marge: The cops couldn't find you. I don't know, PI, spooks, nothing. No phones, no bank accounts. Fake IDs if you can get them, but better to stick where people aren't asking. Never staying in the same place for too long, never looking back.

—
On the IMDb
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A Practical Guide for Time-Travelers

Outlander 7×7

Jamie Fraser: Brought ye a present, Sassenach.
Claire Fraser: Oh? What is it? Geese or ducks this time?
Jamie Fraser: No. It's a book.
Claire Fraser: A book?
Jamie Fraser: Aye. Words printed on paper. Ye'll recall the sort of thing.

Jamie Fraser: Sassenach. I hadna realized, but, uh, ye need spectacles.
Claire Fraser: That's nonsense. I can see perfectly well.
Jamie Fraser: Well, then read this.
Claire Fraser: How am I supposed to read that? It's terribly small type.
Jamie Fraser: It's 12-point Caslon. I will say, the... the leading's terrible. The gutters are half of what they should be. And even so, ye need spectacles, a nighean.
Claire Fraser: We'll be blind as bats before this war is over.

Brianna Mackenzie: Do you take a little water?
William 'Buck' MacKenzie: If it was the rotgut I drank in America, I'd throw it down. Whiskey worth drinking, a little water opens the flavor. But ye ken that, don't ye? Though ye're not Scottish.
Brianna Mackenzie: Well I am, on my father's side. His name is... was James Fraser, of Broch Tuarach.
William 'Buck' MacKenzie: Are you another, then? Like your husband and me. Another... whatever it is?

Brianna Mackenzie: What?
William 'Buck' MacKenzie: Smilin' a bit too much in yer direction, methinks.
Brianna Mackenzie: All right. That's how people treat each other these days. It's called kindness. You might give it a try.
William 'Buck' MacKenzie: I'm only sayin', I'm no fool.

Roger Mackenzie: I didn't know whether to tell you because I... I don't even know if it's correct. But I saw the year of your death. Do you want to know?
William 'Buck' MacKenzie: No. But I'd like ye to tell me anyway.

Jamie Fraser: Will ye kiss me, Claire?
Claire Fraser: Always.

Lt Sandy Hammond: Who do you think has a better bosom? Mrs. Lind or the baroness?
William Ransom: I'd prefer not to comment on such a vulgar topic... This is it, Hammond.
Lt Sandy Hammond: Oh, I see. Evading the question. You have an eye for someone. What's her name?
William Ransom: It is unlikely I will ever see her again.
Lt Sandy Hammond: It won't matter if you tell me her name, then, will it?
William Ransom: It's Rachel, but she's...

General Fraser: If General Burgoyne can convince us that we are victorious, then we have prevailed.
William Ransom: Lieutenant Hammond is dead.
General Fraser: An honorable death. And I lived to tell the tale. "They send forth men to battle, but no such men return," so says Aeschylus. You're a different man now...
William Ransom: "They send forth men to battle, but no such men return. / And home, to claim their welcome, come the ashes in an urn."

--
On the IMDb

Counseling

The Office 7×2

Toby Flenderson: I actually have a degree in social work. I mean, I know a lot of people would just ask a few standard questions and tick off a few boxes, but I've got a chance to do some good here.
Michael Scott: I know what you wanna ask me. "Did your mom ever see you naked?"
Toby Flenderson: We can do this with more privacy.
Michael Scott: So you can molest me?

Toby Flenderson: I'd like you to imagine a place where you feel very peaceful... For me, it's the walk from the yogurt shop to my car, after I drop my daughter off on Sunday afternoons.

Phyllis Lapin: I... I'm glad Michael's getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he's stupid.

Gabe Lewis: Pam, I don't want to accuse you of anything. I just want everything to be back the way it's supposed to be. Can you just admit... Admit...
Pam Beesly: Admit what?
Gabe Lewis: I don't want to say it.
Pam Beesly: Say it!
Gabe Lewis: Mm, mm-mm.
Pam Beesly: Say that I'm lying, or say I have the job! Make a definitive statement, Gabe.
Gabe Lewis: Statements of such a nature, while they have their place, are overused in a competitive business environment.
Pam Beesly: Great! Well, let me know if you need a new chair, or anything that an office administrator can handle.
Gabe Lewis: Will do... Could I get one of those nameplates that says "Gabe Lewis"?
Pam Beesly: For sure! Anything else?

Pam Beesly: The first lesson of watching World Poker Tour at 2:00 A.M.: You play the opponent, not the cards.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Dead Man's Hand

Poker Face 1×1

Natalie Hill: Why do you listen to that stuff?
Charlie Cale: Why do I listen to the news?
Natalie Hill: Yeah, what's the point? You can't do anything about it. Every day, you're mad about something you can't do anything about. We're just better off with music, don't you think?
Charlie Cale: I'm doing something about it right now... Look, I don't care. Come at me, you Russian pervos. Time's up on that shit. Done. So, handled.

Charlie Cale: I don't know what version of the story you got.
Sterling Frost Jr.: Let's start there then. Once upon a time in Denver, milquetoast collection of the best poker players in central Colorado met at a Fairfield Inn suite off I-25. Well, not a barn burner, just a run-of-the-mill Thursday night mid-stakes ring game. A young woman from out of town was at the table. She was cute. She livened up the room. She had plenty of cash so they let her play. Three hours later, she mopped the floor with each and every one of them, which happens. But this had been happening. Previous week, in Cheyenne. Week before, in Rapid City. Same young woman cutting a haphazard path across the middle of the country. Never in any big games, never in corporate-owned casinos, but always the same result. She didn't lose. Word spread quick. 'Cause as you know, gamblers talk.

Sterling Frost Jr.: As far as anyone could tell, she was playing straight. No wires, no shills, and yet she played with an almost supernatural infallibility. Like she was seeing through the cards.

Sterling Frost Jr.: ... my dad figured out what she was doing. Even when he figured it out, he couldn't believe it. It was impossible. It was insane. But there was no other explanation.

Sterling Frost Jr.: You can just tell.
Charlie Cale: Just that something is off. That's the best way to describe it. I can just tell.
Sterling Frost Jr.: When anyone is lying? Hundred percent of the time? I'm going to touch my nose.
Charlie Cale: No, it doesn't work like that. I'm not a soothsayer. I can't predict the future. There's nothing mystical about it. Just if someone is intentionally lying, that's it.

Charlie Cale: I've been rich.
Sterling Frost Jr.: Yeah, how was it?
Charlie Cale: Easier than being broke, harder than doing just fine.
Sterling Frost Jr.: With due respect, you've had money, never been rich.

Charlie Cale: God. It is crazy the things that people stick up their asses.
Natalie Hill: Yeah. What are you reading?
Charlie Cale: "Ten craziest things people have stuck up their asses."

Sterling Frost Jr.: So, what's it like always knowing the truth?
Charlie Cale: Yeah, no. I only know if something is a lie. And outside of poker, less useful than you'd think. 'Cause everyone, they lie constantly. It's like birds chirping, people lying. Just once you tune into it, it's fucking everywhere all the time. And they usually don't lie to cover up some deep, dark secret, but about the stupid, meaningless shit, you know? So the real trick of it is to figure out why. Why someone is lying.

Charlie Cale: If I pull out of this, would you have to kill me?

Charlie Cale: There's something off here. There's a lie. I just... I need to find it.

Cliff Legrand: Are you on coke?
Charlie Cale: No. Coffee. So I thought this'll be a good thing. I won't have a beer and be a dumbass. I'll have coffee, because that's for thinking. But I never have coffee, and now I'm spazzing out.

Charlie Cale: I asked, "Everything okay?" You said, "Yeah." You were lying... Well, that sounded more intense than I meant it to. I wanted to just casually ask about it. But I've had coffee.

Sterling Frost Jr.: She's sharp, but she doesn't know anything.
Cliff Legrand: No, no, she's more than sharp. She's a human lie detector. And she's asking questions like she thinks something's up.

Charlie Cale: Say bullshit if it isn't true. Look me in the eye and say it.

Charlie Cale: A wise man once told me, you want to hurt someone, you hit 'em where it hurts.

—
On the IMDb
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Nepotism

The Office 7×1

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus. Lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the Lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot... Which hurt. That got infected, even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did...

Erin Hannon: Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date If I didn't have to. But... It's been great.

Pam Beesly: What are you doing?!
Dwight Schrute: From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.
Kevin Malone: Well, what if you're cold?
Dwight Schrute: Pbbbt! Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions. I'm too busy.

Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer. Bed and breakfast proprietor. Aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.

Darryl Philbin: Well, summer, I, um, blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don't know how we're gonna get out of Afghanistan.

Jim Halpert: Wow, that's a lot of keys.
Dwight Schrute: The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.
Jim Halpert: That's right. The janitor said that. By the way, the raccoons are back.

Michael Scott: He's my nephew... Luke is my nephew.
Oscar Martinez: Michael, that's nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew.
Michael Scott: Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.
Stanley Hudson: What's wrong with a level playing field?
Michael Scott: Do think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.
Jim Halpert: Oh, man, so many points being made...
Creed Bratton: I couldn't care less about nepotism. But I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front row seat.

Michael Scott: God, when he needed help on earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.
Oscar Martinez: But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus.
Michael Scott: No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't?

Oscar Martinez: We're talking about Luke, who happens to be terrible.
Michael Scott: Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does!

Kelly Kapoor: I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue... So thank you.

Michael Scott: Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew.

Jo Bennett: Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? 'cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool, but he can't come in my house.
Michael Scott: Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.

Michael Scott: There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment...
Kevin Malone: That was awesome.
Stanley Hudson: Texas justice.

—
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You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (2023)

Stacy Friedman: All right, mishpachah, please say hello to our newest and most fabulous adult, Stacy Friedman! Your Bat Mitzvah is the first day of your adult life, and everyone knows an iconic adult life hinges on how it starts.

Stacy Friedman: Oh my God, this is important! I'm becoming a freaking woman, everyone!
Danny Friedman: Okay, woman. All you should worry about right now is your mitzvah project and practicing your Haftarah.
Stacy Friedman: Mm-hmm. That's not important! I mean, it is important to you and other old people and God and stuff. But to me, the party is important.

Danny Friedman: Listen, when I got Bar Mitzvahed, we had a party in Grandma's basement. We all split, like, this giant matzo ball. That was the fun. You know what the theme was? Being Jewish.

Danny Friedman: What's the matter? Something bugging you? It'll be fine. Whatever it is... Here. Don't tell your mother. Have some coffee.

Stacy Friedman: Oh! And one more thing... Lydia Rodriguez Katz, you are so not invited to my Bat Mitzvah.

Stacy Friedman: Dear God, Stacy Friedman here. And what the hell? ...

Rabbi Rebecca: Okay, today we're going to be talking about tikkun olam. Does anyone know what that means?
— If God exists, then how do you explain climate change?
Rabbi Rebecca: It's actually an amazing question. Um...
— Yeah, and why can't straight people get on gay TikTok?
Rabbi Rebecca: It's way funnier.
— And if God loves me, then why is he always giving me so many zits.
— And why does Apple keep changing their chargers?
— And why did my dad's doctor operate on the wrong shoulder?
— And why do I have to share a room with my grandma?
Rabbi Rebecca: Okay, okay, okay. I think I can explain zits and climate change and gay TikTok... Musically!

Danny Friedman: Hey. We don't slam doors in this house.
Stacy Friedman: Dad, I need a break.
Danny Friedman: Well, welcome to being an adult. And welcome to being Jewish. We don't get breaks.

Danny Friedman: You hate me?!
Stacy Friedman: I do. You're a jerk, and you won't let me have a mojito bar.
Danny Friedman: That's why we fought the Nazis? So you could have a mojito bar?

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Where the Waters Meet

Outlander 7×6

Captain Richardson: How do you think wars are won, Lieutenant?
William Ransom: With victory on the battlefield, sir.
Captain Richardson: Without a doubt. But how do commanders know where that battlefield will be? How do they know the size and strength of their opponent? What their opponent's weaknesses are, how to exploit those weaknesses... Intelligence. And my many years of experience have taught me that the best intelligence comes from men the enemy trusts.
William Ransom: So those men are spies.
Captain Richardson: Eyes and ears for the British cause.

Captain Richardson: Do you know what else my years of experience have taught me, Lieutenant?
William Ransom: No, sir.
Captain Richardson: War is long. No doubt an opportunity for redemption will present itself.
William Ransom: I will be ready when it does, sir. You have my word.

Roger Mackenzie: That's as good a guess as any.
Brianna Mackenzie: Well, engineers prefer the term "working hypothesis."
Roger Mackenzie: It's as good a working hypothesis as any. I need this in my Hitchhiker's Guide to Time Travel.
Brianna Mackenzie: Wait a minute. That's what you're calling it? Like the BBC Radio comedy?
Roger Mackenzie: Not officially, but sometimes to myself, for fun.

Young Ian: Do you think the British Army will hang their prisoners?
Jamie Fraser: Aye. They dinna see them as prisoners of war. That would mean acknowledging the sovereignty of America. Instead, they see us as traitors to the crown.

Claire Fraser: May I ask, how did you know who I was?
Lieutenant Sandy Hammond: He said you'd be the curly-wig giving orders like a sergeant major.

Colonel Daniel Morgan: You do that a-purpose?
Jamie Fraser: Aye. I always shoot 'em through the eye. Best place if you dinna want to spoil the meat.

Claire Fraser: The Battle of Saratoga... Jamie, I don't remember much of the details, but this is a turning point for the American cause. The battle that draws the French into the war.
Jamie Fraser: Then you ken why I can't walk away.
Claire Fraser: I knew you wouldn't. But if you're going to fight, then I'm glad that you've accepted Colonel Morgan's offer.
Jamie Fraser: Aye? Why is that?
Claire Fraser: By their nature, snipers, that's what we call riflemen in the future, they fight from a distance. No soldier is safe, but the further you are from combat, the better.

Claire Fraser: I wonder, why is it that women don't make wars?
Jamie Fraser: You're not made for it, Sassenach.
Claire Fraser: You don't think women are just as capable as men at fighting for what they believe in?
Jamie Fraser: No. No, that's not what I mean. ... It's just that women take so much more wi' 'em when you go. When a man dies, it's only him. And one is much like another. Aye, a family needs a man to feed them, protect them. Any decent man can do it. A woman takes a life wi' her when she goes. A woman is possibility.
Claire Fraser: If you think one man is just like another, then I can't agree with you.

Jamie Fraser: I may be less afraid for myself, I'm more reluctant to kill young men who havena yet lived their lives.
Claire Fraser: Surely you're not going to assess the ages of those shooting at you.
Jamie Fraser: Difficult.
Claire Fraser: I sincerely hope you don't intend to let some whippersnapper kill you just because he hasn't lived a life as full as yours yet.
Jamie Fraser: No. I'll kill them. I'll just mind it more.

--
On the IMDb

Whistleblower

The Office 6×26

Michael Scott: There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong, with any Sabre printers. Case closed. Michael Scott, as seen on TV.

Kevin Malone: Jo, I think that I know what happened.
Jo Bennett: I'm not sure you do, teddy bear.
Kevin Malone: Well, now I think I might not.

Michael Scott: Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand. ... If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.

Andy Bernard: So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us.
     Old Mister Bernard
     Old Mister Bernard
     Who have you silenced today?

Jo Bennett: When Mama was working as a prison guard, and something went missing, she'd ask one question, "What do we do when we find the guilty party?" And if they said, "Come down on them with that swift hammer of justice," innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said, "Officer Bessie, well, they may have had a reason." Blah, blah, blah, blah... Well, nine times out of 10, that's the anus they checked.

Jo Bennett: Okay, Dwight--
Dwight Schrute: Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here. You should fire the following people.

Michael Scott: Is there something that you would like to say to me?
Andy Bernard: About talking to the press? Uh, I do... No... I didn't do that. Okay? Didn't do it.
Michael Scott: I don't believe you.
Andy Bernard: I swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet.
Michael Scott: That's a little much.
Andy Bernard: All right, all right.
Michael Scott: I don't care. That's how much, I swear.

Jo Bennett: And we didn't find anything on your computer.
Toby Flenderson: Good.
Jo Bennett: Except this...
Toby Flenderson: Wow. This is just a mystery novel that I've been working on.
Jo Bennett: I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid?
Toby Flenderson: I don't know...
Jo Bennett: The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself. Or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.
Toby Flenderson: ... Yes! Write your own damn novel.

Michael Scott: Oh, God. My mind is going a mile an hour.
Pam Beesly: That fast?

Michael Scott: Two whistleblowers. Two.

Michael Scott: It's okay, she's cool. She also whistle-blew.

Kelly Kapoor: Of course I'm the leak. I think I tweeted it. I can't control what I say to people. I spend the whole day talking. I mean, I video chat, I skype, I text, I tweet, I phone, I woof.

Ryan Howard: Woof is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals, so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it.

Michael Scott: You know what I think we should do? We make them come to work. And we work them, and we make them sit next to all the people they screwed over. And we pay them, but we make them feel like they did something really wrong. The one question I have is, "Do we give them a Christmas bonus?" I say yes, it's Christmas, but right after, they're back into the thick of it.

Jo Bennett: Michael Scott... What do you know?
Michael Scott: What? It doesn't matter what I know.
Jo Bennett: If it doesn't matter, then tell me.
Michael Scott: Why?
Jo Bennett: Because I wanna deal with it the way I deal with it.
Michael Scott: Well, deal with this.

Jo Bennett: Honey, you don't seem like your normal self...
Michael Scott: Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch.
Jo Bennett: Mama Jo knew there was something up!
Michael Scott: The whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down.
Jo Bennett: Oh. I hate that.
Michael Scott: And my new favorite restaurant sucks. I bought a video camera last year and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only, like, 12 minutes that I felt was worth taping. The whole year... And most of that was just birds in my condo complex.

Jo Bennett: When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there. And they'd make a Barbie out of me... I hate that I sell cheap printers. I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, that's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
Michael Scott: Well, you know, I would be willing... Under the right circumstances, to do that for you.
Jo Bennett: Oh, honey, surely you don't want that.
Michael Scott: I surely do, and don't call me honey.

Jo Bennett: I hope your rough patch ends soon.
Michael Scott: Thanks. Today helped.
Jo Bennett: Well, give a shout if I can brighten your life.
Michael Scott: Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua.
Jo Bennett: Let me see what I can do...

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+ Quotes on the IMDb